Scorpio

Yes, I am a Scorpio. We are a conflicted people. We're torn between deep love and loyalty and remembering every slight and wanting to cause major pain to those who betray us. But we must behave, mustn't we. A difficult task at times. If only we could turn back the clock, but alas, even us Scorpios do not have that power.

I have started painting again. I pulled out my paints, pulled out my canvases and brushes, and am attempting to refocus my destructive tendencies towards creating something beautiful instead. I did vow to concentrate on beautiful things, did I not?

So far so good - well - at least no blood has been spilled anyway.

LOL

Strange Dream

I had an odd dream that woke me up with a start. It started off with me walking by row houses here in Savannah, you know the kind, almost like condominiums, but not.. almost like brownstones, but not. Just a row of connected homes, each with their own steps to the front door. This one particular place, it was small, connected to a long row of houses, but nobody seemed to pay it much mind. I knew when I walked by it that it had been empty for a long time. It was painted blue, but the paint was faded and starting to peel just a bit. Nobody was there.

The next thing in the dream was a girl walking with me to that house. The girl wasn’t beautiful, just average looking. She had long brown hair pulled back into a tight ponytail, and a white, short sleeved shirt on with thin blue horizontal stripes. We never spoke, just walked purposely to that house. I knew that was where she was supposed to be. When we arrived at the house, there were about 6 people on the front porch, sitting around a tiny old lady, she seemed to be telling them a story. They were enthralled and didn’t notice anything around them. I was surprised because I knew that house was empty. The girl that I had been walking with went up the stairs and took her place amongst the listeners, her eyes glued to the face of the old storyteller. I walked partially up the stairs and knew I didn’t belong there, and turned to go, but I couldn’t get back down the stairs, there were too many people coming up them, all of them intent on reaching the circle of listeners.

I looked out on the streets of Savannah and realized that whatever was out there was losing its hold on me, that I needed to turn around and listen.

Friends

I was recently apprised of a particular question regarding one of my closest friends and myself, that question being, "How did you meet?" It is an interesting tale, and I will regale you with the wild adventures and charity of which such tale consists*.

It was a cold and rainy day in mid-November, three, or maybe four years ago. The wind was whipping, yet I was once again trudging along, forced to scrape a living out of what attention I could garner amongst the scores of tourists and residents that passed by me daily. Some days I did very well for myself. Some days, such as this cold and rainy day, the business was light to non-existent. Of course the weather was not my fault, but my pimp didn't see it that way and harrangued me with constant threats for my inability to strum up a decent business for the day. He was pretty persuasive, for a midget.

Tyrone eventually turned his greedy attentions elsewhere, and I was left to a moment of peace. I stole a moment in the shelter of a doorway, away from the rain, away from the gawking tourists passing by on the Grey Lines. I hated being pointed out in whispers as, "There's one."

The doorway turned out to be a small jewelry store. The door opened unexpectedly and pushed me back out into the rain. I stepped back respectfully to allow the tiny redhead to make her way down the street, when she stopped and looked at me, standing bedraggled in the rain. She opened her umbrella (blue, I think), and studied me for a moment. I found it a tad annoying, but the steady gaze wasn't unfriendly, just curious. After a moment she spoke, and in her New York twang she told me that she was very impressed that I could walk around for hours in those 6 inch heels, and asked how I kept the chrome so shiny. She then asked me where was the closest place to get a cup of coffee. I pointed out the Starbucks on the next corner (there is one on every corner, after all), and she headed that direction. After a few steps she stopped and turned around, and asked if I would like to have a cup of coffee with her. I'm not sure why, but I agreed, and walked with her to the coffee shop. I remember it clearly, she ordered a White Chocolate Caffe Mocha, and I had a regular latte (I still smile when I drink those).

I sat in that coffee shop with her for at least 2 hours, she questioning me about my profession, me listening to her tales of Dutch castles and kangaroo porn addiction. After a while I told her that since the rain had stopped I must get back to work before Tyrone hunted me down. She then stood up and told me that I needn't live under the thumb of any midget pimp if I don't want to. She knew I didn't want to. She kept me there another hour telling me how I could escape my downtrodden way of life. I saw Tyrone's purple Cadillac with spinner hubs drive by a few times. I knew he was looking for me, but I didn't care. This little redhead had given me a hope for a future that I didn't dare have before. I was going to escape.

She gave me her email address. At that time I didn't own a computer, but I kept that email address in the deepest recesses of my leopard print purse, until the day came that I earned enough money at Walmart to buy a decent used computer from an estate sale ($45, it nearly broke me but it was worth it).

So now here we are. This is the story of how Odat and I became such good friends. I will always remember her kindness.






*Parts of this story may or may not be slightly exaggerated.

Cynical

I was told by my boss the other day that I nearly got the above clock for Christmas, due to my unprecedented level of cynicism (is that a word?). Anyway, I'm thinking I should probably tone it down...

Although I do think the clock is cool. ;-)

From now on, I will only read beautiful poetry and I will stop and smell the flowers and I will never get angry and I will post only beautiful things. You guys are going to want to hurl.

Argh

All this work and I find out my domain host doesn't seem to have enough gumption to support a blog. I have tried two software packages and can't get either of them to work (seems to be because the MySQL database is too limited - yeah, I don't know either)... so I will try yet again with another software package.

I will be back, one way or the other. I could start another blog on Blogger, but what would be the point of that. I can't seem to adjust to having any other name except Boondoggled.

lol

Quote of the Week

"Well what do you expect from an Englishman?"

(anonymous Scottish scientist)

Walking the Long Miles Home

Walking the Long Miles Home

Oh the last bus has gone
Or maybe I'm wrong
It just doesn't exist
And the words that flew
Between me and you
I must be crossed off your list
So I'm walking the long miles home
I don't mind losing you
In fact I feel better each step of the way
In the dark I rehearse all the right things to say
I'll be home, I'll be sober by break of day
Walking the long miles home

Not a soul is around
As I put more ground
Between me and you
And the whole town's asleep
Or maybe they're deep in the old "voulez vous"
So I'm walking the long miles home
And I don't mind losing you
Got the moon there for company each step of the way
And the rhythm in my shoes keep the blues all away
When you ride Shanks's Pony you don't have to pay
Walking the long miles home

Oh the party was grand
But I hadn't quite planned on staying so long
And while you accused me
The hours confused me and my friends had all gone
So I'm walking the long miles home
And I don't mind losing you
Ah there's nobody out but the cop on the beat
He's snoring so loud I don't hear my feet
I just laugh to myself and move off down the street
Walking the long miles home
I'm walking the long miles home
Oh walking the long miles home

What a great song. :-)

The Secret, Part 2

When last we visited the subject, the 10 year old me had just overheard the drunken uncle pronounce to the world (well, where she could overhear it anyway), that she has a sister. The thing is, I can remember hearing that and not being overly surprised by it... I'm not sure why. If I had heard it before then I had forgotten it.

I had an aunt, 3 years older than me, who absolutely despised the ground I walked on when we were kids, and at the time I could not understand why. I turns out that that particular aunt wasn't an aunt after all, she was the sister. I was somewhat happy about having a sister, but at the time I didn't understand why she hated me. I do now of course, it was because I was the one our mother kept.

My sister and I have had a tumultuous relationship throughout the years. We have gotten along as if we were best friends, and fought as if we were, well, you know....... sisters. We aren't close, but when we do see each other it is as if everything is as it should be.

I haven't seen her or spoken to her in almost 8 years, for various, non-specific reasons.

That's it.. the whole story.

Email of the Day

"Now, don't laugh!" said Ed to his doctor.

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest little willy the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been any bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell to the floor, laughing uproariously. Ten minutes later, he was finally able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentlemen, I promise it won't happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem?"

To which Ed replied, "It's swollen."

HAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA HA (deep breaths) HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA

A Humdrum Day

The Secret

Most of my friends, even the ones who know me well... do not know this story. One friend, who knows me well does know this story, but is still demanding an explanation (the fraud).

Fine. An explanation you shall get. But first I will explain my reasoning for leaving The Secret out of the last post. That post was a post of my memories, not my traumas, of the good things, not the upsetting things. The Secret did not seem to fit. I was told that if I had no intention of posting The Secret then I should just leave that paragraph out of the post. No.. (said I), as it is too clear of a memory of that day. It had to be included. Then (said he) include The Secret. No.. (said I), it doesn't fit.

So here we stand. I will spill the beans, as it were. I will quote my dear drunken uncle, but first you must picture in your mind a 10 year old girl, long tangled hair streaming behind her, a few lobster antenna clutched in her fist, making her way in her Newfie rubber boots through the empty house to the restroom.... seeing her drunken uncle and his friend out of the corner of her eye, but not paying much mind to them, when she overhears this sentence:

"That one there doesn't even know she has a sister."

Newfoundland

St. Anthony in 1933

My mother's side of the family are Newfoundlanders, a/k/a Newfies. I spent many many summers in Newfoundland as I was growing up. I haven't been back there in 20 years, but maybe it is time for a visit. A lot of my cousins have moved away, as the work is a bit scarce there, but I still have several aunts and uncles scattered throughout the island.

I remember being there when I was small. My grandparents had 13 kids, so when I was there I was just one of a very large crowd. I played with my cousins (we played chicken with rocks.. I ended up with more than one good lump on my head), I wandered along the banks of the harbor and poked sticks at jelly fish. I wore my rubbers (boots... shaddup ya pervs) and waded through the brooks like any good tomboy would. I was dragged to nearby ponds and caught the cutest little trout with my cousins, which we would then take back to my grandmother who would cook them up (I wouldn't eat them, hated fish even then).

I remember the day the family decided to have a BBQ and a lobster feast. I refused to try the lobster, but I was fascinated with their long antenna things. I was collecting them up (don't ask me why, I was a kid.. kids do weird things). That is the day I was clogging through the house to the restroom, everyone was outdoors except one uncle and his friend, and they had been drinking. My uncle, apparently thinking I had been struck deaf, told his friend about something that, to me, was life changing. I pretended to be deaf.. and later asked my mother who confirmed what he said. Maybe I'll post about that another day.

I would giggle at my grandmother every time she would use butter on her knife to snag a soda biscuit from across the table.. I think she knew it amused me so she kept doing it. I learned to love hot tea with a lot of milk. I would whine whenever they had fish n'brews for dinner, but I think at this point I would be willing to give it another go. I went berry picking for Blackberries or Bakeapples, if we were there late enough in the season. To this day I crave those silly things.

One year my uncle took me out in his dory to an iceburg that had floated up into the harbor (harbour, I must remember I was in Canada then and put in the U). Iceburgs are hard as rocks, I tried scratching it but it was too hard, I couldn't mark it at all. I can see how those things could sink a ship. As we were rowing back in, the neighbor kid (the one that I had the HUGE crush on) was out rowing around in his boat and rowed up next to us. Definite crush material, that one was.



I remember the time I shared a twin bed with my new husband. We hadn't been married long... but sleeping in a twin bed with a person for a week would try the patience of a saint. But it wasn't all bad..... ;-)

That year we were up on Fishing Point (the point of land that overlooks the north Atlantic... the lighthouse was there) with my cousin and her husband. We were wandering around, just talking and having a good time, when lo and behold, out in the water were two humpback whales. Being from Oklahoma, seeing something like that is an amazing thing. I stood there with my back warming against my husband, watching the whales. That is one of my favorite memories. There was a photographer from National Geographic there, taking pictures of the whales.

Later we all jumped in our van (yes that van), and sat and talked as the sun went down. The nippers (mosquitoes to the uninitiated amongst us), they knew there was warm blood in that van, and they lined up along the windows daring us to come out. It was a bit frightening actually. I swore then that I would never ever complain about the mosquitoes in Oklahoma again. I haven't talked to that cousin in probably 18 years. I think it may be time to give her a call.

The last time I was there was when my grandfather died. My daughter wasn't quite 2 years old at the time. She swept them off their feet, as she has done to so many over the years. My grandmother, who had so many grand kids and great grand kids that I think she had trouble remember all of our names.. she adored the baby that my daughter was. I wish they could meet now. Actually, now that I think about it, my grandmother was a difficult woman and my daughter is definitely hard to get along with. Maybe my kid comes by it honestly after all. Maybe she's just channeling the cantankerous Newfoundlander.

Yeah. I'm thinking it is definitely time for a visit.

Sorry, your browser doesn't support the embedding of multimedia.

I'm Freeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Today was my day for jury duty. I went to the courthouse early so I could find a parking space, went in, did my civic duty of sitting in a fairly comfortable chair whilst reading Hamlet and watching the Travel Channel, and then the judge came in and thanked us for our time because the scumbag criminal plea bargained his way out of deep shit at the last minute.

So now I'm back at work with piles of work to do. Does that seem fair to you, dragging people away from their lives because some asshole decided he thought it would be a good idea to break and enter into a place that did not belong to him?

I don't think so either. Plea bargaining was way too good for the dumbass.

But on the bright side, I am free and clear, no more jury duty until 2009. God almighty that sounds like a long time away.

This Week

I have jury duty this week.. and its the week of Valentines Day, or as Shay put it, "Black Death Day."

It is strangely similar, jury duty and Valentines Day. Both make me wish I were somewhere else.

My Name

I thought I had a common name. My first name is definitely a common one, but when combined with my last name, it is a little less common than I thought. This is for the name that I go by these days.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 7 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

For my birth name, there are 141 people with the name. For the name I went by before I was married, there are 45 people with the name. I hate being part of a crowd. I am on a mission to find a name that nobody else has. I think I will go by that instead.

*update*

My kid's names are original, nobody else in the US has those names, so I'm happy now.

Actually, I am wondering if those numbers aren't just made up on the spot and gullible people like me accept it as fact.

You Can Tell Me - I'm Hip!

Oh. My. God. This reminds me so much of my ex husband.

hehe

Email of the Day

Dear Abby:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?

Signed,
Clueless


Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him anymore. You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like one.

HAHAHA HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

Oops

My office partner (who I have mentioned before) has a MySpace page. I have told her my opinion on that, but she ignores me. The problem with that is that anytime I do anything slightly funny and/or embarrassing, she tells me she is going to blog it. She doesn't know I have a blog either, so whenever she does something funny and/or embarrassing, I at least give her the comfort of not knowing she's being blogged about.

How considerate of me, eh? hehe

Email of the Day

I found this wonderful winter poem and thought it might be a comfort to you.
It was to me, and it's very well written.
ENJOY!


" WINTER "
a poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre

SHIT!
It's Cold !

Nooo! Really????

U.S. Cigarette Pack Warnings Ineffective: Study

Last updated in 1984, pack labels need larger type, graphic images to dissuade consumers

I have to give credit where credit is due. This article discusses the most absurdly obvious study that I've seen in a while. Now they are saying that drawing pictures for us might help.

Are these people unaware that smokers KNOW the dangers by now?? I don't smoke anymore, but when I did I knew exactly what I was doing, but I just didn't give a flying fuck. Pictures would not deter me anymore than the current warning labels did.

Another example of scientists/goverment/everybody who is not us, thinking that we are too stupid for our own good...

PICTURES??? Come on now.

I do confess to being fascinated with the Canadian warning labels a few years back. A friend from Canada came to visit and her cigarette pack had a picture of a limp cigarette with the warning that smoking causes impotence. That one made me giggle.

Women's Dictionary

Courtesy of the WRS - Thanks Doc! ;-)


DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.

I've Been Bad, I Need Therapy

When did going to therapy become a form of public apology? I am (at this point) referring to the San Francisco mayor who was recently outted about having an affair with a married woman. I have no idea if he is married or not, that is beside the point. The point is, he was caught and now he is checking himself into rehab. This isn't the newest idea in the world. Remember a few weeks ago, the Miss USA (or some such silly title like that), was caught drinking, and she was underage. Instead of having her title taken away, she went to rehab. Rehab makes everything better. Rehab earns a person oodles of forgiveness. Rehab is the new confessional. With rehab nobody ever has to face up to the true consequences of what they have done.

I can see it now... a 5 year old sneaks a cookie for dinner and gets caught. "I'm really sorry mommy, I need rehab." Our kids are learning some valuable lessons.

I mean really - I have been no angel in my life, but if I am ever confronted I will just say I need rehab. That will fix everything.

HAHAHAHAHA

Ever since I did this post, I have gotten several search hits for Manties.

Every single one of them originate in Florida. What the hell is going on down there???

Email of the Day

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 When

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

Silliness. (2, 4, 5 & 10 apply to me) ;-)

Politicians - An Apology

We would like to apologize for the way in which politicians are represented in this blog. It was never our intention to imply that politicians are weak-kneed, political time-servers who are concerned more with their personal vendettas and private power struggles than the problems of government, nor to suggest at any point that they sacrifice their credibility by denying free debate on vital matters in the mistaken impression that party unity comes before the well-being of the people they supposedly represent nor to imply at any stage that they are squabbling little toadies without an ounce of concern for the vital social problems of today. Nor indeed do we intend that viewers should consider them as crabby ulcerous little self-seeking vermin with furry legs and an excessive addiction to alcohol and certain explicit sexual practices which some people might find offensive.

We are sorry if this impression has come across.

*Monty Python kicks ass! *

Monday Morning Blues

It's that time again, back to work after a weekend of carousing and partying (or staying up until nearly 1:00 a.m. watching Legends of the Fall). One or the other.

Anyway, here are some funnies to get you started.

Things I Remember

I was sitting here listening to The Eagles, and that song The Best of My Love came on. It has the line at the first, "Every night, I'm lying in bed, holding you close to my dreams." BUT.. when I was a kid there was an AM radio station that at that time played rock music, and I would occasionally turn out the lights in my bedroom and listen to the music in the dark. Someone had manipulated the song to sing, "Every night, I'm lying in bed, listening to KOMA." Now, because of that, everytime I hear that song, that line is what I expect to hear instead of the correct line. Is KOMA still alive?


I was a tomboy. Its true, I was. One of my favorite things in the world to do was to go the field at the end of our street and hunt for horny toads. I thought there was nothing better in the world than to spend the day playing with my captive pet. They are very gentle, almost to the point of being tame, and would just stoically endure all my affection. (I always let them go at the end of the day.)

Ice Cream Trucks. I don't remember them being a very regular visitor to our neighborhood, but when they did come look out... You would see every kid from one end of the block to the other running into the house to get 50 cents from their parents to buy an ice cream. I never see Ice Cream Trucks here.

The smell of Playdough and Crayola Crayons. They take me alllllll the way back to age 7 again.


June Bugs. I find it so funny to see a girl (or a guy, anyone) shriek when they see a June Bug. They were another one of those things I used to play with, the small ones were just cute, but the big ones.. they would tickle so much you couldn't keep them in your hand for long. Yes tickle. They have prickly legs and them crawling around on your hand would almost always cause a fit of the giggles.

Playing "Chicken" with my next door neighbor. We used to stand in the yard barefoot and throw knifes at each other's feet to see who would jump. Oddly enough, neither of us lost a toe.

Building stilts. The same next door neighbor that I played chicken with, she and I built a set of stilts. That kept us occupied for weeks I think. One or the other of us were constantly walking around on those things. "Its my turn!" "It is not!"

Paul Simon. Being at that same next door neighbor's house late at night one night, and a Paul Simon record playing. "Get out the back, Jack... Make a new plan, Stan..."


Airplanes. Our house was right in line of the Will Rogers World Airport runway. The noise was outrageous, and the planes flew so low we could read the small print on the bottom. We got used to it. My brother, however, is now an airline pilot. I'm thinking it affected him more than it did me. He now flies into the OKC airport from that direction... he tells me it is a surreal experience, seeing it from the there and knowing so well what it looked like from the ground.

Thunderstorms. An Oklahoma thunderstorm is sometimes an awesome thing to behold.

>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<<<

Okay, enough nostalgia for this morning. I have a fire going in the fireplace, The Eagles blaring, and I believe I will go make an omelette and bacon for breakfast.

Later!

Saturday Morning Toons

It's like being a kid all over again. ;-)













Elmer's Revenge:

Friday

I was told by my boss on Thursday that yesterday (Friday) was going to be a nightmare day, lots of things that had to be filed, and he was going to be in depositions for part of the day. So I prepared. When I got up yesterday I had loads of caffeine, I wore my running shoes to work.. I was good to go.

When I arrived, he hadn't started on any of it.

So while he was in his depositions, I did random chores, waiting for him to come back and pile the work on me. I didn't speak to him again until after 5:00, as I was about to leave, when the deposition had broken up for a short break. He stepped out, charmed me into making them another pot of coffee, and entertained me while I busied myself with that. After a bit I could contain it no longer.. I asked about the things that were to be done, he just said he wasn't expecting the depositions to go so long. I, in my ever helpful way, reminded him that I had said he shouldn't keep it until the last second.

I swear to God, I haven't had anyone look at me in such a murderous way since I was married.

I burst out laughing, he walked away muttering.

I love my job. hehe

Awwww

My pal Sassan has announced the impending addition to his family, and posted really super duper cool 3D pictures of the new kid.

How do they do this stuff??

The ANNOUNCEMENT

Fellow Bloggers, I have decided that, after much agonizing and self-analysis and at the urging of my attorney, as well as due to privacy issues, I will not be running for the office of the President of the United States in 2008. I know this will come as a shock to some of you, and some of you will have been expecting this concession. However, I have come to realize that the private sector is where my true calling lies, and public office will demand too much from my family, not to mention wanting to avoid the failing reputation of political office.

I personally would like to thank each and every one of you, my friends and supporters. I could not have gotten this far without your undying loyalty, and I will announce my endorsement for Presidential Candidate at a later date.

Please refer all questions to my Press Secretary.

I Have An Announcement to Make

I have an extremely important announcement to make. Said announcement will be released to the general public tomorrow at approximately 8:00 p.m. EST.

Stay tuned for updates as they become available.

Oh Geeze

I found this on Craig's List. I'm not exactly sure how to categorize this guy.

Ugly? No problem.

Smoke? No problem.

Drink? No problem.

Poor? No problem.

Mildly handicapped? No problem.

Drug user? Sorry.

Incurable Disease? Sorry.

Ex con? Sorry.

Bad attitude? Sorry.

Likes to live in filth and clutter? Sorry.

Loves dogs? Sorry.

Religious fanatic? Sorry.

Self centered? Sorry.

Self righteous? Sorry.

I know I'm a bit picky, but I'm worth it. :-)

Now

Before you guys start thinking me some over the top spinster who has no sense of humor - I MUST post about this site..... Manties - Panties made for men. The blurb on the page says:

For those nights and days, when you want to be and feel a little special, naughty, and very sexy, these Manties are for you. Once you have them on, it will be "hard" to take them off. They are made of nylon and have the extra room where you need it, for the most comfortable fit there is. Once you try a pair, you will wonder why you never tried them before. Panties are for the gals MANties are for the guys

HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Dating Fucking Sucks

Even if we think it went well at the time, we usually seem to find out otherwise the day after. It was odd really.. I had a nice time.

I don't think I'll do it anymore.



*Insert Ironic Expression Here*

Ch Ch Ch Changes

I'm tired of the background I have up here. Its time for something new. Sooooo.. if you pop in here and there is something weird and bizarre up there, its just me, playing with the template.

Please don't gouge your eyes out if it looks bad. hehe

Gender Reassignment

My cubicle partner is a fan of the strange and bizarre, even more so than I. She came to work yesterday telling me all about the two headed girl that she saw on tv, and then shifted into the topic of what she called, "Gender Reassignment."

I sat quietly for a bit, absorbing what she had just said. "Okay, wait...." said I. "Gender reassignment? That is what, a sex change operation??" "Well yes." said she, and looked at me as if I had suddenly turned stupid.

When did "sex change operation" become "gender reassignment?" Am I showing my age here?

I did a google search for gender reassignment, and it came up with all sorts of fancy names: sex reassignment therapy, transsexual sex reassignment surgery, vaginoplasty (that one made me snicker like an adolescent).

I then did a google search for sex change operation and hit the mother lode... a handbook for transsexuals. It describes exactly how the surgery is done. I will post some of it here for your reading enjoyment:

Contrary to popular belief, the penis is not amputated during SRS. Rather, the internal penile tissue is mostly removed, but the outer skin is left attached, inverted and inserted into the body inside out as the new vagina. The testicles are removed, but the scrotal tissue is also left attached and used to fashion the vaginal lips or labia through standard plastic surgery procedures.

Here is how it happens. Once the patient has been prepped, sedated, wheeled into the operating room and anesthetized, the doctor slits the skin of the penis lengthwise from the head or glans down to the base on the underside. The skin is then peeled away from around the penis, but since the slit only opened the penis, the base of the skin is still attached.

The penile skin is then turned inside out, much like one might turn a sock inside out. When this is done, the slit is stitched back together, creating an inverted penis, which will ultimately form the new vagina.

Before this occurs, a rather miraculous, yet simple procedure is performed. Earlier, when the internal penile tissue was removed, a small stub of tissue was left behind, still attached. This is erectile tissue, which becomes stiff when stimulated, and also carries sexual sensation.

A tiny slit, perhaps a half-inch in length, is made in the new, inverted penis near the base where it is still attached. The stub of erectile tissue is pushed through the slit, forming the equivalent of a clitoris, and providing the opportunity for complete orgasm and sexual satisfaction after surgery. In addition, a second tiny slit is made below the one for the clitoris. The urinary tube is rerouted to this second slit to create a typical female urinary opening.

Once this procedure has been accomplished, the skin and muscles of the lower abdomen are lifted up with surgical instruments, providing a gap near the pelvic bone. The inverted penis is pushed into the gap, still attached at the base, so that it hinges down and into the proper location for a vagina.

To allow for proper vaginal contractions later, some of the abdominal muscles are repositions around to new vagina so that they can squeeze in on it, both by conscious control and also automatically during orgasm.

The new vagina is filled with surgical gauze to maintain shape, and then anchored in place with a thin surgical wire which enters the abdomen from the outside, runs under the pelvic bone, through the new vagina, back up around the pelvic bone and out the abdomen again. Once the vagina has healed in place, which takes approximately seven days, the wire is removed by the surgeon, who simply slips it out.

I realize I am being so completely politically incorrect here (sorry, its what I do), but this one made me laugh hysterically:

Can hormones grow beards?

Yes, for female to male transsexuals, beard growth is an immediate effect. Unfortunately, a long term effect is male pattern baldness!

Oh. My God. Still laughing.

yes... still....

*wiping tears*



Okay, I'm better now.

If you are interested in reading the entire handbook, you can see it here.

I'm a horrible person. I should be ashamed.

But I'm not.

Still laughing.

Yes Yes I Know

But I had to, this was funny.

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"So, you're a cannibal."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?

My Mood Lately

I have been in a crappy mood lately. I've been going through things here in the apartment and throwing a lot of stuff away... some of it I expected to never give up. Time to give it all up.

I'm making some changes and some things have to go, but this puts me in a shitty mood (mostly because I'm a sentimental git, but sentimentality gets me nowhere).

Time to take a load of crap to the dumpster.

Anyone interested in a set of ~slightly~ used handcuffs or a Grateful Dead Darkstar bear? ;-)

Email of the Day

I Was Double Dawg Dared

Odat sent me this in an email and double dawg dared me to post it. I am already going to Hell, so what the fuck. Just don't tell my mom I posted this, she would kill me.



P.S. Odat: You do realize this has now raised the bar on our dares, don't you? hehe

Just An Observaton

I was watching the movie The Fugitive this morning... remember, the one with Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones, made back in the 90s. Anyway, I remember liking this movie when it first came out, and I still like it okay. But one thing I didn't remember about it was how completely and totally STUPID the Chicago police looked in this movie.

I just wonder if that made them mad at the time. I guess if they were truly that stupid, they may not have noticed, eh?

I'm Just Sayin

I'm not inferring anything by this post. I'm sure we all know women like this. I'm not saying I'm the moody bitch. Or anything. No, really.



*Studying a spot on the wall over there ---------->*

I *Heart* My Whatever

I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that said "I *Heart* My Golden Retriever. Of course they heart their Golden Retriever, who wouldn't heart a dog like that? They are gorgeous, they have long flowing hair, and they have merchandising readily available so that anyone can show their devotion to their dog. What's not to heart?

Now me, I have a bi-racial, chow/retriever mix mutt. He's the best dog ever (although he sucks at catching mice). I think he deserves a bumper sticker even more, but how many times have you seen a bumper sticker that said "I *Heart* My Bi-Racial Chow/Retriever Mix Mutt Even Though He Sucks at Catching Mice?" Never.

So in the spirit of uplifting his self-worth, I have decided to get a bumper sticker that says, "I *Heart* My Norwegian Ridgeback Mountain Shepherd.* I believe he deserves to have a breed name applied to his being.

He's a good old Norwegian Ridgeback Mountain Shepherd.

Far Out

My son has declared that he should have been of the 70s era. His main christmas this year consisted of classic 70s record albums and a record player. He has the long(ish) hair, goes for the 70s classic band posters for his walls, and has decreed that he wants a VW Van. I was of that era, and I don't think I turned out so badly (as long as you don't ask any exes, that is).

I guess I'll be on the lookout for a good used VW van for him (that hasn't been used as a storage shed, that is).

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Remember.......

Chocolate Soldier? When my kids were small, if I was going to be very indulgent and allow them to have the worst thing in the world for them, it would always be Chocolate Soldier. Personally I hated the crap, it tasted like watered down chocolate milk, but for some reason my kids were enamored with it. There was a period of time that if they were given any money to buy something at the corner store, they would come out with one of these things.

After a diligent 3.5 minute search, I have been unable to find if Chocolate Soldier is still available to buy. Not that I care or anything, I just thought that maybe some of you guys would want to know.

Yeah that's it.

The 2006 Word of the Year

The Merriam-Webster Online 2006 word of the year is...........
drum roll ...................

TRUTHINESS

ta daaaaaaaaaaaaa

Now. If you have read my post from earlier today, you would already know that this particular word is also on the 2006 banned word list. So what's up with this shit? Is the Banned Word List comparable to the tabloids, running an innocent word into the ground before its time? Is the Lake Superior State University on a quest to see how much it can influence our word usage?

Is Merriam-Webster Online going against the flow as a show of independence?

Enquiring minds want to know.

Banned Words?

I just read an article about a university that released a list of banned words for 2006. Here is the list:

• Gitmo
• Combined celebrity names
• Awesome
• Gone or went missing
• Pwn or pwned, a misspelling of “own” used by online video gamers
• Now playing in theaters
• We’re pregnant
• Undocumented alien
• Armed robbery gone bad or drug deal gone bad
• Truthiness
• Ask your doctor
• Chipotle
• i-anything
• Search
• Healthy food
• Boasts

First of all, to be completely nasty here, this list comes from Lake Superior State University. Apologies to anyone who attended there (yeah right), but that isn't exactly on the A list for Ivy Leagueness, is it. I would resent being told what words I couldn't use by Harvard, much less Lake Superior State University.

Second.. some of those words have been around forever, such as "search" or the phrase "Ask Your Doctor." "Chipotle" is okay to ban, that is some nasty stuff.

Who put these guys in charge of word usage?

I have to confess to being very interested in lists from past years. ;-)

She's Baaaaaaaaaack

I arrived home last night at about 10:30, after driving for 19 hours. Yes. N I N E T E E N fucking hours. That is torture and I don't want to do it anymore. When I called the few I needed to call to let them know I made it home, the reaction I most often got was, "You're home already??" I wanted to yell at them and ask them do they not understand the significance of driving in a car, stopping only for gasoline, for 19 long hours. I was talking to myself by the time I got home. I was holding conversations with someone who wasn't there.

Nineteen hours is a full month (minus one day) of lunch breaks at work.

I'm tired, but I wanted to say thank you to each and every one of you who kept up with the limited posts and encouraged me not to kill my ex husband while I was away.

ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou

Apologies to anyone I left out, and I promise to post something extremely witty and shockingly entertaining later.

Holy Moley

You would NOT believe the bullshit going on in this itty bitty town this week. I remember now why I ran away to Savannah after my divorce. Have I mentioned lately that I can't stand my ex husband? Just in case I haven't, there it is... I can't stand him. But on the bright side, he has given me blog fodder for the next 6 months. This blogging thing is better than talking to a psychiatrist. ;-)

I haven't been posting much because my parents' computer is slow and they are on dial up. I run out of patience before I am even logged on, that and the fact that I am never, ever alone. My creativity has been stifled.

Other than the ex issues, the visit has been pretty okay. He thinks I am the bitch from hell, but he has no idea that I am barely refraining from strangling him with my bare hands. I think I'm doing pretty good.

Okay, I'm off to take my kid clothes shopping. This should be interesting.....

Later Gators

OKC

I am, at this very moment, at The Fitness Nazi's house in Oklahoma City. We are about to go to Lowe's for a gift card for my ex husband (from my son, not me), and then go find a place to eat some lunch.

I have already this morning greatly pissed off the ex husband, when he informed my mother that he was taking my brother to a hockey game tomorrow night, his one and only night in town. I told him no way, that I have seen my brother for 10 minutes in the past year and he's NOT removing him to a hockey game on our one and only night to see each other. The ex husband stormed out of the house. Bastard.

Anyway, Christmas with the family (and ex family). There are always issues, aren't there.

Conway, Arkansas

I gave up last night and stopped at a hotel. A hotel with a king size bed. A hotel with a king size bed and cable TV. A hotel with a king size bed, cable TV and a jacuzzi.

Do squatters' rights apply to hotel rooms?

*Insert picture of myself being dragged from the room by the police*

Christmas Prezzies

My gift list for this year:

1. The Onion- Embedded in America, News Archives. My favorite present ever, I think. I was skimming the headlines at work and could not stop laughing. I am taking this with me to keep myself entertained in the quiet moments.

2. A $100 gift card. Yeah baby.

3. A food basket full of chocolates.. and a random package of smoked salmon and jar of mustard:


I'm taking this to my mom.

4. A big box of peanuts. My dad will love them.

5. A jar of homemade fudge that is absolutely the best fudge ever.

6. A Starbucks mug and a Starbucks gift set.. coffee and cookies and stuff. Yummy.

7. A flower pot for one of my orchids. (That reminds me, I forgot to water my plants before I left work, hang on while I email a friend to do it for me.)

8. A huge box of brownies from the local candy store. Those brownies are an inch thick, I swear to God, and frosted, and covered in nuts. Absolutely sublime. They would be perfect for an after sex snack, or even an instead of sex snack, that is how good they are.

9. A 5 pound can of tuna. No shit. Five. Fucking. Pounds. Of. Tuna. Obviously a joke gift but my gawd!

That's it. My car is gassed up and I have my energy drinks bought. I am going to go sleep for a bit now and then I will be off. Those of you that have my cell phone number (and you know who you are), call me tomorrow to help break up the monotony. I fear I will die of boredom.

I will post when I can.

Aloha

Oy

It's That Time (Almost)

This is it. My last day. Tonight I will be leaving for my long, long, long long lonnnnnnng drive to Oklahoma. That drive takes me 18 hours. I will be worthless when I arrive there and worthless when I get home from there, but in between, LOOK OUT. hehe

I won't be posting much because i) my parents rarely leave me alone long enough to be able to post; and ii) I will be on the go for most of the time I'm there. I will post when I can, but here is a warning for Odat:

I'm going to the zoo again while I am there and I am taking my camera.

I will probably be posting tonight so I can list all my prezzies from the bosses (I hope they give me lots of alcoholic refreshment, like they did last year. hehe), but I will be leaving shortly after.


This should hold you over until I can post again. ;-)

Have a very wonderful Christmas everybody.

Email of the Day

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. So, frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

An Oldie

Ever wondered what it would be like if Dear Abby was a man?

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you, he can only settle for the next best thing - your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal, while you think about it.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A.: Do it. Sperm can help you loose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day. Then cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should - he should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep never giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal?

Huh?

My bestest blog buddy Sassan has posted a joke that he called, "The Funniest Joke in the World."

But I don't get it.

I hate not getting jokes. Help.

Have You Ever.....

...gone along at an even keel, everything is okay, nothing major going on to shake things up, but then suddenly

BOOM!

You wake up one morning and all the losses, mistakes, stupid moves and regrets of the last few years have fallen on your head and you feel them all, every one, as if they only just happened?





Neither have I.

I SO Need a USB Toaster

These are great. If I weren't so ummm "frugal," I would have gotten these to wrap Christmas gifts in.

Salt of the Month Club. Brilliant.

Build Your Own Umbrella. Hilarious.

Bleh

This is it. The week I dread all year long. I know, that sound unusually scroogish of me and completely against my normally upbeat demeanor. I am on the final countdown, four days until I get to make that long long, long long long.... extremely lonnnnnnng drive to Oklahoma. Eighteen hours in a car, just me and my dog. Then a few days later I get to do it again to come back home. Sounds fun, does it not?

Not.

I have my Christmas shopping done (more or less), I just found out my brother is bringing his new girlfriend for Christmas, so I have to go get something for her. Bleh.

Scrooge is my hero.

Quiz Time (A Sure Sign of an Inspirationless Life)

Your life is 28% crappy!

You have a pretty good life. There might be areas you'd like to improve, but overall, life's pretty sweet.

How crappy is your life?
Quizzes for MySpace

Inspirational Moment

Please pause for a moment and listen to this spiritual song. It is for the good of your soul.

Sorry, your browser doesn't support the embedding of multimedia.

(Patience is a virtue, it takes a minute for it to load.)

Perceptions

I was just over at The CEO's blog and he was talking about what we think other bloggers look like. I just want to say this:

I have a video featuring the world famous Odat, taken this past August, and I am accepting bribes.

Also, Mark has posted a picture of him (well, the back of his head anyway) and The Curmudgeon.

I still find it odd that bloggers look so deceptively normal.

Last Year

I was sitting here in my mouse-free apartment (so far so good anyway), trying to think of things that have changed since last Christmas. There are a few differences.

Last Christmas I was still holding on to a relationship that was all but dead.

Last Christmas the only ones that read my blog were Sassan and Markoos. These days neither of them post as much as I'd like them to.

Last Christmas my daughter had just moved from Savannah back to Oklahoma.

I'm still at the same job, still in the same apartment, still have the same dog, still have the same kids. My daughter now lives in Seattle, my ex husband is marrying a woman who apparently looks like me, has the same first name as me, and as was recently discovered, we even have some of the same relatives. The fact that my ex husband is a freak has not changed since last year.

Last Christmas I had not been out of the U.S. This year I have passport stamps and I'm very proud of them. ;-)

Last Christmas I drove a granny car that I loved.. this year I drive a piece of shit Lancer that I hate. (I also get weird looks if I tell anyone around here that I drive a Lancer. Apparently only 18 year old guys who like to race are allowed to drive those.)

Last Christmas I was a year younger. This year I'm a year older.

Last Christmas things were a little different, but not much.

(How's that for coming up with an entire post about nothing at all? hehe)

Monday Morning

This had me in stitches. What a great way to start a Monday. :-)

Why

I seem to have become jaded in the last year. I have a hard time seeing the good in people these days, mostly what I see is people using each other to get what they want, people doing whatever it takes to get something for nothing, people suing anyone who looks at them sideways in an effort to pad their bank account. When I do start to see the good in someone, they do something to completely prove my point, which disappoints me beyond all description.

Whatever happened to people just being who they are? Is it that impossible to get ahead in this life without stepping on and hurting someone else to get there, and if the only way to get there is to hurt someone, is it worth doing? Has everyone seemed to have forgotten that behind those faces that they kick in to fuel their own agendas, is a real, live person with real, live feelings?

Enough already.

This past year has not been pleasant, and it seems to be going downhill from there.

And don't even get me started on the old cliches about how we make our own happiness, etc. That's bullshit. Making our own happiness is all well and good until someone comes along to beat us down, for no other reason than its because they CAN. I realize now that nobody is going to care about how I feel about things, with very few rare exceptions.

Yup. I have had enough.

Email of the Day

I liked this a lot.


As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Morning Randomness

I made that banner a long time ago and can't remember where I made it at. Probably the credit in the corner is a hint. ;-)

******

I still have a mouse, but I'm at a loss as to what to do. I have never had to deal with this sort of thing without a husband to carry the dead mouse out for me. I informed my boss yesterday that if I kill it in a trap, I was going to phone him up and flat refuse to come to work until he comes over and gets rid of the mouse brains on my floor.

******

Remember the Lite Bright? I spent countless hours when I was a kid, creating wondrous works of art on mine. I loved it and got one yesterday for one of the angel kids that I'm buying for. I am pretty sure he will hate it because it isn't videogame related and/or cool, but I don't care. He's getting it and he's going to like it dammit. I found this site, if you (like me) still like them.

******

My daughter phoned me last night from Seattle. She asked was she supposed to leave if the fire alarm was going. YES get out of there! But no, she was in the middle of her game of Warcraft, and as soon as the fire trucks get there she will vacate.

That's my girl.

Thank God when the fire trucks got there they went to another building in their complex. Geesh.

******



My office partner and I got the above rubber stamp collection for our bosses for Christmas. I think they will come in handy.

******

Okay, I got distracted there by reading old emails. Some of them are REALLY old and should be deleted I guess. Maybe I'll do that tonight. In the meantime, I have my bottle of Sangria, and I think when I get home I'll add whatever it is that is supposed to be added to it, and enjoy it tonight. It is supposed to be painfully cold today, so my plans are: 1) work cuz I hafta; 2) after work, come home and light a fire in the fireplace; 3) drink sangria and possibly cook my stuffed peppers, but since there is a mouse living under my stove that doesn't sound very nice; 4) drink sangria and delete old sentimental emails that I have held on to for years; 5) drink sangria and watch Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Man's Chest; 6) drink sangria.

That is my Friday night plan. Sounds fun eh? I know you are jealous.
;-)

******

That is all of the randomness for today. I think I'll go have a nice hot bath before work.

Shhhh

If you are bored at work but you don't want the mess of making an actual paper snowflake (personally I think the mess it makes is part of the fun), here is a site that will entertain you:

Make a Flake

Its actually fun, making all the snips and seeing what it does. I was going to include the one I made but Blogger seems to have decided it was jealous of my artistic abilities and wouldn't let me upload it. You will just have to use your imagination, but take my word for it, it was amazingly beautiful.

;-)

New Blog

While reading Mrs. Joseph's blog I stumbled across an interesting new blog called The World From My Point of View. Dave's profile is what caught my attention at the start:

I am great. Read my blog for more of my greatness. I had to blur my picture up so my greatness won't blind you.

It cracked me up.

His posts also cracked me up (but don't tell him that, he might be offended). I told him I wanted to continue to read his blog so as to soak up the gloriousness of his being. He has graciously allowed my continued soaking.

The only thing is he doesn't post often enough. Maybe if he knows we're looking he'll rectify that.

;-)

Oh The Weather Outside Is...........

Lovely. But I'm still, somehow, after many long years of Scroogeness, feeling the Christmas Spirit again. I'm sure it will pass. But until then:



I also had a Christmas gift from Maker's Mark when I got home. I can't wait to try it out.

;-)

OH Shit

Elvira has tracked me down. I woke up this morning to find a pile of sharp instruments on the floor of my kitchen. A nail, a needle and two push pins. I think she left that as a message to me that she is on to me and knows that I have reported on her treachery, either that or its meant as a little mousey curse. Jake knows where she's getting in at, I just know it. I just hope he's not in on it.

And the "OH Shit" title? Yep, there was some of that too.

Elvira is going to have a fight on her hands. I know what she did to Stewart and Bucky. She will not get away with it.

Christmas Fun

My kids are grown... well, the youngest is 15 and isn't all that fun to shop for Christmas gifts anymore. Give him money and he's a happy camper.

So this year, as with last year, I have adopted a child from Salvation Army. We're given a list with their names, age and sizes, and asked to buy Christmas presents for them. I am having a ball doing that.

Boss #1 has also adopted a child, but given me the responsibility of buying for her (a 2 year old girl), and the ex Boss #2 has adopted three (count em 3!) and has also asked me to do the shopping for them. So I have 5 small kids to shop for and I'm having a ball. I tend to go for the loud toys, the ones I know the parents wouldn't want to buy them. I found a remote control car the other day that played low rider music while it bounced up and down. Pure culture I tell ya. I also hit the Macy's sale and got them all coats.

The deadline is December 11 and I still have some shopping to do. When I have grandkids I am going to be completely out of control, I can just tell. hehe

OMG

The weather is absolutely perfect for me... rainy and cold. I opened the patio door just a bit and I have built a fire in the fireplace.

I love it. ;-)

A Survey

Two friends of mine, one a lesbian, the other a world reknowned scientist, are in the midst of a debate regarding the following:

One says that sushi - specifically salmon - has the texture and the "bouquet" of labia. The lesbian says no way, the scientist says way.

Since I have had neither I can't be a good judge, so I am forced to bring this scientific study to you for your unbiased opinion.

What do you think?

*Update*

We have an official vote for Eel from The CEO.

HA HAHAHAHAHAAAA

My 30 Seconds of Summer video got a You Tube honor. How cool is that???

Ok I know it was an obscure honor, but I like it anyway. :-)

Happy Friday!

Today has been a pretty good day. I heard from a friend that I thought I had lost track of, and I found out my rent wasn't going to be raised after all. It was about 70 degrees here today and rainy, my perfect sort of day. The only thing that would have been better would have been if it had stormed as well.

I do feel for you guys who are sitting in snow, or waiting for the snow to hit. In your honor, I am including the following:



30 Seconds of Summer - Enjoy.

;-)

Confound it, the batteries are dead!

Yesterday's quote, "Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb," was of course a quote from Batman, in Batman The Movie. It was obscure enough that I pretty much knew that anyone that got it right looked it up. I know, that was playing dirty. But on the other hand, I get to keep the points and use them at Christmas. Bonus!

I bought this movie last week at the Walmart Black Friday sale for $3.44. I remembered seeing this as a kid and had to have it. The funny thing is I haven't seen it since I was a kid, and some of the jokes are truly funny, and would have been over my head at that time. They were genius with obscure clues to a crime. Example: "It happened at sea...... C? C for Catwoman!"

Things I have learned from Batman:

1. If ever I would like to be anonymous, all I have to do is put a mask over my eyes and give myself an exotic new name, and none of my friends, family or co-workers will recognize me.

2. Life is so much easier when everything is clearly labeled.

3. Even Batman can be distracted with hints of sex, and doesn't get it in the end anyway.

4. Even bad guys have a mother, every one.