My Grandpa

I pinched this picture of my grandfather off of one of my relative's Facebook page. (He is the one on the left, by the way.) He was so little.. a bit shorter than my mother, who is 5' tall. He talked in that strange Newfoundlander accent that is difficult to understand sometimes, but he sped it up about a thousand times so that it was nearly impossible to understand. In fact, if you have seen the movie Snatch, the Brad Pitt character always cracked me up because he sounds so much like the way my grandfather sounded. ("Do ye like dags?")

Anyway, I came across this photograph, and thought I'd post it.

Next, my very good friend Odat gave me this award. I am oddly touched by this, as much as she has gone through lately she still takes the time to make us feel as if we are the special ones. What a girl she is.

I will pass this lovely award to Jess, my very good friend and office partner, who keeps me in stitches on a daily basis. Dunno what I'd do without her... probably get more work done, if nothing else. hehe

Speaking of work, I need to get to it. After having the last 5 days off it is going to be difficult to get back into the routine.

*insert bemused expression here*

An open letter to TA Travel Centers:

Dear TA Executives:

I drive. A lot. My family lives in Oklahoma. My fiance lives in Maryland. I live in Georgia. Hence the driving. A lot. Now, when I'm driving, I tend to drink many beverages, ranging from energy drinks to Diet Coke to just plain old water, and occasionally even coffee or tea, although I don't drink the latter two that often when I travel because it forces me to have to take more than the usual amount of pee breaks.

I'm sorry if I sound as if I'm rambling, I just thought I needed to set the scene for you.

Thursday morning, oh, approximately 9:00, Florence, South Carolina. I was in an extreme need for a pee stop. I held out for a TA Travel Plaza because your facility has always been a friend to me in my time of need, whether it be water, Jones Energy Mints, etc., you always came through for me. So Thursday morning I bypassed the Pilot Travel Center. I bypassed the multitude of convenience stores, and went out of my way down a road to visit you. I finally make it to your location and pulled into the entrance. It turned out to be the wrong entrance. You have separate ways in for 18 wheelers and cars which would be okay if you had a way to get to the car parking lot and gas tanks from the truck parking lot and gas tanks. You did not. Completely cut off from each other they were. Does that sound convenient to you? Forcing someone who has been driving for hours to search for a way to get into your facility? I didn't think so, but I chalked it up to poor planning and consoled myself with the fact that the person who designed the flawed entrances was probably fired for being an idiot.

Alrighty then. Through sheer determination I found may way to your gas pumps, filled my car with gas. This activity went without incident. But remember how I planned the stop at your place of business because I really really REALLY needed to pee? The story gets horrifying from here...

After I pump the gasoline into my car I nonchalantly walked into the front doors of your facility. Now mind you, your bathroom wasn't the only thing I was looking for... in the previous hour my MP3 player had lost its battery charge and I didn't have a spare battery, so my intent was to purchase from your business one of those adapter thingies that would allow me to plug the MP3 player into the cigarette lighter. I had visions of continuing on my journey with relieved bladder and a variety of musical choices to occupy me.

Alas, it wasn't to be.

You had no adapters, which I find odd considering truckers, travelers, etc. are at your store at all hours of the night. How many of those people have had to leave disappointed because they couldn't find an adapter thingy?? Okay, I concede that it is possible that you were just sold out, and I would have continued on my merry way without much thought of it other than to stop somewhere else for an adapter had your women's bathroom been in working order.

Ahhh, NOW we are at the core reason for this post.

YOU ARE A FUCKING TRAVEL PLAZA! People who travel need to pee! You sell coffee, drinks, etc., all the ingredients to force people to have to stop at your facility for the specific purpose of using your restroom (and I'm sure you are aware that 87.4% of travelers feel obligated to buy a little something from places who
graciously allow us to use their restrooms - true story, scientific fact*), yet your women's bathroom was out of order. The sign on the door said, "Closed For Cleaning." When I saw the sign a touch of panic began to set in. Breathe, breathe... its okay, its a cleaning, how long does that take. So I hung around your store for about 10 or 15 minutes, shopping, looking again for the adapter thingy (which you still didn't have), looking at your DVDs, glancing through your audio book selection, walking back to the restroom.. nope,the sign is still up... looking at your impressive cell phone accessory choices, looking at those weird looking rolled up things that are in your snack area - do people really eat those things??

Anyway, after waiting a reasonable time I once again headed back to the restroom area. The sign was still up, and by that time I was in pain. Finally a sour, bitter looking women came out, unhooked the sign from the wall so she could come out of there, and NOOOOO!!! She turned around and hooked the sign back up. It was dawning on me that they were not going to let me pee. I asked through gritted teeth (but fairly politely, under the circumstances) was the bathroom going to open anytime soon? The bitter, hateful old wench had the nerve to turn and look at me standing there in my agony, and said, "No," and turned and walked away without a backward glance. No sympathy, no suggestions, just a FUCK YOU NO YOU AIN'T USING THIS BATHROOM EVER MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA message to her tone.

I then felt obligated to buy something since I had hung out in your store so long.

Pilot Travel Centers are my new favorite pit stop.

Sincerely,
Deb from Boondoggled








*These statistics may or may not be totally made up.

Happy Valentine's Day?

I have to use the cupid pic for the sake of tradition, but this year, for the first time in ohhhh, about a hundred years, Valentine's Day is something I am looking forward to.

Have a good one. I'm off to Annapolis.

Keep my seat warm. :-)

My New Motto

I Have a Bad Pixel

I have a bad pixel on my work computer monitor. It GLARES at me everytime I try to look at anything interesting (like Jess's blog, obviously). Click on the picture to get the full size view.

I demand a new computer.

P.S.: Let's all pretend not to notice that Jess has NO COMMENTS to her last post.

That is all.

Mitt Romney Drops from the Election Race

My dog is one smart dog. (See post below.)

God Almighty

We had a staff meeeting yesterday at work. You would not BUH LEEVE the level of idiocy on the part of one of the participants. Any of you who have hung around for any amount of time might remember the Potty Monitor from here and from here. She made the meeting very interesting, which was a source of endless entertainment for the rest of us who were in attendance. Emails were flying around after the meeting. I could hear occasional guffaws of laughter and I knew that another email has hit someone's screen. It was GREAT.

I can't wait to see how the day develops.

I'm Having Computer Issues

It is driving me insane. My laptop has CPU usage spikes, up to 100%, for no apparent reason, and it does it every few seconds, often enough to keep me from being able to do anything interesting on it. Last night I watched the processes tab and the performance tab on my task manager,and whenever the performance spiked to 100% I ended the process with the highest number. I had nearly everything shut down, but was still getting the spikes.

Does anyone anywhere know anything about what is going on with my crappy laptop? I'm being tempted to throw it across the room.

HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

I need add nothing more.

My Dog Hates Mitt Romney

Its true. I had him outdoors the other day so he could do his doggie business, and there were two Mitt Romney political signs out by the road. He caught sight of those signs and froze - then started barking like a sonofabitch (get it? son of a bitch? hahahahahahaaaaaaa). Anyway... I tried to distract him, tried yanking his leash to focus his attention on something else, but no, he was pulling on the leash and going insane towards those two signs. I suspect that if Mitt Romney was standing in front of him then he would have gotten a nasty bite.

It was a very strange way for him to behave and I am almost convinced that it was a sign from above.

A New One

I am adding a new blog link. I'm not adding it because I particularly enjoy the blog, I'm adding it because everyone who had ever held a job for any length of time will recognize this person. Go read it and be prepared.

I Am The Only One Who Does Any Work Around Here

Okay. Its funny too.

12 Signs of Substance Abuse

Someone in the office has posted the above magnets all over our office building. It is titled (since I cut it off in the scan), "Twelve Signs to Look for in a Person With Possible Substance Abuse Issues." What is really funny about it is that everytime someone in the office sees it, they come in and ask, "Is that directed at me??" I, personally, rarely even drink other than the occasional glass or two of wine, but still everything on that list applies to me.

I'm thinking someone at work is trying to send everyone a message.

In fact, former Boss #2 came into Jess and my office this morning, slapped that list down in front of us, and declared that he's staging an intervention.

What a funny guy because we knew he was joking.

The list goes as follows:

1. Inconsistent quality of work;
2. Reduced work pace;
3. Difficulty focusing on tasks;
4. Increasing mistakes or errors in judgment;
5. Sudden inability to fulfill complex assignments;
6. Coming to work inappropriatedly dressed or not well groomed;
7. Unhealthy appearance;
8. Extended weekends or excessive absenteeism;
9. Consistently arriving late or leaving early;
10. Overall reduction in productivity;
11. Increase in arguments with other employees;
12. Accident prone.

Now tell me that this doesn't apply to everyone on the face of the earth.

Lamb

I just finished reading Lamb, The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore. I was raised and spent most of my adult life being a devout Christian (I got better), so I was expecting to be totally offended by this book. I expected it to be a book of making fun of the life of Jesus, etc. What I got was a hysterically funny look at Jesus' years 13-33, what he was doing during the years that aren't mentioned in the Bible. Of course it is entirely fictional, but it was done with such grace and humor it is not hard to imagine that is how it really happened. The book never deviates from the way the Bible teaches that Jesus was, it just adds aspects to the story that will make you laugh.

Jesus (who goes by the Hebrew version of the name, Joshua) can't have sex, so it one part of the book he is having his best friend Biff have sex so Biff can describe to Josh what it is like. Biff also has a lifelong crush on Mary, Josh's mother.

Josh and Biff became friends when they were very small, when Biff watched Josh's brother killing lizards and Josh bringing the lizards back from the dead, only to have his brothers kill them again.

It is all funny as hell. There are many things said in the book that I have found myself using in normal conversation. My ex-husband is besought with demons..... HEY LOOK! A seagull!

If you get the chance to read the book, do. You'll love it.

Blessed are the meek, for to them shall we say "attaboy."

We Crack Me Up

Conversation with Jess, (who, by the way, has the most hysterical post for today), after walking into MY office and seeing that she had put a box of something in my chair...

Me: "WTF??" (only not said all the way - like this: dubya tee eff??)

Her: Explaining why the stuff was in my chair, then making fun of me for something completely unrelated and nonsensical.

Me: "STFU." (ess tee eff yew)

Her: "LOL." (el oh el)





*If you need a translation, let me know ASAP, ROFL.*

Seeing Red

Oh. My. Gawd.

I colored my hair red. I thought it was going to be a nice, subdued auburn, but no, it is RED. At work yesterday I had one person tell me, "Don't worry honey, it'll tone down after you wash it a few times." Anoter person said, "What color did you pick, FIRETRUCK??"

I had almost decided to re-do it to tone the color down a little, but my rebellious streak is surfacing. I think I'll keep this color.

My inner redhead is emerging.

A Great Way to Start the Day

Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows I have a weird love for Tshirt Hell. Yes I know its an illogical love and it will never lead me anywhere. Yes I know that it is a love that will only leave me hurt (or possibly beat up), but there it is. Besides, I haven't posted anything from there is so long that to the new folks who stumble across this blog, it will all look like a new and original post. Nifty eh? hehe

MWA HAHAHAAAA



But they do punch when they are unpleasantly surprised. (snicker)



Reminds me of a very very politically incorrect joke. I will save that for another shocking day at another shocking time.



Oh. My. God. I laughed at this one. COMA SUTRA... HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA



There. I said it.

My current motto.



We've all had these moments...



I think this one should belong to Jess



Nothing I say could possibly add to this.

Here endeth the newest installment of the delights of Tshirt Hell. I really gotta get me one of these.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted. The troopers looked at each other.

One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we
found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 15 twenty-five pound King crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her." Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

Its in the early planning stages......... but........

We're going to Ireland! I can't wait. The problem is that I just don't know much about Ireland. Where is the best place for touristy types (such as us) to go to? Best places to stay, what to see, etc.

Those of you who have been there (or are from there), suggestions would be appreciated.

Maybe we should do the pub crawl. :-)

Movie Time!

I watched two (count em two) movies this past weekend. My professional critique on both of these movies are as follows:

1. Mad Money

I really had no intention of seeing this movie, but I was pleasantly surprised. It starts out with an upper middle class couple (Diane Keaton & Ted Dansen). He had lost his job and they found themselves deep enough in debt that they were going to lose their home. She decided she wasn't going to let that happen and went on a quest to find a job. The job she found was as a janitor at the bank that shreds old money (Federal Reserve Bank? I don't remember...) Anyway, after she is there for a while and the lure of all of that money starts getting to her, she hatches a plot to relieve them of just enough of that money that is destined for shreddom to get her and her husband out of debt. She convinces two other women who work there (Queen Latifah and I don't know who the other person was) to participate in the plot.

The movie was entertaining, not especially deep and meaningful. Diane Keaton is not especially convincing as a janitor. Queen Latifah is adoreable, I enjoy her in everything I've seen her in.

I won't give away the ending, but I will say that the movie is good for light entertainment.

Score: B+

2. Cloverfield

I had read reviews about this movie and had seen trailers for it which made me want to see it.

I was absolutely enthralled all the way through it. I was a little concerned (after Blair Witch) that the hand held movie camera angle of it would make me want to hurl, but I had no problem (thank god).

The movie starts out as a home movie of a guy who seemed to be absolutely in love with a girl. It then jumps to weeks later at this guy's going away party (he was moving to Japan for a job). The movie begins to get a little soap opera-ish, but then BOOM.. earthquake.. or something. Screams and panic ensue. The earthquake turns out to be a giant bug monster invading Manhatten. The home movie shots of the bug monster are mostly blurry and unclear (until the end), but the panic that the characters go through is very apparent.

Basically the entire movie was a home movie of a New York City monster invasion. It was GREAT. I was glued to the action the entire time.

Final Score: A

Go see this one.

Now..... back to the real world. Work calls.

Later.

Yuck

When JC and I were visiting the fam over Christmas, we stayed in a Travelodge. Overpriced and shabby. Not unlike the last Travelodge I stayed at in Atlanta. Now THAT was an experience. The Travelodge in Atlanta was apparently in a bad enough area that they felt the need to put the rooms behind a security gate.

I had gone to Atlanta to see the WRS, who was visiting from one of those weird European countries. When we were checking into the hotel, the hotel manager was from India or Pakistan (I can never tell), and had a fairly thick accent, but I had no problem understanding him. The WRS, who has a fairly thick Scottish accent, was trying to talk to the guy, and they just could not understand each other. The manager would say something to the WRS, who would then look at me for translation. The WRS would answer, and the manager would look at me for translation. It was actually pretty comical.

THEN...

After we got to our respective rooms (they had a door in between the two rooms), after we made it through the security gate and was confirmed "guests" by the very large, very mean looking security guard who stands at the gate, we got settled into our really horrible rooms. It was okay though because we really weren't there all that much. That night I was asleep in one room, he was watching TV in the other room (the adjoining door was open though). I was woken up by screeches right outside our rooms. I seriously thought someone was being murdered. I got up, wandered into the WRS's room, who had heard the screaming and yelling as well. We listened for a minute, trying to ascertain if we should hide under the beds or something, when the reason for the screaming became apparent. The resident prostitute, Celine, had apparently had a customer who refused to pay. She was not a happy hooker. After the WRS and I got over our fits of giggles, we continued to listen to them come to some sort of understanding. The laughing started again when we heard the guy tell her he will pay if she would do a particular act for him and his friend.

All went quiet after that.

Except for the continued laughing and the WRS occasionally saying CELIIIIIIIINE. That has become a longrunning joke since then.

Moral of the story: Travelodge Hotels suck donkey dicks.

The End.

hehe

Background

As you may or may not have noticed, I have a new background set here. The picture was taken by the bestest friend, the World Reknowned Scientist (a/k/a WRS), on his recent trip to Australia. He sent me pictures, I loved them, and have emailed him to ask his permission to use the picture on my blog. (With full and/or anonymous credit, whichever is his preference.

I will take his silence as his implied consent until I hear otherwise.

hehe

**UPDATE**

He has given me his permission to use his photographs, but has specifically asked that I credit him as the Internationally Reknowned Scientist. I told him that would make him the IRS, which isn't very popular over here, so World Reknowned Scientist would be better. (snicker)

I Am Constantly Amazed

After the sudden passing of my very good friend Odat's husband, I have watched her site with amazement at the outpouring being offered to comfort her. I find myself on many occasions somewhat disillusioned by the way we as humans treat each other. Sometimes we go out of the way to frustrate others just for the sake of having something to do at the time. I will confess that I have taken my turn at being misanthropic as well. What really causes the hitch in my giddyup is when something such as this happens, and so many people from so many places, take a moment of their time to offer comfort to a person they only know from blogging.

I was reading through the comment section on her blog and happened across one that touched me in a big way. With my apologies to Odat for purloining her comment, and to the author of the comment, I only say that I had to, it was one of those beautiful things that made me stop and just listen to my own space for a few minutes.

Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the shining stars to you.
Deep peace of the infinite peace to you.
Sometimes Saintly Nick

Go outdoors and smile at a stranger today. Maybe tomorrow as well.

My Very Close Friend

She lost her husband last night. I wish I knew what to say to make it easier for her, but nothing I can say will take away the grief and loss. But I do I love this friend dearly.. and want her to know this.

Most of you know her too, but I will refrain from assigning a name for now. Her grief is too fresh. She is a strong lady though, and will make it through this, as she has so much in the past.

The thought that keeps running through my head is what would I do if it were JC. I can't bear the thought, much less the reality.

When you read this my friend, I love you and am here for you. HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGS

Midget Strippers

There is a strip club just across the border from Savannah. I have been told (by the famous Jess and one of her other partners in crime) that there will be midget strippers at that particular strip club. I told you in a previous post about my first ever trip to a strip club. I was traumatized. But midget strippers???

I am so THERE!

You know you guys are jealous.

Have You Ever..........

Woke up one day and realized that this is a turning point in your life, and whatever choice of direction you choose, you realize that it will be a completely different path than your life has been on so far?

Yeah. Me either.

Okay, that wasn't quite true... that seems to be where I am right now. I have a choice from three different directions, each take me to three very different places.

So which way am I going to go? Oh I dunno... forward maybe?

A Change of Plans

I know I know, I have been totally slacking in the blog department as of late. I still love you guys, I really do. I have had some issues to deal with and haven't been in much of a social mood to be honest.

There has been a change of plans, I am not going to move to Annapolis right now. There are some unresolved issues that have to taken care of first, so although the move is still on, it has been postponed until at least summer, possibly longer. You will know when I know.

Thank God Acid Brother was kind enough to allow me to keep my job. What a cool guy.

So for now, I am still a Savannah resident. I really am beginning to hate this place.

Home Again Home Again Jiggity Jig

We are just about to hit the road to head back to the east coast (if I can get JC's ass out of bed, that is). Christmas was nice, if not a little odd. My mom wasn't feeling well, my brother was a no show, my son was going around as if he was John Lennon incarnate, my ex husband was a runner (which was okay, it stopped me having to deal with his antics).

JC got me a nifty new video camera, which I will make good use of to post videos on my blog... once I figure out how to get the video off the camera and onto my computer.

On Christmas night JC & I and my daughter and her baby daddy all went to the casino. I lost more money than I can afford. Actually, I was doing okay, I was up by $60 at one point, so I cashed it in and split the money with my daughter, and we both promptly lost every dime. A little later I was up $80, and yep, you guessed it... GONE, along with every other dime I had. I had a good time, but I am very very glad that I don't have a casino anywhere near me.

Then yesterday it fucking snowed! Not just a light dusting, it dumped it hard. I was beginning to think we were going to have to stay a day longer, but by 5:00 it was mostly gone. I had forgotten Oklahoma's weird weather.. kind of entertaining though, just the same.

Anyway, it is after 7:00 a.m., so I need to be getting dressed and hitting the road. An 18 hour drive is nothing to sneeze at.

achoo

Later.

Forrest City, Arkansas

So far I have spent the majority of this holiday week in a car. JC arrived Friday evening, Saturday we drove to south Georgia and the beyond reaches to visit his family (who are quite nice, although I couldn't tell if they liked me or not). Sunday morning we got up and got into the car and took off for the lonnnnng lonnnng trek to Oklahoma to visit my family. After 12 hours driving we had only gotten as far as Forrest City, Arkansas.

Tired.

But three words describe this place:

King. Size. Bed.

ahhhhhhhhhhhh

I'm ready to hit the road again. :-)

AhHaHaHaHaaaaaaa

You Betcha Buddy - Don't Be Messing With Me Dammit

20

Found Here

A Partridge in a Pear Tree

This is so cool!

Bitch & Moan Time

I have approximately 4 more Saturdays in this apartment. Two of those Saturdays will be spent with JC over the holidays. Over the next few weeks I will be entirely too busy, entirely too stressed and entirely too uncreative to blog much. I hope the two of you who read this will find it in your hearts to forgive me.. but I will be back to post when I can, it just won't be very often until after I get settled in my new abode.

On top of everything else I believe I'm getting sick again. yay

I had a telephone interview scheduled for Thursday evening. The problem was that I was feeling very very green Thursday at work, green enough that the Boss Dude took one look at me and sent me home. Once I got home I crawled into bed and fell asleep, and yep... slept right through telephone interview time. GAWD

I woke up at 3:00 a.m., realized what I had done and sent an email to the person. They seemed to be understanding and let me reschedule the interview for Sunday (thank god).

So.. to recap here... I have to pack up 9 years worth of JUNK into boxes in the next few weeks. I have to find a job in Annapolis. I have to drive to Oklahoma to visit the fam and introduce them to my new squeeze over Christmas. I have to figure out what to do with my (very small) 401k. I have to decide the best way to keep Jake from freaking out amongst all the his new brothers and sisters (2 cats and a dog).. and in the middle of all of that I have to remember why I'm doing it.

:-)

I shall return.

OMG!

I just had the most bizarre dream EVER. I dreamt that my ex husband, ex boyfriend, and ex fling were all hanging out together. I wasn't there but I could somehow hear what they were talking about. None of them had that much to say about me.. good or bad... but they were all very enthusiastic about their new wenches.

I know this says something psychological about me. I'm just not sure what it is.

LOL

For All Your Armor Needs

I have been having internet connection issues. I tried for over an hour to do this post yesterday and just couldn't get it finished for all the disconnections. Everything seems to be back in working order for the moment though, so I shall strive to finish what I started.

I am sure that like myself, you too have wondered many times where we can acquire our fashionable, yet understated and tasteful body armor and accessories for everyday needs, not only for you but for all members of your family. It is a problem, to be sure.

Fear not... I have done the research for you!

Armpit armor for those days that you have forgotten your deoderant. The picture on the top is what these handy dandy little accessories look like whilst unattached, the one on the bottom shows them fully equipped. Never again will the public be required to suffer through your distinct lack of personal hygiene. God help anyone around when you take these off though.





Anatomically correct boob armor. I can see why a girl might want the nipple-less boob armor, but the way I see it, if you use the ones with the nipples, it would distract any man who you might be trying to conquer. Perhaps just enough to make the fight easier. We girls must use whatever resources we have at hand.




Bug armor, available in a variety of colors. If you ever find yourself facing a fight and feel in the mood to look like a roly poly*, this is the armor for you.




Your dog wants to look like a roly poly too.




Finally, if the squirrels in your yard tend to suffer, shall was say unintended - death and destruction - then this is what you need. Never again will your squirrels lose acorn and pecan wars with the neighbor's squirrels. Your squirrels will dominate the neighborhood, and possibly soon the world.

There you have it. I knew I had to pass on this useful information to you. If you are interested, all of the above (and more) can be found at Pitbull Armory.

*

More Cats

I had to post this, it made me giggle.

*Snicker*

Borrowed from here.

My Life Courses

I've been tagged (again) by the lovely Odat and challenged to list five courses that I wish I could take to "improve" my life. (She said "fix" my life, but I rather enjoy my life these days.)

The rules are as follows:
Devise a list of 5-10 courses you would take to fix your life. (If only it were that simple!)

It's more fun to be in classes with friends, so include one class from the person who tagged you that you'd also like to take. Tag five other people.

Ok, here's mine:

1) HOW TO KEEP MY HOUSE SPOTLESS:

I seem to thrive on organized chaos. My desk at work is a mess, but I know where everything is. If my boss needs something I can always put my hands right on it. My house is becoming the same way. I can envision myself when I'm old(er), having piles of junk everywhere but knowing what every pile was for. I'm beginning to wish I were a neat freak... which leads me to the next class.

<----------------------------->

2) HOW TO OVERCOME A BAD CASE OF THE "I DON'T WANNAS"

A requirement course to be taken before all other courses are attempted.

<----------------------------->

3) HOW TO SKIP OVER BAD RELATIONSHIPS

I am engaged to the coolest dude ever, but in some ways I wish I could have skipped over the last couple of guys I was involved with. Maybe this falls under the heading of "Ya gotta kiss a lot of frogs to get to Prince Charming."

<----------------------------->

4) HOW TO PACK UP 9 YEARS ACCUMULATION OF JUNK IN ONE EASY STEP

I sit here and look around at all the stuff I have accumulated in the last 9 years and think I need to get rid of about half of it, but then I think, "BUT I NEEEEED IT." I can't move all of this, but can't seem to make myself get rid of what needs to go. I seem to be a bit of a pack rat.

<----------------------------->

5) BE NOT AFRAID OF THE MOTORCYCLES

The Handsome JC is a motorcycle fanatic and is shopping around for his newest acquisition, the Harley Davidson Rocker C. He has informed me that I will be riding with him. This also refers back to Course #2 on overcoming the I Don't Wannas, which is a prerequisite for all other courses.

<----------------------------->

6) HOW TO CREATE GREEN VEGETABLES THAT TASTE LIKE CHOCOLATE

This one was created by Odat, and I think I'd like to be in on this class. She said, "In spite of the fact that I try really hard to eat right, when all is said and done, I'm a real junk food addict! It's not that I don't like vegetables, I do! But they're just not something I sit and crave when I'm thinking about what to eat!"

<----------------------------->

There you have it, I do believe the above courses would greatly enhance my quality of life.

Now to tag the next five people (according to Odat's instructions).

1. Nina over at Flibbertigibbit.

2. Jess at This Life is Mine.

3. Hearts In San Francisco over at Guilty with an Explanation.

4. Tallyho (I love that name) over at A Day in the Life of....

5. Steve over at Steve's Blog.

There you have it. I can't wait to read their responses.

;-)

Silver Bells

To start the Christmas season off right, I have listed my favorite Christmas carols:



CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED
* 1. Schizophrenia -- Do You Hear What I Hear?

* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

* 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

* 4. Narcissistic --- Hark! The Herald Angels Sing About Me

* 5. Manic -- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees
and.....

* 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

* 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, JingleBells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ...

*Insert Juvenile Snickering Here*

I was over visiting Nina this morning and got the giggles at her post. It reminded me of the time that I had to type a letter and the client's last name was Horn. That name was mentioned many times throughout the letter, but when I got it back it had been circled all the way through. Seems that every time I typed the name I had changed it to "Horny." OMIGOD if that wasn't a Freudian slip nothing was.

Thank God I have a boss with a cool sense of humor.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA

Hockey!

I went to Washington D.C. (is there a comma in there?) for the first time when I was up visiting JC this past weekend. We went Friday night to the Washington Wizards game - the Wizards lost (boo hiss). Saturday night we went back for a Washington Capitals game. I love hockey and I had the best time, but it was COLD in there. JC finally got tired of me shivering like a lost puppy and went and got me a cup of coffee. (He's so good to me. hehe)

I brought a Washington Capitals ball cap back to give to the Boss Dude (a/k/a Acid Brother). He accepted it graciously with only a small sneer on his face. He is a football fanatic and hockey doesn't really float his boat. Alrighty then.. next time he'll get a souvenir from a soccer game. That'll teach him.

The Tuesdays

I'm home now. It was a long drive from Annapolis back to Savannah, but I made it. The traffic SUCCCCKKKKED. The last 100 miles was stop and go traffic, which was weird because it was the middle of Podunk, South Carolina. There is NOTHING THERE! I could see no reason for the traffic to be that way, but nobody would listen to me yelling (typical).

Anyway, back to normal for now. I have about six more weeks in Savannah, and then I am on to new adventures. When I arrived at JC's house he had a surprise waiting for me, a brand spanking new cell phone. My cell phone philosophy is legend amongst my friends... I refuse to sign a 2 year contract, which they all take to be indicative of my fear of commitment. I have been using a Virgin Mobile prepay phone for the last 3 years or so, and it has worked out swimmingly.. until I met the handsome JC and I could not keep enough minutes on my phone for it to be much use. He gave up and added me to his family plan and bought me a nifty new phone. When I got to work yesterday I showed the new phone to former boss #2, and said that other girls get diamonds, I get cool electronics. He knows me well enough to smirk at that and said that he knows I love it. He's right. Who needs diamonds when there are so many nice tech toys to be had. hehe Now all I need to do is figure out how to get the pictures off the phone and onto my computer. Once I've got that down watch out... you guys (all two of you) will be bombarded with blog posts filled with cell phone pics.

My New Phone

Jess (the office usurper), has posted about some kick ass facial hair. She was showing it to me yesterday and I told her that HAD to be blogged. Go have a look, you will be shocked and amazed. I was, but I was more shocked and amazed about what her girlfriend did than the 'staches.

Brian J. had written a book review on one of the old Star Trek novels. He writes book reports quite often, which I find entertaining, but this time the author read the review and responded in the comments, which I thought extremely cool. He handled it very well. If something like that happened to me I would have just been shocked to find out that someone was reading this blog.

Happy Thanksgiving

I am currently in Annapolis, it is the middle of the night and I am up blogging because I crawled in bed out of sheer exhaustion at about 9:00. Bad move... now I'm awake, it is too early to start cooking for the Thanksgiving dinner and my tummy is growling, but I don't want to make any noise and wake anyone up. This having to be considerate for other people in the household is going to be an adjustment.

Yesterday when I was stuck in a traffic jam in Richmond, Virginia whilst on my long drive here, I called the divine Ms. Odat to wish her a Happy Thanksgiving. The poor thing was stuck in line at the motor vehicles department. We then talked until she got home and was forced to hang up because she had to find an "implement" to remove an old expired car tag. Implement? I had visions of her trying to remove the tag with implements of destruction. No no no, that can't be right. Or a butter knife. Did she remove the tag with a butter knife? I think we are in need of clarification.

Okay. It is an ungodly hour at the moment and I am getting sleepy again. Time to see if I can make my way back to the bed without waking anyone up.

Goodnight, and enjoy your holiday. :-)

An Arse?

I hadn't spoken to the WRS* in weeks. I had sent emails to which he didn't bother to respond, so me, being me, sent him an email and asked what the fuck was up and if being friends with me now was no longer feasible, etc. His response was:

"Don't be an arse."

An arse? Is that what I'm being for asking that my BFF respond to emails? Is that a male thing? Is it the way men think.. if your best friend wants to know why communication has been at a bare minimum, do you guys think that they are being arses?

Just curious.


*World Reknowned Scientist

Holiday Happenings

I'm going to be running like a mofo until tomorrow. Today I have to pack for my trip to Annapolis for Thanksgiving (I'm leaving tomorrow morning around 4:00 a.m., yuck), but before I can pack I have to do my laundry. But before I can do my laundry I have to fold up the last bit of laundry that I managed to complete, but left in the dryer.

Today Jake, my poor misunderstood puppy, has to go to a boarding kennel for the first time. As of right now he is blissfully unaware of his fate, but it is stressing me out like you wouldn't believe. Can you say G U I L T?? I know its a boarding kennel, and I've been trying to convince myself it is like a doggy spa.. he'll come out of there all clean and all his shots will be current and his hair will be silky, shiny and manageable, but he has never stayed away from his home without me before. They even discourage bringing a toy with him because it gets lost amongst all the other dogs. OMIGOD what if he's bullied by the other dogs?? At least they are allowing me to bring his favorite food (Gravy Train, the beast is a Gravy Train addict), but what if the other dogs eat his food too? He'll be alone and scared and wet from the bath that these strangers are going to give him, and he'll have to eat weird stranger food. *Pangs of guilt waving over me* Usually when I go out of town I ask Jess the Blog Slacker to come over and walk him and stuff, but she will be out of town as well. Oh well. Hopefully Jake and I will survive the trauma.

In the meantime.. time to hit the floor running.

This Cracks Me Up

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA

The Oven

Jake, my big ferocious dog who lunges and threatens to bite neighbor's faces off, is scared of my oven. I know I have mentioned this before, but there has been an "incident."

Wednesday evening I was cooking a roast in the oven. It was fairly uneventful (and smelled yummy), until I went to check on it and noticed that the heating element at the bottom of the oven was sparking. I don't think it is supposed to do that.

I close the door on the off chance that it was the oxygen disorienting it.

Slowly opening the oven door again - yup - sparks coming off the heating element.

I'm fairly sure it isn't supposed to be doing that.

Meanwhile, I had noticed before this incident occurred that Jake was practically glued to my side, which is unusual when the oven is on. He's usually hiding in the closet.

While I was observing oven sparkage, I was hearing squeaks coming from behind me. When I turned around, Jake was standing and peeking around the corner, and squeaking. My vicious guard dog was squeaking. Oh great. Now all of his oven fears have been confirmed for him.

But thank god the roast was saved.

The Blogging Adventure

Yup. Blogging can be adventurous. Yesterday I hit the "Next Blog" button and was directed to a blog that had a trojan and a virus imbedded. It shut down immediately upon delivery, so I can't even report it without going through my history and going to the same blog page and getting the same virus and trojan on my computer again. Some people's kids, I swear.

I have spent this morning reading WW1: Experiences of an English Soldier. It is very interesting. The grandson of Harry Lamin, the English soldier during World War 1, is posting his letters to his family on corresponding dates. Unfortunately because of this I have so far been unable to learn the fate of Harry Lamin, so now I am anxious to find out what happened. I was particularly interested in his mentions in his letters about the Scottish soldiers and about how he couldn't really understand their accent. ;-)

Next, my good friend (online and offline) Odat was recently given friendship awards which she passed on to me.



I had posted the story of how I met Odat before, but that story may have been exaggerated. The real story isn't quite so interesting, but our friendship has endured over the past years and I expect for a long time to come. We're already making plans with the Bikerbabe to meet up for shopping and/or dinner when I move closer to them in January. It will be an interesting adventure. And an effort to stay out of trouble. hehe

Anyway, thank you Odat. Love ya chicklet!

I will pass the awards on to the famous Dustbury (a/k/a Charles Hill), with whom I had the pleasure of sharing an evening of rainy weather and mexican food. I enjoy his blog very much, although it does tend to make me homesick for Oklahoma City on occasion.

We need to hang on to our good friends, no matter how far away they are.

Dinner Time!

I thought you guys might find this post useful, in case you are ever in the mood for something a little different to have for dinner.

The Century Egg. Yes, people eat this. It is a duck/quail/chicken egg that has been wrapped in a mixture of clay, ash, salt and lime and left to do its thang for a few weeks to a few months. Looks umm.. delicious...?

Balut from the Philipines. Boiled duck egg. With the baby duck still inside. I did not take the time to learn the exact preparation process, but if any of you are interested let me know and I'll find the recipe for you.

Thought you could use another view.

This is a-ping from Cambodia. Grilled spider, seasoned with salt, pepper and garlic. About a dime per serving. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM baby.

Next is Sannakji from Korea. If you are interested in making this, you take live octopus, chop it into little pieces, put it on a plate, and ta daaa.. instant dinner. It squirms while you eat it. This one had to be shown on video so you can appreciate the culinary magic.

And finally, for the hard to buy for Christmas gift recipient, here are these gift items from Thailand:

(Found here)

Roasted Scorpions. BBQ Flavored even!

Cobra & Grass Snake Whiskey. I think I would be required to be already trashed beyond all belief to even consider tasting this stuff. WTF??


Preserved Water Scorpions (a/k/a Waterbugs). The description says that you must remove the wings and just eat the insides. It does have a shelf life of two years though, which could be useful in case of a nuclear apocolypse.



There you have it. Your taste buds can thank me later, although I do have to wonder if these things aren't made up by people in these other countries as a huge joke on us gullible Americans.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

The Definition of Bravery

I have always had brown hair. Just. Brown. Of late I have been considering a change to auburn, but I was afraid I would hate it so I put it off. You have to understand that changing anything like that is a HUGE decision for me and I have to think it through all the way to the end. Actually, it only just occurred to me that if I hated it then I could just redo it back to Just. Brown. I had even discussed the issue with the handsome JC and said I wasn't sure what I'd look like with red hair. His response was, "You'd look like a hot redhead." Typical man. They just don't understand the thought processes of us girls.

This morning I woke up brave and now my hair is auburn. I LOVE IT. He was right. I look like a hot redhead.

hehe

*sorry guys, this one was for all us girls who have agonized over just these types of decisions*

The Scoop

Curmudgeon asked in a comment to my last post what my plans are, why I'm leaving the employ of the esteemed Acid Brother. I actually love working for him, I have nothing but good things to say about the man. There is only one thing that would drag me away from that job and that would be finding someone that I love more than my job, which has occurred.

I will be moving to Annapolis and getting married.

Scary. I have been divorced for eight years now and I never really thought I would consider getting married again. I'm not sure how this has happened actually.

LOL

It Is Done

It's official. I have given my notice at work. Now everyone knows that approximately eight weeks from now I will no longer work there. Well.. everyone except Potty Monitor/Screeching Chimpanzee as I am making a conscious effort to not let her know. I think the woman has gone off her medication - she has managed to upset 3/4 of the population of the building. Gotta give her credit though, she seems to have the strange ability to do that with very little effort on her part. She has also resumed her lights obsession. Fun times will be had by all.

Anyway, I thought giving my notice was going to be the hard part, but I think the hard part is only just beginning. When I told former boss dude #2, first he yelled at me for not including him in the family alerts, but then he started planning a drunken bash/goodbye party.

I am soooooo there. hehe

Whoa, Panic

It has started. Major changes coming up in my life in the (coming up hellishly fast) near future.

Scared. To. Death.

But I'm not the only one. I spent yesterday trying to calm down my partner in crime who was having the panic attack from hell (I say it was from hell because it put me through it). After a long discussion everything was calmer, everything was okay, and I asked him was he going to do that to me again. His response was, "I don't know." (sheesh)

At least he's being honest about it.

And yes, I know that this post won't make much sense to most of you who read this. hehe

Twisted Faith

I've been kind of following this story about the church members who picket the funerals of our dead soldiers from Iraq, claiming that God hates those dead soldiers and is punishing America for our sinful ways, and causing untold amounts of pain to the families of these dead solders. There is something inherently evil in the actions of these picketers. Yes I do believe in freedom of speech, but leave it to people like this to take the issue of freedom and twist it to their own selfish beliefs. The father of the dead soldier in this article has successfully sued the protesters and was awarded $11 million in damages. Will this stop the protesters? I doubt it. They will just claim that it is satan working against their good works and continue it, claiming their faith makes them strong. Why can't people like this put that kind of faith to good use instead of causing pain to innocent people?

Where should the line be drawn? Countless soldiers have died to protect our right to speak what we believe, but is this taking it too far?

I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian home. I have never been one to judge others for having beliefs of their own, but so many Christians do. My mother, as much as I love her, is one of those people that would be labeled "far right." I do not talk politics to her (actually its just about impossible to as she goes on a rant anytime politics becomes a topic of conversation). She believes what she believes, and I respect her right to believe, but I don't feel the need to follow her blindly. Luckily for me, she doesn't disown me for our differences, or for the fact that one of my best friends is a lesbian, or for the fact that I will be living in sin with a man without the benefit of marriage.

Do the kids in the above picture follow their parents blindly? Probably, as they are just children and haven't had the chance to form their own opinions. I don't blame them for what they are doing, but I do blame their parents for raising their children with such vitriolic hate toward anyone who believes differently than they do.

Somehow the above picture makes the world seem a sadder place.

Celebration Overload

My birthday was this past week. I have to say that this has been the most eventful birthday I've had since I was a kid. I got more presents and was taken to lunch so many times that it had started getting embarrassing. I'm suffering from food overload... I'll be perfectly happy if I don't see the inside of another restaurant for a while.


I got this thing from JC:



I had mentioned that I loved popcorn but didn't particularly care for the microwave kind because it had too much fat and shit in it, so he sent me the above. I thought it was perfect, and shows that occasionally men DO listen. :-)



Number 1 Boss Dude got me this book. It is absolutely hysterical. We have had many discussions about my eventful parenthood and he has told me a few times that I should write a book.. that ya just can't make this shit up. I love it, hehe.

A friend from work got for me a Halloween coffee mug from Starbucks. I have been drinking buckets of water out of it, but now Halloween is over and I have brought it home. I will be drinking buckets of instant coffee out of it since around here nobody cares that I'm using an off-season mug.

Monday Number 1 Boss Dude took me to lunch at a Cuban restaurant here in Savannah. I had never had Cuban food before, but it was sublime. I did, however, put too much habanero sauce on my rice. Oh. My. God. Was that stuff hot.

Wednesday former Boss Dude and his (no longer new no matter what she says) assistant Jess took me to Cancun. No, not the vacation hot spot - the local Mexican restaurant. Steak Fajita Nachos. Yummmmmmmmmmmy.

Yesterday one of the other assistants in the office (no she doesn't have a blog that I'm aware of), took me to another Mexican restaurant for lunch. I can't remember the name of the restaurant or I would post it, but that place had the best Mexican food in town, I do believe. I was in misery the rest of the afternoon from too much cheese dip and from needing to lie down for a nap.

I have officially hit the point of not wanting to celebrate my birthday anymore... but Christmas is coming up. :-)