Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Potty Wars, v.2

Before you continue, if you have not read the first installment to this silly story, please do so so you will know what I'm talking about.

Finally it has came to a head. After spending the last two weeks of having Potty Monitor jump up from her desk to assure herself that I did not touch the bathroom light, yesterday things got out of hand. I would come out of the bathroom and two seconds later (if that long), she would come stomping out of her office and then practically put her hand through the wall in an attempt to convey her utmost contempt with my disrespectful turning out the light. The last time she accompanied the act with a snide, "Here, let me get this light for ya." Yes. I confess. I was pissed off after this one.

I emailed her and asked what the deal was with the light. Her response was:

There are 3 reasons.

The first is that that is a very dark area in the hallway and is hard to see without all the lights on. We have had clients complain about it and with all the cockroaches we see in their, I want to see all corners clearly before I shut the door, as I am sure others do.

The next reason is that we are having problems with the electrical circuit in that room and turning the switch on and off multiple times each day is making it worse.

The last reason is that (the office manager) sent an e-mail and asked us all to be cooperative. That should be enough of a reason. If you don't want to be cooperative, it is certainly no reflection on me. I will turn the light on when I see it is out however.

First of all, the cockroaches she is talking about are the Palmetto Bugs. Anyone in the south knows that as nasty and icky as these things are, they are an unavoidable plague and getting offended by them is just goofy.

My response:

1st. There are lights along the wall outside the bathroom door. Turn them on if the darkness there bothers you.

2nd. That light doesn't make a whole helluva lot of difference, on OR off.

3rd. If the electrical circuit is that strained, I would think that leaving the light off would be better for it, although all the computers, copiers, printers and everything else running in the building doesn't seem to be causing problems.

4th. I've been here 8 years and I turn the light off EVERY TIME I leave the bathroom. Its been my habit since I could reach the light switch. Sorry if you don't like it, but snideness and sarcasm on your part, not to mention the annoying habit of having my bathroom activities monitored, is not going to change that habit.

Anything else?

Oh. My. She didn't seem to like that. She told me there was, "No need to be nasty."

(Okay, that one made me giggle.)

I'm interested to see how the day is going to go. Am I going to be in trouble for upsetting the apple cart? Is Potty Monitor going to chill out finally and stop watching everyone's restroom behavior? Is this going to FINALLY die down and life can go back to normal? (God I hope so.)

It is to be seen. Stay tuned for more of "As the Toilet Flushes."


Mark said...

There's something very wrong with this person...

Billy's said...

why not have a whip round and buy her a miners helmet

Odat said...

OMG!!!! She needs a chill pill!
(did I just say that?)
I can't wait to see this develop.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Sorry, Sweetie, but she will not let it go. It has become a major point of honor to her now, and you are the devil's chlld.

This has got to be getting really old for you, despite the hilarous posts you're supplying to those of us who are starved for laughter.

I think you need to be the one to escalate it now, like maybe placing a Burger King crown on her desk on which you have painted "Potty Queen."

Unless you can get the palmettos in that dark corridor to carry her off to their family reunion somewhere else. "We'll bring the meat."

Michael C said...

This is hilarious. Oh, I wish there was a potty monitor in my office. Why is it that some people just have to have control over something?

Well, then again, I do try and charge people a quarter for using the microwave in our breakroom. Although I have yet to be successful ;-)

Crankster said...

Okay, here's a solution:

1. Get into the office really early.
2. Replace the lights with blacklight bulbs.
3. Using clothing detergent, write things on the walls. Messages like "we're waiting for you in the dark" and "We want the Potty Monitor" would probably be appropriate.

When she uses the bathroom, the messages will glow, terrifying her. Of course, you'll probably have to quit, but it seems like a pretty minor price for the smiting of your foes.

On the other hand, you could just be really, really sweet to her, which would probably creep her out even more!

Sassan Sanei said...

"The next reason is that we are having problems with the electrical circuit in that room and turning the switch on and off multiple times each day is making it worse."

That's just crazy talk. Turning the switch on and off is not going to make anything worse. It's absurd.

Your friendly neighbourhood electrical engineer

Parlancheq said...

There is only one thing you can do...make it your job to sneak in and turn OFF the light every time you notice it is on. ;)