Tuesday, February 28, 2006

I need some information.......

I was speaking to a friend tonight on IM (instant messenger), and I was laughing about stretching out some tights in the washing machine, and that they were about 20 feet long now. She responded with, "Good for bed play?"

Alright. Now that one has thrown me. I am dying of curiousity and she refuses to explain. How in the hell can extra long tights be used in bed play???

Monday, February 27, 2006

Ohhhhh k

ColorQuiz.comJust+D took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Longs for tenderness and for a sensitivity of feel..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

I took this personality test that is supposedly pretty accurate. I had no idea I was this close to suicide.

(Go ahead and take it, its laugh out loud fun. lol)

Atlanta Trip Pictures v.2

The Atlanta skyline from the Botanical Center. Pretty, huh?

This was inside the greenhouse.

Another orchid (obviously).

And last but not least, another fishy picture from the aquarium.

I have a confession to make. I took NONE of these pictures. My only claim to fame was that the stingray picture was taken with my camera.

I hope I don't get sued.


I suspended my CD boycot. But only for 2 minutes. While I was in Circuit City. Checking out. With my new Perfect Circle CD. But I was aching for it. I love the song Passive. Except for those 2 minutes, the boycot is still on.

Power to the People!

Today's Horoscope

Your feelings are on their way out, and chances are, you may be seen as erratic and unpredictable at the moment. Now, you're usually the very soul of devotion and commitment -- and you love your routine more than just about anyone. But now, for some darned reason, you can't seem to even force yourself to do anything the way you did it yesterday -- or for the past ten months. Or even years. Don't be scared. Maybe it's time for a change, and the universe has devised a plan to help you out.

Thank God. Everyone needs the universe to rescue them occasionally.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Self Aware

Here I am, 43 years old, and I discovered something about myself in the last few days that I never realized before. I am not satisfied with just seeing something, I have to touch it and feel the texture before I am satisfied with it. When we were at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens, my friend pointed out to me that I kept touching the flowers, something I hadn't really noticed myself doing. I mean, I knew I did it, but I didn't realize to what extent.. and then I started paying attention. I have an odd need to know if what I am looking at is fragile or tough, bendy or hard, rough or smooth. Touching is the best way to find out.

I bet its the sign of an artistic genius.

Either that or I'm still a mental toddler.

Atlanta Trip Pictures, v.1

This picture I took at the Georgia Aquarium. It is hard to tell from the picture, but that is a Whale Shark and the thing was HUGE... bigger than our car, and it was swimming what felt like 8 inches above my head. Very intimidating it was.

I didn't actually take this picture because I forgot my camera that day. My friend took the pictures but was kind enough to let me get copies of them. This was taken at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. They had oodles of orchids (hehe that sounds cool), and anyone that knows me knows that I like orchids.

This is a frog that they had at the tank at the Botanical Gardens. The colors are really pretty. I wish I could remember what they were called. Oh well, I wasn't the brains of the outfit on this trip. ;-)

Reality Bites

After being on vacation last week and knowing that I have to go back to work tomorrow is kind of putting a damper on my normally sunny outlook on life. I have been looking forward to last week's trip for months, and seeing a close friend for the first time in years and years. Now the trip is over and I am suddenly at loose ends with nothing to look forward to.

I'd better find something to occupy my time, and fast.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Top Ten Deep Thoughts

1. Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

2. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.

3. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.

4. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

5. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.

6. Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group and the "What-ever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group.

7. When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.

8. It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

9. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

10. Love is like a roller coaster: When it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't you can't wait to throw up.

She's baaaaaack.

I made it back from Atlanta last night around 9:00. I only took enough time to check my email and read Dave's post (which was excellent and thought provoking, btw), then I crashed. I do believe I will leave it open for Dave to come back and post whenever the mood strikes him.

I had a wonderful time in Atlanta and I wasn't entirely thrilled about the idea of coming back home to the usual grind. Oh well, we do what we gotta do don't we.

While I was there I had a look at the Georgia Aquarium, right smack in downtown Atlanta, and I, in a burst of creativity, took lots of pictures. I know you can't wait to see them. When I mentioned this to Odat, her first response was, "Oh no, not more animal pictures!" For some reason she is hiding her true enthusiasm.

We also went and saw the Georgia Botanical Gardens, which was quite nice even though full bloom season hasn't started yet. I intended to buy a new orchid for my office window, but at a cost of $40 I was talked out of it and my frugal nature won in the end.

I love Atlanta. ;-)

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Wind from the North

I just went out for drinks with a boss that I never bonded with or liked. We worked together for 13 years and never really saw eye to eye. I was in the majority in the company that really disliked this guy- and thought that he was really bad for the company. Hey was a good ol' boy- part of the old guard, somehow the senior management felt that this guy was really good. I felt different, but the politics were such that you could never say a bad word against the powers that be without commiting career suicide. He holds a powerful position and people are scared to get caught talking bad about him.
We had been through a lot over the years- upswings, downturns and most recently a change of ownership of the company.
Well, the occasion of our drink was that it is his last day tomorrow, as he is leaving the company.
I thought that I would be elated, but i wasn't.
Now I miss the old days in the old company- even if there were people that I felt that I didn't like at the time.
In the past, I hated the fact that we had to make do with what we had- and had to forego the latest technology because we didn't have the money. I read what was out there and felt that we were the only antiquity around that was not keeping up. We had to seemingly work harder with familiar old technology to give our customers the excellent quality and service that they came to expect from us. We had to keep up with others that had better, and did things with surely more ease and efficiency than we did. And we did keep up. We were in the top 1% of our peer companies. We were seen as the best of the best, despite of all out secret shortcomings because the boys knew what they were doing.
Then all of our prayers were answered. We were sold to a large, rich foreign company who bought us becuase of our great reputation, and despite of our obvious need of an upgrade. Instantly, the latest technology crashed upon us like a tsunami. We had all the toys that we had ever longed for, and most companies still longed for. Along with that came the flood of new work from our confident customers who were elated that we were expanding and upgrading. Everything all at once.
Along with all of this instant growth and investment, came the huge pressure of something called ROI. Suddenly we were expected to know exactly what to do with all this new software, hardware, equipment and such. We were expected to instantly turn this into cash in the bank.
To make a long story short, we fell on our face. Sure- we should have had more time to learn and test and develop. Financial people don't think like this.
What we cursed about yesterday, we miss dearly today. Oh, to be familiar with anything again and just have the routine of the work day to be your major beef.
Suddenly we were faced with problems like technolgy that was so new that you could not hire experienced people. You could not get experienced technical assistance. You were expected to make it all work- now. You all of a sudden were pioneers in a new global economy on the leading edge of technology with tens of millions of dollars at stake.
Eventually, something had to give and it was the bosses that took the fall.
The company will go on, and we will be among the best again.. but I can't help feeling like we let our bosses down, even if we didn't like the way they treated us.

I suppose the moral of this story is that change happens and never think that you are the best at anything. If you resist change, you are only making it worse for yourself in the long run. We all have much to learn, and the world is ever changing. America is at a huge risk because of apathy and a false notion that they are and always will be the greatest. There are emerging nations that work way harder than we do for less pay. They work as hard as our ancient ancestors did- but we do not. This is fearsome.
My company is now in direct competition with these foreign companies and it will be all we can do to stay alive.
Remember: when a country lost a war, America helped rebuld it with the new technology. Now these countries make America look outdated. Wake up.

Dave B.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Possible Guest Blogger

I may possibly have recruited someone to keep the entertainment fires burning in my absence, although he informs me that he is a commitment-phobe so he wouldn't promise anything (I think he was just wanting my password).

Anyway, any post that you see between now and Saturday morning won't be me, it will be a canuck from Vancouver. You know how those Canadians can be, so there is no telling what you will learn.

Enjoy.. if he is brave enough to post anything, that is.



It had to happen eventually.

AP Associated Press
Updated: 4:39 p.m., ET Feb. 21, 2006

OKLAHOMA CITY – In a move that has taken the State of Texas by surprise, the governor of Oklahoma has declared the Oklahoma government’s intentions to raze the State of Texas in the first state-to-state eminent domain bid.

“It had to happen eventually,” explained Governor Brad Henry. “We have always considered Texas to be ‘South Oklahoma’ anyway, so why not make it official. We will raze the buildings we don’t particularly care for and have condos built in their place as vacation homes for our residents. Of course, it will create a larger tax base for the State of Oklahoma’s benefit.”

Not surprisingly, some Texans are crying foul. “I ain’t giving up my double-wide to no Okie!” Exclaimed Denton resident Duane Elroy, 42. Mr. Elroy’s sentiments were mirrored by several of his neighbors, although with “livelier” language.

When contacted by AP as to the possibilities of this bid succeeding, Texas attorney Fred Grokman conceded that under current eminent domain laws, there was really nothing stopping Oklahoma from succeeding in its quest to add Texas to its tax base.

When Governor Henry was asked if he had his eyes on any other state, he stated, "Arkansas is nice," although he declined to provide details.

Those Texans can be mean when they are riled.

Today's Horoscope

Puzzles, riddles and, above all else, intrigue are at the very top of your list when it comes to what you enjoy on a daily basis. So if anyone foolishly entertains the thought of trying to outwit you, trick you or manipulate you, even just for a moment -- well, let's just say you'll be able to straighten them out without even blinking an eye. They won't stand a chance. Even if you weren't already the shrewdest sign in the heavens to start with.

Courtesy of Yahoo.

I love it when my horoscope strokes my ego. hehe

Monday, February 20, 2006

Any Volunteers?

I will be going out of town on Wednesday and will be gone until Friday or Saturday, so, it is sad to say, I won't be posting for a few days. I know I know, you will miss me desperately and are wondering what you will do with your time without me to keep you entertained.


On that note...

If there are any volunteers to keep this blog active while I'm gone, I will happily turn over the keys. I realize that very few people read the thang, but I kind of hate to just abandon it, even if it is only for 3 days. If anyone is interested, let me know.

Friday, February 17, 2006

I am posting this with a totally straight face.

No snickering, no laughing.

Email of the Day

You have to admit, this is funny even if you are a Democrat.

If you are offended by this because you think Hillary Clinton walks on water, let me know and I'll be sure to post more Hillary jokes.


Thursday, February 16, 2006

I hate when that happens.

London - The flames of a British couple's Valentine's Day passion were extinguished in more ways than one after their hastily discarded underwear caught fire on a nearby romantic candle.

Fifteen firefighters were needed to extinguish the resulting blaze at a house in Southampton, on England's south coast, after the young pair's tryst became literally red hot at about 11.45pm on Tuesday.

The couple escaped unharmed - but slightly red-faced - while another person who was in another bedroom was rescued as smoke filled the property.

"We would like to send out a message reminding people of the dangers of unattended candles," said a Hampshire Fire and Rescue Service. - Sapa-AFP


Boycott time.

That's it. I've had it. I am so sick and tired of these people and their constant whining about us lowly consumers causing their children to go hungry and hinting that we are stealing the clothes off of their backs.

Enough is enough dammit!

Am I the only one who is sick of seeing people like Mick Jagger and Britney Spears living as if they owned the world and all the cash in it, all the while having their record companies whine and complain about a few people downloading their songs? Well now they have decided that even if we DO purchase the CDs, we are not allowed to use it as we like, it is completely at their discretion to dictate to us what we do with something that we bought and paid for.

This is it. I REFUSE to buy another CD EVER. I don't care if it is the best song in the world, I ain't buying it. Fuck em.

Oh, and you guys in the band A Perfect Circle? You can thank your record companies. Yours was the next one I was going to buy. No more. Nu uh. I'll stick to (what is still free) radio.


I almost had a kitten given away to one of the people here at work. Until I made the mistake of mentioning that the mama kitty is Siamese. She then behaved as if I told her that the kittens were trained by terrorists and come complete with strap on bomb belts.

Huh. Weird.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Email of the Day

My kind of humor:

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome. Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's
true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at, either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the! office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.


OMG kill me now

That stupid Blackberry ordeal from yesterday? Its not over yet. I was just informed that the thing is not fixed after all. I spent well over an hour on the phone with tech support yesterday.

Ever feel like bawling like a 3 year old?

Monday, February 13, 2006

Wooo Hoooooooo

Its fixed its fixed.

To be continued.......

I am still on the phone with Blackberry tech support. I am now being transferred to the 6th (count em 6) technical "expert." Nobody seems to be able to fix me.

At least everyone is being nice... the last one even let me take a potty break. ;-)


I had threatened to quit my job if I ever had to even LOOK at another Blackberry, but here I am again, trying to get one to work. I've been on the phone with tech support for an hour.

My ear is sore.


Saturday, February 11, 2006

Obscure Hero #1

Have you ever stopped and noticed something so everyday, so simple, and wondered how it came about? I do on occasion, and this time it was the... drum roll please......


Yes. The lowly paperclip. Rarely given the accolades that it is due. This tiny piece of metal that we all take for granted, but imagine your life without them. How would you keep your important papers together? String? That seems archaic these days, doesn't it. So without further ado, I declare this the first of the Boondoggled Days of Obscure Heroes.

Imagine if you will, sitting at your desk. Its a boring day, your boss hasn't given you much to do so you are staring out the window and watching the clouds go by and wondering what your mother is making for dinner (remember this is the days before the internet). You are playing with a piece of wire and twisting it around and around idly, when you realize that EUREKA, you've invented the paperclip!

Okay that more than likely isn't how it went.

There are several patents on paperclips. The first was in 1867 by a dude named Samuel B. Fay. In (approximately) 1901, a Norwegian inventor by the name of John Vaaler also patented a paperclip design. Two years before that in 1899, a patent was given to a guy by the name of William Middlebrook who invented the machine that would make Gem paperclips, the paperclip design that is still the standard used to this day. So I supposed officially William Middlebrook is the actual paperclip inventor, since his machine created the paperclips that we all know and love today. A little known fact is that the Gem design of paperclip has never been patented..... hmmmmmmm (she says casually).

So now you know. William Middlebrook is the inventor of the paperclip.

Thank you William.

Friday, February 10, 2006

*Shaking Head Sadly*

The Answer.

(Mel's Diner???)

OH alright FINE

I refuse to believe I am the only geezer on the internet. I mention the answer to the question in an earlier post (not that long ago, actually), and the full quote is:

Walk right in its around the back, just a half a mile from the railroad track, you can get anything you want at ___________ _________________.

Someone (not Odat) should be able to get it from that.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

An easy one (if you are a geezer like me, anyway)

What is around the back, just a half a mile from the railroad track?


T-Shirt Hell is now weighing in on the cartoon controversy.

Muhammed Ali.. get it?

(insert juvenile snorts here)

Wednesday, February 08, 2006


Busy busy day at work today. I'll post something mind bogglingly profound first chance I get.

Right now I'm sitting here watching Eight Legged Freaks (lunch break), then back to work.

I love it when its like this. hehe

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Bloody Americans

NAPEAGUE, N.Y. - A boat captain who sent a message out to sea in a bottle says he received a reply from Britain — accusing him of littering.

“I kind of felt like no good deed goes unpunished,” Harvey Bennett, 55, told the East Hampton Star.

The plastic bottle was one of five that Bennett placed in the ocean off New York’s Long Island in August.

Last month, he excitedly opened a letter from England, and was stunned by the reply:

“I recently found your bottle while taking a scenic walk on the beach by Poole Harbour. While you may consider this some profound experiment on the path and speed” of “oceanic currents, I have another name for it, litter.

“You Americans don’t seem to be happy unless you are mucking about somewhere,” says the letter, signed by Henry Biggelsworth of Bournemouth, in Dorset County.

Found here.

The 12 Caricatures of the Apocalypse

Sorry. Had to do it.

Monday, February 06, 2006

An Excellent Article.

I came across an article stating exactly how I feel about the cartoon farce.

We Are All Danes Now

A little pessimistic and dramatic? Maybe. But this is the state of things. If riots can erupt over a few silly cartoons, what can happen over an opinion that is disagreed with?


What is it with Charlize Theron? She's ORANGE people! There. Someone had to say it.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Colorless Girl

Create your own superhero and unleash them on an unsuspecting world.

Colorless Girl is my own creation. She can zap the happiness in a room with a single word. She can make grown men cry for their mothers. Smarmy criminals and/or nice guys don't stand a chance with her.

Colorless Girl is sister to world famous superhero, PMS Woman, and her less famous brother, Cranky Pants.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Oh Grow Up

Have you been watching the news and seeing all the outrage about the Danish cartoons offending the Muslim religion? Have you wondered what all the flap was about? Well look no further. I, who take my blogging duty seriously, have done in depth research and spent countless minutes looking to find exactly what cartoon it was that was so freaking offensive as to spark millions of Muslim citizens around the world to throw temper tantrums (or hissy fits, whichever phrase you prefer).

The Picture.

After you look at this you should probably gouge your eyeballs out with a sharp stick in repentance.

As an added bonus, I have also found other toons. Some are, I have to admit, kind of funny. You probably should look quick before they are removed from the server since we're all being censored.

This one...

This one. Is it just me or do those girls look like they should be in a Disney movie?

This one which wasn't so funny, but as I understand Muslim beliefs, is just as offensive....

This one (which I just don't get)...

This one, which is, I must admit, rather insulting...

This one...

This one, which completely cracked me up... and

This one which I think is rather nicely done for a toon.

Okay, now you know. I have risked a jihad to show these to you.

The funniest thing about the whole episode is that if the Muslim communities hadn't gotten so upset, hadn't protested anything that moved over these cartoons, most of the world would have no clue they existed.

What I really want to know is how do we know these toons aren't about Muhammed Smith, who lives on the next block, and NOT the prophet?

Email with Attitude

Have you ever wished you could send email from an address that SAID something about the mood you were in? Well now your wish has come true.

Evil Email Addresses

I am having trouble deciding between TheBitch@IEatCatsForFun.com, or UhOh@ImSeeingATherapist.com. I know those two are rather tame considering the selection, but if I get to the point where I truly hate life and all it stands for, I can go back and get the AngryForLife one, or the ImATerrorist one.

These crack me up. If any of you decide to get one of these email addresses, let me know which one you chose.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Epic Custody Battle

The likes of which have never seen before. If you think the fight between Alex Baldwin and Kim Bassinger over their one child is ugly, you haven't seen this one. Imagine them fighting over 5 kids... which is what is happening at my house.

I haven't mentioned the kittens lately. They are growing up nicely, very respectful (so far). Mama cat (Amelia) is a very attentive mother. HOWEVER, a problem has arisen.

Jake (my dog.. half chow, half retriever, can be intimidating when he wants to be), has decided that HE should be the kitten's mother. Yes you read that correctly.

Yesterday when I got home from work, Amelia and the kittens had disappeared. I finally located them behind some furniture I have been rearranging, but lo and behold there were only 3 kittens there. Where were the other two?? In the hallway on top of a pile of laundry. Both kittens were soaking wet. What happened was that Amelia got tired of Jake sticking his big head in the box and nuzzling the kittens, so she attempted to move them. Jake stopped her from taking two of them, and he kept them for himself. They were wet because he licks em all over (I've seen him do it).

Okay.. soooo... I moved the kittens back to their box, including the two wet kittens, and Amelia followed me and attempted to get into the box with her babies. Oh no, Jake wasn't having that. He was fine with the kittens being in the box, but he snarled at Amelia when she tried to get in with them. I smacked him upside the head, told him to get a grip, and all was quiet until bedtime.

I went to bed and Amelia decided she was going to move the babies again. Okay fine whatever, just be quiet about it. Again, all was fine, until this morning when I was getting ready to leave for work. I moved the kittens back to their box so I could close the bedroom door. Jake was greeting the babies as if he hadn't seen them in ages, licking them and nuzzling them. Amelia was even okay with that, she followed me then attempted to get into the box with her babies. Jake then snarled and snapped at her, refused to let her get into the box.

Okay. My dog is a freak.

I moved the kittens back to their hidey hole myself.