Also Entertaining....

All errors are available in a variety of Windows versions.

Just the way it is.

This says it all. Perfect for tormenting your athiest friends.

Hmmmmm

The $3.00 per gallon of gas was totally necessary... we swear!

Scorpion.

I hate scorpions. They scare me.

Right after my husband and I split up, I had moved into an apartment complex that was brand new. One day I was there with my daughter, she was doing what kids do, either watching tv or playing on the computer, and I went into the kitchen to clean. There were dishes in the sink, and I started to take them out so I could fill the sink and wash them. After I moved a couple of things I heard scuttling down in the bottom of the sink. I froze. I then started taking things out one by one, very very slowly. When I got to the bottom, I saw a GIGANTIC, HUGE red scorpion in my sink! It was at least 3 feet long!

Okay that last bit was an exaggeration, but it was about 3 inches long. I had never seen one like that, and of course, being a girl, I started to screech. My daughter came running in, saw what I was yelling about, and she joined me in the yelling. We were jumping around, screaming, trying to push each other up to the sink because neither of us was going to be the one to get it out of there.

Good times. hehe

More Jocularity

If anyone knows who created these pictures let me know. I'd like to give the credit where it belongs (as well as be able to place the blame where it belongs in case the president gets upset when he reads this blog).

"I swear I didn't make these Mr. President, but I think they are flattering."

*slapping hand over mouth and holding in uncontrollable snickering*

I don't know who doctored these pictures, but they are a genius. These are the funniest things I've seen all week.....

Its official.

The Coke in the toilet does not work. All it does is make it look even nastier.

Actually its a bit of a relief because I want to drink some too and I can't if its harsh enough to clean my toilet.

;-)

Can you say........

Dumbass?

Sure, less than a week on the job and lets piss off the U.S. (among other countries). That makes total sense.

There is something wrong with this.

"The girls face possible expulsion from school." (emphasis mine)

Read This.

How can it be that a high school girl can blatantly try to ruin a man's life, can play up and manipulate her daddy to the point of the man stepping in to defend his little girl, can lie to everyone involved in a concerted effort to cause the innocent teacher assistant harm, and only possibly be expelled from school? She and all of her little clique need to be freaking arrested, not just expelled. It is time for shit like this to be dealt with a little stronger than just expelling. A man's life was almost totally ruined because she was a little miffed. Ridiculous.

I first heard of this yesterday on a national radio program, the host saying that although he didn't agree with what the father did, he did understand why he did it. Turns out the precious little angel was lying to everyone, in hopes of getting the man fired out of revenge for something he reported her for.

Girls are scary creatures, they truly are. I can say this with complete confidence because 1) I is one; and 2) I had one.

ARGHHHH

Sometimes I come across a blog that I read, not because I enjoy it, but because its like watching a train wreck in progress.

Remember the one who posted a pic of her boobs because she was "too lazy to email" the picture to someone? Well now she posts a fucking novel about what she calls her "brain injury" daughter. Her daughter is 23 years old, working two full time jobs and has a boyfriend that the idiot mother despises. The daughter has put on weight (as some of us tend to do), and occasionally asks her parents for money (seems normal to me so far) which, according to idiot mom, seems to signify that is proof that her daughter is damaged and is beyond hope. This woman thrives on crisis, and if there isn't one she creates one. She blogs about how horrible of a person she herself is, so the commenters will tell her she's great.. she blogs about her horrible child, her "brain injury" child, whom by the way, she didn't realize had a brain injury from when she was 3 until she was an adult, so the commenters will offer endless sympathy. She's a perpetual victim, and she writes a blog and feeds off the support she gets in her comments. I'd post the address but I mostly don't want her to check this site out in her referral list and see what I wrote about her. (I'm bad I know.)

So, accordingly, if you want the address email me and I'll send it to ya. hehe

I can't stand drama queens.

How's this for getting serious?

I got this in my email today. I had almost completely given up sodas since last summer, but I will still have one occasionally. This makes me want to stop them altogether.

Okay, this is really an eye opener....Water or Coke? We all know that water is important but I've never seen it written down like this before.

WATER:

1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.

2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.

3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.

4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study.

5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.

8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less to develop bladder cancer.

And now for the properties of COKE:

1. In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of coke in the truck to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.

2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.

3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous China.

4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.

6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for sumptuous brown gravy.

8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.

9. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.

For Your Info:

1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis.

2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous Material placards reserved for highly corrosive materials.

3. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!

Now, would you like a coke or a glass of water?

I'm not sure how much of this is true and how much of the coke information is urban legend, but my mom does the coke on ham thing, and I'm going to try it in my toilet, just to see. I'll let you know the outcome. ;-)

I do know for a fact that drinking a lot of water eases the craving for cigarettes when you quit smoking.

Interesting Websites

I don't know what sites are "real" or "hoax" sites. I'm pretty sure the bug candy site is real, but the rest I can't account for.

MMMMM Yummy!

This could come in handy...... to any practicing morons.

I'm getting one of these to wear at work.

This is perfect for long hiking trips, emergency kits, etc.

Oh shit. I never thought I'd see this. Now what am I going to do with all my spare time.

If you get tired of the internet and would like to take a bit of a break,this might be a nice peaceful place for you.

Interested in the inner workings, behind the scenes of the White House? Then this is the site to visit.

Are you tired of Aunt Edna taking up space on your coffee table? Put her to work doing something useful. Something more useful than collecting and/or being dust.

I'll start being serious after this post. I swear.

I'm a Porsche 911!

You have a classic style, but you're up-to-date with the latest technology. You're ambitious, competitive, and you love to win. Performance, precision, and prestige - you're one of the elite,and you know it.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

It took me 2 tries to get the car (and accompanying description)that I liked. Oh wait, that's tweaking the results isn't it.

Oh well, the public schools do it so it must be okay.

Wednesday

Every day before I leave home to come to work, I put on a movie in the VCR for the kids (Jake the dog, Amelia the siamese kitty) to watch while I'm away. Mostly I do it because Jake will bark at every noise he hears outside if I don't put something on to drown it out. Anyway, I put the movie in, set it to repeat, and it plays over and over throughout the day. Monday & Tuesday the movie was Babe (remember the one about the pig?). Today's movie is Eurotrip. I usually end up making things up about what they learn from these movies, but mostly all I could come up with from this week's movies is that they would be really annoyed by the pig because I left it playing too long.. Jake and Amelia would want to eat him, and from Eurotrip they would learn to cuss and have inappropriate sex while they are murdering the pig.

I never claimed to think like a normal person.

This morning's music accompaniment whilst on the drive to work: Arlo Guthrie, Alice's Restaurant (laugh out loud fun).

The Lovely Little Animals

I noticed there were some pictures that I didn't post from my trip to the zoo last month. I thought this blog needed some color, so I'm putting a few more out for the world to see.

Meer Cats, or is that Meercats, or Merecats. I should probably do a little research before I post the name, but I think you get the idea.

Snake. Big snake. Big snake that had just had dinner. Big snake that had just had a kitten for dinner. Hey.. where's Oink??

A seahorse. Obviously.

Quotes

In honor of Odat, who seemed to think the Tim Curry question was a bit low class, and Markoos, who seemed to have no idea who Tim Curry is to begin with, I present for your enjoyment, the following quotes. Your job is to tell me who said this stuff.

1. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

2. I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.

3. Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.

4. The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

And last but not least....

5. I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

348,765 points to whomever can answer each one correctly.

Mensa Test

Or so it says. I took this test and got a 22, so according to that site, I am officially a "genius."

Like you guys didn't already know that, eh?

mwa hahahahahahahahaaaaaaa

Brownsugar!

Is the winner of the 128,762 points. Yes, the answer is Tim Curry was in both movies. He was the lead singing transvestite in Rocky Horror Picture Show, and the lead singing pirate in Muppet Treasure Island.

Way to go Brownsugar!

(See Odat, it wasn't THAT hard.)

HA HA HA HA HEEE HEE HE HEEEE

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked"

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. If it's really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....

He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?...."

An Easier One.

Rocky Horror Picture Show. This movie has achieved cult status, and surprisingly, is one of my favorites. I mean really, what other movie can you name that has perverted transvestite aliens living on the outskirts of Denton, Texas, having naughty sex with each other and building good looking men who wear gold panties. None. And no, that wasn't the question.

This is the question:

Rocky Horror Picture Show has something in common with Muppet Treasure Island. What is it that the two movies have in common?

(This one is with 128,762 points.)

The Answer, you slackers

Muppet Treasure Island

The points go to................... drum roll...........

ME!

No correct answers. HA I stumped ya. I love it when that happens. (First time, actually.)

Stupid

Whaddya bet this guy gets a few bucks out of this. This is why the judicial system is so out of whack in this country. Assholes like this.

Another Tough Trivia Question

This one is worth 428,902 points.

What movie had the characters Old Tom, Really Old Tom and Dead Tom?

Fridayyyyyyyyyyyy

Its Friday its Friday! *happy dance happy dance*

Christmas Shopping

Well I did it. I finally did it. I went and spent the entire $150 worth of gift cards that I got from the bosses for Christmas. I bought the entire boxed set of The Thin Man movies, which I have loved since I was a wee babe in the crib.


I also got a portable DVD player, which I have been wanting for the longest time. I got one for my son for Christmas last year, but never got around to getting one for myself.


I know what I'm going to be doing tonight. :-)

Oh My God that was close

I was blogging. On the job. Shame on me, but I dont' take smoke breaks anymore, so a 10 minute blog break isn't that big of a deal. I hit the little button up in the corner that takes you to another blog. I came across one that showed college guys dressed up as female cheerleaders, complete with very large boobs. I was looking at that and then realized (just as boss #2's door opened with a bang), I realized how it would look if one of them walked in here with me looking at those pictures.

Stop laughing. Its not funny.

Sears

It seems like half my posts these days have to do with sucky places of business. This is another one. Sears sucks.

I remember going there with my parents when I was very small, it was just the thing to do. I remember THEM talking about going to Sears with THEIR parents when they were small. Sears has been around for millions of years. I think the cavemen shopped there, but unless they change their ways, they won't be around much longer. In the days of shopper convenience, they are at the bottom of the list. When I go to the store, I want to see what I'm buying right there on the shelf. If I don't see it on the shelf, they don't have it... simple. Not at Sears. No. You go in there and pick out what you want, stand around waiting for a sales clerk to help you. You point to the display, say, "I want that thing right there." You put your hand on it, you make sure their eyes are on the item that you want. They eyeball it, then look at you and say, "I'll check and see if we have that in stock." They leave for a few minutes and come back. "Yes," says the sales clerk, "We do have those." Good. You hand them your cash/check/credit card, they process the sale and hand you your receipt. Okay, where's my thingie??? They then inform you that you have to take the receipt, go down the escalator, take a left, go past the home improvement department, past the riding lawn mowers, and through the glass doors, which is Merchandise Pickup. Ohhhhhkay (says I). I then proceed to go down the escalator, take a left, walk past the home improvement department, glance at the riding lawn mowers, and find the glass doors. I go in, scan my receipt (its computerized for our convenience), then proceed to wait 5 or 10 minutes until someone in the back can fetch my item that I already paid for. I wait. And wait.

After a bit more waiting, a guy walks out, says we're all out, who was your salesperson? I have no idea. He takes my receipt, goes and makes a phone call, and comes back to tell me that I should go back to my sales person, that she says she will work something out with me. Okay great.. that means a deal on the next up item (at least that is what it should have been). But no. I go out the glass doors, walk past the riding lawn mowers, through the home improvement department, take a right, and go back up the escalators to my sales person. She gives me a refund, I go back to work because I'm already 20 minutes late back from lunch for doing all that walking.

Don't shop at Sears unless you have a LOT of time and a LOT of patience.

Popularity is such a curse.

Then there is this (for lack of a better word) "quote" from Liz Hurley:

Liz Hurley says she hates being so famous. “The positive things are very shallow; the positive things would be things like: Getting any restaurant reservation you like! Getting to the front of the line! Being given free things! So what?” the former model turned actress told the Observer magazine. “The traveling is monstrous because you get bothered all the time. The hell of going on holiday when you’re famous! You can’t go anywhere! It’s just no fun!”

Sorry Liz. You aren't that famous. Austin Powers is cuter than you.

You know what is bad is I used to like the girl until she became so full of herself. Now I can only think of her as that woman that used to have a cute(ish) boyfriend who would rather pay an ugly prostitute for sex than have sex with her, and who then dumped her because he liked the prostitutes better.

Okay I made that last bit up.

I've always hated that bloody bird...

This is one of those stories that I can't help but laugh at, yet wonder how in the world something so silly could make international news.

Chris Taylor, a 30-year-old British computer programmer, grew suspicious of his live-in girlfriend when his pet parrot began to imitate her saying, “I love you, Gary.”

Ziggy, an 8-year-old African gray parrot, would also make kissing noises whenever the name Gary was mentioned on TV and would mimic Suzy Collins saying, “Hiya, Gary,” every time she answered her mobile phone.

Yup. Something fishy going on there Chris....

“I wasn’t sorry to see the back of Suzy after what she did, but it really broke my heart to let Ziggy go,” Taylor, 30, told the Times of London in its online edition Tuesday. “I love him to bits and I really miss having him around, but it was torture hearing him repeat that name over and over again."

I won't miss the girl, but the bird, ahhh the fun we had.....

The girlfriend's response?

"I’m surprised to hear he’s got rid of that bloody bird; he spent more time talking to it than he did to me. I couldn’t stand Ziggy, and it looks now the feeling was mutual.”

Don't you hate it when your pets butt into the middle of your relationships?

Another Cool Site

I gave up playing with the code for tonight. Its just going to have to look weird for another day or two.

Anyway, this is the site that I was going to tell you about, it tells you what the number 1 song was on the day you were born: This Day In Music

Mine was "He's a Rebel" by The Crystals.

Don't ask me, I have no idea.

Stuff

The final tally is........ (drum roll please)............

Five.

Four solid blacks and one tuxedo. And if you have no idea what I'm talking about, scroll down and read. ;-)

NLPMC (No Longer Pregnant Mama Cat) is resting comfortably, although I am a little bit worried about her, but that could just be me being a mother hen. She cuddles the babies like they are all tiny teddy bears. Its so cute.

Okay moving right along...

As you can see, I'm doing some playing around with the blog code, which is causing some ummm.. odd... happenings. If you happen to look at this page while I'm playing with it, don't be surprised by anything you see.

I found a cool site share, but I want to finish playing with this stuff first. More later..........

Update Update Update

I went home for lunch, just to check on things because the PMC seemed a bit uncomfortable during the night and a little fidgety this morning.

Sure enough, 3 kittens had made an appearance with a 4th on the way while I was there. I had to leave before she was finished so I don't know if 4 is going to be it or not.

They are all solid black. I think.

I'm having a stupid day.

I am so completely out there that I can't type without making loads of typos, and my spelling is crap. Hopefully my boss will see the humor in it.

Can you believe it?

Little Moo, Oink and/or Woof have yet to make an appearance. PMC (Pregnant Mama Cat) is refusing to let them go.

Selfish bitch.

Cool Stuff

I found this Logo Generator site. It was pretty fun to play around with. I made these there:

Loud Cheers and Uncontrollable Applause

Some of you may remember this post, where I linked to the NASA site so you can send your name up into space. I had done that before, sent my name and the names of my kids into space on the Stardust Mission.

Well lo and behold, our names have returned to earth!

I'm so excited for some strange and unknown reason.

Some People

I went to a blog yesterday that I had been reading for about a week (major soap opera happenings, better than General Hospital). Anyway, yesterday when I went there, the woman had a pic of her boobs there, with an explanation that she had promised the pic to someone in particular, and was just too lazy to email it.

Now come on... I know I am a newbie at this blogging stuff, but I do know that uploading pics is more work than attaching it to an email.

If a person wants to show off pics of her own hooters that's her business, but she shouldn't assume the rest of the world can't see through her lame ass explanation of why she did it. It had nothing whatsoever to do with her own laziness or the difficulty of attaching it to emails. She wanted compliments and lots of em. Be honest with yourself people.

If ever I post pics of mine, I'm going to tell you right up front that I'm extremely drunk and that I'm fishing for compliments. Inebriation is the only thing that would motivate me to do something like that. ;-)

I'm an idiot.

I think I've gotten most everything back to normal, except the header thing.. but I didn't like the one that was there all that much anyway. I'll deal with that tomorrow. Or Sunday.. or whenever.

Now you all know the truth.

Oops

The comments are back, but as you can see, I have somehow totally messed up the alignment of the entire blog. Wonder how I did that. I'll keep working on it.

DAMN

I've lost the comment command.

I know you are all dying to say something, so I'll hurry and fix it.

5 Second Warning

Tonight, when I get home from work (hell), I am going to reset my comments section back to Blogspot comments. The Haloscan one is okay, but there are features it doesn't have unless I pay for them, and as I have already covered in another post, I'm a bit on the "frugal" side. Free is better.

What that means is that any comment that has been left will be wiped out. I will appear to the world as completely unpopular and unloved.

That's going to suck.

On the other hand, I have to get Markoos on The Smartest People Ever list, so I'll need to come up with something sufficiently descriptive. Suggestions are appreciated (and since I'm wiping out the comment section, you will be safe from Aussie wrath).

Present Mood

I've seen those blogs that have a Present Mood Meter on them. I don't really want one of those cuz I would never remember to change it, but this is my present mood for right now:

Football

I got this in my email yesterday. It is a perfect sentiment for a disappointing OU football season.

Forgive me Father for I have sinned...

I rooted for Texas.

I rooted because I live in the heartland and couldn't take another year of "USC's invincibility."

I rooted because of the 47-game winning streak.

I rooted because of my Big 12 loyalty.

I rooted because all my Longhorn friends cheered for us at the Holiday bowl. (Uh huh.)

I'm glad Texas won.

I feel SO, SO, SO dirty.

Amen.

BOOMER SOONER!!!

Update

Preggo Mama Cat [known hereafter as "PMC"] just disappeared into the vast wasteland that is my bedroom closet. She won't come out. I don't know if she is just looking for a moment of privacy, or if she is in imminent danger of dropping her mass of kittens/tapeworms.

I have to get her out of there before I go to work. Tapeworms crawling all over my stuff doesn't sound very nice.

On the bright side, its Friday!!

Kitten Watch....

Is officially underway!

I just looked up cat gestation time, and according to the table, since my cat was a filthy slut on November 11, her kittens will be due on January 15. I am assuming pregnant cats are no different than pregnant women, so I am giving it a 3 day leeway. (She's also lazy, moody, bitchy & needy, all at the same time. Another reason I'm assuming knocked up cats are similar to knocked up women.)

I'm actually kind of excited about it. I've already got names picked out for up to 4 kittens.... Moo, Oink, Woof, and either Quack or Buzz, I can't decide. If she has more then I'll have to come up with more names. I will need help assigning the names though, so when they are born I will post pictures and you guys can help me decide who is who.

It should be an interesting weekend. ;-)

God I need a life.

markoos out and about: The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

This is great. I think Markoos is going to have to be on the Smartest People Ever list now. In case he succeeds, I should probably be on his friend list. (I am not above sucking up.)

markoos out and about: The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

Another Blonde Joke

This joke is a scream. How do people come up with this stuff??

Ugh.

My cat is about to have kittens. At least that is what I thought, but now my son has planted seeds of doubt. He asked me how I knew it was kittens, and was I absolutely sure that it wasn't a huge, writhing mass of tapeworms.

Hadn't thought of that.

I'll post her picture, as soon as I get around to uploading it. It could go either way.

I should be fired.

I have done nothing this afternoon. Boss #1 is on his way to Atlanta for a meeting and won't be back until tomorrow. Boss #2 is in trial at the courthouse. So I'm sitting here surfing the BBC new site, and this site, which I found there.

I think I'd better at least look like I'm working. Wish me luck. I refuse to come back here until I get home. I will be a dedicated employee for the next hour and a half, when it is time to abandon this building like a rat from a sinking ship.

Okay wait.. that was a little unprofessional of me. Oh well.

My new cool mouse.

I had to get a new mouse, because my other one just wasn't sufficiently reactive when I played Halo with my son. I would find myself facing a wall and trying to get away from him (he was trying to murder me at the time), but because my mouse was a bit worn out, I always ended up just standing there while he shot me in the back (the bloody coward).

Anyway, I went and got this one, a Kensington PilotMouse Wireless Laser. Its brilliant I tell ya. Plus, its ribbed on the sides for my pleasure.

Path Et Ic

Yes I am. Pathetic. I went to the mall this afternoon with the specific intention of spending my $150 gift cards that I had gotten for Christmas. I couldn't find one single thing to buy. I'm as bad a kid, I don't want to waste it on clothes. I almost bought the Beatles Capital Records set, but it was $69 and I couldn't bring myself to do it. I guess I didn't want it bad enough.

I'm seriously cheap, in case you didn't notice.

Did you know that.....

Koala bears have fingerprints that are nearly identical to humans.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 (s'true!)

If you kiss your own elbow, you'll turn into the opposite sex. (My aunt convinced me of this when I was a kid and I believe it to this day.)

Over 2500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people.

Cat's urine glows under a black-light. (OMG........no, nevermind....)

Coconuts kill more people in the world than sharks do. Approximately 150 people are killed each year by coconuts.

In Ohio, it is illegal to get a fish drunk.

It is illegal to hunt camels in the state of Arizona.

In 1916, an elephant was tried and hung for murder in Erwin, Tennessee.

Kraft produces enough Cool Whip in one year to fill the entire Grand Canyon. (Couldn't confirm this one, but it sounded delicious so I left it.)

Althaiophobia is the fear of marshmallows.

And to top it off, I'm suffering from singultus, which is minor compared to the senectitude I deal with every day.

Now be honest with me. How many of you tried to kiss your elbow?

More

When I was in Oklahoma, besides going to the zoo, I also dragged my kids to the Natural History Museum in Norman. They moaned and groaned and bitched and whined, but I played the "oh come on and humor mom" card, and good time was had by all, they even admitted to it after we left.

This thing looks seriously scary at the museum, until you see that it was from something close to a mini elephant. Now I want one to keep Jake company. (Jake is my dog.) I'll buy it trees to eat and even get it a big sleeping pillow, like Jake's. They would be best friends. And no, I'm not on crack this early in the morning. ;-)

Growing up in Oklahoma, you tend to see a lot of Native American themed activities, a lot of time using objects such as these.

Time for work!

Absolutely Livid

I have a family member that no matter what you do for this person, no matter how far you go in your efforts to help this person out, they do anything and everything they can to completely self destruct.

In the last year I have 1) loaned them a down payment for a car; 2) co-signed for the car; 3) drove them to the hospital after an overdose; 3) taken off work to make sure they get the help they needed; 4) took over the payments of the car when they defaulted on the loan... among other things. I could go on and on. This person is an adult, looks like an adult, wants to be treated as an adult, yet no matter what, no matter how much progress they make in their lives, they seem to make a pointed effort to slit their own throat and make sure that nothing works out, and that anyone that helps them is left holding the bag.

I've had enough. But how do you write off your own child.

The 256,339 points go to......... DRUM ROLL PLEASE.......

Odat.

Yes you are right. Maxwell Edison, majoring in medicine, a Beatles song. Maxwell's Silver Hammmer.

Okay, I have to admit that I am a Beatles fan (except John Lennon, I don't quite get the attraction there), and not everyone would be expected to know this one.

I love it.

I want to know, is Christmas still going on in Australia? Our pal seems to be amongst the missing.

Alrighty then. Here is an interesting story I found:

Maxwell Edison Released from Prison

LIVERPOOL: Maxwell Edison, the infamous hammer murderer was released from HM Prison yesterday morning New Zealand time. Edison was released after serving 31 years for the murder of three people in a weeklong killing spree in 1969.

Maxwell Edison, once majoring in medicine, murdered his girlfriend Joan and his teacher with a silver hammer before being apprehended by police. Maxwell's reign of terror did not end there, however, while being tried for the first two killings, Edison murdered High Court Judge Harry Singer.

PC31, was certainly a surly one, when he heard the news of Edison's release. "The man was just plain dirty, running around knocking people on the head with that hammer of his. He should be locked up for the rest of his life."

Many Liverpool residents feel the same. Sid Flowers, a Merseyside plumber summed up the sentiments of many Liverpudlians. "I don't think he should be released. It's idiots like Maxwell who encourage other psychopaths to try the same thing."

Civil liberties spokesperson Cliff Walker was one of the few people pleased to see Edison released from prison. "What he did was wrong, but he has paid his debt to society and therefore must go, must go free."

Edison is reported to be moving back to his mothers house before settling back in to the community proper to start work as a hardware salesman.

256,339 points to anyone who can tell me why this story is so significant (without Google's assistance). ;-) (You'd have to have been living in a box for the last 50 years to not know this one.)

Delicious

(Thank you Sassan. You are not on my Smartest People Ever list for nothing.)

It has come to my attention that there are companies that exist that actually pickle meat. Pickled meat... sounds like just the thing on a cold winter's night. No no no. Just the thing on a picnic... no. Just the thing to feed to your pet dingos. As punishment. When they shit bones out into your shoes. A little too cruel, but maybe.

Because this was a new item for me, I decided to do lots and lots (okay 3 seconds worth) of internet research. I came up with the following page:

Pickled Meat Page

I should have gotten this gift for my ex husband for Christmas. It's Perfect (with a capital P)!

I just want to know this: Who was the first person ever to get up one morning and decide that they wanted to take that turkey gizzard that they were saving for a rainy day, and put it in pickle juice to enhance the flavor. Pickled Turkey Gizzards. Now we're talking.

ALRIGHT STOP NAGGING

I can hear you clamoring for more of my artistry. More of nature's caged up beauty. So, without further ado, I present for your viewing pleasure,

More Zoo Pics


This is a.. ummmm... Green Snake. Yeah, that's it.

This is a turtle. Floating in the water. He's bigger than he looks. Almost as big as my ex-husband's head, if you can imagine that.

At one point there were two kangaroos in this picture. Unfortunately, since I don't want to include kangaroo porn on my blog, I cut out the picture of the kangaroo with the gigantic balls. The original pic is available upon request though, to those of you who have a serious perverted streak.

I just liked these guys because they were smirking at me.

That's it for now. I know you are impressed.

Have it your way.

Burger King.

Don't go there.

I was out on my lunch break today, paying a bill and decided to go through the Burger King drive through (as opposed to McDonalds). McDonalds would have been so much better... the equivalent of gourmet food even.

I spent 20 minutes in the line, with only 3 cars ahead of me. I got up to the speaker and placed my order.. Cheeseburger, fries, strawberry/banana Icee. The clerk asked what size Icee, I said large. Large or medium Icee ma'am? Large please. Medium? Large. We only have small and medium. Okay fine.. medium then. Your total is $4.56 (prounounced foe fefty sex).

I get up to the window (finally) and the clerk comes over and takes my money and disappears for a few more minutes, then comes back. Would you like coke with that? No. I ordered a strawberry/banana Icee. We don't got no strawberry/banana, do yew want coke instead? No, I came here specifically for the strawberry/banana. The machine is broken, do yew want coke instead? Why didn't you tell me that when I was ordering. OKAY FINE give me a damn coke. She brings my order to me and I leave. Six blocks down the road I go to fish out a french fry, and voila.. they are the invisible kind! Cool! Okay not cool. By then I was irritated beyond all belief and turned around and went back for my fries, just out of principle. I go inside, stand in the line and get "Is there somethin wrong wit cher order ma'am?" You left the fries out. Bam.. in go an order of fries, no apologies, no asking if I wanted any ketchup, nothing except the distinct odor of their annoyance that I would dare, yes DARE, to question their bag stuffing abilities. I leave again, get 6 blocks down the road and go to fish out a fry, and Oh. My. God. Cold. And burned. On the ends. Burned french fry ends. Nasty. They are still in my car. Even on McDonald's worst days, they were never that bad.

I was going to email the company and let them know of my displeasure, but conveniently, they don't accept email. I am annoyed enough that I will write a REAL letter on REAL paper and use a REAL stamp.

Real Burger King message: --------->>Communication with Burger King Corporation is not accepted via e-mail.

This message is located at: http://www.bk.com/CompanyInfo/contact_us.aspx

Just thought you ought to know.

Sleeping Flamingos & Dead Tree Giraffes

The carvings of the giraffes were amazing. It doesn't show on the picture, but at the bottom of the carvings was the rest of the tree stumps. They were two trees that had died, and the zoo (in a surprising burst of creativity) carved them into two giraffes.

I will soon be getting to the pictures from the Natural History Museum, fossil sea stars found in Oklahoma (that boggles the mind, doesn't it?), giant skeletons, a mammoth sculpture with a santa hat on. I know you can't wait.

Poisonous Dart Frogs & Pretty Birds

I don't remember what kind of bird that is, but isn't he gorgeous?? They have a walk in cage that you can go into and feed them, but watch out if you are carrying anything that they want to eat, you get swarmed by them. Gorgeous or not, I don't think I'd want 12 birds all over me.

It's raining here, and I have to go back to work tomorrow. That's probably for the best though. It will keep me occupied and out of trouble.

Fat Frogs & Lion Fish

That's enough for today. I will show you more tomorrow. These pics, btw, are from the Oklahoma City Zoo, one of my top 3 favorite places in the world.

Are you enchanted yet?

Snakes & Piranhas

Mwa ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaa

Now I get to torture everyone with vacation pictures. This is the first in a long, artistic series. Prepare to be enchanted.

2006!!!!

FINALLY!

2005 was a very odd year for me, thank God its over.

I made it home at about 6:00 last night. Being completely exhausted, I pissed off the ex b/f, refused to blog (that's odd in itself, I love to blog), offended my son because I was too tired to play Halo, and was asleep by 10:00.

I think my age is showing.