Thursday, August 31, 2006

Scotland, Part III, Kelvingrove Museum - The Continuing Saga

Finally, after much blood, sweat, tears & begging on my part, I got a almost all of the (decent) pictures from Kelvingrove uploaded. There was one picture that I couldn't get to upload no matter what I tried, so I guess you guys will have to live without seeing the black armor, although it was seriously impressive.




This is the Expressions. Each face has a different expression. I left the picture full size, so if you click on it you can get a closer look.



Flowers & Butterflies. I don't know who painted it but it was absolutely gorgeous. Another thing that isn't nearly as pretty in a picture as it is in person.



Dude in a kilt. Alright I confess.. if he was in a kilt, I tried to take his picture. And to answer a question left for me in comments, what you heard is true, they do not wear anything under their kilts. ;-)



This was absolutely stunning and the detail was amazing. Click it to blow it up bigger. See if you can find the guys who are doing the hunting and see if you can see what they are hunting for.




I'm not sure if this was solid silver or not, but it looked like it. It is a trophy from a 1901 yacht race.



A painting done by Rembrandt. It is believed to be either a painting of a rich patron, or more likely a painting of Alexander the Great. Either way it was stunning.




Coming from the U.S., a relatively new country compared to most every other country, armor (or armour, if you prefer) like this is NEVER found in the U.S. unless it has been shipped in from somewhere else. I'm from Oklahoma and the things I am used to seeing in a museum are feathers and leather (but hey, they had some of that there too).




"Christ of Saint John of the Cross." This is it. The reason I braved the Glasgow underground alone. The Salvador Dali painting. It was hidden in a back corner on the upper level. I had just about decided I missed it and was going to leave, when I turned the corner to see a crowd of people standing around it. It is absolutely beautiful and worth all the effort it took to get there.




The back exit of the museum. Another very pretty view.



This concludes your tour of the Kelvingrove Museum. Thank you for visiting.



P.S.: I apologize for the blurriness of some of the pictures. I didn't have my glasses on and I didn't realize they were blurred until I got home. I can't help it if I'm blind.. ok??

Coming Up: Scotland Part IV - The Train Ride to Edinburgh

Scotland, Part II - Kelvingrove Museum

Kelvingrove Museum. The place of myths and legends. The reason I braved the Glasgow subway to make my way to pay homage to grace and beauty. That and I was made fun of for being chicken. I'll show him who's chicken dammit. (snicker)

Okay so I took the subway (after searching high and low for the underground station. I was told it was on Buchanan Street, and it was, but I, being me of course, turned the wrong way and ended up finding the station at St. Enoch instead. A longer walk, but it still got the job done. So I get on this subway thing, and sit there and try to blend in. I was absolutely aching to take pictures, but I kind of figured it was best to not look like a fucking tourist at that moment.

The subway stopped at Kelvin Hall, which was my exit. I wandered down the street looking for a place to buy a hair dryer (more on that later), and I found a Salvation Army storefront. I went in there and browsed the much used goods and bought a few books. I then left and went to the beauty supply store across the street and bought some hair items since mine blew the fuse in my room (yeah I'll tell you about that later).


This is a zoom of the building details. It is a very beautiful building and I took far too many pictures of the outside.



Alright so I'm a girl, I confess I like these dresses.




I didn't take note who the artist was on this painting, but its dark theme appealed to me.




Stained glass (duh)... very pretty.




Okay, I know these butterflies aren't exactly the type of thing you take pictures of when you visit a world famous museum, but I had to. The reason why was this: I had traversed the room these butterflies were in, and had just seen another box similar to this one, with other butterflies, and the description saying that those particular butterflies are disappearing from Scotland, something about environmental issues. So then I come upon this one saying that these butterlies were making a comeback in Scotland, probably due to global warming. Eh? Now come on, either the butterlies are disappearing due to global warming or reappearing due to global warming, I can't quite see how it can be both ways.


Okie dokie. Blogger has decided that I am not allowed to upload any more pictures for now, so this is all until I can get it to work again.

Coming Up: Scotland, Part III - Kelvingrove Museum, The Continuing Saga.....

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Scotland, Part I

Alrighty then. You clamoured for it, here it is. (Okay, only one of you politely asked, but hey, I can blow it all out of proportion if I want to.)

(Thursday Afternoon) I started off my trip by a stop in Newark with a 5 hour layover. My good friends Bikerbabe (a/k/a Pam) and Odat (a/k/a Kathy) came to the airport to keep me well entertained until time for me to take my shoes off and go back through security. We had such a good time. We'd be dangerous if we lived closer together. I am assuming that they would prefer I don't post their pictures, but if I am given their permission I will do so.



(Friday Morning) This the view from my window on the plane. It was an overnight flight, but we flew into the sunrise which I have to say is very cool.




(Friday Morning) My first view of Scotland... the pictures do not do it justice.




(Saturday Morning) Yes I know, there are a day's worth of pictures missing, but there is a very very good reason for that. Anyway, this is the view at sunrise from my hotel room window the morning after my arrival in Glasgow.




(Saturday Morning) I was convinced (with great difficulty I must say) that riding the Glasgow subway was not going to get me murdered, so I found the station and took it across town a bit so I could see Glasgow University and go to a museum I wanted to see. This is the tower at Glasgow University.




(Saturday Morning) Up the street from the Kelvingrove Museum. I wanted to go there because they had an original Salvador Dali painting. I thought this was a great view.




(Still Saturday Morning) A view of the front of the Kelvingrove Museum.




(Yep..Still Saturday Morning) One of the statues on the building.




After I left the museum, I walked on out the back door down along a very polluted brook. If I was really careful I could get some decent pictures without trash, but it was a little difficult. Glasgow is a gorgeous city, but the parts that are assumed to not be looked at much is completely neglected. Anyway, this is a closer view of the tower at Glasgow University, taken from that path.




(Same Day. Still) I took this picture along that same path. I have no idea what kind of flower this was but it was gorgeous.



That is it for Part I of my trip. I still have loads (and loads) of pictures to post, including pictures of things inside the museum.

{Part II, Coming Up..........}

Dr. Creepy!!!

It is that time again... time for (drum roll please)....... Dr. Creepy!

As some of you may (or may not) know, I am Dr. Creepy's most avid fan. I live for the days that some (loser) pour soul asks him a question. His advice column has helped me through many a tough decisions.

Show him your support. Show him how much we appreciate his selfless commitment to the downtrodden masses. Show him that changing his phone number and filing a restraining order against me was an overreaction.

She's BAAAAAAAAAAAACK....

I made my way back home last night, after being the world traveler for 6 days. I had the most AMAZING time and the stories will unfold for you as the days go by. Leave it for now at the fact that I was sad to leave and come back to reality.

That aside for now, however, we must decide what to do about Roll, who did a fantastic job of entertaining the masses in my absence. I personally think he is a very talented guy (always did think so actually), and that he should start a blog of his own. One where he isn't forbidden from certain topics. One where he isn't compelled to obey me under threat of death.. yeah, that kind of blog.

So, to that end, I have decided that we should show Roll how much we would like him to continue. Vote often!



Should Roll start his own blog?
HELL YEAH! That dude is awesome!
Nah, nobody can top D. (snicker)
Who's Roll???
Free polls from Pollhost.com




P.S.: Apologies for using the word "awesome." I'm jet lagged, okay????

Monday, August 28, 2006

Blonde Corner, Sorta

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

Yep................. .SHE'S BLONDE!

Roll

Friday, August 25, 2006

The Value of a Drink Quotes, Warnings and Comments

The Value of a Drink
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. IF I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." ~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell Happened to your bra and panties. (I've witnessed this!)

---------------------------------------------------------------
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're Going to feel all day. " ~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
---------------------------------------------------------------
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
----------------------------------------------------------------
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?I think not." ~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
----------------------------------------------------------------
"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" ~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. (kinda goes with that bra and panties thing)

----------------------------------------------------------------
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." ~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. (no offense to the retards or people with no rhythm)
---------------------------------------------------------------

"Without question, the greatest invention in the History of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the Wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." ~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. (happens right before the bra and panties come off)

-------------------------------------------------------------------
To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. (like spit is a bad thing)
--------------------------------------------------------------------

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers." (Geeeeeeeeez, I think I almost understand this logic)

Roll

Diets and such

Email of the day:

The Purina Diet

I really hate people who ask stupid questions!
I used to have a Labrador Retriever and one day I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and standing in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog...
On impulse, I told her no, that I was just starting The Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. But I had lost 50 pounds before I woke up in the intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both my arms.
I told her that it was a nearly perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete. So I was going to try it again, despite the hospital stay.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was listening closely to my story, particularly a tall man who was standing behind the woman. Horrified by the mention of a hospital, the woman asked if I had been poisoned by the dog food.
I told her no, that I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls when a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to drop dead from laughing so hard as he walked out the door!

Peace

Odat

Why??

I tried to read the blog but got a message saying that it has been deemed "offensive" and it can't be accessed. The only way I can look at it is to go to the post page.

I know good and well these scots aren't that easily offended.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

A Solution to the Illegal Immigrant Problem?

We are spending billions on illegal immigration from Mexico. We are concerned about the Mexicans coming to the USA and taking all those low paying jobs and getting benefits from our Government. We are building fences, hiring hundreds of new boarder guards and mobilizing our National Guard to keep those hard working Mexicans out of our country.

I think it would be a much more efficient use of our tax dollars to simply annex Mexico as our 51st state! The Mexicans would go for it. Advantage to us? Well they are citizens now, so no illegal immigrants. Stabilizing factor, so U.S. coporations could move their factories there for the lower wage rate and we still get the benefit. We would also control of one of the major drug smuggling avenues into the U.S. Mexico also has a good tourist industry and oil reserves. I could go on and on about the benfits.

Downside?

Well there is the lack of infrastructure, clean water, corruption, and other little details, but hey, can't be worse than rebuilding Iraq, and we don't have to go half way around the world to do it. And I think the Mexicans would actually appreciate our efforts.

Just a random thought, but ya never know, it might work!

Roll

The Blonde Corner

Ya gotta love blondes! I heard rumor that D is a blonde that went brunette! That would explain somethings. Anyway, a bit of blonde humor, I hope you enjoy

Roll
--------------------------------------------------
A blind man enters a blondes bar by mistake .
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud
Voice, " Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls deathly quiet.

In a deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, " Before you
Tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind,
That you should know five things:

One: The bartender is a blonde woman.
Two: The bouncer is a blonde woman.
Three: The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer.
Four: The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler ..
Five:?? I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black
Belt? in karate, and a very bad attitude!

Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke ?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and says:

" Nah. ..? Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Editors comment, "Wow this guy has a set!"


Roll

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ


As "D" flies over the Atlantic today.....I thought I would do a post about kilts or some Scottish jokes.....Ya know like "is that a tilt in your kilt or are you just glad to see me?" But when reading up the history of kilts and "scottish" jokes, I fell asleep! OMG was boring as watching paint dry.
So I'm not doing that. You'll just have to do without all the history of men wearing skirts and the knee slapping humor of scottish jokes. So sorry!!!!!

Peace

Odat

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

It's Official



I am off tomorrow morning for my trip to Scotland. I don't think I'll have the time to post anything, so I'm doing it now and officially turning control over to Odat and Rollamo. Be as nice to them as you are to me. ;-)

I am inserting my disclaimer one last time... Roll has a bit of a twisty sense of humor (not like my normal one at all). Whatever he says I did, don't believe it. I think Odat is going to attempt to make sure he behaves, but I'm not sure that is possible for anyone to do.

Y'all have fun, and keep my seat warm until I get home.

Cool Stuff

Markoos, who has been missing in action for a week or so, has finally made it back and commenced again to entertaining the masses (good, I missed him). He has posted his travelogue documenting his snowboarding trip. Its very entertaining, and be sure to watch the videos.

He has a really cute accent.

;-)

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

It Has Been Decreed

I have been ordered by the powers that be (f/k/a The WRS) to get travel insurance for my trip. I have never done that before, never considered it before, and for some reason it goes against my frugal nature to buy insurance for 6 days. But, he has promised to nag more tomorrow, and has even offered to pay for it if I don't want to. I guess I will humor him and get the insurance... I will also list him as beneficiary if I get blown up. That should comfort him in the event of my untimely demise. ;-)

Strange Happenings and Odd Days



I seem to be very easily creeped out these days.

Here it is, 6:00 a.m. The sun hasn't even begun to rise yet, and I was outside walking my dog. We had gotten over by the big tree out by the street, and he froze, looking out towards the middle of the street. I couldn't see anything. He woofed, just a little, and the hair on his back was standing up at attention (even more so than usual). He was looking over towards the tree that a couple of teenagers had slammed into a couple of years back. I was told by (I thought at the time) a reliable source that they died a violent unintentional death, and to not be surprised if ever I saw a ghost out there. I laughed it off, of course. But I swear my dog acted as if he was seeing something seriously bad in that area.

Even when he was doing the doo, he kept looking over his shoulder over there.

Although I admit he has creeped me out before by staring at the ceiling above my head for no apparent reason.

Maybe I need to go back and sleep for another hour.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Scary Story



Daniel Barriault is serving a time-out for a crime the 5-year-old claims he didn’t commit. Charged with possession of three Oreo cookies only a half-hour before supper and sentenced to a bare 8-by-12-inch bedroom corner for eight minutes, Barriault has had just one thing on his mind while waiting for his release. One thing and three people.


The article goes on to state:

After four failed getaway attempts into the basement, Barriault was apprehended early Monday evening by household penal authorities Mommy and Daddy, likely operating on an anonymous tip from the "queen of all snitches," Barriault’s older sister, Ashley, 7.


I think we as parents should take a story such as this one seriously. It begins with one child and spreads like wildfire. No more 8 minute time-outs. They should be extended to at least 12 minutes.


HA HA HA HAAA HA HAHA HAHAHAHAAAAAA

FROM ODAT


Well, since "D" here is getting a lil nervous, it may be time to calm her down a bit. Let me introduce myself, I'm Odat....Just D's fellow blogger, who will be guest blogging for her while she's away in a distant land.....I hope I do her justice while she's gone....I just wanted to let e'one know that I'll try to keep up with her wit and charm...and sacasm, and I intend to throw in a bit of my own humor and match wits and err, whatever with Mr. Roll.....So....I'll see y'all soon.....

Peace

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Sarcasm



In doing my early morning quick once-over of a few (okay lots) of blogs, it seems that sarcasm is the topic of the day. Most people hate it. I find it hysterically funny under the right circumstances (i.e., when it isn't directed at me). In my last relationship, the man was a fucking EXPERT at sarcasm. I don't think I have ever, or ever will again, meet anyone who took sarcasm to such heights of perfection. I still admire that as one of his better qualities.

If done in the right way, you can say the most insulting things to anyone, and they will either i) laugh right along with you, thinking that they have been complimented highly, or ii) think that you are joking, and they will still laugh right along with you. Although I understand sarcasm, and almost always pick up on it, I am not that good at it. When I insult someone they KNOW they have been insulted.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Shaky Gets Annoyed

Scorpy had mentioned Blackadder in one of his earlier posts (it was a cunning plan). I love Blackadder, so tonight, being bored, I decided to look on You Tube to see if there were any Blackadder entries. Sure enough, there were. This one has turned out to be my favorite so far, and you will see why when you play it.

Today's To Do List

1. Wake up. check

2. Put on clothes. check

3. Walk the dog. check

4. Carry out the trash. check

5. Empty paper out of new bag. check

6. Take change bucket to Krogers to use the counting machine. check - $91.00, not bad.

7. Come back home. check

8. Start laundry. check

9. Fix vacuum.

10. Wash dishes.

11. Mop kitchen floor.

12. Clean bathroom.

13. Mop bathroom floor.

14. Strip bed and wash sheets & mattress pad.

15. Start packing. check

16. Find passport. check

17. Drink lots of coffee. check

18. Kick self for that last glass of wine last night. check

19. Haul old table to dumpster.

20. Wonder why the hell I'm telling everyone on the face of the earth all of my stupid chores for the day. check

Friday, August 18, 2006

Beringer White Merlot



This is my favorite wine at the moment (it changes occasionally). I am not a Merlot fan, it is usually too... oh, I don't know.... thick maybe, for me, but White Merlot.. now that is good stuff boy. It is just girly enough that I can drink it without making the icky wine face.

I would never make it as a practicing alcoholic. I can't get past anything that tastes too alcoholy.

lol

When All Else Fails.......

I head to TShirt Hell. I can always count on that site to inspire me to great heights of classlessness.



I used to date a guy that this was his philosophy (no kidding).


This could be seriously disturbing under the right circumstances.


Oh so innocent. (snicker)


Anyone who has known me for any length of time has heard me say this. I NEED this tshirt.



One word - hysterical. My mom would disown me.



This one was my boss's favorite. HEYYY.. Christmas gift.........?

Thursday, August 17, 2006

I have a serious problem.

I am suffering from an extreme case of "non-inspiration." I can't find anything that interests me enough to write anything about anything. I know that I am in pathetic shape when all I can do is go on a rant about insurance companies.

I am starting to think that uninspiredness (is that a word??) is a disease. I'm pretty sure I could die from this.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

As You Can Tell... lol

I have invited a good pal of mine (hereinafter known as "Rollamo") to babysit the blog when I leave for Scotland next week. If I get blown up while I am there, I guess he will be the new owner. ;-)

Roll has an, oh, let's say.... unusual sense of humor. I'm interested, yet nervous, about what he will post. Don't believe ANYTHING he says about me. I swear it wasn't me!

Ask Roll

Stay tuned for a new entry, "Ask Roll". This posting will provide answers to bizarre questions no one would ever ask. But if they do, you will know the answer. More soon.


--------- original message --------------
Dear Roll,

I hope you can help me. I think I my hubby is losing interest in me. He spends way too much time reading stories at this site called literotica.com. He seems particularly interested in the "Loving Wives" and "BDSM" stories. I can't imagine what these are about or why he spends so much time reading them. Should I be worried??

Neglected in Newark
=========================================

Dear Neglected,

I think I can help you get your husband's attention back. It is obvious to me he gets off on the idea of having a wife that is a submissive slut. Now you have a couple of options here. You can see if he is really serious or tell him he's a perv a throw him out. Personally I think you should find out if he is serious. To find out, go out and buy some new clothes from your local "Hookers Are Us" something that shows a lot of cleavage and leg, sans bra or panties and don't forget the CFM pumps. On Friday, 8 September, about 7:30, put on your new outfit and tell him you are going out to the Airport Hilton bar for a few drinks. If he let's you go without too much hassle, he is serious. Once you get to the Hilton, I will be in room 301.

Hope this helps

Roll.

Hell's Kitchen

I do not watch television. I prefer the company of books and/or a good CD. I have, however, made a very large exception for Hell's Kitchen. For those of you who may not be familiar with the program, it is a reality show (which I usually despise anyway) that has a chef from the UK picking a new chef for some new enterprise or another. In the process there are loads of F Bombs being dropped, the big cheese calling the girls stupid cows (that is so hysterical), calling the guys donkeys, etc. He finally whittles it down to one winner who, this year, won a very nice job at a resort hotel as head chef.

There is backstabbing, intrigue, plotting.. and through it all the only thing that will save the person who wins is just plain old talent.

Anyway, I got hooked on the program last summer when it was on, so of course this year I was compelled to watch it again. Yes, ask Odat, I watched it every time it was on. (She told me last night that I suck because I was going to go watch the program.)

It is now over and I am back on my regime of television abstinence. Its odd how I feel as if my IQ points have risen already.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Politically Incorrect Moment

Sorry, I had to. Don't yell at me, cuz I'll just laugh at it anyway.


Sorry, your browser doesn't support the embedding of multimedia.


*Update*

I sent this song to a friend of mine and got an email back saying something to the effect of, "Oh yeah, I've been intending to rent that movie."

I have weird friends.

;-)

Monday Morning

I just heard a seagull. I know that seems like it shouldn't be a big deal, but something like that makes me realize how far away from home I truly am. It makes me wonder what the hell I am doing here and what the hell I was thinking.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Just FYI

I have completed the tale of Hamlet and how he and his entire family and almost all of his friends went to Jesus.

To make things easy and for ease of reference, because I know you will coming back often to again read the sordid tale of murder, incest and insanity, I have put links to all 5 parts -----------> over there on the sidebar.

Enjoy.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

My Christmas List

I know it is a little early, but I had finally figured out that I didn't get anything from you guys last year because I didn't start telling you what I wanted early enough, so this year I am making it easy on you and telling you now, to give you plenty of time to get the things ordered.

1. Bacon Bandages. I wanted this last year and didn't get it, so I am putting it at the number 1 spot on my list for this year.




2. Beef Bandages. As it is getting so close to Christmas, I decided to add this to the list, just in case they are sold out of their popular Bacon Bandages. I would be almost as happy with these.



3. Li'l William Shakespeare. You have seen with your own eyes how much I love Shakespeare. This would be the perfect gift, he could sit with me while I read his lovely stories. And he comes with his own mini comic book.



4. Gummy Bacon. We all know real bacon is bad for us, but we love it anyway. This way I get the best of both worlds, fat free yet tasty.



I was going to list a couple more but the powers that be at Blogger have decided I can't upload anymore pictures. I'll just add the Sweetheart Ducks and the Sweetheart Ball later.

;-)

Saturday Morning Cartoons

Friday, August 11, 2006

Guess What?

I just found out which cars are is the most expensive to insure. What is it you ask?

Mitsubishi Lancer


Guess what kind of car I drive now?

Mitsubishi Lancer


WE'RE #1!!!

New Movie

I LOVE horror movies. But I also love Wallace & Gromit, so this is perfect!

Yay!

Brian J. has posted the next installment of his Dr. Creepy series.

Dr. Creepy Rules!

Sometimes I Hate Being Right

I knew it.

My mother called me up last night demanding that I cancel my trip. The conversation went something like this:

Mom: Are you still going???

Me: Yes, of course.

Mom: But its dangerous!

Me: I'm not letting some stupid terrorist plot ruin my vacation. They aren't going to scare me like that.

Mom [who is as stubborn or even more so than me, but starting to concede my point]: Well..... it is still dangerous.

Me: So if I die Chris at work has asked for my orchids.

Mom [starting to snicker]: That's horrible (but funny)!

Me: Yeah, they told me I was going to come back and find sticky notes with names on everything in my office.

Mom [laughing]: I still wish you weren't going but I know you won't back out.

Me [triumphant in my victory]: I get my stubbornness from you mom.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Today's Horoscope



All the hardest parts of your life are over -- and the fun times are about to begin. Just like the feeling you get when you are coasting down a hill on your bicycle, you will feel free and unencumbered by the forces of life today. You are riding a wave of energy that you didn't necessarily create, but it is taking you to a very good destination. Get ready for some entertaining challenges that could transform the social world you currently live in.


I'm taking this to mean I only have 2 weeks left to live, but that I will have a lovely time on my vacation before I die.

(snicker)

Holy Shit

I hadn't been watching the news.

My brother (the pilot) phoned me this morning to tell me about the goings on over in the UK, the terrorist plot to blow up airlines destined for the United States. He casually asked me when my vacation was (the 24th), are you going through London? (No, from Newark to Glasgow.)

This is just great. My mom is already having a cow about me going to Scotland on vacation. I have reminded her that there aren't any terrorists in Scotland. She'll have something to say about that now I bet.

Nothing can ever be simple for me.. every fucking thing has to have drama. (And YES, I'm making the terrorist plot all about me, do you have a problem with that??)

I have decided that I am going on that trip no matter what. I would rather die on a plane after spending 4 lovely days in Scotland than alone, in my apartment, having died after choking on a peanut, and my dog eating my face off because there was nobody there to feed him and he was hungry.

GAWD

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Breaking News

No Leads Sought In Asshole's Murder
August 9, 2006 | Issue 42•32


BROOKLYN, NY—The New York Police Department released a statement today confirming its intention to ignore the brutal slaying of local asshole Don Hewson, 34, and to avoid pursuing leads as long as possible. "Mr. Hewson was found with multiple stab and gunshot wounds in his smug fucking face and puffed-up chest, and while we recovered a number of weapons, we are neither testing them for prints nor tracing any serial numbers," Detective Travis Calloway said. "Nor will we follow up on the explicit eye-witness descriptions of the car seen leaving the scene, the calls to Hewson's phone, or interview the scores of people who had good reason to want this guy dead. There may have been a murder here, but we're having a hard time identifying any actual crime." Calloway said anyone calling NYPD's crime hotline with information on the murder would be eligible for fines of up to $10,000.



HAHAHAH HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAA

(Wiping tears long enough to tell you that this is courtesy of The Onion.)

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Hamlet Update

For those of you waiting in breathless anticipation for the next installment of "Hamlet, the Cheap Version," I am stuck at the 'To be or not to be' speech. I've read it several times and can't quite come up with a way to shorten it or paraphrase it.

I'll keep working on it though.

And, just FYI to those of you who are telling me that I need to get a life (oddly there have been more than a couple.. go figure), anyway, here is my message to you, given only in love, don'tcha know........




;-)

Monday, August 07, 2006

Wrong Turns

I have made so many wrong turns lately. I don't know how to find my way anymore.

Monday

Yuck.

Spit.

Ptooey.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Would You?

This one is for the girls, but feel free to weigh in guys.

Okay, picture this. You are single. You have a couple of friends (married couple) who tell you about a wonderful guy they would like to introduce you to. They tell you he's handsome, tan, very fit, works out, etc., and that he's very interested in meeting you as well. Would you do it?

Of course you would, based on that description alone.

However,

Is this real??


I studied this picture closely, trying to find one part of this guy's body that I thought was okay looking. Finally, after long seconds of careful consideration, I finally conclude that one part of him that looks like it is normal, and might be used as God intended was his....








thumbs.


You people have dirty minds.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Because I Was Bored

I clicked on a link for a free Astro Chart. This is what it says about me. I don't know how much of it is true, but it sounds good. ;-)


Your Sun Sign: Scorpio

Element: Water
Mode: Fixed
Ruler: Mars and Pluto
Color: Blood Red, Garnet Red, Brown

Strengths:
Charismatic, competent, courageous, determined, honest, loyal, magnetic, passionate (hehe), profound, proud, reliable, sharp-witted (yeah baby)

Weaknesses:
Intolerant, jealous, manipulative, merciless, obsessive, passive-aggressive (no way), secretive (moi??), selective, self-destructive, speculative, vicious (I'm a pussy cat)

Scorpio, the eighth sign of the zodiac, is best characterized by passion, intensity, and emotionality. You are considered the most powerful and extreme sign of the zodiac, because you deal with the process of fundamental transformation on all levels. Pluto is your ruler, Scorpio, and is known as the planet of permanent change and transformation. It is also associated with sex, the life cycle of birth and death, and regeneration.

You are the second of the three water signs. Pluto’s influence makes you a charismatic, yet enigmatic person. While you may appear serene on the surface, you contain a magnetic intensity and powerfully hypnotic personality, belied only by a penetrating stare of deep intelligence.

Scorpio, you rule the eighth house of the chart, which is associated with other people’s money, possessions, and values, as well as wealth received through inheritance (inheritance??); it also describes how and to what extent we commit, and bond with our partner, both on a sexual and emotional level.

Yours is a fixed sign, which means that you are steadfast in adversity. Once you put your mind to something, you display self-discipline and staying power. You work stoically to achieve your goals – no matter the cost!

Rising Sign: Libra

Finesse and elegance are what best describes you. You are Libra Rising, a person of excellent taste (and I taste great too... or so I've been told *snicker*). You charm people with your sense of tact and diplomacy (that's me) in the private, social, or professional world. Your actions express beauty and grace, along with discipline, sternness, and a strong sense of integrity. Your manners are very civilized, and most (most) of the time, you display an even-tempered and composed attitude.

You are far from being a solitary person, because you enhance your individuality through cooperation with other people. Your strongest virtue is your ability to see any matter from the viewpoint of those you are dealing with (I know someone who would disagree with that). You are a great communicator, and need interaction with others that help you along in your own spiritual quest. Therefore, your relationships are not superficial - they are whole and well balanced.

Professionally speaking, you excel in any kind of partnerships and associations, because you are an excellent mediator and diplomat, who has an innate sense of justice. This naturally inspires the respect, and the trust of the people you are in contact with. Since you detest conflict, you are always able to find a common ground that satisfies all parties involved, and are likely to work out compromises to save personal relationships (unsuccessfully it appears).

Life Path Number: 11

Your Life-Path number is probably the most influential numerological aspect to be considered and represents who you are at the time of birth. It indicates specific traits and will likely be active and influential throughout your lifetime. It is the overall number that determines much of what will be important to you and how you will handle things as they come.

If your Life-Path number is ELEVEN, yours is a Master Vibration number associated with spiritual awareness. Master Vibration people tend to possess an understanding and knowledge beyond others. As an ELEVEN, you are thought of as being on a higher spiritual plane (yeah okay, I'll go along with that).

ELEVENS tend to be very interesting people with much to offer to those around them. They are intuitive, avant-garde, idealistic and cultured – extremely so. They are the visionaries. It’s common to find an ELEVEN looking for understanding of life’s mysteries. Socially, connections with others are highly developed. ELEVENS bring much to the topic of conversation and are excellent listeners.

An ELEVEN will expect much from themselves and from others. At times this can make them difficult to deal with. Actions can be impractical, as an ELEVEN is more of a dreamer than a doer. Key words/qualities associated with an ELEVEN Life-Path are spiritual, intuitive, illumination, idealistic, and dreamer.


Chinese Sign: Tiger

You have a rage to live and the teeth to sink into a plank of wood. Fortune doesn't motivate you but your desire for passionate adventure and impossible challenges does! Cyrano de Bergerac would almost dim in comparison to someone as high in color as yourself. Nothing stops you, neither eccentricity nor danger. You decide on your course of action through impulse; you listen to your heart more than to your reason. Your fearless enthusiasm motivates others.

People would follow you to the end of the earth if only to take part in the wild dreams that you imagine each day to get beyond the reality and routine of every day life. This extravagance goes hand-in-hand with a need to command: you love it when people obey you without a word (nu uh.. I hate a pushover). Caution to those who don't: they could get badly clawed.

Excessive in everything, your behavior betrays the force of your emotions: passion and anger are part of your every day life. If someone tries to put you in a cage, you become crazed and roar loud enough to dislocate your jaw! An insatiable adventurer, you build your life from the hazards and opportunities you encounter, grabbing onto the chances that are offered to you with an almost unconscious audacity. Your fault: You are unpredictable and not very good at making others feel secure.


Not that I believe in this stuff. ;-)

Found Here.

Email of the Day


One day Boudreaux is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks Boudreaux, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

Boudreaux answers, "Yes, I am." So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks Boudreaux, "Brother have you found Jesus?" Boudreaux replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus my brother?" Boudreaux again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks Boudreaux in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks Boudreaux, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?"

Boudreaux still drunk, wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

Saturday Morning Cartoons

When I was a kid I was a Saturday morning cartoon fanatic. I got up and watched cartoons until the sports came on (at which point I would go outside to play). Bugs Bunny and the gang were always my favorites and I could still sit and watch them for hours.


Bugs Bunny:




Daffy Duck:




My favorite, Marvin the Martian:




And I couldn't leave out Wile E. Coyote. I still catch myself hoping he'll get that stupid bird.




Enjoy. ;-)

Friday, August 04, 2006

I. Am. Home.

Thank the good lord its Friday (as you can probably tell from my earlier posts). I stopped at the store and got some Parrot Bay Sunset Surf crap. I have never tried it before, what the hell. It is storming outside. When I left work it was sprinkling a bit.. between work and Publix it POURED, at Publix it hadn't even rained but it was thundering.

Oh, and hey, the drawbridge is fixed. It has had one side of it closed for weeks and weeks. What is so annoying is a mile away from the bridge there is a sign, "Left Lane Closed Ahead." When we pass the sign there is plenty of room for everyone on the road to merge left, and those of us with half a brain do so. It is the other ones (herinafter known as "The Morons") that give me a horrible case of road rage. The Morons continue on their happy little way, knowing that some kindhearted soul will let them in and they won't have to have waited in the line like the rest of us suckers. WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I DID. On the days that it got like that, I floated the middle lane so nobody could get past me. I'm a bitch that way. And it made me feel better. hehe

I hate assholes.

The Friday Morning Prayer

Courtesy of Brian J. Noggle.

It made me giggle.

Its Farking Friday!!!!

Another thing I haven't done in a while is post Fark headlines (which are almost always better than the stories).

World's longest yard sale is on this weekend -- 450 miles of other people's crap, from Kentucky to Alabama

That senator that hates spending a dime on firefighters wants to spend $5 million to train insects to sniff out explosives and bite firemen in the ass

Senator Clinton says Secretary Rumsfeld should resign. Rumsfeld says that lesbo could use a good boning. Actually, we can't verify that, but he probably did

Burglar in Britain identified by his "swishing" walk, fact that he was the only gay guy in the village. Really

Amid record heat, crippling drought and water restrictions, homeowner associatations threatening grandma with a fine because her lawn is yellow

Actual headline: "Seven Indonesians Do Not Have Bird Flu." Sucks to be the other 245,452,732

Some leaker just leaked the memo about not leaking memos

Baboon to undergo testosterone replacement after losing his mojo, shiny coat and two of his girlfriends

Australia to build floating prison ship armed with machine guns. Dennis Hopper busting a nut to be the first captain

Like so many who came before, tropical storm Chris flubs his shot at the majors and returns to his former, boring life as a cloud that looks kinda like a bunny

Minor league team to host "Britney Spears Baby Safety Night" - every time the opposing teams drops the ball, fans get free wings from Hooters

NC creates state panel to examine possible wrongful convictions. Texas laughs so hard it almost falls into the gulf

Man goes to the hospital for a standard urine test, is alarmed to discover he is pregnant

Elton John thinks American bands have no fashion sense. This from a guy who used to wear a boa in concert



There are some clever people out there. ;-)

*Sitting Here Totally Offended. Yup.*

I haven't done a Tshirt Hell post in quite a while.

Please understand that I am only showing these to you so you can all be as totally offended as I am*.

















*snicker