Still not smoking

It has now been 5 months since I quit smoking. It has been long enough now that I can smell it on other people when they have been smoking, or around someone who has. It has also been long enough that I can sort of understand people who have quit who nag other people to quit. I mean really, I have the least will power of anyone on the face of the earth. If I can quit anyone should be able to.

I've also lost quite a bit of weight, which I hear isn't supposed to happen when you quit smoking. A few more pounds and I'll be down to what I was after my divorce, and I looked pretty damn good then. (Or so I was told at the time. lol)

I was an idiot when I thought 2006 was going to be an easier year. But I'm an annoyingly eternal optimist. Tomorrow things will be better.

Ouch

Have you ever gotten an email that made you feel like you've been punched in the gut? Hard?

I have.

Why

Why is it that when a certain anonymous person (hereinafter known as "Jane Doe") starts to feel optimistic about things again, and doesn't wake up cringing at the thought of having to face the day again, why is it that certain other anonymous people (hereinafter known as "John Doe") finds it funny to cause Jane Doe continued pain, and continues to post ugly things on his website about her. Jane Doe is having trouble coming to terms with John Doe's continued escapades.

Jane Doe has been through this before, during a semi-nasty divorce, when Jane Doe's ex-husband saw fit to inform the entire town of their personal business, and to say things about her that he knew would make himself look like the wronged one and in need of the world's pity. Jane Doe recognizes this tactic for what it is.

However, Jane Doe is extremely disappointed to see John Doe resort to such behavior, as John witnessed Jane go through the pain of it once before.

Jane Doe isn't handling things very well these days.

Another Great Website

This site has some of the funniest posts I've seen in a while. Here lately laughs have been a little short in my neck of the woods, so this was a welcome find.

I read every single post while on my lunch break. lol

Okay so...

Yesterday I'm at work (where else would I be). Boss #2 is on vacation down in Florida so I am taking his calls. I pick up the phone, and on the line is a guy with a serious Scottish accent, and he is seriously PISSED off. I am usually pretty good at calming people down, but he would have none of it. He wanted to come pick up his file immediately and find another attorney, he had decided that we weren't of any benefit to his case at all, etc etc... well, I ask him, is there someone else I can let you talk to, I don't want you to be this upset.. he said, "I have no idea (in that cool Scottish way), how many people are in your office??" Ummmm.. lots? (hehe) I finally convince him to speak to the senior partner (Boss #1). Boss #1 has diplomatic talents out the ass, and soon has the guy calmed down. Alrighty then.

30 minutes later the receptionist buzzes me, says its that guy again do you want to talk to him? I took the call and the man launches into an explanation about how the installers put the wrong windows in his house and that the neighborhood association was harassing his family and filing complaints on him for no good reason at all. Of course, being the sympathetic person that I am (and loving the accent), just sat there and listened, trying to figure out where the conversation was going. I finally ask him, do you need to speak to your attorney about it? No no no, he has an attorney and they are going to sue, etc etc.. I say well yeah, I know you have an attorney, we're your attorney. He sat there for a minute and said, "What?" I said you do know this is [boss #2]'s office, right? WHAT???? He had been trying to call the gas company (although I still haven't quite figured out why the gas company would care about his windows). Anyway, he then launches into apologizing profusely, explaining how bad of a day he was having (that much was obvious), and then told me to go get a cup of coffee (already had one, but thanks). Alrighty then...

An hour later boss #2 calls from his vacation in Florida to check on things. I tell him about his irate client, told him how it was handled and that things were cool until he comes back to the office. Boss #2 didn't take it well. He was PISSED. He demanded the guy's phone number. No no no, its taken care of, talk to [boss #1] he has all the details. (It so happens that boss #1 had stepped out of the office, unbeknownst to me.) I explain that the guy has had a really bad day and having his attorney call and yell at him probably wasn't a good thing to do (Scottish people are scary when they are upset). He again demanded the guy's phone number. I gave it to him. I still have no idea how it ended.

I bet you big bucks that Boss #2 called up the irate scot and told him he was just calling to check in and make sure everything was okay. Boss #2 may be a lot of things, but he can suck up with the best of them. Although when I told Boss #1 about it, he sat there for a minute with a strange look on his face, then snickered about how he would love to sell tickets to that fight.

Wow that was a lot of typing to tell a story that had no significant plot and no satisfying ending. Personally I hope the guy calls back. I don't mind if he's pissed, as long as he keeps talking. ;-)

Hmmmmmm

I got an email today with this odd sort of celtic horoscope thing, it lists the type of trees you are by your birthday. I turned out to be a Walnut Tree, which had the following description:

Walnut Tree (Passion) -- unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.

I don't know about you, but if I saw someone described that way I'd be scared of them. lol

Today's Horoscope

The term 'creative type' doesn't even begin to do you justice, you know. You are more of an 'incredibly productive super generative creative type.' You take every bit of raw material the world throws at you -- paints, paper, digital tools, happiness, pastels, sadness, tragedy, comedy, mud, clay, rock -- and you make it sing. This is a real gift -- don't forget to be grateful for it.

Ooooooh. Another ego stroker, hehe. I love those (and needed it about now as well, its been a helluva week).

Something we should all own.....

My favorite actress posted about traveling and included a quote about how most Americans don't own a passport. I have been told that exact same thing by my best friend, who has made fun of me on many occasions because yes, he was right, I didn't have a passport.

Until now.

I decided to expand my horizons and applied for a passport. I should get it in the next few weeks (unless they proclaim me to be a terrorist). So, in honor of my new status as a passport holder, I am planning a major trip at the end of the summer. I plan to be a touristy foreigner in a country heretofore unknown to me, taking pictures of totally inane objects and blissfully unaware of the locals laughing at me. I am so excited by the idea that I find it hard to concentrate on much else.. not to mention scared shitless because I'm going by myself. Needless to say, when I have a little bit of time to kill, I end up looking around for things that will make my trip a more pleasant experience.

I will share something with you that I just found. It should be a requirement for every passenger on every plane trip.

Flatulence Filter

The Flatulence Filter is a breath of fresh air for you and your fellow passengers! Flying can cause many travelers to experience uncomfortable intestinal gas, which in turn can lead to embarrassing flatulence. And at 30,000 feet, it's difficult to blame the dog! The Flatulence Filter looks like an ordinary seat cushion but contains an activated carbon air filter that absorbs odors immediately and lasts up to 12 months. Ideal for airplane, train, or car travel, it has a handy carrying handle. Favorably reviewed in Business Week and Prevention Magazine. (17 x 15 x 1"; 11 oz)

The green font color was totally on purpose.

I realize that some of you world travelers have probably already tried out this amazing item. Please feel free to post a review in the comment section.

Today's Horoscope

You've come to a fork in the road, all right. Though this fork might look more like a starfish -- with choices leading in nearly every direction. Which way do you go? North? West? North by northwest? East? You can always turn around and go back down the road you came from, you know. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by all these possibilities, embrace them. In all likelihood, each path you could choose holds its very own joys and sorrows.

Geesh. That's no help at all.

You guys are absolutely right.

I was being a big baby, taking my toys and going home in a snit, and I really have no idea why.

But I keep seeing things that I would love to put in a blog, and for the life of me I can't come up with a better word to name a blog than Boondoggled, not to mention the thought of transferring my archives to a different site caused me more pain than hearing about "Niffer." (I think that must be a sign that I don't really give a shit. LOL) So here I will stay.

I have the best blog friends ever!

But I'm not bitter.

I just read this article, found here.

Inside Trading: Congress for sale

SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER EDITORIAL BOARD

Here's a little history to consider.

Congress enacted the Securities Act of 1933, which required registration of publicly traded companies -- making more information open and available to the public. A year later, Congress added more protections for investors. One of those provisions made it illegal to trade stock by corporate insiders who were privy to special information that could help or hurt a stock.

After this generation's corporate scandals, Congress passed Sarbanes-Oxley in 2002 to improve corporate governance and audit independence. But one of the measures added reporting requirements and tougher standards for insider trading.

Unfortunately, Congress forgot itself. It remains perfectly legal for a member of Congress to buy and sell stocks based on information that's not available to the public. Last year it was reported that a "political intelligence" firm tipped off its clients to an undelivered speech by Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist on asbestos liability. The information was profitable to those in the know.

"This is simply wrong that members of Congress can exchange information ... and get rich on it," says Rep. Brian Baird, D-Wash., who is co-sponsor of a bill to prohibit insider trading by members of Congress and their staffs.

Baird will report to a congressional committee today on the proposal -- and is optimistic. "When people hear about it, on both sides of the aisle, they think this is something that ought to be fixed."

We think Baird's right. Even if a congressional insider trading ban comes seven decades too late.

I have mostly stopped reading political news because I get so frustrated by all of it. This is a perfect example of how politics in this country now works. It is no wonder that nobody has any faith in anything with such a corrupt government doing its best to line it's own nest at the expense of the taxpayers.

There is one thing I would like to know though. I have often heard that when Senators and Congressmen retire, they retire with 100% pay, not a portion of the pay they receieved, like the rest of the country. I'd really like to know if that is true. Does anyone know for sure and can you show me where the proof of that would be located? I would prefer to think that this is just another "urban legend," but I have a bad feeling that its true.

Friday Blues

Here it is, Friday. I should be happy, but its going to be a bad day - I can feel it in my bones.

I wish I had something planned for the weekend besides putting together a damn bookshelf. Things like that are only fun when there is someone to admire it besides me.

Intellectual Property

Do you think people or companies should be able to trademark words or phrases? Personally I think that is crossing the line of freedom of speech (with the exception of blatant plagiarism, of course). I found an article listing some of the more absurd cases of so called "intellectual property" trespasses:

A DAY AFTER Senator Orrin Hatch said "destroying their machines" might be the only way to stop illegal downloaders, unlicensed software was discovered on his website.

(I wonder if he destroyed his machine as punishment...)

MICROSOFT UK held a contest for the best film on "intellectual property theft"; finalists had to sign away "all intellectual property rights" on "terms acceptable to Microsoft."

Why does not not surprise me in the least?

NEARLY 20% of the 23,688 known human genes are patented in the United States. Private companies hold 63% of those patents.

They'll soon be suing us if we are born with one of their patented genes.

FOR INCLUDING a 60-second piece of silence on their album, the Planets were threatened with a lawsuit by the estate of composer John Cage, which said theyd ripped off his silent work, 4'33". The Planets countered that the estate failed to specify which 60 of the 273 seconds in Cage's piece had been pilfered.

I love the comeback on this one.. I don't know if they won or not. I need to look into this one.

RENTAMARK.COM makes money by claiming ownership of 10,000 phrases, including "chutzpah," "casual Fridays," ".com," "fraud investigation," and "big breasts."

I think they show a lot of chutzpah.. my big breasts are heaving at the injustice. There should be a fraud investigation beginning on casual Friday. .com (I had to fit that in there.)

MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.'s estate charges academic authors $50 for each sentence of the "I Have a Dream" speech that they reprint.

$50 per sentence eh... do you have to pay for each time you use the same sentence or is it $50 for each one sentence that you are free to use over and over and over again? Even civil rights heroes end up money grubbing, I suppose.

The full article can be found here.

Test Day because I'm bored.

I took this test and got this result:

70% (Dixie). Just under the Mason-Dixon Line

That is a bit more southern than I am comfortable with. I am going to have to work on that.



Next.......

I took this test:

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic

Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few. But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky. Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

I think I'd better go find something constructive to do.......

Today's Eclipse

Unless you live in a box (as so many of us do), you were probably aware of the total eclipse that occurred this morning. Although it wasn't visible here where I am, it was available as a live stream on the internet (if you wanted to get up at 5:00 a.m. to watch it). Well, it turns out I was awake, so I watched the eclipse, just so I could report to the rest of you who were still snoozing at that time of the day (you slacker you).

I found the NASA channel and found that it was being broadcast as something equivalent to a reality show, with two hosts, a man and a woman (no idea their names, sorry). I found her completely annoying, but being the event it was, I tolerated her so that I could see the eclipse. As totality approached, she became more and more, ummm.. should I say........ emotional, about the eclipse. By the time the final ring was showing, she was sounding positively orgasmic. Now, I am as impressed as the next person about celestial events such as these, but it does take a bit more than witnessing it for me to become orgasmic. To be fair, the male host was pretty okay, but he was easy to overlook with the annoying woman around.

Final Verdict:

Extremely impressive event, annoying female host, I give it a B+.

Actual screenshot from actual event from my actual screen during the actual live broadcast:

*UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE*

It has come to my attention that Odat (the shameless hussy) has decided to admit to her kangaroo porn fetish (not that there's anything wrong with that). I, being the supportive pal that I am, applaud her decision to come out of the pouch.

Please stop by her blog and congratulate her for bravely facing the difficult (and somewhat twisted) truth.

Fark Headlines

I love fark.com. I'm not sure if I like it so much because of the news links or because of the headlines linked to the news stories. I scrolled through tonight and here were a few that were much funnier than the actual stories:

So Moussaoui was all like, "I did it!" and then some other terrorists were all like, "Nuh-uh," so Z is all like, "Whatever"

Cheerleader outfits banned for making squad look like strippers. This thread needs more pics

A judge will allow New Jersey’s worst serial killer to donate a kidney. Apparently, he still had some in his freezer

Great Dragon scheduled to eat the sun tomorrow. Scientists say devout prayers and sacrifices of slightly used virgins to the FSM our only hope of survival

PETA continues its quest to win friends and influence people with its new ad campaign: "Avian Flu: It's Your Fault"

Man arrested after bragging to strippers about having caused hit-and-run accident. Cause strippers are known for their discretion

Construction crew unearths World War II-era hand grenade -- then, realizing what state they're in, decide to play a little catch with it

Rejected greeting cards from Hallmark include "Welcome back from your coma" and "Christmas just wouldn't be the same without peanut brittle, or Jesus"

Yes I admit it, I got sidetracked by a story or two. I was right, they weren't as funny as the taglines. ;-)

Email of the Day

WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, Feb. 16,2006 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks! , Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoid ing The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor --- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5 After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6 Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7 Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum . Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8 Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11 Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing . Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14 The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

HA HA HA HA HA HEHEHEHEEEEE

Very cool.

Just damn.

Interesting Stuff from Other Blogs

I have spent the last 2 days hitting the "next blog" button that is up in the corner, just to see what else was out there. 75% of the other blogs are in other languages that I could not understand, so I (of course) didn't post any interesting stuff from there. Of the 25% left, 15% were political commentaries, 5% were family and/or baby blogs, which left 5% that might possibly have something cool to look at. (These figures are in no way scientific statistics.)

Now please note that I didn't say the blogs were interesting, only certain tidbits of them were, titles, profile info, etc. If I did think the blog was worth looking at I posted the link.

Funny Titles:

My Karma ran over your Dogma

Liberally Lean from the Land of Dairy Queen

SomeOldHippieCaughtAnotherHippieTrippingOnAcid

I've Made a Huge Tiny Mistake

Wedding Heckler: Cheap Shots From the Back Pew

THE AFRISTOCRAT

A profile worth killing your kid over:

KRYSTAL Aki Mizoguchi. Fatal female. 10th June 1992. Terrible 13, going to Fucking 14. Gemini. Singaporean Chinese. Half Japanese. Happily fucking single. SUPER DUPER FRIENDLY. Crappy. Horny. VULGAR. Sexy. Chio. Cool. Cute.

There were a few funny commercials on this one. The condom one was a riot.

Typical post:

my weekend

I'm going to eat a dinner and drink with my friend. So I look forward to eating. Sunday I went to Metrotown. I had a nice day on Sunday because I went shopping. I bought a cap and a bath towel.

Okay, this one isn't funny, it is a blog with dessert recipes (some of them look kind of yummy), but there was a google ad for "Lose 20 pounds in 3 weeks" across the top. THAT was funny.

I haven't had a chance to read this one yet, but she has some excellent blog templates on there that I thought I would pass on to anyone who is interested. I may even try one of them out (if I can figure out how to do it without losing everything).

Anyway, that's all for now, I will continue the search for interesting things.

Ta Daaa

Finally. I have finally got my dresser put together. It has been the bane of my existence for the last 3 weeks, sitting there in its box, mocking me. I showed that dresser who was boss.

Mwa ha hahahahahaha haaaaa

It occurs to me.....

What a long strange trip its been.

I found a CD that I had lost ages ago (like 4 or 5 years), but one that I absolutely loved. It was stashed in a very odd place and I have no clue how it got there, but there it was, so I've been playing the hell out of it. It was given to me by someone that I would have done anything for, so it brings back a lot of memories, some nice, some not so nice.

I moved to Savannah for a particular reason. That particular reason has recently strolled right out of my life, without a backwards glance. Of late (like the last couple of years) I was left feeling a little bit like yesterday's leftovers, only useful if there is nothing better around to nibble on. The trouble with that scenario is that I haven't got the patience of a saint after all (much to my own surprise), and now that my particular reason for being in Savannah has found that out, he has decided that he has no more use for me (maybe I went all moldy or something). So now, basically, I have no particular reason to be in Savannah and I'm at a loss as to what to do next.

There are no winners in this story... but .........

Someday, life will be sweet like a rhapsody.

Ex Husbands

I got a call from my ex husband last night, filling me in on all the news from good ole Oklahoma. My son is playing the trumpet in a Fine Arts contest this weekend in Tulsa. He stands an excellent chance, as he is, of course, the most talented soon to be 15 year old on the face of the planet... but that is beside the point. My ex husband wanted to leave this morning, taking my son out of school for the day, so they could knock around in Tulsa for the day before the contest starts tomorrow... the problem is, my son didn't want to skip school to do that, so my ex husband, genius that he is, calls me to fuss about his son not wanting to go to Tulsa on Friday morning. I listened for a minute then said, "I hope you appreciate the irony of this." He was clueless. I then pointed out to him that his son WANTS to be in school and his father is encouraging him to play hooky, to which my son refuses.

Ex husband sat there quietly for a minute, then said, "I gotta go."

hehe

Interesting

Political correctness at its worst.

Uh oh.. I just realized that I said in my last post that I didn't like the black jelly beans.. OMG. I also seem to have pointed out the red ones as my favorites, and the white ones as my second favorites... HOLY SHIT, I'm a racist and never knew!

If I inadvertently offended anyone with those statements, just let me know and I will attempt to fall all over myself with insincere apologies.

(But while I'm on the topic, the light brown, cappucino jelly beans are sublime. mmmmmm baby...)

MMMMMM Jelly Beansssss

As you may (or may not) remember, I quit smoking last fall (November 7, to be precise). I am still not smoking, but occasionally I really think I'd like to backslide. When moments like that come upon me, I reach for....... JELLY BEANS. Specifically, Jelly Belly Jelly Beans. Specifically, the red ones, but if I'm out of red then I'll go for for the white ones. Never the black ones (coff coff hack hack spit).

So, my overactive mind went to work, wondering who first came up with the idea to make jelly beans. This is what I came up with (found here).

The exact origins of the jelly bean are lost in time, and only a part of its history is known. Most experts believe the jell center is a descendent of a Mid-Eastern confection known as Turkish Delight that dates back to Biblical times.

The shell coating is an offspring of a process called panning, first invented in 17th century France to make Jordan Almonds. The panning process, while done primarily by machine today, has remained essentially the same for the last 300 years. The French began by rocking almonds in a bowl filled with sugar and syrup until the almonds were coated with a candy shell. Today, large rotating pans do the heavy work, while master confectioners apply their true art in adding the ingredients to create just the right shell.

Somehow the two processes made their way to America. The earliest known appearance of a jelly bean combining the two techniques is in an 1861 advertisement for William Schrafft of Boston that promoted the sending of jelly beans to soldiers in the Union Army during the Civil War.

Jelly beans quickly earned a place among the many glass jars of "penny candy" in general stores where they were sold by weight and taken home in paper bags. It wasn't until the 1930's, however, that jelly beans became a part of Easter traditions. Over 13.5 billion jellybeans were enjoyed at Eastertime in 1996. If they were lined up end-to-end, they would circle the earth nearly 3 times.

Now, from what I understand, Jelly Belly Jelly Beans came about as just a way to show off.

So now you have the answer to that burning question and we can all sleep a little better at night. And I'm all out of reds AND whites. Damn.

Today's Horoscope

Ready to help unveil the surprise you've known was coming? Even though no one has officially told you about it yet? Bet you are -- and bet you'll be quite smug and happy about it, too. Just don't do any of the talking. Let the actual purveyor of the message deliver the happy news. It's their news, so it's only fair. Besides, why would you take away the congratulatory hugs? Share! -

Don't worry, I'll act surprised... shhhhhhhhhh

Today's rant brought to you by........

I swear the assorted governments of this country is getting more and more stupid by the day. What the hell (started to say the OMG F word).. what were they thinking when they came up with this?

The game gadgets, made by technology firm DreamGear, have been introduced to Oregon's correctional system as part of a larger incentive system that starts to help prepare prisoners for life outside jail.

Someone PLEASE explain to me how sitting in a cell, playing videogames, is going to prepare a hardened criminal for life outside of jail? I think I should use that logic when justifying my son spending such a huge amount of time playing his videogames... its just preparing him for life.

What a crock of shit. Personally I think the powers that be think it a convenient way to keep the prisoners occupied so that they have to deal with them less. Slipping some extra strength Benadryl into their prison wine would do basically the same thing.

What. They'd stay out of trouble wouldn't they? ;-)

What Should I Do?

Well.. here I am, after midnight. I have slept for a few hours and am now wide awake, raring to go, and watching the inspiring program, Mythbusters. I am dangerous this time of night, my mind works overtime.

I have found myself (unfortunately) alone in my life at the moment, and I'm not really liking it much. It leaves me too much time to think. So of course, I've been thinking...

What new life changing event should I attempt first?
	Get a tattoo.
	Pierce something.
	One night stand.
	Fly to NYC for the weekend.
	All of the above.
	None of the above.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Just for shits and grins, what do you guys think I should attempt with my new, solitary life?

Lamb Chops

I posted a picture of raw veal the other day, here is a picture of raw lambchops, with extra chops.



Its awfully cute, even if it does appear to be the offspring of a spider. Story found here.

Hello

I'm Raymond. This is my brother Raymund and this is my other brother Raymend.

Gawd I love living in the South.

Today

This is what I did today:

I slept. All day.

No kidding.. I had periods of slight wakefulness, but for the rest of the time I was unconscious, and I plan to be that way again shortly. I seem to have hit a wall in my life, or maybe I'm in the midst of an epiphany, I'm not sure. I know that when the dust settles, my life will be quite different than it was just a week ago.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Living in Savannah, St. Patrick's Day is a HUGE affair, dignified dinners, elegant parties, everyone on their best behavior so as to impress the incoming tourists. The tourists, however, are a wild bunch. They scare me.

I have today off from work. The powers that be have decreed that it is too dangerous for their employees to be on the streets with all these tourists running about, so they told us to stay home, and as much as I love my job, who am I to argue.

So here I am, on my fourth cup of coffee (Columbian), I've been ditched by my one and only close friend here in Savannah (not the woman he thought I was, apparently), and I am at total loose ends.

I need a book to read or something before I go stir crazy with boredom.

For Odat

Love ya Chicklet. hehe

Oh SHIT

If you are like me, you receive lots and lots (and lots and lots) of credit card applications in the mail. Also, if you are like me, you rip them in half before throwing them away. I always thought that was sufficient, until I read this.

Now what.. are we to be required to BURN our junk mail now for safety? If the companies aren't being careful about it, someone has to be.

I propose we just pop the blank applications back into their little pre-paid envelopes and mail them back to the companies. Let it be their problem. I think I'll start doing that.

Interrupted Threesome

PORT RICHEY - It was 8:20 a.m. Tuesday when a Port Richey police dispatcher got the call.

A resident on Sunset Boulevard reported seeing an injured dolphin near Harbor Pointe at channel marker 17, at the mouth of the Pithlachascotee River.

The animal was bleeding. Preparing for the worst, officials sprang into action.

The dispatcher called Florida Marine Patrol at 8:24.

A veterinarian from the Clearwater Marine Aquarium was called at 8:30

At 8:45, the Port Richey Police Department's marine unit arrived in wet suits and went down the river using two boats borrowed from a civilian.

At 9:15, the Port Richey Fire Department was called.

Police Sgt. David Brown said the scene "gave the appearance the other dolphins were trying to help by nosing, or pushing, the injured dolphin to the surface.

Closer inspection by veterinarian Janine Cianciolo told a different story: A female dolphin was surrounded by two male dolphins. She was bleeding because the trio had been horsing around.

The injury was minor, leading the Fire Department to cancel the call at 10:47.

"What looked like dolphin distress turned out to be a mating procedure," Brown said. "It wasn't a dolphin in distress call. It was a Mother Nature call. I'm sure the dolphins were saying, "Go away, leave us alone.' "

Council member Phyllis Grae, who lives nearby, said the dolphin behavior was something she has seen before.

"They love to mate on those waters," she said. "We see that a lot. I guess it's calm and serene."

Now tell me, and be honest... Am I the only one that has the urge to snicker like an adolescent over this story?

;-)

Email of the Day

Everyone has probably gotten this email at least once over the last few years, but I can't help it, everytime I get it in my email it makes me laugh.

15 Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner is
taking their sweet time:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And last but not least!)

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and, then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

?!?!?!?!?

What the....?

Many Newfoundlanders aren't laughing over news an Edmonton police officer cited someone's status as a "newphie'' as a reason for apprehension under the Mental Health Act.

I'm torn between being offended and being amused. (Being half Newfie, get it?? *snort*)

Kid Stuff

I am a sucker when it comes to children's books. I tend to love em, even though my kids are too old for them anymore. They still catch my eye when I'm in the bookstore.

I found a list of The Best Selling Children's Books of All Time. I only listed the top 100 here, and have put the ones I've read in bold. Seems I still have a lot of reading to do. ;-)

1. Charlotte's Web, E. B. White; illustrated by Garth Williams (1974)

2. The Outsiders, S. E. Hinton (1968)

3. Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing, Judy Blume (1976)

4. Love You Forever, Robert Munsch; illustrated by Sheila McGraw (1986)

5. Where the Red Fern Grows, Wilson Rawls (1973)

6. Island of the Blue Dolphins, Scott O'Dell (1971)

7. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, J. K. Rowling (1999)

8. Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret, Judy Blume (1972)

9. Shane, Jack Schaeffer (1972)

10. The Indian in the Cupboard, Lynne Reid Banks (1982)

11. A Wrinkle in Time, Madeleine L'Engle (1974)

12. Little House on the Prairie, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

13. Little House in the Big Woods, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

14. The Incredible Journey, Sheila Burnford (1984)

15. The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1968)

16. Johnny Tremain, Esther Forbes (1969)

17. Just Me and My Dad, Mercer Mayer (1977)

18. Go Ask Alice, Anonymous (1976)

19. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. J. K. Rowling (2000)

20. Otherwise Known as Sheila the Great, Judy Blume (1976)

21. Blubber, Judy Blume (1976)

22. The Witch of Blackbird Pond, Elizabeth George Speare (1972)

23. Superfudge, Judy Blume (1981)

24. Bridge to Terabithia, Katherine Paterson (1987)

25. Freckle Juice, Judy Blume (1978)

26. On the Banks of Plum Creek, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

27. That Was Then, This Is Now, S. E. Hinton (1972)

28. Sideways Stories from Wayside School, Louis Sachar (1985)

29. The Catcher in the Rye, J. D. Salinger (1951) (This is a kid's book??)

30. Farmer Boy, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

31. Just Go to Bed, Mercer Mayer (1993)

32. Where the Wild Things Are, Maurice Sendak (1984)

33. Goodnight Moon, Margaret Wise Brown; illustrated by Clement Hurd (1977)

34. The Long Winter, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

35. The Berenstain Bears' New Baby, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1974)

36. By the Shores of Silver Lake, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

37. Little Town on the Prairie, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

38. The Berenstain Bears and the Messy Room, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1983)

39. The Pigman, Paul Zindel (1978)

40. The Yearling, Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings (1961)

41. From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, E. L. Konigsburg (1973)

42. Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad, Mercer Mayer (1982)

43. Just Grandma and Me, Mercer Mayer (1975)

44. Just for You, Mercer Mayer (1975)

45. Sarah, Plain and Tall, Patricia MacLachlan (1987)

46. When the Legends Die, Hal Borland (1984)

47. Bunnicula, James Howe (1980)

48. James and the Giant Peach, Roald Dahl; illustrated by Nancy Burkert (1988)

49. The Berenstain Bears Go to School, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1978)

50. The Night Before Christmas, Clement Hurd; illustrated by Douglas Gorsline (1975)

51. These Happy Golden Years, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

52. All By Myself, Mercer Mayer (1983)

53. Stuart Little, E. B. White; illustrated by Garth Williams (1974)

54. The First Four Years, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

55. Hatchet, Gary Paulsen (1988)

56. The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, Barbara Robinson (1979)

57. The Cay, Theodore Taylor (1970)

58. Kristy's Great Idea (Babysitters Club #1), Ann M. Martin (1986)

59. The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Junk Food, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1985)

60. Then Again, Maybe I Won't, Judy Blume (1973)

61. I Was So Mad, Mercer Mayer (1983)

62. Berenstain Bears Meet Santa Bear, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1984)

63. The Giver, Lois Lowry (1994)

64. The Berenstain Bears and Too Much TV, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1984)

65. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl (1988)

66. The Berenstain Bears Forget Their Manners, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1985)

67. The Berenstain Bears Learn About Strangers, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1985)

68. Julie of the Wolves, Jean Craighead George (1974)

69. The Berenstain Bears Visit the Dentist, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1981)

70. The Berenstain Bears and the Truth, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1983)

71. Gremlins, George Jipe (1984) OP

72. Stone Fox, John Gardner; illustrated by Marcia Sewall (1983)

73. I Just Forgot, Mercer Mayer (1988)

74. Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Judith Viorst, illustrated by Ray Cruz (1976)

75. How to Eat Fried Worms, Thomas Rockwell (1975)

76. The Mouse and the Motorcycle, Beverly Cleary (1980)

77. When I Get Bigger, Mercer Mayer (1983)

78. The Berenstain Bears in the Dark, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1982)

79. 500 Words to Grow On, Harry McNaught (1973)

80. Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry, Mildred Taylor (1984)

81. Merry Christmas, Amelia Bedelia, Peggy Parish; illustrated by Lynn Sweat (1987)

82. Number the Stars, Lois Lowry (1990)

83. The Trumpet of the Swan, E. B. White; illustrated by Edward Frascino (1973)

84. The Cricket in Times Square, George Selden; illustrated by Garth Williams (1970)

85. Misty of Chincoteague, Marguerite Henry (1956)

86. It's Not What You Expect, Norma Klein (1976) OP

87. Matilda, Roald Dahl; illustrated by Quentin Blake (1990)

88. The New Baby, Mercer Mayer (1983)

89. The Chocolate Touch, Patrick Catling (1984)

90. Corduroy, Don Freeman (1976)

91 The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, C.S. Lewis (1970)

92. The Berenstain Bears Go to the Doctor, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1981)

93. The Berenstain Bears Get in a Fight, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1982)

94. Sounder, William H. Armstrong (1972)

95. The Return of the Indian, Lynne Reid Banks (1987)

96. The Kitten Book, Jan Pfloog (1968)

97. Dinosaurs, Peter Zallinger (1977)

98. Wee Sing Children's Songs and Fingerplays (1977)

99. The Truck Book, Harry McNaught (1978)

100. Barney's Hats (1993)

Nuff Said

There is no possible way to improve or enhance this story. The last line is the one that got me.

Dog Chows Down On Man's Penis

March 10, 2006 12:35 p.m. EST


Ayinde O. Chase - All Headline News Staff Writer

Dueren, Germany (AHN) - A German man playing with his brother's Jack Russell is rushed to the hospital after the dog chomped on the his penis.

Daniel Dietmaier says the dog nearly bit it off after his brother's girlfriend told it to "attack" as a joke.

Following his visit to the hospital, Dietmaier is seeking substantial damages, alleging the woman did not even help him as he lay on the floor writhing in agony after beating off the dog.

Her reason for not helping- she fell to the floor laughing.

MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Don't mess with me baby.

I've been having problems with a person here at work. I have accepted their abuse with a smile (mostly) and have lulled them into a false sense of security. They think they have my neck under their feet, but anyone that knows me at all knows that I carry very large grudges. I like everyone, until they give me a reason not to.

That person has now made themselves out to be a complete idiot in front of their boss. (With my seemingly innocently assistance, of course.)

Life is good. hehe

Yes I know.

I have been slack lately. I have discovered the joys of internet tv and have been a couch potato. Yes I admit it.

I have, however, run across this article about how some people, mostly teenagers and young adults, are putting too much information online and are now being forced to face the consequences for what they've posted. I think it draws a fine line between censorship and freedom of speech, and I'm not exactly sure which side I come down on yet. Granted, having a daughter that age, I can see her assuming that anyone who really matters is not going to see her My Space page (considering that even I don't know what the address for it is, and prefer it that way). But then there are also the arguments for showing some common sense and realizing that they don't live in a box, that their page IS going to be seen, occasionally by people they aren't expecting, and that maybe they shouldn't be stupid enough to post something that could get them in trouble.

I'd be interested to know what you think about this topic.

Coming soon, to a seafood restaurant near you......

Yummy.

Important News

It has been brought to my attention that there are odd happenings going on in the world, to which I was heretofore unaware. It is, needless to say, shocking, to say the least, and I suspect due to out of control global warming. I feel it is my duty to help spread awareness.

Please Read This. It may be the most important thing you will read all week.

Daily Horoscope

If anyone can convince someone else do try something, because just deciding to go for it is more than half the battle....well, let's face it, it's you. That's going to go double now. Your quest is to use this amazing skill only on those who have used it on lesser beings themselves with little or no conscience about it, or on someone who appreciates skill and technique in this department so much that they'll actually get a kick out of it.

I was just doing this to boss #2 regarding something at work. Let's see if I will win, shall we? ;-)

Strange Days

I am fighting some oddness in my life at the moment. I think I waited too long to make plans, and now the fog of an epic depression is descending upon my head.

So, in honor of my epic depression, I am going to post occasional plans and see if they seem feasible. Next year, when my son turns 16, he and I have made a promise to go skydiving for his 16th birthday. That is on down the road though, a bit too far into the future to look forward to. Around December I'll start getting geared up (and very afraid).

My goal for this week is to get my passport. Yeah, I'll start with that.

Geek Humor

In these days of everything having warning labels, I've come across a page of scientific warning labels that might come in handy someday.

WARNING
This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.

WARNING
This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them.

CAUTION
The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.

HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE
This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per Hour.

ADVISORY
There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Know as Tunneling, This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.

READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE
According to Certain Suggested Versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting this Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.

THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT
In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.

PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW
Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe. Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.

NOTE
The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a Gluing Force About Which Little is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.

ATTENTION
Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty Space.

NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER
The Manufacturer May Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-Dimensional. However, the Consumer Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven New Dimensions Are Rolled Up into Such a Small Area That They Cannot Be Detected.

PLEASE NOTE
Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS
The Entire Physical Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently Re-emerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot Be Guaranteed.

I confess to posting only the ones that I somewhat understood. There are a few more, found here. Enjoy!

I know you have often thought.....

She'd be dangerous if she were on broadband.

Well now I am, so look out. I was on cable internet for quite a while, but the bug of frugalness struck me and I dropped it about a year ago. Since that time I have been on extremely cheap dial up (can you say $4.95 a month). It did okay for what I needed.

But now I'm on Bellsouth's Extreme DSL (yeah baby, 10 MB download in 19 seconds, that was way cool).

The only problem with it is that it is considerably more expensive than my $4.95 a month dial up.

I wonder how long I'll be able to keep it, considering my cheap ass ways (she wonders, detachedly).

The Fog of Idiots pretending to be important.

New Orleans mayor expresses "sinking feeling" about Katrina video

NEW ORLEANS (AP) - New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin says he has a "sinking feeling" after seeing video of President Bush and key administration officials being warned of the catastrophic damage Hurricane Katrina could produce.

The videotape, obtained by The Associated Press, shows Bush and top officials were warned that the storm could breach levees, put lives at risk in New Orleans' Superdome and overwhelm rescuers.

Nagin, who watched the tape on a reporters' camera, recalled that federal officials blamed a "learning curve" for their slow response. But Nagin says the officials were apparently "fully aware."

Homeland Security officials have said the "fog of war" blinded them early on to the magnitude of the disaster.

Former FEMA Director Michael Brown blames what he calls "a fog of bureaucracy."

Here we go again. Let's blame the president for the weather. Idiots. Seems to me the actual MAYOR of the actual town that sustained the actual damage would be more in a position to know whether his town's levees are going to hold or not.

But then again, this is the mayor who wants his town to be "chocolate" at the end of the day.

Typical. Just typical.

Devoted husband wary of job offer

The Tribune-Democrat PAINT —

A company that fired a 13-year employee as his wife lay dying of brain cancer said Wednesday it has offered him his job back – with back pay.

But Bernard Chippie, a sales representative for carpet-cleaning company Rug Doctor, said he isn’t sure if the offer is valid – or if he’d take it if it were.

“I don’t think the offer is one of compassion. They’re afraid of what I might do (a lawsuit),” he said .

“They said the owner of the company would call me, but he hasn’t yet,” he said Wednesday evening. “I don’t know whether I would take it or not.”

One qualm would be the fear he could lose unemployment benefits if he didn’t take the job.

And while he hasn’t had any other job offers since the story broke in Wednesday’s Tribune-Democrat, he has had plenty of media interest. He said he has received calls from Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and Dallas.

Chippie said he notified his employer Feb. 13 that he would not be able to finish his weekly route because he had just learned his wife had between two days and a week to live.

“There was never a question of where I needed to be,” Chippie said. He went to Kathleen Chippie’s bedside at a hospice that day.

Three days later – a Thursday – his boss at Rug Doctor LP demanded that Chippie be at work the next day, Chippie said. He said he couldn’t and was fired, he said.

Kathleen Chippie died that Sunday at age 56.

On Wednesday, Plano, Texas-based Rug Doctor issued a statement saying that Chippie’s firing three days before his wife’s death was “unfortunate.” The company also said there would be no break in seniority if he took his job back.

“We believed this was the appropriate thing to do and look forward to him rejoining our organization with a new beginning,” the statement said.

Previously, company spokesman Jeffrey Rawlings said Rug Doctor went out of its way to accommodate Chippie, who was off many days in the months leading up to his wife’s death. Rawlings had said Chippie used all his vacation, sick days and unpaid leave well before Feb. 13.

Chippie said he was never off more than three days straight and that he had some vacation left.

The sad thing about this is that we all know good and well that this company would not have backed down on this if the media hadn't gotten hold of the story. They know it shows them for the heartless bastards that they are. All the groveling in the world won't change what they have shown themselves to be. I don't think the guy should go back, but that is just my opinion.

Email of the Day

It's not quite St. Patty's Day yet, but just to get ye warmed up

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? why'd ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff.... Dad.... I became a
prostitute...."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad.... As ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little brother this gold Rolex and for ye daddy the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club.... (takes a breath).... An invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff.... A prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff."

"Oh! Be Jesus!.... Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said 'a Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a big hug!"

ha ha ha ha hahaaaaaaaaa he he he he

Another Online Quiz

I realize I take these things just to kill time, but they are sort of interesting. I took one that is quizzing whether or not I'm normal (shaddup)... here are the results:

Are You Normal?

Your Normalcy Quotient is: 71 out of 100.

Your quiz results make you a Quirky Character

You've found yourself mostly in the middle of the road, but you have enough quirky habits to not be entirely normal. You're probably glad to be more than ordinary, but you're normal enough to fit in. Sounds like a perfect balance.

Take this free personality test by Clicking Here>> or going to www.chatterbean.com/runormal/

Today's Horoscope

Getting close to someone is infinitely more difficult when you're smart enough to know what real intimacy involves -- and no sign knows like yours does. But even though you're quite familiar with all the highs and lows of intimate relationships, you're about to opt to take the chance again. Let's hope the lucky contestant knows what a huge compliment this is.

Yup.. that's me you see running and screaming for the hills......

Scary Story

I tend to go in cycles of being either a news junkie or an ostrich who prefers to not know. At the moment I'm in news junkie mode, but this story stunned me. I almost wish I had stayed in ostrich mode.

Oh the humanity.

I need some information.......

I was speaking to a friend tonight on IM (instant messenger), and I was laughing about stretching out some tights in the washing machine, and that they were about 20 feet long now. She responded with, "Good for bed play?"

Alright. Now that one has thrown me. I am dying of curiousity and she refuses to explain. How in the hell can extra long tights be used in bed play???

Ohhhhh k

Just+D took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Longs for tenderness and for a sensitivity of feel..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

I took this personality test that is supposedly pretty accurate. I had no idea I was this close to suicide.

(Go ahead and take it, its laugh out loud fun. lol)

Atlanta Trip Pictures v.2

The Atlanta skyline from the Botanical Center. Pretty, huh?


This was inside the greenhouse.


Another orchid (obviously).


And last but not least, another fishy picture from the aquarium.

I have a confession to make. I took NONE of these pictures. My only claim to fame was that the stingray picture was taken with my camera.

I hope I don't get sued.

OKAY OKAY I CONFESS

I suspended my CD boycot. But only for 2 minutes. While I was in Circuit City. Checking out. With my new Perfect Circle CD. But I was aching for it. I love the song Passive. Except for those 2 minutes, the boycot is still on.

Power to the People!

Today's Horoscope

Your feelings are on their way out, and chances are, you may be seen as erratic and unpredictable at the moment. Now, you're usually the very soul of devotion and commitment -- and you love your routine more than just about anyone. But now, for some darned reason, you can't seem to even force yourself to do anything the way you did it yesterday -- or for the past ten months. Or even years. Don't be scared. Maybe it's time for a change, and the universe has devised a plan to help you out.

Thank God. Everyone needs the universe to rescue them occasionally.

Self Aware

Here I am, 43 years old, and I discovered something about myself in the last few days that I never realized before. I am not satisfied with just seeing something, I have to touch it and feel the texture before I am satisfied with it. When we were at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens, my friend pointed out to me that I kept touching the flowers, something I hadn't really noticed myself doing. I mean, I knew I did it, but I didn't realize to what extent.. and then I started paying attention. I have an odd need to know if what I am looking at is fragile or tough, bendy or hard, rough or smooth. Touching is the best way to find out.

I bet its the sign of an artistic genius.

Either that or I'm still a mental toddler.

Atlanta Trip Pictures, v.1

This picture I took at the Georgia Aquarium. It is hard to tell from the picture, but that is a Whale Shark and the thing was HUGE... bigger than our car, and it was swimming what felt like 8 inches above my head. Very intimidating it was.


I didn't actually take this picture because I forgot my camera that day. My friend took the pictures but was kind enough to let me get copies of them. This was taken at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens. They had oodles of orchids (hehe that sounds cool), and anyone that knows me knows that I like orchids.


This is a frog that they had at the tank at the Botanical Gardens. The colors are really pretty. I wish I could remember what they were called. Oh well, I wasn't the brains of the outfit on this trip. ;-)

Reality Bites

After being on vacation last week and knowing that I have to go back to work tomorrow is kind of putting a damper on my normally sunny outlook on life. I have been looking forward to last week's trip for months, and seeing a close friend for the first time in years and years. Now the trip is over and I am suddenly at loose ends with nothing to look forward to.

I'd better find something to occupy my time, and fast.

Top Ten Deep Thoughts

1. Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

2. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.

3. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.

4. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

5. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up.

6. Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group and the "What-ever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group.

7. When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.

8. It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

9. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

10. Love is like a roller coaster: When it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't you can't wait to throw up.

She's baaaaaack.

I made it back from Atlanta last night around 9:00. I only took enough time to check my email and read Dave's post (which was excellent and thought provoking, btw), then I crashed. I do believe I will leave it open for Dave to come back and post whenever the mood strikes him.

I had a wonderful time in Atlanta and I wasn't entirely thrilled about the idea of coming back home to the usual grind. Oh well, we do what we gotta do don't we.

While I was there I had a look at the Georgia Aquarium, right smack in downtown Atlanta, and I, in a burst of creativity, took lots of pictures. I know you can't wait to see them. When I mentioned this to Odat, her first response was, "Oh no, not more animal pictures!" For some reason she is hiding her true enthusiasm.

We also went and saw the Georgia Botanical Gardens, which was quite nice even though full bloom season hasn't started yet. I intended to buy a new orchid for my office window, but at a cost of $40 I was talked out of it and my frugal nature won in the end.

I love Atlanta. ;-)

Wind from the North

I just went out for drinks with a boss that I never bonded with or liked. We worked together for 13 years and never really saw eye to eye. I was in the majority in the company that really disliked this guy- and thought that he was really bad for the company. Hey was a good ol' boy- part of the old guard, somehow the senior management felt that this guy was really good. I felt different, but the politics were such that you could never say a bad word against the powers that be without commiting career suicide. He holds a powerful position and people are scared to get caught talking bad about him.
We had been through a lot over the years- upswings, downturns and most recently a change of ownership of the company.
Well, the occasion of our drink was that it is his last day tomorrow, as he is leaving the company.
I thought that I would be elated, but i wasn't.
Now I miss the old days in the old company- even if there were people that I felt that I didn't like at the time.
In the past, I hated the fact that we had to make do with what we had- and had to forego the latest technology because we didn't have the money. I read what was out there and felt that we were the only antiquity around that was not keeping up. We had to seemingly work harder with familiar old technology to give our customers the excellent quality and service that they came to expect from us. We had to keep up with others that had better, and did things with surely more ease and efficiency than we did. And we did keep up. We were in the top 1% of our peer companies. We were seen as the best of the best, despite of all out secret shortcomings because the boys knew what they were doing.
Then all of our prayers were answered. We were sold to a large, rich foreign company who bought us becuase of our great reputation, and despite of our obvious need of an upgrade. Instantly, the latest technology crashed upon us like a tsunami. We had all the toys that we had ever longed for, and most companies still longed for. Along with that came the flood of new work from our confident customers who were elated that we were expanding and upgrading. Everything all at once.
Along with all of this instant growth and investment, came the huge pressure of something called ROI. Suddenly we were expected to know exactly what to do with all this new software, hardware, equipment and such. We were expected to instantly turn this into cash in the bank.
To make a long story short, we fell on our face. Sure- we should have had more time to learn and test and develop. Financial people don't think like this.
What we cursed about yesterday, we miss dearly today. Oh, to be familiar with anything again and just have the routine of the work day to be your major beef.
Suddenly we were faced with problems like technolgy that was so new that you could not hire experienced people. You could not get experienced technical assistance. You were expected to make it all work- now. You all of a sudden were pioneers in a new global economy on the leading edge of technology with tens of millions of dollars at stake.
Eventually, something had to give and it was the bosses that took the fall.
The company will go on, and we will be among the best again.. but I can't help feeling like we let our bosses down, even if we didn't like the way they treated us.

I suppose the moral of this story is that change happens and never think that you are the best at anything. If you resist change, you are only making it worse for yourself in the long run. We all have much to learn, and the world is ever changing. America is at a huge risk because of apathy and a false notion that they are and always will be the greatest. There are emerging nations that work way harder than we do for less pay. They work as hard as our ancient ancestors did- but we do not. This is fearsome.
My company is now in direct competition with these foreign companies and it will be all we can do to stay alive.
Remember: when a country lost a war, America helped rebuld it with the new technology. Now these countries make America look outdated. Wake up.

Dave B.

Possible Guest Blogger

I may possibly have recruited someone to keep the entertainment fires burning in my absence, although he informs me that he is a commitment-phobe so he wouldn't promise anything (I think he was just wanting my password).

Anyway, any post that you see between now and Saturday morning won't be me, it will be a canuck from Vancouver. You know how those Canadians can be, so there is no telling what you will learn.

Enjoy.. if he is brave enough to post anything, that is.

;-)

Figures

It had to happen eventually.

AP Associated Press
Updated: 4:39 p.m., ET Feb. 21, 2006

OKLAHOMA CITY – In a move that has taken the State of Texas by surprise, the governor of Oklahoma has declared the Oklahoma government’s intentions to raze the State of Texas in the first state-to-state eminent domain bid.

“It had to happen eventually,” explained Governor Brad Henry. “We have always considered Texas to be ‘South Oklahoma’ anyway, so why not make it official. We will raze the buildings we don’t particularly care for and have condos built in their place as vacation homes for our residents. Of course, it will create a larger tax base for the State of Oklahoma’s benefit.”

Not surprisingly, some Texans are crying foul. “I ain’t giving up my double-wide to no Okie!” Exclaimed Denton resident Duane Elroy, 42. Mr. Elroy’s sentiments were mirrored by several of his neighbors, although with “livelier” language.

When contacted by AP as to the possibilities of this bid succeeding, Texas attorney Fred Grokman conceded that under current eminent domain laws, there was really nothing stopping Oklahoma from succeeding in its quest to add Texas to its tax base.

When Governor Henry was asked if he had his eyes on any other state, he stated, "Arkansas is nice," although he declined to provide details.

Those Texans can be mean when they are riled.

Today's Horoscope

Puzzles, riddles and, above all else, intrigue are at the very top of your list when it comes to what you enjoy on a daily basis. So if anyone foolishly entertains the thought of trying to outwit you, trick you or manipulate you, even just for a moment -- well, let's just say you'll be able to straighten them out without even blinking an eye. They won't stand a chance. Even if you weren't already the shrewdest sign in the heavens to start with.

Courtesy of Yahoo.

I love it when my horoscope strokes my ego. hehe

Any Volunteers?

I will be going out of town on Wednesday and will be gone until Friday or Saturday, so, it is sad to say, I won't be posting for a few days. I know I know, you will miss me desperately and are wondering what you will do with your time without me to keep you entertained.

SO...

On that note...

If there are any volunteers to keep this blog active while I'm gone, I will happily turn over the keys. I realize that very few people read the thang, but I kind of hate to just abandon it, even if it is only for 3 days. If anyone is interested, let me know.

I am posting this with a totally straight face.

No snickering, no laughing.

Email of the Day

You have to admit, this is funny even if you are a Democrat.



If you are offended by this because you think Hillary Clinton walks on water, let me know and I'll be sure to post more Hillary jokes.

;-)

I hate when that happens.

London - The flames of a British couple's Valentine's Day passion were extinguished in more ways than one after their hastily discarded underwear caught fire on a nearby romantic candle.

Fifteen firefighters were needed to extinguish the resulting blaze at a house in Southampton, on England's south coast, after the young pair's tryst became literally red hot at about 11.45pm on Tuesday.

The couple escaped unharmed - but slightly red-faced - while another person who was in another bedroom was rescued as smoke filled the property.

"We would like to send out a message reminding people of the dangers of unattended candles," said a Hampshire Fire and Rescue Service. - Sapa-AFP

*snicker*

Boycott time.

That's it. I've had it. I am so sick and tired of these people and their constant whining about us lowly consumers causing their children to go hungry and hinting that we are stealing the clothes off of their backs.

Enough is enough dammit!

Am I the only one who is sick of seeing people like Mick Jagger and Britney Spears living as if they owned the world and all the cash in it, all the while having their record companies whine and complain about a few people downloading their songs? Well now they have decided that even if we DO purchase the CDs, we are not allowed to use it as we like, it is completely at their discretion to dictate to us what we do with something that we bought and paid for.

This is it. I REFUSE to buy another CD EVER. I don't care if it is the best song in the world, I ain't buying it. Fuck em.

Oh, and you guys in the band A Perfect Circle? You can thank your record companies. Yours was the next one I was going to buy. No more. Nu uh. I'll stick to (what is still free) radio.

WTF

I almost had a kitten given away to one of the people here at work. Until I made the mistake of mentioning that the mama kitty is Siamese. She then behaved as if I told her that the kittens were trained by terrorists and come complete with strap on bomb belts.

Huh. Weird.

Email of the Day

My kind of humor:

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome. Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's
true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at, either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the! office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA HEE HE HEEEE

OMG kill me now

That stupid Blackberry ordeal from yesterday? Its not over yet. I was just informed that the thing is not fixed after all. I spent well over an hour on the phone with tech support yesterday.

Ever feel like bawling like a 3 year old?

Wooo Hoooooooo

Its fixed its fixed.

To be continued.......

I am still on the phone with Blackberry tech support. I am now being transferred to the 6th (count em 6) technical "expert." Nobody seems to be able to fix me.

At least everyone is being nice... the last one even let me take a potty break. ;-)

ARRRGGGHHH

I had threatened to quit my job if I ever had to even LOOK at another Blackberry, but here I am again, trying to get one to work. I've been on the phone with tech support for an hour.

My ear is sore.

:(

Obscure Hero #1

Have you ever stopped and noticed something so everyday, so simple, and wondered how it came about? I do on occasion, and this time it was the... drum roll please......

Paperclip.

Yes. The lowly paperclip. Rarely given the accolades that it is due. This tiny piece of metal that we all take for granted, but imagine your life without them. How would you keep your important papers together? String? That seems archaic these days, doesn't it. So without further ado, I declare this the first of the Boondoggled Days of Obscure Heroes.

Imagine if you will, sitting at your desk. Its a boring day, your boss hasn't given you much to do so you are staring out the window and watching the clouds go by and wondering what your mother is making for dinner (remember this is the days before the internet). You are playing with a piece of wire and twisting it around and around idly, when you realize that EUREKA, you've invented the paperclip!

Okay that more than likely isn't how it went.

There are several patents on paperclips. The first was in 1867 by a dude named Samuel B. Fay. In (approximately) 1901, a Norwegian inventor by the name of John Vaaler also patented a paperclip design. Two years before that in 1899, a patent was given to a guy by the name of William Middlebrook who invented the machine that would make Gem paperclips, the paperclip design that is still the standard used to this day. So I supposed officially William Middlebrook is the actual paperclip inventor, since his machine created the paperclips that we all know and love today. A little known fact is that the Gem design of paperclip has never been patented..... hmmmmmmm (she says casually).

So now you know. William Middlebrook is the inventor of the paperclip.

Thank you William.

*Shaking Head Sadly*

The Answer.

(Mel's Diner???)

OH alright FINE

I refuse to believe I am the only geezer on the internet. I mention the answer to the question in an earlier post (not that long ago, actually), and the full quote is:

Walk right in its around the back, just a half a mile from the railroad track, you can get anything you want at ___________ _________________.

Someone (not Odat) should be able to get it from that.

An easy one (if you are a geezer like me, anyway)

What is around the back, just a half a mile from the railroad track?

Snicker

T-Shirt Hell is now weighing in on the cartoon controversy.



Muhammed Ali.. get it?

(insert juvenile snorts here)

Hectic

Busy busy day at work today. I'll post something mind bogglingly profound first chance I get.

Right now I'm sitting here watching Eight Legged Freaks (lunch break), then back to work.

I love it when its like this. hehe

Bloody Americans

NAPEAGUE, N.Y. - A boat captain who sent a message out to sea in a bottle says he received a reply from Britain — accusing him of littering.

“I kind of felt like no good deed goes unpunished,” Harvey Bennett, 55, told the East Hampton Star.

The plastic bottle was one of five that Bennett placed in the ocean off New York’s Long Island in August.

Last month, he excitedly opened a letter from England, and was stunned by the reply:

“I recently found your bottle while taking a scenic walk on the beach by Poole Harbour. While you may consider this some profound experiment on the path and speed” of “oceanic currents, I have another name for it, litter.

“You Americans don’t seem to be happy unless you are mucking about somewhere,” says the letter, signed by Henry Biggelsworth of Bournemouth, in Dorset County.

Found here.

The 12 Caricatures of the Apocalypse

Sorry. Had to do it.

An Excellent Article.

I came across an article stating exactly how I feel about the cartoon farce.

We Are All Danes Now

A little pessimistic and dramatic? Maybe. But this is the state of things. If riots can erupt over a few silly cartoons, what can happen over an opinion that is disagreed with?

huh?

What is it with Charlize Theron? She's ORANGE people! There. Someone had to say it.

Colorless Girl

Create your own superhero and unleash them on an unsuspecting world.

Colorless Girl is my own creation. She can zap the happiness in a room with a single word. She can make grown men cry for their mothers. Smarmy criminals and/or nice guys don't stand a chance with her.

Colorless Girl is sister to world famous superhero, PMS Woman, and her less famous brother, Cranky Pants.

Oh Grow Up

Have you been watching the news and seeing all the outrage about the Danish cartoons offending the Muslim religion? Have you wondered what all the flap was about? Well look no further. I, who take my blogging duty seriously, have done in depth research and spent countless minutes looking to find exactly what cartoon it was that was so freaking offensive as to spark millions of Muslim citizens around the world to throw temper tantrums (or hissy fits, whichever phrase you prefer).

The Picture.

After you look at this you should probably gouge your eyeballs out with a sharp stick in repentance.

As an added bonus, I have also found other toons. Some are, I have to admit, kind of funny. You probably should look quick before they are removed from the server since we're all being censored.

This one...

This one. Is it just me or do those girls look like they should be in a Disney movie?

This one which wasn't so funny, but as I understand Muslim beliefs, is just as offensive....

This one (which I just don't get)...

This one, which is, I must admit, rather insulting...

This one...

This one, which completely cracked me up... and

This one which I think is rather nicely done for a toon.

Okay, now you know. I have risked a jihad to show these to you.

The funniest thing about the whole episode is that if the Muslim communities hadn't gotten so upset, hadn't protested anything that moved over these cartoons, most of the world would have no clue they existed.

What I really want to know is how do we know these toons aren't about Muhammed Smith, who lives on the next block, and NOT the prophet?

Email with Attitude

Have you ever wished you could send email from an address that SAID something about the mood you were in? Well now your wish has come true.

Evil Email Addresses

I am having trouble deciding between TheBitch@IEatCatsForFun.com, or UhOh@ImSeeingATherapist.com. I know those two are rather tame considering the selection, but if I get to the point where I truly hate life and all it stands for, I can go back and get the AngryForLife one, or the ImATerrorist one.

These crack me up. If any of you decide to get one of these email addresses, let me know which one you chose.

Epic Custody Battle

The likes of which have never seen before. If you think the fight between Alex Baldwin and Kim Bassinger over their one child is ugly, you haven't seen this one. Imagine them fighting over 5 kids... which is what is happening at my house.

I haven't mentioned the kittens lately. They are growing up nicely, very respectful (so far). Mama cat (Amelia) is a very attentive mother. HOWEVER, a problem has arisen.

Jake (my dog.. half chow, half retriever, can be intimidating when he wants to be), has decided that HE should be the kitten's mother. Yes you read that correctly.

Yesterday when I got home from work, Amelia and the kittens had disappeared. I finally located them behind some furniture I have been rearranging, but lo and behold there were only 3 kittens there. Where were the other two?? In the hallway on top of a pile of laundry. Both kittens were soaking wet. What happened was that Amelia got tired of Jake sticking his big head in the box and nuzzling the kittens, so she attempted to move them. Jake stopped her from taking two of them, and he kept them for himself. They were wet because he licks em all over (I've seen him do it).

Okay.. soooo... I moved the kittens back to their box, including the two wet kittens, and Amelia followed me and attempted to get into the box with her babies. Oh no, Jake wasn't having that. He was fine with the kittens being in the box, but he snarled at Amelia when she tried to get in with them. I smacked him upside the head, told him to get a grip, and all was quiet until bedtime.

I went to bed and Amelia decided she was going to move the babies again. Okay fine whatever, just be quiet about it. Again, all was fine, until this morning when I was getting ready to leave for work. I moved the kittens back to their box so I could close the bedroom door. Jake was greeting the babies as if he hadn't seen them in ages, licking them and nuzzling them. Amelia was even okay with that, she followed me then attempted to get into the box with her babies. Jake then snarled and snapped at her, refused to let her get into the box.

Okay. My dog is a freak.

I moved the kittens back to their hidey hole myself.