Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Important Stuff to Know, Part 2

We have a winner!

In his early years, Ralph the Wonder Llama was an accomplished mountaineer, gymnast, and covert CIA operative. He later became a well-known cultural icon. Although a llama by name and considered human by throngs of adoring fans, he was actually an alpaca.

He was fluent in all the Germanic languages as well as in Spanish and seven dialects of Chinese, a remarkable feat considering his lack of vocal cords or advanced auditory cortex. He is also credited with the creation of ARPANET, the predecessor to today's Internet.

Following retirement, Ralph the Wonder Llama became well-known within the entertainment industry. He made his first appearance on The Tonight Show in 1983 and on Saturday Night Live in 1984, where he sang Oh My Papa to a standing ovation.

He is occasionally credited as the producer of Monty Python and the Holy Grail*, a designation that arose purely out of a labour dispute with the actor's guild and required a disinterested intermediary to fill the producer role. It is a well-documented fact that Ralph the Wonder Llama was actually in Peru during the entire filming of the movie.

Until recently, it was widely believed that Ralph the Wonder Llama had no surviving family. However, recent unconfirmed reports suggest that he may have had a second cousin, twice removed named Tony the Wonder Llama, of Quatloos fame, and that jealousy issues prevented the two from developing a familial bond.

Ralph the Wonder Llama died, tragically during an unfortunate accident involving a steamroller, in 1992 while vacationing in Bolivia. His wool was subsequently presented to the Smithsonian Institution, where is it displayed adjacent to the Hope Diamond, the Baskin-Robbins Miniature Pink Spoon, and other memorabilia.

*The answer!

Sassan Sanei is now 500,000 points richer and officially on the Smartest People Ever list (as soon as I make it). I will also have that margarita in his honor (on Friday night so I don't have to worry about having a hangover at work the next day because you know, margaritas are like potato chips, you can't have just one).

God I love this blog stuff. hehe

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