Scary Story

Child In Corner To Exact Revenge As Soon As He Gets Out

Daniel Barriault is serving a time-out for a crime the 5-year-old claims he didn’t commit. Charged with possession of three Oreo cookies only a half-hour before supper and sentenced to a bare 8-by-12-inch bedroom corner for eight minutes, Barriault has had just one thing on his mind while waiting for his release. One thing and three people.

The article goes on to state:

After four failed getaway attempts into the basement, Barriault was apprehended early Monday evening by household penal authorities Mommy and Daddy, likely operating on an anonymous tip from the "queen of all snitches," Barriault’s older sister, Ashley, 7.

I think we as parents should take a story such as this one seriously. It begins with one child and spreads like wildfire. No more 8 minute time-outs. They should be extended to at least 12 minutes.


HA HA HA HAAA HA HAHA HAHAHAHAAAAAA

FROM ODAT

Well, since "D" here is getting a lil nervous, it may be time to calm her down a bit. Let me introduce myself, I'm Odat....Just D's fellow blogger, who will be guest blogging for her while she's away in a distant land.....I hope I do her justice while she's gone....I just wanted to let e'one know that I'll try to keep up with her wit and charm...and sacasm, and I intend to throw in a bit of my own humor and match wits and err, whatever with Mr. Roll.....So....I'll see y'all soon.....

Peace

Sarcasm

In doing my early morning quick once-over of a few (okay lots) of blogs, it seems that sarcasm is the topic of the day. Most people hate it. I find it hysterically funny under the right circumstances (i.e., when it isn't directed at me). In my last relationship, the man was a fucking EXPERT at sarcasm. I don't think I have ever, or ever will again, meet anyone who took sarcasm to such heights of perfection. I still admire that as one of his better qualities.

If done in the right way, you can say the most insulting things to anyone, and they will either i) laugh right along with you, thinking that they have been complimented highly, or ii) think that you are joking, and they will still laugh right along with you. Although I understand sarcasm, and almost always pick up on it, I am not that good at it. When I insult someone they KNOW they have been insulted.

Shaky Gets Annoyed

Scorpy had mentioned Blackadder in one of his earlier posts (it was a cunning plan). I love Blackadder, so tonight, being bored, I decided to look on You Tube to see if there were any Blackadder entries. Sure enough, there were. This one has turned out to be my favorite so far, and you will see why when you play it.

Today's To Do List

1. Wake up. check

2. Put on clothes. check

3. Walk the dog. check

4. Carry out the trash. check

5. Empty paper out of new bag. check

6. Take change bucket to Krogers to use the counting machine. check - $91.00, not bad.

7. Come back home. check

8. Start laundry. check

9. Fix vacuum.

10. Wash dishes.

11. Mop kitchen floor.

12. Clean bathroom.

13. Mop bathroom floor.

14. Strip bed and wash sheets & mattress pad.

15. Start packing. check

16. Find passport. check

17. Drink lots of coffee. check

18. Kick self for that last glass of wine last night. check

19. Haul old table to dumpster.

20. Wonder why the hell I'm telling everyone on the face of the earth all of my stupid chores for the day. check

Beringer White Merlot

This is my favorite wine at the moment (it changes occasionally). I am not a Merlot fan, it is usually too... oh, I don't know.... thick maybe, for me, but White Merlot.. now that is good stuff boy. It is just girly enough that I can drink it without making the icky wine face.

I would never make it as a practicing alcoholic. I can't get past anything that tastes too alcoholy.

lol

When All Else Fails.......

I head to TShirt Hell. I can always count on that site to inspire me to great heights of classlessness.

I used to date a guy that this was his philosophy (no kidding).

This could be seriously disturbing under the right circumstances.

Oh so innocent. (snicker)

Anyone who has known me for any length of time has heard me say this. I NEED this tshirt.

One word - hysterical. My mom would disown me.

This one was my boss's favorite. HEYYY.. Christmas gift.........?

I have a serious problem.

I am suffering from an extreme case of "non-inspiration." I can't find anything that interests me enough to write anything about anything. I know that I am in pathetic shape when all I can do is go on a rant about insurance companies.

I am starting to think that uninspiredness (is that a word??) is a disease. I'm pretty sure I could die from this.

As You Can Tell... lol

I have invited a good pal of mine (hereinafter known as "Rollamo") to babysit the blog when I leave for Scotland next week. If I get blown up while I am there, I guess he will be the new owner. ;-)

Roll has an, oh, let's say.... unusual sense of humor. I'm interested, yet nervous, about what he will post. Don't believe ANYTHING he says about me. I swear it wasn't me!

Ask Roll

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Hell's Kitchen

I do not watch television. I prefer the company of books and/or a good CD. I have, however, made a very large exception for Hell's Kitchen. For those of you who may not be familiar with the program, it is a reality show (which I usually despise anyway) that has a chef from the UK picking a new chef for some new enterprise or another. In the process there are loads of F Bombs being dropped, the big cheese calling the girls stupid cows (that is so hysterical), calling the guys donkeys, etc. He finally whittles it down to one winner who, this year, won a very nice job at a resort hotel as head chef.

There is backstabbing, intrigue, plotting.. and through it all the only thing that will save the person who wins is just plain old talent.

Anyway, I got hooked on the program last summer when it was on, so of course this year I was compelled to watch it again. Yes, ask Odat, I watched it every time it was on. (She told me last night that I suck because I was going to go watch the program.)

It is now over and I am back on my regime of television abstinence. Its odd how I feel as if my IQ points have risen already.

Politically Incorrect Moment

Sorry, I had to. Don't yell at me, cuz I'll just laugh at it anyway.


Sorry, your browser doesn't support the embedding of multimedia.


*Update*

I sent this song to a friend of mine and got an email back saying something to the effect of, "Oh yeah, I've been intending to rent that movie."

I have weird friends.

;-)

Monday Morning

I just heard a seagull. I know that seems like it shouldn't be a big deal, but something like that makes me realize how far away from home I truly am. It makes me wonder what the hell I am doing here and what the hell I was thinking.

Just FYI

I have completed the tale of Hamlet and how he and his entire family and almost all of his friends went to Jesus.

To make things easy and for ease of reference, because I know you will coming back often to again read the sordid tale of murder, incest and insanity, I have put links to all 5 parts -----------> over there on the sidebar.

Enjoy.

My Christmas List

I know it is a little early, but I had finally figured out that I didn't get anything from you guys last year because I didn't start telling you what I wanted early enough, so this year I am making it easy on you and telling you now, to give you plenty of time to get the things ordered.

1. Bacon Bandages. I wanted this last year and didn't get it, so I am putting it at the number 1 spot on my list for this year.

2. Beef Bandages. As it is getting so close to Christmas, I decided to add this to the list, just in case they are sold out of their popular Bacon Bandages. I would be almost as happy with these.



3. Li'l William Shakespeare. You have seen with your own eyes how much I love Shakespeare. This would be the perfect gift, he could sit with me while I read his lovely stories. And he comes with his own mini comic book.



4. Gummy Bacon. We all know real bacon is bad for us, but we love it anyway. This way I get the best of both worlds, fat free yet tasty.



I was going to list a couple more but the powers that be at Blogger have decided I can't upload anymore pictures. I'll just add the Sweetheart Ducks and the Sweetheart Ball later.

;-)

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Guess What?

I just found out which cars are is the most expensive to insure. What is it you ask?

Mitsubishi Lancer

Guess what kind of car I drive now?

Mitsubishi Lancer

WE'RE #1!!!

New Movie

I LOVE horror movies. But I also love Wallace & Gromit, so this is perfect!

Yay!

Brian J. has posted the next installment of his Dr. Creepy series.

Dr. Creepy Rules!

Sometimes I Hate Being Right

I knew it.

My mother called me up last night demanding that I cancel my trip. The conversation went something like this:

Mom: Are you still going???

Me: Yes, of course.

Mom: But its dangerous!

Me: I'm not letting some stupid terrorist plot ruin my vacation. They aren't going to scare me like that.

Mom [who is as stubborn or even more so than me, but starting to concede my point]: Well..... it is still dangerous.

Me: So if I die Chris at work has asked for my orchids.

Mom [starting to snicker]: That's horrible (but funny)!

Me: Yeah, they told me I was going to come back and find sticky notes with names on everything in my office.

Mom [laughing]: I still wish you weren't going but I know you won't back out.

Me [triumphant in my victory]: I get my stubbornness from you mom.

Today's Horoscope

All the hardest parts of your life are over -- and the fun times are about to begin. Just like the feeling you get when you are coasting down a hill on your bicycle, you will feel free and unencumbered by the forces of life today. You are riding a wave of energy that you didn't necessarily create, but it is taking you to a very good destination. Get ready for some entertaining challenges that could transform the social world you currently live in.

I'm taking this to mean I only have 2 weeks left to live, but that I will have a lovely time on my vacation before I die.

(snicker)

Holy Shit

I hadn't been watching the news.

My brother (the pilot) phoned me this morning to tell me about the goings on over in the UK, the terrorist plot to blow up airlines destined for the United States. He casually asked me when my vacation was (the 24th), are you going through London? (No, from Newark to Glasgow.)

This is just great. My mom is already having a cow about me going to Scotland on vacation. I have reminded her that there aren't any terrorists in Scotland. She'll have something to say about that now I bet.

Nothing can ever be simple for me.. every fucking thing has to have drama. (And YES, I'm making the terrorist plot all about me, do you have a problem with that??)

I have decided that I am going on that trip no matter what. I would rather die on a plane after spending 4 lovely days in Scotland than alone, in my apartment, having died after choking on a peanut, and my dog eating my face off because there was nobody there to feed him and he was hungry.

GAWD

Breaking News

No Leads Sought In Asshole's Murder
August 9, 2006 | Issue 42•32


BROOKLYN, NY—The New York Police Department released a statement today confirming its intention to ignore the brutal slaying of local asshole Don Hewson, 34, and to avoid pursuing leads as long as possible. "Mr. Hewson was found with multiple stab and gunshot wounds in his smug fucking face and puffed-up chest, and while we recovered a number of weapons, we are neither testing them for prints nor tracing any serial numbers," Detective Travis Calloway said. "Nor will we follow up on the explicit eye-witness descriptions of the car seen leaving the scene, the calls to Hewson's phone, or interview the scores of people who had good reason to want this guy dead. There may have been a murder here, but we're having a hard time identifying any actual crime." Calloway said anyone calling NYPD's crime hotline with information on the murder would be eligible for fines of up to $10,000.

HAHAHAH HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAA

(Wiping tears long enough to tell you that this is courtesy of The Onion.)

Hamlet Update

For those of you waiting in breathless anticipation for the next installment of "Hamlet, the Cheap Version," I am stuck at the 'To be or not to be' speech. I've read it several times and can't quite come up with a way to shorten it or paraphrase it.

I'll keep working on it though.

And, just FYI to those of you who are telling me that I need to get a life (oddly there have been more than a couple.. go figure), anyway, here is my message to you, given only in love, don'tcha know........




;-)

Wrong Turns

I have made so many wrong turns lately. I don't know how to find my way anymore.

Monday

Yuck.

Spit.

Ptooey.

Would You?

This one is for the girls, but feel free to weigh in guys.

Okay, picture this. You are single. You have a couple of friends (married couple) who tell you about a wonderful guy they would like to introduce you to. They tell you he's handsome, tan, very fit, works out, etc., and that he's very interested in meeting you as well. Would you do it?

Of course you would, based on that description alone.

However,

Is this real??

I studied this picture closely, trying to find one part of this guy's body that I thought was okay looking. Finally, after long seconds of careful consideration, I finally conclude that one part of him that looks like it is normal, and might be used as God intended was his....








thumbs.


You people have dirty minds.

Because I Was Bored

I clicked on a link for a free Astro Chart. This is what it says about me. I don't know how much of it is true, but it sounds good. ;-)

Your Sun Sign: Scorpio

Element: Water
Mode: Fixed
Ruler: Mars and Pluto
Color: Blood Red, Garnet Red, Brown

Strengths:
Charismatic, competent, courageous, determined, honest, loyal, magnetic, passionate (hehe), profound, proud, reliable, sharp-witted (yeah baby)

Weaknesses:
Intolerant, jealous, manipulative, merciless, obsessive, passive-aggressive (no way), secretive (moi??), selective, self-destructive, speculative, vicious (I'm a pussy cat)

Scorpio, the eighth sign of the zodiac, is best characterized by passion, intensity, and emotionality. You are considered the most powerful and extreme sign of the zodiac, because you deal with the process of fundamental transformation on all levels. Pluto is your ruler, Scorpio, and is known as the planet of permanent change and transformation. It is also associated with sex, the life cycle of birth and death, and regeneration.

You are the second of the three water signs. Pluto’s influence makes you a charismatic, yet enigmatic person. While you may appear serene on the surface, you contain a magnetic intensity and powerfully hypnotic personality, belied only by a penetrating stare of deep intelligence.

Scorpio, you rule the eighth house of the chart, which is associated with other people’s money, possessions, and values, as well as wealth received through inheritance (inheritance??); it also describes how and to what extent we commit, and bond with our partner, both on a sexual and emotional level.

Yours is a fixed sign, which means that you are steadfast in adversity. Once you put your mind to something, you display self-discipline and staying power. You work stoically to achieve your goals – no matter the cost!

Rising Sign: Libra

Finesse and elegance are what best describes you. You are Libra Rising, a person of excellent taste (and I taste great too... or so I've been told *snicker*). You charm people with your sense of tact and diplomacy (that's me) in the private, social, or professional world. Your actions express beauty and grace, along with discipline, sternness, and a strong sense of integrity. Your manners are very civilized, and most (most) of the time, you display an even-tempered and composed attitude.

You are far from being a solitary person, because you enhance your individuality through cooperation with other people. Your strongest virtue is your ability to see any matter from the viewpoint of those you are dealing with (I know someone who would disagree with that). You are a great communicator, and need interaction with others that help you along in your own spiritual quest. Therefore, your relationships are not superficial - they are whole and well balanced.

Professionally speaking, you excel in any kind of partnerships and associations, because you are an excellent mediator and diplomat, who has an innate sense of justice. This naturally inspires the respect, and the trust of the people you are in contact with. Since you detest conflict, you are always able to find a common ground that satisfies all parties involved, and are likely to work out compromises to save personal relationships (unsuccessfully it appears).

Life Path Number: 11

Your Life-Path number is probably the most influential numerological aspect to be considered and represents who you are at the time of birth. It indicates specific traits and will likely be active and influential throughout your lifetime. It is the overall number that determines much of what will be important to you and how you will handle things as they come.

If your Life-Path number is ELEVEN, yours is a Master Vibration number associated with spiritual awareness. Master Vibration people tend to possess an understanding and knowledge beyond others. As an ELEVEN, you are thought of as being on a higher spiritual plane (yeah okay, I'll go along with that).

ELEVENS tend to be very interesting people with much to offer to those around them. They are intuitive, avant-garde, idealistic and cultured – extremely so. They are the visionaries. It’s common to find an ELEVEN looking for understanding of life’s mysteries. Socially, connections with others are highly developed. ELEVENS bring much to the topic of conversation and are excellent listeners.

An ELEVEN will expect much from themselves and from others. At times this can make them difficult to deal with. Actions can be impractical, as an ELEVEN is more of a dreamer than a doer. Key words/qualities associated with an ELEVEN Life-Path are spiritual, intuitive, illumination, idealistic, and dreamer.


Chinese Sign: Tiger

You have a rage to live and the teeth to sink into a plank of wood. Fortune doesn't motivate you but your desire for passionate adventure and impossible challenges does! Cyrano de Bergerac would almost dim in comparison to someone as high in color as yourself. Nothing stops you, neither eccentricity nor danger. You decide on your course of action through impulse; you listen to your heart more than to your reason. Your fearless enthusiasm motivates others.

People would follow you to the end of the earth if only to take part in the wild dreams that you imagine each day to get beyond the reality and routine of every day life. This extravagance goes hand-in-hand with a need to command: you love it when people obey you without a word (nu uh.. I hate a pushover). Caution to those who don't: they could get badly clawed.

Excessive in everything, your behavior betrays the force of your emotions: passion and anger are part of your every day life. If someone tries to put you in a cage, you become crazed and roar loud enough to dislocate your jaw! An insatiable adventurer, you build your life from the hazards and opportunities you encounter, grabbing onto the chances that are offered to you with an almost unconscious audacity. Your fault: You are unpredictable and not very good at making others feel secure.

Not that I believe in this stuff. ;-)

Found Here.

Email of the Day

One day Boudreaux is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks Boudreaux, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

Boudreaux answers, "Yes, I am." So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks Boudreaux, "Brother have you found Jesus?" Boudreaux replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus my brother?" Boudreaux again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks Boudreaux in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks Boudreaux, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?"

Boudreaux still drunk, wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

Saturday Morning Cartoons

When I was a kid I was a Saturday morning cartoon fanatic. I got up and watched cartoons until the sports came on (at which point I would go outside to play). Bugs Bunny and the gang were always my favorites and I could still sit and watch them for hours.


Bugs Bunny:




Daffy Duck:




My favorite, Marvin the Martian:




And I couldn't leave out Wile E. Coyote. I still catch myself hoping he'll get that stupid bird.




Enjoy. ;-)

I. Am. Home.

Thank the good lord its Friday (as you can probably tell from my earlier posts). I stopped at the store and got some Parrot Bay Sunset Surf crap. I have never tried it before, what the hell. It is storming outside. When I left work it was sprinkling a bit.. between work and Publix it POURED, at Publix it hadn't even rained but it was thundering.

Oh, and hey, the drawbridge is fixed. It has had one side of it closed for weeks and weeks. What is so annoying is a mile away from the bridge there is a sign, "Left Lane Closed Ahead." When we pass the sign there is plenty of room for everyone on the road to merge left, and those of us with half a brain do so. It is the other ones (herinafter known as "The Morons") that give me a horrible case of road rage. The Morons continue on their happy little way, knowing that some kindhearted soul will let them in and they won't have to have waited in the line like the rest of us suckers. WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I DID. On the days that it got like that, I floated the middle lane so nobody could get past me. I'm a bitch that way. And it made me feel better. hehe

I hate assholes.

The Friday Morning Prayer

Courtesy of Brian J. Noggle.

It made me giggle.

Its Farking Friday!!!!

Another thing I haven't done in a while is post Fark headlines (which are almost always better than the stories).

World's longest yard sale is on this weekend -- 450 miles of other people's crap, from Kentucky to Alabama

That senator that hates spending a dime on firefighters wants to spend $5 million to train insects to sniff out explosives and bite firemen in the ass

Senator Clinton says Secretary Rumsfeld should resign. Rumsfeld says that lesbo could use a good boning. Actually, we can't verify that, but he probably did

Burglar in Britain identified by his "swishing" walk, fact that he was the only gay guy in the village. Really

Amid record heat, crippling drought and water restrictions, homeowner associatations threatening grandma with a fine because her lawn is yellow

Actual headline: "Seven Indonesians Do Not Have Bird Flu." Sucks to be the other 245,452,732

Some leaker just leaked the memo about not leaking memos

Baboon to undergo testosterone replacement after losing his mojo, shiny coat and two of his girlfriends

Australia to build floating prison ship armed with machine guns. Dennis Hopper busting a nut to be the first captain

Like so many who came before, tropical storm Chris flubs his shot at the majors and returns to his former, boring life as a cloud that looks kinda like a bunny

Minor league team to host "Britney Spears Baby Safety Night" - every time the opposing teams drops the ball, fans get free wings from Hooters

NC creates state panel to examine possible wrongful convictions. Texas laughs so hard it almost falls into the gulf

Man goes to the hospital for a standard urine test, is alarmed to discover he is pregnant

Elton John thinks American bands have no fashion sense. This from a guy who used to wear a boa in concert

There are some clever people out there. ;-)

*Sitting Here Totally Offended. Yup.*

I haven't done a Tshirt Hell post in quite a while.

Please understand that I am only showing these to you so you can all be as totally offended as I am*.

















*snicker

ARRGGGHHH

Blogger is being a bitch tonight. Kind of like your significant other's mother when she suddenly realizes that you have been kissing her baby in very inappropriate places.

Uncooperative, but under the radar nasty so that only you notice and her baby thinks the two of you adore each other.

That kind of bitch.

Work Humor

I was at work today and spent a large chunk of time trying to locate a particular attorney. He ended up being in Nutbag, New Joisey*. I took the letter that had to go to that attorney to my boss for him to sign, and he saw the town it was going to and started sniggering like a juvenile. I said, "We're not going to laugh at the name of that town are we." He said, "No, that would be immature."

When I left his office we were both sniggering.


*Not its real name.

Ok. I'm better now.

Sort of.

Kid issues. Enough said. Most of you guys have hung around long enough to know which kid and what sort of issues, so I won't go into it again.

Shutting everyone out doesn't seem to help much either though.

Today's Mood

Maybe not quite this disturbing, but pretty damn close.

Smart Dog

So cute. hehe

Just Stuff

I am in the process of putting back some of my archives. I had them all saved in draft form and have been reading through and getting rid of the stupid ones (shaddup).

I came across Sassan's Ralph the Wonder Llama bio. I do believe that is my favorite thing in this entire blog.

Who doesn't love Ralph the Wonder Llama??

You Too Could Be A U.S. Citizen

My mom is Canadian. Or was, before she became a U.S. Citizen. My son, in his infinite wisdom, refused to speak to her until the day she became a naturalized citizen. Then and only then would he call her "Nan." It was funny as hell, I have to admit. He was just a little over a year old and we all went up to watch her being sworn in as legal. When it was all over we all went out to climb into our van (we had all ridden together). I had my son in his car seat and my mom went to climb into the van and my son piped up..... "NAN!" To this day we tease him about not speaking to anyone who isn't a legal U.S. resident.

Anyway, I took this test this morning and did okay on it. I had an 85% score (I missed 3).

Welcome to the U.S.

I think I'll go back to bed now.

DRUM ROLL PLEASE.................

And the winner of the Fact or Crap quiz is....

CURMUDGEON!! He had every single answer correct.

1. True. The bible WAS translated into Klingon (by a 48 year old geek who still lives with his mother).

2. There are enough veins in a person's body to stretch 100,000 miles. (I don't believe it. I think we need to try this out on Paris Hilton.)

3. New York City was once the capital of the U.S. (I will give Markoos a credit on this one since he isn't from the U.S. and can't be expected to know what most Americans don't even know.)

4. Bruce Lee was the cha cha champ in Hong Kong in 1958. (Right before he kung fu'd his partner in the throat.)

5. DDT does not kill millions of people each year. Now that it has been banned in most places, however, malaria and other insect carried diseases kill about a million people each year.

So there ya have it.

Yayyyyyyyyyy Curmudgeon! You win the Blue Ribbon of Happiness.

COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE COFFEE

Java




(Name that movie.)

I'm Sorry I Was Ever Born!!!

We expect those words from our kids, in one of their many many hissy fits that they like to throw to make the lives of us parents pretty damn miserable. They don't really mean it for the most part, they are just looking for pity and sympathy.

But what does it mean when a 40+ year old man says it? For some reason when the guy said it, I had an uncontrollable urge to laugh. It sounded so fucking silly... I admit to giving the guy a little bit of shit over it. He didn't seem to see the humor at all. He got no sympathy from me, I am sorry to say.

I think a large number of us adults are becoming more and more immature every day. When a grown adult says something like that, it smacks of being ridiculously silly. Is it politically incorrect to laugh at something like that? I mean, what if the guy truly is depressed and he truly feels that way. Does having someone laugh at him for it make the situation worse?

I, for one, says who cares. If they are immature enough to actually say something like that in public, they should be grounded with no TV for at least 2 weeks. And sent to bed without their supper.

Geez.

The Countdown

I will post the answers to the Fact or Crap questions tomorrow evening. I know you can't wait.

;-)

Weekends Suck

Well, they do in the blog universe anyway. Very few people blog on the weekends. You know what that tells me??

That most people blog on company time.

That. Is. Shameful.

If I were your bosses I'd sack ya all.

Come onnnnnnnnnnnn (whine whine whine) update your damn blogs. I'm booooored.

*Update*

Gold star to Brian J. for posting "cat pictures and stuff."

hehe

Today's PSA

I received this in my email. I thought I would do my part for the greater good, and post it here.

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer." The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims into various unwholesome activities.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.

Keeping that in mind, the last party I had I limited the beer to one cup per guy.

Don't ever say I'm not community minded.

P.S.: Thanks Roll!

My Life As a Dog Servant

I have mentioned in the past my dog, Jake. Jake and I are pals, Jake and I are buddies. I love him, he loves me, etc. etc., but he has me wrapped and he knows it. Jake is half chow, half golden retriever and can be very intimidating when he wants to be.

Yesterday when I got home from work, Jake wanted to go outdoors. Okay fine. I pick up the leash, he grabs his giant blue stuffed dog. Its true. He stood at the door with this giant blue stuffed dog dangling out of his mouth. I said to him, "You're going to look silly walking around in public with that thing hanging out your gob like that." He just looked at me and demanded I open the door (okay he didn't actually say to open the door, but I understood the "look"). So I opened the door and out we went. We weren't 10 steps from the front door when one of the neighbors I had never met pulled up in the parking lot. He gets out and sees Jake with this blue thing dangling around his face and says, "Awwww how sweet!" I was so fucking embarrassed.

My vicious guard dog has blown his reputation in one fell swoop. I am now known as the woman that has that sweet dog who won't go anywhere without his stuffed blue dog toy.

I will never live this down.

I'm Not Sure.......

... they spelled turpitude right.

No Its Not Because I've Been Reading Stephen King

I know you guys aren't going to believe this story, but I'm telling it anyway.

My office is haunted.

No shit. It is.

If anyone is familiar with Savannah, you know that its a very historical city. Half the buildings in town are so old they should probably be torn down, but that won't happen because someone historical might have slept across the street from there and might have breathed in the general direction of the now derelict building.... but I digress.

The building my office is in is one of the big historical looking houses that Savannah is famous for, marble porch across the front, huge columns, floor to ceiling windows, etc. It has always been said (usually to new employees) that the building is haunted by the Doctor that used to own it. It is said that he died in the house and was laid out in what is now our front conference room, and he never quite left. Oddly enough I don't normally believe in that kind of thing, but this time I do. I've seen him.

One day I was in my office and was on my computer (as was normal). My back was to the rest of my office, but I could see the reflection of (what I thought was) my boss who had came into the office and was standing behind me. I assumed he was standing there trying to remember where something was, so I just asked without turning around, are you looking for something......? No response. I turned around and the office was empty. Ohhhhhhhhkie dokie then.

Not long after that, around the fall of 2004, my office machines started running on their own. The Doctor especially liked my scanner and he pushed the button constantly to make it run. Of course there was nothing in there to be scanned so it would always make an error message come up on my screen. Everyone on the second floor heard the scanner running constantly. I came to work once and the scanner had been ran and a file attached to an email that was waiting to be sent. I confess to being terrified to look at the attached file, but it was blank as normal. One day I went in and popped a tape full of dictation into the transcription machine, and it started running by itself. Normally I have to push the floor pedal with my foot to make it run, but it was going very nicely all by itself. I stepped out and called another secretary in and she came in there. I said look....... she stood there for a second and heard the machine going by itself.. on, off, on, off, like someone was working the foot pedal (I was across the office standing next to her). She absolutely FREAKED. After she left I sat down to try to do the tape but the tape kept going off and on. I said, "Cut it out please, I have to work," and it stopped. A few days later the electric typewriter would type random letters, just out of the blue.

That hilarity lasted about two weeks, then it stopped as suddenly as it started. Its been quiet ever since.. until yesterday. The scanner ran twice all by itself. That was it, just two times, and then nothing else.

The Doctor is back.

Email of the Day

Updated Nursery Rhymes

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumbass!"

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad.......
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo,
and a sports car.

Strange Days

I have been in a strange mood lately. I have not wanted to talk to anyone. I rarely even answer the phone when it rings. I get like this occasionally, just very anti-social for no particular reason. Nothing is wrong in my life, no tragedies unfurling.. I just feel like being quiet and reflective.

I have always had times like this, for as long as I can remember. Of course when I was domesticated being anti-social wasn't allowed. Husbands tend to think the wives are brooding about something horrible when in fact, all the wife wants is some peace and quiet, and going without speaking for 4 or 5 days isn't too much to ask for, is it?

Maybe its a Walnut Tree thing. ;-)

Quiz Time

You Are A Walnut Tree

You are strange and full of contrasts... the oddball of your group. You are unrelenting and you have unlimited ambition. Not always liked but always admired, you are more infamous than famous. You are aggressive and spontaneous, and your reactions are often unexpected. A jealous and passionate person, you are difficult in romantic relationships.

What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

P.S.: I don't think I'm THAT difficult.

They Made Me Laff

Fact or Crap

Its been a while since I've done a trivia sort of post, so I thought I'd do one today. Are these fact or crap?

1. The Bible has been translasted into Klingon.

2. There are approximatey 100,000 miles of blood vessels in the body of an adult human.

3. New York City was once the capital of the United States.

4. Bruce Lee was the cha-cha dance champion of Hong Kong in 1958.

5. DDT is a carcinogen that kills millions of humans every year.


Give it your best shot. :-)

Enraging Upsetting Hokeyness

I am on the last story in the Stephen King book. I am reading it, albeit reluctantly, after yesterday's creepy fiasco. I hate not finishing a book.

I hope this last story scares me like the hotel one did. hehe

P.S.: Thanks Sassan for the cool post title.



Update

It wasn't scary. I was so disappointed.

What is a FICO?

This question was asked by one of the non-US residents who follow the ramblings of the insane American woman. ;-)

Okay, I am by far no expert on this, but this is my take on a FICO score. Every American is judged by their spending habits. If you have loans and use credit cards and always pay on time, you are judged highly by the governing credit agencies, thus a high FICO score. If you use cash and never ever take out loans or use credit cards, you might think you would gain some respect for that, but alas you have nothing for the credit agencies to base your performance on, so you have a low or non-existent FICO score. If you have had credit but have experienced a few bumps in the road (i.e., divorce, missed a credit card or loan payment, etc.), your FICO score hits the skids.

Having a high FICO score means low interest rates on any loan. A low score means OUTRAGEOUS interest rates.

After my divorce my credit score hit the skids. However, I decided last year that I wanted to get a house, and with my FICO score in the sad shape it was in, it was unlikely I would be able to get a decent mortgage, so I have spent the last year trying to clean my credit up, and I was succeeding. I was just a hair away from being in the "good risk" score category. With the 52 point drop though, I am back to the "fair to poor risk" category.

Other than investigating why the drop, getting the score back up where it was is not going to be an easy task because the credit agencies feed off of our discomfort. They wallow in our misery. They laugh at our pain.

Not Creepy or Weird

After the last two posts I thought I would post something a little less disturbing (to me anyway). If you find cute adorable things disturbing, then read no further.

This site has got the most adorable, nicest put together games. You would not be ashamed to let your mother play these games (if she knew how to work the mouse).

Creepy

A couple of weeks ago I went to the local library book sale. I picked up a few books, The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (6 volumes, they take up one full bookshelf and were hella heavy getting home). I also bought a book of Stephen King short stories, Everything's Eventual. I used to be a Stephen King fan and read everything that he wrote, but I stopped after reading about the Buick 8.. that story was way too weird for me and it basically killed what love for the genre that I had. However, finding Everything's Eventual for 50 cents at a book sale was okie dokie... I would read it. Since that time I would pick it up and occasionally read one of the short stories.

There are, however, consequences to this. I woke up this morning, started my usual routine of taking a bath, etc. This time I took the Stephen King book with me and read a story while I was soaking in the bathtub. It was a story about a haunted hotel room.

Those types of stories are not original. Seems I have read hundreds of haunted hotel room stories through the years, with no consequences for me other than a few wasted minutes. This time is different. That story scared the bejesus out of me and I have no idea why. Now my day feels slightly off-kilter, slightly wrong, as if I'm waiting for the worst to happen.

Stephen King is one strange guy.

Well what the.....................??

I check my credit card statement online several times a month. It has a very nice feature on my statement page that will tell me my FICO credit score. I checked it last week, it had gone up a bit. Yay. I checked it today. It had dropped 52 points. WHAT??? I have had no late payments. I have no idea why it has dropped so dramatically.

What is really bad about it is that there is basically nothing to be done. We are all at the mercy of the credit agencies.

I've been working really hard in the last year to straighten my credit so I could buy a house at some point. Fat lotta good its done me.

RELATIONSHIPS SUCK DONKEY DICKS

If a man ever hits on me ever again it better be for meaningless sex and nothing else, dammit.

GAWD ALMIGHTY

What I Did Today

I know you guys are so very interested in what I did with my Saturday, so I started this list at 10:30 a.m. on Saturday morning and will end it tonight at 10:30.. just to give you a verbal picture of my day. I know you are seriously impressed.

1. Slept until 9:00 a.m. - played Pogo while I drank an energy drink (I'm addicted to those things).

2. 10:30 a.m. Added Pink Floyd - The Wall & James Blunt - Back to Bedlam to Winamp so they can play while I do productive stuff (the Goodbye My Lover song is sooooooo sad.. it would make anyone who has been through a recent break up find themselves in a corner curled in a fetal position), and yes, they are legal copies so HA.

3. 10:36 a.m. - Started the first load of laundry.

4. 10:45 a.m. to 11:25 a.m. - Phone call from friend who is stuck at the Chicago airport and bored and needed me to keep them entertained. (It's so nice to be needed.)

5. 11:27 a.m. - Put 2nd load of laundry in to wash.

6. 11:32 a.m. - Sat down at computer to listen to Comfortably Numb 3 times & drink 2 bottles of water.

7. 12:03 p.m. - Began the blog rounds (Odat, Scorpy, Curmudgeon, Sassan, Markoos, Steve).

8. 12:05 p.m. to 12:26 p.m. - Phone call from son. Listened to The Trial from The Wall with him because he likes that song. Cleaned off desk and started dusting while on the phone.

9. 12:45 p.m. - Folded clothes in dryer, put another load in washer.

10. 1:09 p.m. - Found CD that came with my IRiver when I ordered it. Put it in the computer to see what it is. (Cool.. it seems to be software to put video on my IRiver. That could come in handy on my flight to Glasgow.)

11. 10:09 p.m. - I got distracted with ummmmm.. naps and stuff.

Okay, I confess, I am basically useless these days. At least I have clean towels and underwear now.

;-)

Its Not The Heat Its The Humidity

This is another oldie, but with the heat wave going on I thought it pretty topical. Although I don't live in Oklahoma anymore, I still find it funny because I remember the heat waves well.

Dear Diary:

May 30th:
Just moved to Tulsa, OK...Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected.

July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed 2 days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and SHITS. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down a little, but this freaking humidity makes the house feel like it's about 90. Stupid repairman pissed in my pool. I hate this stupid city.

Aug. 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going to tear his throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like a dead cat!!

Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt ass and fried cat.

Aug. 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren damn desert?? Water rationing will be next, so $1700 worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the damn pool. Even the cactus can't live in this heat.

Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 113 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking Oklahoma.

Memorandum

To: All Employees
From: Management
Date: July 20, 2006
Re: Foul Language

It has been brought to our attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who are easily offended (and you know who you are), this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: When the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING: I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way!

TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me.

TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a shit.

TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

TRY SAYING: I'm not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, it won't work.

TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck cares?

TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.

TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Bite me.

TRY SAYING: Yes we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF: Another fucking meeting?

TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a shit.

TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a fucking prick.

TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball busting bitch.

TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck are you doing?

Your cooperation will be greatly appreciated. I know you all love a challenge so I don't think this will be a problem.

Poppycock

I was talking to a friend (okay it was Odat) who used the word "Poppycock" in the middle of our conversation. I had to laugh because it sounded so old fashioned (she quickly corrected herself and used a more, ummm.. shall we say.. up to date phrase). That started me contemplating the antiquated phrases that were used so often that have now fallen from grace. I've listed some here, but if you think of some let me know and I'll add them to the list.

1. Poppycock - it means bullshit (basically)
2. Oops a Daisy - usually said after tripping or dropping something
3. Tuckered out - tired
4. For Pete's Sake - used in place of the now popular "dammit"
5. For Crying Out Loud - replaced by the also popular "fuck"
6. Put Up Job - a scheme or trick (a boondoggle)
7. Pass the Buck - blame someone else
8. Watch you Ps and Qs - to be polite
9. All Washed Up - fucked up
10. Ballyhoo - loud uproar
11. Hootenanny - music gathering
12. Horse Sense - common sense
13. Hunky Dory - very good
14. Tarnation - ouch
15. Rapscallion - naughty person
16. Cockamamy - bullshit
17. Heeby-Jeebies - having the jitters
18. Thrice - three times
19. Mad as a Hatter - crazy
20. Boondocks - far away from everything

This is, of course, just a drop in the bucket of antiquated phrases. Most of these, like poppycock, would just make a person look at you weird if you used them. Although I suppose I do have to remember that I live in the south and they talk funny here.

Update:

Odat has added her own entries (which, by the way, I couldn't top even if I wanted to):

Holy fucking cow! Don't go getting your feathers all ruffled. Just hold your horses. By hook or by crook I'll redeem myself. Really. I was only being honest as the day is long by using the word poppycock. It conveyed a feeling in response to my total amazement at your evilness percentage! Was just trying to say I think your full of beans!

Sassan has added some very cool words to the list:

Lampoon: to mock or make fun of
Bamboozle: to swindle or deceive
Ersatz: an inferior imitation
Juggernaut: a powerful force
Spiffy: see swell
Swell: see spiffy
Dynamite!: (exclamation) outstanding

**Amended Update:

Twinhead has added to the list:

As big as a house: a fat person

And my favorite cranky dude had this to add:

Gee. What a groovy list. I mean it's just bitchin'! Outta site! Right on!

I love this topic!

;-)

Mwa Ha Ha Ha Haaaaa

Personally I think I am more evil, but who am I to argue with such a scientific infallible test.

You Are 38% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

Transformers

My son was a Transformer addict when he was small. Since that time I get that warm fuzzy AWWWWWW feeling when I see anything to do with Transformers. This commercial is way cool though.

I have no idea what kind of car that is, never heard of it, but it can sure dance.



And this one:

Win Oprah's Favorite Things!

I frequently get spam mail with that as the subject line. The thing is, I don't care what Oprah's favorite things are, so why would I want to get them? I have my own favorite things to work towards getting, I don't plan to waste any time or effort getting the favorite things of another person.

Oprah may be filthy rich, but I'm pretty sure that the stuff she considers her favorite things would not make my favorite things list, as we are two different people.

For example: My favorite car right now is a Nissan Z. I really really REALLY want a Nissan Z, but Oprah has so much money to burn that a Nissan Z would not be on her radar.. too cheap. So fuck Oprah and fuck her favorite things.

I'll get my Nissan Z without any help from the filthiest rich woman in America, thank you very much.

Go away Oprah.

Arg Mateys

I went today to see Pirates of the Carribean - Dead Man's Chest. I wasn't expecting much as sequels are rarely as good as the originals (and I LOVED the original), but I have to admit to being pleasantly surprised.

The plot unfolds as follows:

On the day of Elizabeth and Will's wedding, they are both arrested and sentenced to death for helping with the escape of Captain Jack Sparrow. The person doing the arresting is a wicked evil English lord (apparently). He throws Elizabeth in the jail and blackmails Will into going after Captain Jack, to bring back something of Jack's that the wicked evil English lord wants.

Meanwhile, on the Black Pearl...

Captain Jack's time is up. He made a deal with Davey Jones 13 years before and it is now his time to pay his debt. (On a side note, Davey Jones was played very nicely by Bill Nighy, who is one of my favorite actors.) Captain Jack knew that his time was up and was in search of a key that would open Davey Jones' treasure chest, where Davey Jones stashed his still beating heart because of his love for a woman. The only way the kill Davey Jones (and free the sailors who had bargained their way into 100 years of servitude to Davey) would be to stop his heart.

There was one very entertaining sword fight between Jack, Will and Commodore Norrington (remember him??) as they were all three trying to get the heart for their own agendas.

Okay, I will stop here because anything else I add will be spoiling the plot for anyone who would like to see the movie.

I do have one complaint about it. It is a fucking cliffhanger! I hate movies that end like that. I tolerated it with Kill Bill, but come on. To end it like that and expect me to wait patiently for a year until the next one comes out? That is just mean, and I will hold a grudge against Johnny Depp for this. (He will now have to beg for me. Of course I'll still give in, but he won't know that at the time, will he.) ;-)

Boondoggled Rating:

3.78 stars out of 5

It would have gotten more stars if not for the cliffhanger, and the truly horrifying scene of the crow plucking out the eyeball of a guy in a cage. EWWWW

ARGH

I am having email problems at work. We have IT people who are supposed to take care of it, but everytime they even TOUCH my computer they make things worse. Can't kill em, can't stop paying em because they are under contract.

Also, they saw fit to install PC Anywhere on my computer so they can have access to it without actually having to touch it. I call foul on that and disable it whenever it comes up. They can do what they are fucking paid for and come HERE to fix it.

Assholes.

Or maybe I'm just bitter.

Its Friday

My first Friday without my son babysitting me in ages. I hope to get in lots of trouble. ;-)

Holy Crap

This is disturbing on so many levels. I had always suspected that this was the case with the TV networks.

Pig Heads

I have had an ongoing discussion via my comment box about a recent article that talks about a pig's head being rolled into the midst of praying Muslims. I found it funny and make no apologies about it. I frequently find things funny that 90% of the population would never consider laughing at. That is just the way I'm put together. This isn't the first time I've been called into question about something I have (seemingly inappropriately) laughed at.

However, the discussion has some valid points on each side:

It's really offensive. Nobody laughs at swastikas spray-painted on synagogues. Why are Muslims suddenly okay to make fun of? Because a small number of them committed terrorist acts, it makes it okay to insult the ones who are praying?

This was the partial response to that:

I find it very ironic that a faith that has no qualms whatsoever about strapping a bomb to itself and blowing up hundreds of innocent bystanders, along with themselves, would run screaming from the room at the sight of a pig head.

The Response........?

All groups (religious, ethnic, etc.) have their zealous few who go well past the line of decency and commit atrocious acts. Do we paint them all with the same brush?

Have you heard about the Japanese internment camps during World War Two? This was where Americans and Canadians of Japanese descent had their property and possessions taken away from them, and they were holed up in concentration camps. These were not enemy sympathizers, they were simply born in the wrong country.

After Timothy McVeigh blew up the federal building in Oklahoma City, did we suddenly rush to condemn anyone who had ever spoken out against the government, ever?

When a couple of kids shot up Columbine High School, did we suddenly become suspicious of all teenagers and lock down all the homes that had children age 13 to 18 in them?

It's just to wrong to tar and feather an entire group of mostly peace-loving people, when the acts were carried out by a small number of them and condemned by the rest of the group.

Actually, having lived near Oklahoma City at the time of the OKC bombing, I have to respond to the Timothy McVeigh comment. Yes, in my neck of the woods, at that time anyone who spoke out against the government was automatically under suspicion. It is a gut reaction and involuntary reflex of a group of people who have been traumatized by someone or something.

"You said there is not enough being done by their own to put a stop to it, what exactly do you suggest they are capable of doing that law enforcement officials are not already doing??"

Radical Muslims have proven that laws have no meaning to them, but they will listen to their Muslim leaders. For the most part the Muslim leaders are encouraging their actions. There are a rare few who timidly speak up against what is being carried out, but from what I have seen these few have not gotten enough support to be a true voice of the Muslim faith.

We can have an ongoing debate about this.. but mostly I think it is Americans who are Muslim targets. I have yet to see a Canadian flag being burned, Canadian citizens being targeted or anyone chanting "Death to Canada." If that ever happens you may see more clearly where the attitude comes from.

The response.....

The part I don't get is that you have THIS one group of Muslims over here who are horrible evil terrorists and deserve to be punished or worse, but instead you go after THAT other group of Muslims over there who have not done anything wrong and are simply peacefully praying when you go and roll a pig's head into their mosque. What did THEY ever do??

Honestly, I don't think that the U.S. is in any danger from 99%+ of its Muslim population!

I will not speculate as to why Americans seem to be a target. I will say that is neither deserved nor random.

I would be extremely interested to hear from a true Muslim. I cannot answer for anyone of the Muslim faith, and perhaps I have been too harsh in my judgment, it wouldn't be the first time. I will be the first to say I'm wrong if it comes to that, but until then......

Thanks to Sassan for the very interesting discussion.

I'm Bored

I'm bored I'm boring I'm so very very bored. My life has settled into a boring routine. I need to do something fun and completely out of character.

GAWD I'm bored.

New Blog (to me anyway)

I stumbled across this blog last night during my nocturnal wanderings, but can't remember how I got there. If it is a stolen link from one of my regular reads then feel free to speak up and I'll give credit where credit is due.

The name Fallen Scorpio immediately got my attention since I am one of those sad creatures as well, but it was the fact that he uses really cool words like "whilst" and "queue" that forced me to acknowledge that this blog is going to have to be on my list of dailies.

Go have a look.

I Knew It

As soon as I posted my last entry about the book "Wicked," I started getting search hits for the word "nymphomaniac."

I am convinced that most of us are headed straight to Hell. Some of us faster than others. ;-)

Wicked

I am reading a book called "Wicked." It is a book about the life story of the Wicked Witch of the West. Yes, the green witch from The Wizard of Oz. I had a little trouble getting into it at first. Mainly because us (meaning me) as Americans (meaning me again), have had it ingrained in our (me again) brains that green skin = totally evil witchiness. I believe that comes from breathlessly waiting for The Wizard of Oz to have its annual showing on television. My mom would make popcorn and I would plant myself in front of the television in breathless anticipation. Obviously this was before the days of VCRs, and I don't need any smart ass remarks from the gallery about my age..k?

Obviously, as a child I LOVED the movie The Wizard of Oz. Poor beleaguered Dorothy, her much loved dog ruthlessly yanked away from her by the mean old rich lady, to be killed without a second thought because the little dog had the nerve, yes the nerve to bark at the mean rich lady's cat. And then.... to have the dog run away from the mean old rich lady and come back to Dorothy, only to eventually be blown away by a Kansas tornado to a land of color and short people, where the truly evil ones are made obvious by their green skin.

This book has changed my entire perspective regarding the green=evil thing. Yes she was green, but she was misunderstood. She had a harsh childhood, being the child of an itinerate preacher man and a mentally unstable nymphomaniac. Her sister (yes, the squished one from the movie), was born deformed (but not green) and grew up to be a religious zealot. The misunderstood green woman stayed away from her family for her own mental stability. She took on a married lover, who was later murdered because of his affection for her. Glinda, The Good Witch of The North, was the Green Witch's college roommate, and they only had their falling out when Glinda gave Dorothy the ruby slippers, which the Green Witch only wanted because they were sentimental and made by her father.

Oh, and the Wizard is an evil dictator who ruled with an iron fist. It was his way or you die a slow, painful death.

I'm not quite finished with the book, I have another chapter or two. I have just read the real twist to the book, and am breathlessly anticipating the climax. I won't spoil it for you because I know that most of you are going to want to run right out and get the book.

Boondoggled Assessment:

4.2 out of 5 stars.
Slow start, but grabs your attention after the first couple of chapters. Who knew that the Munchkinlanders were such horny little fellers.

I Feel So Special

I look at a few particular blogs every day. Sassan's is one of them, but I have noticed that he hasn't posted anything new in a while, which I helpfully pointed out to him in a comment.

He has now fixed that situation.

I just feel so damned special now.

Thank you, Sassan.

Funny Stuff

Who says I don't believe in equal opportunity?

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until
they can walk down the street with a bald
head and a beer gut, and still think they
are sexy.

My Top 25 Flaws

Actually I'm not sure these are the top ones, they are just the ones I could think of at the time. They are in no particular order, just written as they popped into my head. I'm sure my friends could happily add a few.

1. I hate housework. I would rather chew glass.

2. I take too many lonnnng baths. When I get into the bath I always take a good book with me. I'm sure it would be annoying to anyone who lived with me, if they did.

3. I have days when I live on nothing but Pop Tarts and coffee.

4. I only make my bed when I'm expecting company.

5. My dog is very very lazy and I like it that way.

6. I will read anything from children's books to forensic textbooks.

7. I never watch the local news.

8. I only put my cordless phone on the charger when the battery runs dead.

9. I only get out the Pledge when I can write my name in the dust.

10. My ironing board stays out 24/7.

11. I can't brush my teeth unless I have Listerine to use first.

12. I breathe sarcastically.

13. My kids think I'm a flake.

14. I will only exercise when I can't think of any excuse not to.

15. I have a deep seated distrust of anyone with an "M.D." after their name.

16. I'd like to go to university but I'm too lazy.

17. My car is very messy. All my junk mail gets thrown into the back seat.

18. My bosses think I'm a flake.

19. I must be a flake.

20. I have a tendency to do things that I know will annoy my ex husband.

21. I worry obsessively when I don't hear from someone when I was expecting to.

22. When boss #2 calls me I answer the phone, "Hey hunny bunny!"

23. When boss #2 questions what I am doing I tell him everything, even if I was just going to the bathroom... I threaten him with details just to scare him.

24. I like to shock my mother.

25. I secretly like blog wars.

Spammer Names

I hate spam email. I do, but I have to confess to being highly amused by some of the names attached to the emails. One today was Overshot P. Gingivitis. Yesterday it was Saffron Mazzarella. I think I will start collecting some of these names to use as character names in a nonsensical kid's book.

One was TAKAYUKI KASHIWAGI (re: I must intensification my thrust). I think Takayuki needs to work on his English skills if he wants to spam us regular folks.

Helmuth Ledoux. Doesn't that sound like a great villian name??

LOL

I Couldn't Let This One Pass

Pig's Head Thrown Into Maine Mosque During Prayers

Pigs are considered unclean by Muslims, who are barred from eating pork, and the act was viewed as a deliberate insult against the religion.

Nooooooooo, ya think??? But this is the part that cracked me up:

When the pig's head rolled in, the men got up and ran outside.

Are pig heads that scary?

Someone explain please.

I Don't LIke It When You........

I think my son and I have spent too much time together. We spent the evening last night sniping at each other, and to top it off, its pissing me off that I can't use my computer dammit. If I get on it, he sits behind me saying, "Are you almost done?" "Are you almost done?" "When are you going to be done?" I suppose it would be considered child abuse to lock him in the closet. Personally I think the child abuse laws are much too strict these days.

Email of the Day

The person that sent these to me said that she can see me saying every one of these at some point or another. I think I need to work on my rep.

Is it too soon to whine?

I don't think it is.. so I'm going to whine. It is Wednesday morning and I am about to get ready for work after having 4 days off. I am spoiled now. I don't want to go to work. *insert whiney noises here*

Although.......... If I leave soon I can stop at the corner coffee shop and get a Cafe Latte.

Okay, I'm happy again. ;-)

*Sniffle*

This one had me in tears. S'true.

If Fred Approves It Must Be Okay........

Link shamelessly "borrowed" from here.

ROAD TRIP!

I have today off from work (yayyyy). My son and I decided to drive down to Florida and see what there is to see. I have to be back tonight though (damn dog is always needing to pee).

It should be a fun day. I'll be soooooooooo fucking broke when I get home.

LOL

Christmas in July

This really should be saved as a Christmas post, but I'll never remember to do it then, so I'll do it now, just because I was thinking about it.

This occurred back in the days of my domestication. My son was about 3 years old, but very smart for his age. It was near Christmas time, so I left the kids home with my husband (at the time) and went Christmas shopping. Off I went. I came back with a trunk load of stuff. My son saw me pull into the driveway and came running out to the car. "What did you get me what did you get me what did you get me???" Nothing son, don't ask questions this close to Christmas. "But what did you get me what did you get me what did you get me??" I couldn't get out of the car. In his excitement he had planted himself right at my doorway and would not budge until I told him what I got him. So there I was, the trunk laden with Christmas gifts. I was forced to give the child an offering so that I would be allowed out of the car. I grabbed the closest thing at hand, which happened to be a new frying pan (that wasn't a gift, it was just a new pan). I handed it to him and said, "Here, this is what I got you. Enjoy."

The kid was absolutely delighted. He ran into the house to show his daddy and his sister what mom got him, and took his new frying pan into his bedroom and stashed it under his bed. He wouldn't let anyone touch it. After a couple of days I asked him could I use the new frying pan. "NO, ITS MINE!!!"

He kept that thing under his bed for weeks. After I was sure he had forgotten about it I went in and got it out and used it. As far as I know he never noticed it was gone.

I think I'll get him a new frying pan for Christmas this year, just for a laugh. ;-)