Thursday, November 30, 2006

My Day of Music

It has finally arrived. The day I have longed for, the day I have dreamed about. The day I can do all of my Christmas shopping for my family online and not even have to leave the comfort of my office. My son has named just a few things that he wants for Christmas, and they are all found online. He has decided that he wants to collect vinyl record albums, which I have to confess is kind of a cool thing to collect, and he is very much into classic rock, so I ordered these three for him today:

Of course I could not buy him music without getting myself some as well, so this is what I got for me:

A Challenge

For 19,856 points, and without looking it up, who said:

Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb.

5:43 a.m.

That is what the clock says right now. I have been up for two hours and here I am, trying to stay occupied until time to go to work. I only have three words for this.. Path Et Ic.

I would really love to know why I can't sleep like normal people. I was sleeping fine, but then the dude and his wife who moved into the house I grew up in in Oklahoma City (and parked their gigantic RV in the driveway), they started preaching at me about church. Damn dreams.

I have found myself less than inspired lately. I caught myself last night looking for filler crap to post, but that isn't very cool. I only post inspirational filler crap.

I think I'll go try to sleep for another hour. Maybe something will come to me while I'm unconscious.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Have You Ever.......

Gone to bed, and just before falling asleep, had the most BRILLIANT idea for a novel.... so brilliant that you knew you wouldn't forget it the next day, and you go to sleep content, knowing what you were going to do, only to wake up the next morning and not remember one bit of the plot?

Ummmmmm.. Neither have I.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

I've Been Meme Tagged Again

Odat, in her infinite wisdom, has infected me with another meme. It is almost like those chain mail things, I can't NOT do them, I feel too guilty.

So, here it goes:

The Three Things Meme

Three things that scare me:
1. Adolescent boys;
2. Being forced to pop a balloon;
3. Mental illness.

Three people who make me laugh:
1. The WRS;
2. My boss;
3. My son.

Three things I love:
1. Shakespeare;
2. A good book;
3. Scotland.

Three things I hate:
1. Ear infections;
2. Folding clothes;
3. Palmetto bugs.

Three things I don't understand:
1. Fluorescence methods to enable simultaneous measurement of SR Ca2+ release and force production. These techniques are currently being used to investigate (i) the influence of phosphate metabolites on Ca2+ regulation by the SR and (ii) failure of Ca2+ regulation in human malignant hyperthermia;
2. Einstein's Theory of Relativity;
3. Men.

Three things on my desk:
1. A bottle of protein water;
2. An orchid;
3. A picture of my kids.

Three things I'm doing right now:
1. Poking pins in Odat's voodoo doll;
2. Longing for bed;
3. Trying to decide the next book to read.

Three things I want to do before I die:
1. See Venice;
2. Fall in love again;
3. Win the lottery.

Three things I can do:
1. Type ridiculously fast;
2. Understand Shakespeare;
3. Cook.

Three things I can't do:
1. Play the violin;
2. Take fish off of a fish hook after I catch them;
3. Eat seafood.

Three things you should listen to:
1. Your instincts;
2. Classical music;
3. Me. (hehe)

Three things you should never listen to:
1. Your ex husband;
2. Your angry teenager;
3. Car salesmen.

Three things I'd like to learn:
1. Skydiving;
2. To trust someone again;
3. How to stop being so caustic.

Three favorite foods:
1. Lasagna;
2. Pakora;
3. Cherry Garcia ice cream.

Three beverages I drink regularly:
1. Water;
2. Hot tea with spiced cider;
3. More water.

Three TV shows I watched as a kid:
1. Batman;
2. Gilligan's Island;
3. Sonny & Cher. (shaddup)

Three people I tag:
You three on the end. Yes you, and stop pretending you didn't see this.

Controversial Toys

Crazy for You Bear from Vermont Teddy Bear. This toy brought on such an outcry from mental health organizations that the Vermont Teddy Bear company discontinued it. Too bad, I think its kind of cute.

Trash Talker Elton. He says such inspiring phrases as, "Want to be my Rectum Romeo?" and, "Ahhh, don't worry, I won't tell anyone you're gay. HE'S GAY!!" You can see him in action here.

Trash Talker Bubba. Yes I know it is from the same company, but the things he says just had to be shared. "Meet my sister, uh.... I mean my wife." and "Isn't your cousin a nice piece of ass?" Classic. Available here.

Ballsy Bear. He says things such as, "I've got a stiffy that just won't quit," and "I swear she told me she was 18!" This is truly an educational toy. Every kid should have one.

And finally, I saved the best for last... Answer Me Jesus. It is the religious icon version of the Magic 8 Ball. Ask Jesus a question and flip him over and you will get your answer:

Okay this is it, I think I am officially going to hell now. If you guys need me, I'll be kneeling beside my bed, praying for my soul.

Saturday, November 25, 2006


I am in bed but I can't sleep well. I have an ear ache. Aren't we supposed to stop having those once we pass the age of 2??

Anyway, pity me whilst I suffer in my bed of affliction. And say hi if you like, I have the chat thingy on over ----------------------> there.


We're #7!

This blog is #7 search hit for "ex-girlfriend on Bothwell Glasgow." I think that is an important search, so I am going to endeavor to become #1 for that one.

Its my goal in life.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha

I went to my friendly neighborhood monopoly conglomerate (Walmart) for the day after specials. I picked up one thing that was not on their sale list, because I needed it. It is a padded backpack for my laptop, and it also has a mini mouse (its sooo cute), and a USB hub (nifty).

So I got up to the check out and of course, I picked one up with no label on it, so the cashier sent another person back to check the price. I didn't tell them how much it was supposed to be because I wasn't sure I picked up the right one (none of them were marked). So we wait. And wait. And then we continued to wait.

Finally, the girl calls and says she can't find any of them with prices, and there were no bar codes. The cashier rang it up at $5.

Life is good. :-)

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Personal Ads

I found this ad on Craig's List. It made me giggle. ;-)

I am a big jerk who is totally self absorbed. I would tell you about my job but who really cares. I would tell you about some of my previous life experiences but I think you couldn't handle most of it. I don't fit in, in any situation, and do not enjoy staying at home. I also despise going out for a "night on the town". Laughing is for losers and I see the humor in no situations. I am extremely outgoing at first but then get very shy once I get to know you.

I bring a total lack of respect into any relationship and believe that playing games and deceitful tactics are the bedrock cornerstones of any successful encounter with the opposite sex. When you find out I have been cheating on you the only comment I expect to hear is "Well Played".

I am looking for a woman without any goals in life who is not very smart and would enjoy being in a relationship that is full of lies, cheating and stealing (please bring a large bank account to the relationship or at least a home I could leverage behind your back). It would also help if you have absolutely no expectations of me. And of course hygiene is completely optional.

If you "get" this profile then feel free to contact me. If the words "holler at your girl" with at least one misspelled word (i.e. holla, atcha or gurl) are anywhere in your profile, then please remove the statement before contacting me. I won't tolerate jackasses and the inclusion of this phrase ensures this is what you are.

Happy Thanksgiving

Now... time to go put my cute little turkey in the oven. ;-)

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

One of my Favorite Haunts

I live in Savannah. Anyone who has ever come to Savannah for touristy purposes will recognize the name of Bonaventure Cemetery. If you have seen the movie Midnight in the Garden of Good & Evil, you will have seen a bit of it. It is supposedly haunted, but since it closes at 5:00 in the afternoon I doubt I'll ever get to see any ghosts, unless they happen to be early birds.

There is good reason that Bonaventure Cemetery is a tourist area, it is absolutely beautiful there. It is almost like walking through an outdoor museum, witih all the statues, and the hanging moss. It sits against a saltwater river and sometimes, if you are very lucky, you will see dolphins there. I saw a baby dolphin once. Being born and raised a landlubber, I was in awe.

There are activities that went on here that I think back fondly on. ;-)

More pictures here if you are interested.

I may go out there this weekend and take my own pictures. I couldn't find any of the stained glass.

New Medication

I am told that this is just the thing to cure my social awkwardness.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

*Insert Giggle Here*

Our friendly neighborhood Curmudgeon has finally, after some cajoling (okay nagging), posted his streaking story. I would add to the collection, but I have never gone streaking. I am the picture of modesty and purity (snicker). Anyway, I will work on getting him to post the video, although he says he was alone at the time so who would be videoing this escapades.

Does anyone else have a streaking story that they are longing to share? I will be more than happy to critique the technique.


Monday, November 20, 2006

Email of the Day

Another oldie, but still a good one.

*Dog Applicant*

A sign was hung in an office window. It read:

Help wanted.
Must type 70 words a minute.
Must be computer literate.
Must be bilingual.
An equal opportunity employer.

A dog was ambling down the street and saw the sign. He looked at it for a moment, pulled it down with his mouth, and walked into the manager's office, making it clear he wished to apply for the job.

The office manager laughed and said, "I can't hire a dog for this job."

The dog pointed to the line: "An equal opportunity employer."

So the manager said, "OK, take this letter and type it." The dog went off to the word processor and returned a minute later with the finished letter, perfectly formatted.

The manager said, "Alright, here's a problem. Write a computer program for it and run it."

Fifteen minutes later, the dog came back with the correct answer.

The manager still wasn't convinced. "I still can't hire you for this position. You've got to be bilingual."

The dog looked up at the manager and said, "Meow."

Sunday, November 19, 2006

See?? I TOLD You I Don't Have an Accent!

I haven't posted any quizzes in a long long time. I think its time.

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The West

Your accent is the lowest common denominator of American speech. Unless you're a SoCal surfer, no one thinks you have an accent. And really, you may not even be from the West at all, you could easily be from Florida or one of those big Southern cities like Dallas or Atlanta.

The Midland
The South
North Central
The Northeast
The Inland North
What American accent do you have?
Take More Quizzes

How much of a smart @ss are you?
Your Result: Congrats!!

You are the biggest smart @ss around!!! Your @ss is so smart, it speaks on its own!!! You have reached full level of smart @ssness!!!I hope you feel proud! I know your family doesn't...

a start.
How much of a smart @ss are you?
Quizzes for MySpace

My New Toy

I finally was in enough desperate need of retail therapy, that I went and bought a laptop. Not the one I posted about earlier though, I got a better version.

This is the one I got.

I have to say I am very impressed with it, plus, until I get my wireless router set up, I can "borrow" my neighbor's wireless connection. He seems to be a very generous guy. The only thing I am having a problem with is that it is set up for dual monitor, and I can't figure out how to change it. I may have to actually open the manual (ohmygawd).

This is very cool, I am blogging from my bed. Absolutely sublime.

Trivia Time!

"She's my Rushmore, Max."

For 5,233 points, tell me where the above quote is from. For an extra 189 points, tell me who said it.


Crankster is the lucky winner of 5,233 points, as well as the 189 bonus points. These points are redeemable for a free meal at Waffle House*.

The answer, of course, is Rushmore (now don't you guys feel silly, the answer was in the question), and the person saying it was Bill Murray's character. Rushmore is one of my favorite movies, very quirky... I seem to like very quirky, which is probably why I like all of you guys. (HAHAHAAA)

Anyway, Congratulations to the Crankster!

*No Waffle House Restaurants are actually participating in this contest, said free meal is redeemable only at the Waffle House on Abercorn Street in Savannah, and only if I am informed in advance so I can meet you there to pay for it. ;-)

Friday, November 17, 2006

Friday Funnies

In my quest to start the weekend right, I have included the Trunk Monkey videos, more for my own entertainment than anything else. These things are just plain funny. I need a Trunk Monkey.

(I think Crankster should seriously think about this one.)

Breathe with the monkey...... HAHAHAHA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Happy Birthday To Youuuu...

Happy Birthday to the BikerBabe! I bet you thought I forgot....



My mom emailed me pictures of my cousins, whom I haven't seen in many, many (many) years. I opened the email, and sat here staring at the pictures for a few minutes.

Those people are fucking old. My cousins got old. How did it happen that my cousins could get old like that but I stayed exactly the same?

Shaddup Odat.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Way Cool!

I stumbled across this site that has some extremely cool art work, each done from a single sheet of paper. How can anyone do that kind of thing??

I'm so jealous.

How long does it take someone to do something like this? It is hard to have a favorite among them, but I think if I had to choose it would be this one:

Or the castle. Or the tracks in the snow one (that is is interesting, human tracks merge with bear tracks, human body parts left behind and the bear goes on alone).

Go have a look.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Useless Celebrity of the Week

I had the most wonderful post for this one. It was the War & Peace of blog posts. It would have had you laughing and crying at the same time. It would have had you hugging your children and loving your wives and husbands all over again. It would have made you call your parents just to tell them that you love them. It would have had you singing my praises for the talent that I bring to the world.

But Blogger ate it. So my Useless Celebrity of the Week is Blogger.

I really need to learn to copy the text of my posts before I hit the publish button. I have had this happen more than once.

It doesn't help that my head hurts bad enough that I would rather enjoy slipping into a coma right now.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Ch Ch Ch Ch Ha Ha Ha Ha

I love horror movies. LOVE EM. But I have a bit of advice for you. Never, and I mean NEVER, fall asleep with Friday the 13th playing.

Bad bad move. Especially if you live alone.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Oh Noooooooooooooooo

I got up this morning and my bathroom was flooded water is backing up into the bathtub, the toilet won't flush and there is water all over the floor.

What does it say about me that I stop in the middle of all of that and have to come here and blog about it??

I only have one word for this. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Help me.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

My Space

I don't get it. I do not see the attraction to having a My Space page. I realize that I risk pissing off a lot of people here, but I have glanced at the site, I have looked at a few of the profiles, but according to what I have seen, 99% of the people who use My Space are 22 or under. If you are over 25 and not in a band, you look silly having a My Space page.

But that is just my personal opinion, and what do I know.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


I have added a nifty chat thingy ------------------------>> over there. It will tell you if I am online, and if you want you can talk to me there and I will get your message. Doesn't that sound fun???


I Need Some Advice

I have decided to engage in some retail therapy and buy myself a laptop computer. Not from Ebay either, a real, honest to God, brand new one from the store (Walmart).

This is the one I am thinking about getting.

I know that most of you out there know more about this stuff than I do, so please tell me if you think that is a good computer. I don't need top of the line, just something reliable that will last me for the next 20 years (I tend to keep my computers forever).

If you have any info or advice, I would be most grateful. ;-)

Email of the Day

This one is from Roll......
An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

The waitress nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.

The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?"

The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, sweet thang. How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Coke!" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?"

The waitress once more nodded, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of Coke, "On my bill."

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me..........I'm drawin' disability!"


Cure for A.D.D.

I think this might just work..... (not that I advocate child abuse or anything) ;-)

Monday, November 06, 2006


We find things out that hurts beyond all possible belief, yet there is not one fucking thing that we can do about it.

Except sleep.

November 7

Tomorrow will be one year (365 days) (8,760 hours) (525,600 minutes) (but who's counting), since I quit smoking. I have been doing okay, I occasionally think that I would like a cigarette, but mostly its just a passing thought. But tonight.. TONIGHT.. I was reading Sassan's blog and he mentioned second hand smoke. Oh. My. God. I would LOVE some secondhand smoke. Someone blow some smoke in my direction as a 1 year anniversary gift.

I would go buy a cigarette if I could buy them one at a time.

No no no, I didn't mean that. Just forget I even posted this. Argh.


I went, I froze my ass off, but I was enthralled and could not leave until the play was over. Holy crap that Iago is an evil one. I did take some pictures and will sort through them tonight and see if any came out good enough to post, since I was quite a ways away from the stage.

The only thing I didn't like was the costumes, they were dressed as if it was WWI, instead of Shakespearean garb, which was a bit distracting. Other than that it was very very nice, and the only thing that kept me from turning into an ice cube was my scarf that I bought in Scotland, I had that thing practically wrapped around my head. ;-)

For now, have a look at this video. I had posted a video of this guy before, and go back from time to time to see if he has posted anything else. Well he has. Excellent.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Useless Celebrity Of The Week

Miss Piggy. Oh how the mighty have fallen. I remember the days (long past) when I would let my kids watch Miss Piggy without worry, when she was innocent, and had the cute little crush on the frog. But now...

She has jumped on the Paris Hilton "selling yourself for fame" wagon. I mean really, this once talented actress has taken such a plunge into the seedy underbelly of Hollywood. I suppose she couldn't get Kermit's attention by being sweet and innocent.

Take a note here........just because you have nipple doesn't mean you have to show it. DAMN.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

How About A Giggle?

You can't help but laugh when you watch this.


Since I posted the Homework Cheats for the Wizard of Oz questions, I keep getting many, many hits a day for the same thing. If I give you the answers to your question, someone leave me a comment telling me exactly WHY you guys are looking up that question ("What is the name of the witch that gets squished by a house in the Wizard of Oz"). It has made me very curious.

Okay.. here it is:

Green Witch: Elphaba Thropp
Squished Witch: Nessarose Thropp

If there are any other questions, feel free to ask. ;-)

Friday, November 03, 2006

Amazon Book Review

I read the reviews for a book on Amazon and the reviews made me giggle in an inappropriate way.

The Author's Review was especially amusing:

Reviews From the Author

Please read my book, but don't take it too literally - some of my co-authors were a little too zealous and I'm not sure it all came out right in translation. If you want the short version, here it is: Be nice to each other, would you? It was a hellish job creating the world and all that, and I'd be most pleased if you didn't all mess it up. As you were. Love, God.

The book being reviewed was The Bible. Who knew God was English....?

Have You Ever....... (this one is for the girls)

Bought a skirt just because you liked the belt that came with it, only to never wear the skirt but to wear the belt all the time with your jeans?

Ummm... neither have I.

Late Night Phone Call

I was nearly asleep last night when the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and it is my son's number. I answer it with a sleepy what the fuck do you want now kid (okay I didn't really), and the first thing he says is MOM WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME?!? Ummm.. why do you need to know? He then asks is it Lynn? Yes.. He and his friend start triumphantly yelling.

After I got him to stop sounding so happy I asked what was going on. Apparently they had found a website that lists arrest convictions, and they found my full name with a Protective Order filed against them. Then were even happier when they found my full name with an outstanding warrant for possession of a controlled dangerous substance. I said cool.. when was this? He looked at the date and realized it couldn't have been me since I wasn't living there at that time.

His disappointment was extreme.

I apologized for not being a wanted drug dealer.

He said, "I was so excited!" I apologized again. He sadly said he had to go and hung up.

That's my boy.

Cool Blog

I stumbled across the blog of a guy who is stationed in Antarctica. He shamelessly asks for comments, so if you have the time, surf on over and tell him hello. His blog is called If You Visit My Site, Please Leave a Comment.

He has some pictures of him and his girlfriend setting rocks upright alongside a river. It is very odd looking and I would imagine a little creepy if you happened to walk along there and see all those rocks set up that way. (That was before Antarctica, obviously.)

Anyway, tell him I sent you over. :-)

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Oh. My. God.

This weekend is the Shakespeare Festival. I think I've died and gone to Christmas morning.

I know what I'm going to be doing this weekend.

Thursday (This IS Thursday, isn't it?)

Things that are going through my head this morning:

1. What the hell am I going to wear to work?

2. At least I have plenty of clean underwear.

3. Why does the damn dog always lay where I'm going to trip over him in the dark.

4. Am I stuck in the Groundhog Day movie?

5. Who is calling me at this time of the day?

6. Oh yeah.. him. hehe

7. Is it 5:00 yet.

8. I have to remember to take the Monty Python DVDs to my boss ("Friends Share").

9. Holy moley I think this is the lamest post EVER.

10. I'm going back to bed.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

*Rant Alert*

I'm going to do something that I'm pretty sure will stop me from ever getting the daily bestest blog award, but here goes.......

The Bestest Blog of All Time page is annoying as hell! I am hitting the "Next Blog" button, just to surf other blogs, and that stupid, self-serving page comes up every other time I hit it. THEN, when I hit the "Next Blog" button from there, it puts up a frame at the top of every blog I go to, which I am going to call their advertising frame but I'm sure the owner of the Bestest Blog will call something else, and I can't get out of the frame unless I close the browser and start all over.

Its fucking annoying! Not to mention that I have read (glanced at) the silly blog and its not a blog at all, it asks for money to lists your blog on its sidebar. Why the hell should I PAY someone to list my blog?? Geez, get a real job already.

Okay. Rant over.


I received a response from Mr. Griffin, who happens to run The Bestest Blog of All Time site, and I think that in all fairness I should post his response:

The reason I created this page has to do with mist1's comment "I never click the next blog button anymore. For every blog I like, there are 164,231 that make me want to throw up."

So, what my site has done is created a random blog surfing tool of higher quality blogs than the "Next Blog" button provides.

By the way PARLANCHEQ, the only reason I ask for a donation is because I am doing a favor to the blogger that increases exposure and normally drives 300-500 visitors to your blog in a 24 hour period (plus more over time). And I do stress the fact that it is optional.

You do not HAVE TO pay to have me list your blog, I have an absolutely free link exchange that I encourage everyone to join. The donations are for EXTRA, ADDITIONAL exposure for those who are particularly excited to drive visitors to their website. And by the way, I do have a real job, one of the most noble and lowest paying jobs out there: high school teacher. I run my blog (yes it is a blog) during my spare time (of which I have little) to make some extra cash (which probably works out to less than minimum wage, but I enjoy it).

That is a fair response, and I will give the man credit for his hard work, but the plain fact of the matter is that the "Next Blog" button has been hijacked by his site, and its extremely annoying and unwanted. At the very least a "Close Frame" command should be added so that anyone who does not want to surf his suggested blogs can opt out. Surfing random blogs is my middle of the night, when I have terminal insomnia, activity. I don't want to have someone else dictate to me what they think I should be seeing. It is just that simple.

No Comprendo