And the winner of the Fact or Crap quiz is....
CURMUDGEON!! He had every single answer correct.
1. True. The bible WAS translated into Klingon (by a 48 year old geek who still lives with his mother).
2. There are enough veins in a person's body to stretch 100,000 miles. (I don't believe it. I think we need to try this out on Paris Hilton.)
3. New York City was once the capital of the U.S. (I will give Markoos a credit on this one since he isn't from the U.S. and can't be expected to know what most Americans don't even know.)
4. Bruce Lee was the cha cha champ in Hong Kong in 1958. (Right before he kung fu'd his partner in the throat.)
5. DDT does not kill millions of people each year. Now that it has been banned in most places, however, malaria and other insect carried diseases kill about a million people each year.
So there ya have it.
Yayyyyyyyyyy Curmudgeon! You win the Blue Ribbon of Happiness.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Sunday, July 30, 2006
I'm Sorry I Was Ever Born!!!
We expect those words from our kids, in one of their many many hissy fits that they like to throw to make the lives of us parents pretty damn miserable. They don't really mean it for the most part, they are just looking for pity and sympathy.
But what does it mean when a 40+ year old man says it? For some reason when the guy said it, I had an uncontrollable urge to laugh. It sounded so fucking silly... I admit to giving the guy a little bit of shit over it. He didn't seem to see the humor at all. He got no sympathy from me, I am sorry to say.
I think a large number of us adults are becoming more and more immature every day. When a grown adult says something like that, it smacks of being ridiculously silly. Is it politically incorrect to laugh at something like that? I mean, what if the guy truly is depressed and he truly feels that way. Does having someone laugh at him for it make the situation worse?
I, for one, says who cares. If they are immature enough to actually say something like that in public, they should be grounded with no TV for at least 2 weeks. And sent to bed without their supper.
Geez.
But what does it mean when a 40+ year old man says it? For some reason when the guy said it, I had an uncontrollable urge to laugh. It sounded so fucking silly... I admit to giving the guy a little bit of shit over it. He didn't seem to see the humor at all. He got no sympathy from me, I am sorry to say.
I think a large number of us adults are becoming more and more immature every day. When a grown adult says something like that, it smacks of being ridiculously silly. Is it politically incorrect to laugh at something like that? I mean, what if the guy truly is depressed and he truly feels that way. Does having someone laugh at him for it make the situation worse?
I, for one, says who cares. If they are immature enough to actually say something like that in public, they should be grounded with no TV for at least 2 weeks. And sent to bed without their supper.
Geez.
Weekends Suck
Well, they do in the blog universe anyway. Very few people blog on the weekends. You know what that tells me??
That most people blog on company time.
That. Is. Shameful.
If I were your bosses I'd sack ya all.
Come onnnnnnnnnnnn (whine whine whine) update your damn blogs. I'm booooored.
*Update*
Gold star to Brian J. for posting "cat pictures and stuff."
hehe
That most people blog on company time.
That. Is. Shameful.
If I were your bosses I'd sack ya all.
Come onnnnnnnnnnnn (whine whine whine) update your damn blogs. I'm booooored.
*Update*
Gold star to Brian J. for posting "cat pictures and stuff."
hehe
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Today's PSA
I received this in my email. I thought I would do my part for the greater good, and post it here.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered.Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer." The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims into various unwholesome activities.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.
Keeping that in mind, the last party I had I limited the beer to one cup per guy.
Don't ever say I'm not community minded.
P.S.: Thanks Roll!
My Life As a Dog Servant
I have mentioned in the past my dog, Jake. Jake and I are pals, Jake and I are buddies. I love him, he loves me, etc. etc., but he has me wrapped and he knows it. Jake is half chow, half golden retriever and can be very intimidating when he wants to be.
Yesterday when I got home from work, Jake wanted to go outdoors. Okay fine. I pick up the leash, he grabs his giant blue stuffed dog. Its true. He stood at the door with this giant blue stuffed dog dangling out of his mouth. I said to him, "You're going to look silly walking around in public with that thing hanging out your gob like that." He just looked at me and demanded I open the door (okay he didn't actually say to open the door, but I understood the "look"). So I opened the door and out we went. We weren't 10 steps from the front door when one of the neighbors I had never met pulled up in the parking lot. He gets out and sees Jake with this blue thing dangling around his face and says, "Awwww how sweet!" I was so fucking embarrassed.
My vicious guard dog has blown his reputation in one fell swoop. I am now known as the woman that has that sweet dog who won't go anywhere without his stuffed blue dog toy.
I will never live this down.
Yesterday when I got home from work, Jake wanted to go outdoors. Okay fine. I pick up the leash, he grabs his giant blue stuffed dog. Its true. He stood at the door with this giant blue stuffed dog dangling out of his mouth. I said to him, "You're going to look silly walking around in public with that thing hanging out your gob like that." He just looked at me and demanded I open the door (okay he didn't actually say to open the door, but I understood the "look"). So I opened the door and out we went. We weren't 10 steps from the front door when one of the neighbors I had never met pulled up in the parking lot. He gets out and sees Jake with this blue thing dangling around his face and says, "Awwww how sweet!" I was so fucking embarrassed.
My vicious guard dog has blown his reputation in one fell swoop. I am now known as the woman that has that sweet dog who won't go anywhere without his stuffed blue dog toy.
I will never live this down.
Friday, July 28, 2006
No Its Not Because I've Been Reading Stephen King
I know you guys aren't going to believe this story, but I'm telling it anyway.
My office is haunted.
No shit. It is.
If anyone is familiar with Savannah, you know that its a very historical city. Half the buildings in town are so old they should probably be torn down, but that won't happen because someone historical might have slept across the street from there and might have breathed in the general direction of the now derelict building.... but I digress.
The building my office is in is one of the big historical looking houses that Savannah is famous for, marble porch across the front, huge columns, floor to ceiling windows, etc. It has always been said (usually to new employees) that the building is haunted by the Doctor that used to own it. It is said that he died in the house and was laid out in what is now our front conference room, and he never quite left. Oddly enough I don't normally believe in that kind of thing, but this time I do. I've seen him.
One day I was in my office and was on my computer (as was normal). My back was to the rest of my office, but I could see the reflection of (what I thought was) my boss who had came into the office and was standing behind me. I assumed he was standing there trying to remember where something was, so I just asked without turning around, are you looking for something......? No response. I turned around and the office was empty. Ohhhhhhhhkie dokie then.
Not long after that, around the fall of 2004, my office machines started running on their own. The Doctor especially liked my scanner and he pushed the button constantly to make it run. Of course there was nothing in there to be scanned so it would always make an error message come up on my screen. Everyone on the second floor heard the scanner running constantly. I came to work once and the scanner had been ran and a file attached to an email that was waiting to be sent. I confess to being terrified to look at the attached file, but it was blank as normal. One day I went in and popped a tape full of dictation into the transcription machine, and it started running by itself. Normally I have to push the floor pedal with my foot to make it run, but it was going very nicely all by itself. I stepped out and called another secretary in and she came in there. I said look....... she stood there for a second and heard the machine going by itself.. on, off, on, off, like someone was working the foot pedal (I was across the office standing next to her). She absolutely FREAKED. After she left I sat down to try to do the tape but the tape kept going off and on. I said, "Cut it out please, I have to work," and it stopped. A few days later the electric typewriter would type random letters, just out of the blue.
That hilarity lasted about two weeks, then it stopped as suddenly as it started. Its been quiet ever since.. until yesterday. The scanner ran twice all by itself. That was it, just two times, and then nothing else.
The Doctor is back.
My office is haunted.
No shit. It is.
If anyone is familiar with Savannah, you know that its a very historical city. Half the buildings in town are so old they should probably be torn down, but that won't happen because someone historical might have slept across the street from there and might have breathed in the general direction of the now derelict building.... but I digress.
The building my office is in is one of the big historical looking houses that Savannah is famous for, marble porch across the front, huge columns, floor to ceiling windows, etc. It has always been said (usually to new employees) that the building is haunted by the Doctor that used to own it. It is said that he died in the house and was laid out in what is now our front conference room, and he never quite left. Oddly enough I don't normally believe in that kind of thing, but this time I do. I've seen him.
One day I was in my office and was on my computer (as was normal). My back was to the rest of my office, but I could see the reflection of (what I thought was) my boss who had came into the office and was standing behind me. I assumed he was standing there trying to remember where something was, so I just asked without turning around, are you looking for something......? No response. I turned around and the office was empty. Ohhhhhhhhkie dokie then.
Not long after that, around the fall of 2004, my office machines started running on their own. The Doctor especially liked my scanner and he pushed the button constantly to make it run. Of course there was nothing in there to be scanned so it would always make an error message come up on my screen. Everyone on the second floor heard the scanner running constantly. I came to work once and the scanner had been ran and a file attached to an email that was waiting to be sent. I confess to being terrified to look at the attached file, but it was blank as normal. One day I went in and popped a tape full of dictation into the transcription machine, and it started running by itself. Normally I have to push the floor pedal with my foot to make it run, but it was going very nicely all by itself. I stepped out and called another secretary in and she came in there. I said look....... she stood there for a second and heard the machine going by itself.. on, off, on, off, like someone was working the foot pedal (I was across the office standing next to her). She absolutely FREAKED. After she left I sat down to try to do the tape but the tape kept going off and on. I said, "Cut it out please, I have to work," and it stopped. A few days later the electric typewriter would type random letters, just out of the blue.
That hilarity lasted about two weeks, then it stopped as suddenly as it started. Its been quiet ever since.. until yesterday. The scanner ran twice all by itself. That was it, just two times, and then nothing else.
The Doctor is back.
Email of the Day
Updated Nursery Rhymes
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumbass!"
HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad.......
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo,
and a sports car.
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumbass!"
HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad.......
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo,
and a sports car.
Strange Days
I have been in a strange mood lately. I have not wanted to talk to anyone. I rarely even answer the phone when it rings. I get like this occasionally, just very anti-social for no particular reason. Nothing is wrong in my life, no tragedies unfurling.. I just feel like being quiet and reflective.
I have always had times like this, for as long as I can remember. Of course when I was domesticated being anti-social wasn't allowed. Husbands tend to think the wives are brooding about something horrible when in fact, all the wife wants is some peace and quiet, and going without speaking for 4 or 5 days isn't too much to ask for, is it?
Maybe its a Walnut Tree thing. ;-)
I have always had times like this, for as long as I can remember. Of course when I was domesticated being anti-social wasn't allowed. Husbands tend to think the wives are brooding about something horrible when in fact, all the wife wants is some peace and quiet, and going without speaking for 4 or 5 days isn't too much to ask for, is it?
Maybe its a Walnut Tree thing. ;-)
Quiz Time
| You Are A Walnut Tree |
 You are strange and full of contrasts... the oddball of your group. You are unrelenting and you have unlimited ambition. Not always liked but always admired, you are more infamous than famous. You are aggressive and spontaneous, and your reactions are often unexpected. A jealous and passionate person, you are difficult in romantic relationships. |
P.S.: I don't think I'm THAT difficult.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Fact or Crap
Its been a while since I've done a trivia sort of post, so I thought I'd do one today. Are these fact or crap?
1. The Bible has been translasted into Klingon.
2. There are approximatey 100,000 miles of blood vessels in the body of an adult human.
3. New York City was once the capital of the United States.
4. Bruce Lee was the cha-cha dance champion of Hong Kong in 1958.
5. DDT is a carcinogen that kills millions of humans every year.
Give it your best shot. :-)
1. The Bible has been translasted into Klingon.
2. There are approximatey 100,000 miles of blood vessels in the body of an adult human.
3. New York City was once the capital of the United States.
4. Bruce Lee was the cha-cha dance champion of Hong Kong in 1958.
5. DDT is a carcinogen that kills millions of humans every year.
Give it your best shot. :-)
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Enraging Upsetting Hokeyness
I am on the last story in the Stephen King book. I am reading it, albeit reluctantly, after yesterday's creepy fiasco. I hate not finishing a book.
I hope this last story scares me like the hotel one did. hehe
P.S.: Thanks Sassan for the cool post title.
Update
It wasn't scary. I was so disappointed.
I hope this last story scares me like the hotel one did. hehe
P.S.: Thanks Sassan for the cool post title.
Update
It wasn't scary. I was so disappointed.
What is a FICO?
This question was asked by one of the non-US residents who follow the ramblings of the insane American woman. ;-)
Okay, I am by far no expert on this, but this is my take on a FICO score. Every American is judged by their spending habits. If you have loans and use credit cards and always pay on time, you are judged highly by the governing credit agencies, thus a high FICO score. If you use cash and never ever take out loans or use credit cards, you might think you would gain some respect for that, but alas you have nothing for the credit agencies to base your performance on, so you have a low or non-existent FICO score. If you have had credit but have experienced a few bumps in the road (i.e., divorce, missed a credit card or loan payment, etc.), your FICO score hits the skids.
Having a high FICO score means low interest rates on any loan. A low score means OUTRAGEOUS interest rates.
After my divorce my credit score hit the skids. However, I decided last year that I wanted to get a house, and with my FICO score in the sad shape it was in, it was unlikely I would be able to get a decent mortgage, so I have spent the last year trying to clean my credit up, and I was succeeding. I was just a hair away from being in the "good risk" score category. With the 52 point drop though, I am back to the "fair to poor risk" category.
Other than investigating why the drop, getting the score back up where it was is not going to be an easy task because the credit agencies feed off of our discomfort. They wallow in our misery. They laugh at our pain.
Okay, I am by far no expert on this, but this is my take on a FICO score. Every American is judged by their spending habits. If you have loans and use credit cards and always pay on time, you are judged highly by the governing credit agencies, thus a high FICO score. If you use cash and never ever take out loans or use credit cards, you might think you would gain some respect for that, but alas you have nothing for the credit agencies to base your performance on, so you have a low or non-existent FICO score. If you have had credit but have experienced a few bumps in the road (i.e., divorce, missed a credit card or loan payment, etc.), your FICO score hits the skids.
Having a high FICO score means low interest rates on any loan. A low score means OUTRAGEOUS interest rates.
After my divorce my credit score hit the skids. However, I decided last year that I wanted to get a house, and with my FICO score in the sad shape it was in, it was unlikely I would be able to get a decent mortgage, so I have spent the last year trying to clean my credit up, and I was succeeding. I was just a hair away from being in the "good risk" score category. With the 52 point drop though, I am back to the "fair to poor risk" category.
Other than investigating why the drop, getting the score back up where it was is not going to be an easy task because the credit agencies feed off of our discomfort. They wallow in our misery. They laugh at our pain.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Not Creepy or Weird
After the last two posts I thought I would post something a little less disturbing (to me anyway). If you find cute adorable things disturbing, then read no further.
This site has got the most adorable, nicest put together games. You would not be ashamed to let your mother play these games (if she knew how to work the mouse).
This site has got the most adorable, nicest put together games. You would not be ashamed to let your mother play these games (if she knew how to work the mouse).
Creepy
A couple of weeks ago I went to the local library book sale. I picked up a few books, The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (6 volumes, they take up one full bookshelf and were hella heavy getting home). I also bought a book of Stephen King short stories, Everything's Eventual. I used to be a Stephen King fan and read everything that he wrote, but I stopped after reading about the Buick 8.. that story was way too weird for me and it basically killed what love for the genre that I had. However, finding Everything's Eventual for 50 cents at a book sale was okie dokie... I would read it. Since that time I would pick it up and occasionally read one of the short stories.
There are, however, consequences to this. I woke up this morning, started my usual routine of taking a bath, etc. This time I took the Stephen King book with me and read a story while I was soaking in the bathtub. It was a story about a haunted hotel room.
Those types of stories are not original. Seems I have read hundreds of haunted hotel room stories through the years, with no consequences for me other than a few wasted minutes. This time is different. That story scared the bejesus out of me and I have no idea why. Now my day feels slightly off-kilter, slightly wrong, as if I'm waiting for the worst to happen.
Stephen King is one strange guy.
There are, however, consequences to this. I woke up this morning, started my usual routine of taking a bath, etc. This time I took the Stephen King book with me and read a story while I was soaking in the bathtub. It was a story about a haunted hotel room.
Those types of stories are not original. Seems I have read hundreds of haunted hotel room stories through the years, with no consequences for me other than a few wasted minutes. This time is different. That story scared the bejesus out of me and I have no idea why. Now my day feels slightly off-kilter, slightly wrong, as if I'm waiting for the worst to happen.
Stephen King is one strange guy.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Well what the.....................??
I check my credit card statement online several times a month. It has a very nice feature on my statement page that will tell me my FICO credit score. I checked it last week, it had gone up a bit. Yay. I checked it today. It had dropped 52 points. WHAT??? I have had no late payments. I have no idea why it has dropped so dramatically.
What is really bad about it is that there is basically nothing to be done. We are all at the mercy of the credit agencies.
I've been working really hard in the last year to straighten my credit so I could buy a house at some point. Fat lotta good its done me.
What is really bad about it is that there is basically nothing to be done. We are all at the mercy of the credit agencies.
I've been working really hard in the last year to straighten my credit so I could buy a house at some point. Fat lotta good its done me.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
RELATIONSHIPS SUCK DONKEY DICKS
If a man ever hits on me ever again it better be for meaningless sex and nothing else, dammit.
GAWD ALMIGHTY
GAWD ALMIGHTY
Saturday, July 22, 2006
What I Did Today
I know you guys are so very interested in what I did with my Saturday, so I started this list at 10:30 a.m. on Saturday morning and will end it tonight at 10:30.. just to give you a verbal picture of my day. I know you are seriously impressed.
1. Slept until 9:00 a.m. - played Pogo while I drank an energy drink (I'm addicted to those things).
2. 10:30 a.m. Added Pink Floyd - The Wall & James Blunt - Back to Bedlam to Winamp so they can play while I do productive stuff (the Goodbye My Lover song is sooooooo sad.. it would make anyone who has been through a recent break up find themselves in a corner curled in a fetal position), and yes, they are legal copies so HA.
3. 10:36 a.m. - Started the first load of laundry.
4. 10:45 a.m. to 11:25 a.m. - Phone call from friend who is stuck at the Chicago airport and bored and needed me to keep them entertained. (It's so nice to be needed.)
5. 11:27 a.m. - Put 2nd load of laundry in to wash.
6. 11:32 a.m. - Sat down at computer to listen to Comfortably Numb 3 times & drink 2 bottles of water.
7. 12:03 p.m. - Began the blog rounds (Odat, Scorpy, Curmudgeon, Sassan, Markoos, Steve).
8. 12:05 p.m. to 12:26 p.m. - Phone call from son. Listened to The Trial from The Wall with him because he likes that song. Cleaned off desk and started dusting while on the phone.
9. 12:45 p.m. - Folded clothes in dryer, put another load in washer.
10. 1:09 p.m. - Found CD that came with my IRiver when I ordered it. Put it in the computer to see what it is. (Cool.. it seems to be software to put video on my IRiver. That could come in handy on my flight to Glasgow.)
11. 10:09 p.m. - I got distracted with ummmmm.. naps and stuff.
Okay, I confess, I am basically useless these days. At least I have clean towels and underwear now.
;-)
1. Slept until 9:00 a.m. - played Pogo while I drank an energy drink (I'm addicted to those things).
2. 10:30 a.m. Added Pink Floyd - The Wall & James Blunt - Back to Bedlam to Winamp so they can play while I do productive stuff (the Goodbye My Lover song is sooooooo sad.. it would make anyone who has been through a recent break up find themselves in a corner curled in a fetal position), and yes, they are legal copies so HA.
3. 10:36 a.m. - Started the first load of laundry.
4. 10:45 a.m. to 11:25 a.m. - Phone call from friend who is stuck at the Chicago airport and bored and needed me to keep them entertained. (It's so nice to be needed.)
5. 11:27 a.m. - Put 2nd load of laundry in to wash.
6. 11:32 a.m. - Sat down at computer to listen to Comfortably Numb 3 times & drink 2 bottles of water.
7. 12:03 p.m. - Began the blog rounds (Odat, Scorpy, Curmudgeon, Sassan, Markoos, Steve).
8. 12:05 p.m. to 12:26 p.m. - Phone call from son. Listened to The Trial from The Wall with him because he likes that song. Cleaned off desk and started dusting while on the phone.
9. 12:45 p.m. - Folded clothes in dryer, put another load in washer.
10. 1:09 p.m. - Found CD that came with my IRiver when I ordered it. Put it in the computer to see what it is. (Cool.. it seems to be software to put video on my IRiver. That could come in handy on my flight to Glasgow.)
11. 10:09 p.m. - I got distracted with ummmmm.. naps and stuff.
Okay, I confess, I am basically useless these days. At least I have clean towels and underwear now.
;-)
Friday, July 21, 2006
Its Not The Heat Its The Humidity
This is another oldie, but with the heat wave going on I thought it pretty topical. Although I don't live in Oklahoma anymore, I still find it funny because I remember the heat waves well.
Dear Diary:
May 30th:
Just moved to Tulsa, OK...Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.
June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected.
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed 2 days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and SHITS. No more pets in this heat.
July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug. 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down a little, but this freaking humidity makes the house feel like it's about 90. Stupid repairman pissed in my pool. I hate this stupid city.
Aug. 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going to tear his throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like a dead cat!!
Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt ass and fried cat.
Aug. 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren damn desert?? Water rationing will be next, so $1700 worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the damn pool. Even the cactus can't live in this heat.
Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 113 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking Oklahoma.
Dear Diary:
May 30th:
Just moved to Tulsa, OK...Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.
June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected.
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed 2 days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th:
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and SHITS. No more pets in this heat.
July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug. 4th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down a little, but this freaking humidity makes the house feel like it's about 90. Stupid repairman pissed in my pool. I hate this stupid city.
Aug. 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going to tear his throat out. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like a dead cat!!
Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt ass and fried cat.
Aug. 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren damn desert?? Water rationing will be next, so $1700 worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the damn pool. Even the cactus can't live in this heat.
Aug. 14th:
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 113 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Freaking Oklahoma.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Memorandum
To: All Employees
From: Management
Date: July 20, 2006
Re: Foul Language
It has been brought to our attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who are easily offended (and you know who you are), this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: When the fuck do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way!
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me.
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.
TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a shit.
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, it won't work.
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck cares?
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?
TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Bite me.
TRY SAYING: Yes we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF: Another fucking meeting?
TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a shit.
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a fucking prick.
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball busting bitch.
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck are you doing?
Your cooperation will be greatly appreciated. I know you all love a challenge so I don't think this will be a problem.
From: Management
Date: July 20, 2006
Re: Foul Language
It has been brought to our attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who are easily offended (and you know who you are), this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: When the fuck do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No fucking way!
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me.
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.
TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned.
INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a shit.
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my fucking problem.
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, it won't work.
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF: Who the fuck cares?
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: Fuck it, I'm on salary.
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass.
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?
TRY SAYING: I see.
INSTEAD OF: Bite me.
TRY SAYING: Yes we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF: Another fucking meeting?
TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a shit.
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a fucking prick.
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a ball busting bitch.
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: What the fuck are you doing?
Your cooperation will be greatly appreciated. I know you all love a challenge so I don't think this will be a problem.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Poppycock
I was talking to a friend (okay it was Odat) who used the word "Poppycock" in the middle of our conversation. I had to laugh because it sounded so old fashioned (she quickly corrected herself and used a more, ummm.. shall we say.. up to date phrase). That started me contemplating the antiquated phrases that were used so often that have now fallen from grace. I've listed some here, but if you think of some let me know and I'll add them to the list.
1. Poppycock - it means bullshit (basically)
2. Oops a Daisy - usually said after tripping or dropping something
3. Tuckered out - tired
4. For Pete's Sake - used in place of the now popular "dammit"
5. For Crying Out Loud - replaced by the also popular "fuck"
6. Put Up Job - a scheme or trick (a boondoggle)
7. Pass the Buck - blame someone else
8. Watch you Ps and Qs - to be polite
9. All Washed Up - fucked up
10. Ballyhoo - loud uproar
11. Hootenanny - music gathering
12. Horse Sense - common sense
13. Hunky Dory - very good
14. Tarnation - ouch
15. Rapscallion - naughty person
16. Cockamamy - bullshit
17. Heeby-Jeebies - having the jitters
18. Thrice - three times
19. Mad as a Hatter - crazy
20. Boondocks - far away from everything
This is, of course, just a drop in the bucket of antiquated phrases. Most of these, like poppycock, would just make a person look at you weird if you used them. Although I suppose I do have to remember that I live in the south and they talk funny here.
Update:
Odat has added her own entries (which, by the way, I couldn't top even if I wanted to):
Sassan has added some very cool words to the list:
Lampoon: to mock or make fun of
Bamboozle: to swindle or deceive
Ersatz: an inferior imitation
Juggernaut: a powerful force
Spiffy: see swell
Swell: see spiffy
Dynamite!: (exclamation) outstanding
**Amended Update:
Twinhead has added to the list:
I love this topic!
;-)
1. Poppycock - it means bullshit (basically)
2. Oops a Daisy - usually said after tripping or dropping something
3. Tuckered out - tired
4. For Pete's Sake - used in place of the now popular "dammit"
5. For Crying Out Loud - replaced by the also popular "fuck"
6. Put Up Job - a scheme or trick (a boondoggle)
7. Pass the Buck - blame someone else
8. Watch you Ps and Qs - to be polite
9. All Washed Up - fucked up
10. Ballyhoo - loud uproar
11. Hootenanny - music gathering
12. Horse Sense - common sense
13. Hunky Dory - very good
14. Tarnation - ouch
15. Rapscallion - naughty person
16. Cockamamy - bullshit
17. Heeby-Jeebies - having the jitters
18. Thrice - three times
19. Mad as a Hatter - crazy
20. Boondocks - far away from everything
This is, of course, just a drop in the bucket of antiquated phrases. Most of these, like poppycock, would just make a person look at you weird if you used them. Although I suppose I do have to remember that I live in the south and they talk funny here.
Update:
Odat has added her own entries (which, by the way, I couldn't top even if I wanted to):
Holy fucking cow! Don't go getting your feathers all ruffled. Just hold your horses. By hook or by crook I'll redeem myself. Really. I was only being honest as the day is long by using the word poppycock. It conveyed a feeling in response to my total amazement at your evilness percentage! Was just trying to say I think your full of beans!
Sassan has added some very cool words to the list:
Lampoon: to mock or make fun of
Bamboozle: to swindle or deceive
Ersatz: an inferior imitation
Juggernaut: a powerful force
Spiffy: see swell
Swell: see spiffy
Dynamite!: (exclamation) outstanding
**Amended Update:
Twinhead has added to the list:
As big as a house: a fat personAnd my favorite cranky dude had this to add:
Gee. What a groovy list. I mean it's just bitchin'! Outta site! Right on!
I love this topic!
;-)
Monday, July 17, 2006
Mwa Ha Ha Ha Haaaaa
Personally I think I am more evil, but who am I to argue with such a scientific infallible test.
| You Are 38% Evil |
 A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil. |
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Transformers
My son was a Transformer addict when he was small. Since that time I get that warm fuzzy AWWWWWW feeling when I see anything to do with Transformers. This commercial is way cool though.
I have no idea what kind of car that is, never heard of it, but it can sure dance.
And this one:
I have no idea what kind of car that is, never heard of it, but it can sure dance.
And this one:
Win Oprah's Favorite Things!
I frequently get spam mail with that as the subject line. The thing is, I don't care what Oprah's favorite things are, so why would I want to get them? I have my own favorite things to work towards getting, I don't plan to waste any time or effort getting the favorite things of another person.
Oprah may be filthy rich, but I'm pretty sure that the stuff she considers her favorite things would not make my favorite things list, as we are two different people.
For example: My favorite car right now is a Nissan Z. I really really REALLY want a Nissan Z, but Oprah has so much money to burn that a Nissan Z would not be on her radar.. too cheap. So fuck Oprah and fuck her favorite things.
I'll get my Nissan Z without any help from the filthiest rich woman in America, thank you very much.
Go away Oprah.
Oprah may be filthy rich, but I'm pretty sure that the stuff she considers her favorite things would not make my favorite things list, as we are two different people.
For example: My favorite car right now is a Nissan Z. I really really REALLY want a Nissan Z, but Oprah has so much money to burn that a Nissan Z would not be on her radar.. too cheap. So fuck Oprah and fuck her favorite things.
I'll get my Nissan Z without any help from the filthiest rich woman in America, thank you very much.
Go away Oprah.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Arg Mateys
I went today to see Pirates of the Carribean - Dead Man's Chest. I wasn't expecting much as sequels are rarely as good as the originals (and I LOVED the original), but I have to admit to being pleasantly surprised.
The plot unfolds as follows:
On the day of Elizabeth and Will's wedding, they are both arrested and sentenced to death for helping with the escape of Captain Jack Sparrow. The person doing the arresting is a wicked evil English lord (apparently). He throws Elizabeth in the jail and blackmails Will into going after Captain Jack, to bring back something of Jack's that the wicked evil English lord wants.
Meanwhile, on the Black Pearl...
Captain Jack's time is up. He made a deal with Davey Jones 13 years before and it is now his time to pay his debt. (On a side note, Davey Jones was played very nicely by Bill Nighy, who is one of my favorite actors.) Captain Jack knew that his time was up and was in search of a key that would open Davey Jones' treasure chest, where Davey Jones stashed his still beating heart because of his love for a woman. The only way the kill Davey Jones (and free the sailors who had bargained their way into 100 years of servitude to Davey) would be to stop his heart.
There was one very entertaining sword fight between Jack, Will and Commodore Norrington (remember him??) as they were all three trying to get the heart for their own agendas.
Okay, I will stop here because anything else I add will be spoiling the plot for anyone who would like to see the movie.
I do have one complaint about it. It is a fucking cliffhanger! I hate movies that end like that. I tolerated it with Kill Bill, but come on. To end it like that and expect me to wait patiently for a year until the next one comes out? That is just mean, and I will hold a grudge against Johnny Depp for this. (He will now have to beg for me. Of course I'll still give in, but he won't know that at the time, will he.) ;-)
Boondoggled Rating:
3.78 stars out of 5
It would have gotten more stars if not for the cliffhanger, and the truly horrifying scene of the crow plucking out the eyeball of a guy in a cage. EWWWW
The plot unfolds as follows:
On the day of Elizabeth and Will's wedding, they are both arrested and sentenced to death for helping with the escape of Captain Jack Sparrow. The person doing the arresting is a wicked evil English lord (apparently). He throws Elizabeth in the jail and blackmails Will into going after Captain Jack, to bring back something of Jack's that the wicked evil English lord wants.
Meanwhile, on the Black Pearl...
Captain Jack's time is up. He made a deal with Davey Jones 13 years before and it is now his time to pay his debt. (On a side note, Davey Jones was played very nicely by Bill Nighy, who is one of my favorite actors.) Captain Jack knew that his time was up and was in search of a key that would open Davey Jones' treasure chest, where Davey Jones stashed his still beating heart because of his love for a woman. The only way the kill Davey Jones (and free the sailors who had bargained their way into 100 years of servitude to Davey) would be to stop his heart.
There was one very entertaining sword fight between Jack, Will and Commodore Norrington (remember him??) as they were all three trying to get the heart for their own agendas.
Okay, I will stop here because anything else I add will be spoiling the plot for anyone who would like to see the movie.
I do have one complaint about it. It is a fucking cliffhanger! I hate movies that end like that. I tolerated it with Kill Bill, but come on. To end it like that and expect me to wait patiently for a year until the next one comes out? That is just mean, and I will hold a grudge against Johnny Depp for this. (He will now have to beg for me. Of course I'll still give in, but he won't know that at the time, will he.) ;-)
Boondoggled Rating:
3.78 stars out of 5
It would have gotten more stars if not for the cliffhanger, and the truly horrifying scene of the crow plucking out the eyeball of a guy in a cage. EWWWW
Friday, July 14, 2006
ARGH
I am having email problems at work. We have IT people who are supposed to take care of it, but everytime they even TOUCH my computer they make things worse. Can't kill em, can't stop paying em because they are under contract.
Also, they saw fit to install PC Anywhere on my computer so they can have access to it without actually having to touch it. I call foul on that and disable it whenever it comes up. They can do what they are fucking paid for and come HERE to fix it.
Assholes.
Or maybe I'm just bitter.
Also, they saw fit to install PC Anywhere on my computer so they can have access to it without actually having to touch it. I call foul on that and disable it whenever it comes up. They can do what they are fucking paid for and come HERE to fix it.
Assholes.
Or maybe I'm just bitter.
Its Friday
My first Friday without my son babysitting me in ages. I hope to get in lots of trouble. ;-)
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Holy Crap
This is disturbing on so many levels. I had always suspected that this was the case with the TV networks.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Pig Heads
I have had an ongoing discussion via my comment box about a recent article that talks about a pig's head being rolled into the midst of praying Muslims. I found it funny and make no apologies about it. I frequently find things funny that 90% of the population would never consider laughing at. That is just the way I'm put together. This isn't the first time I've been called into question about something I have (seemingly inappropriately) laughed at.
However, the discussion has some valid points on each side:
This was the partial response to that:
The Response........?
The response.....
I would be extremely interested to hear from a true Muslim. I cannot answer for anyone of the Muslim faith, and perhaps I have been too harsh in my judgment, it wouldn't be the first time. I will be the first to say I'm wrong if it comes to that, but until then......
Thanks to Sassan for the very interesting discussion.
However, the discussion has some valid points on each side:
It's really offensive. Nobody laughs at swastikas spray-painted on synagogues. Why are Muslims suddenly okay to make fun of? Because a small number of them committed terrorist acts, it makes it okay to insult the ones who are praying?
This was the partial response to that:
I find it very ironic that a faith that has no qualms whatsoever about strapping a bomb to itself and blowing up hundreds of innocent bystanders, along with themselves, would run screaming from the room at the sight of a pig head.
The Response........?
All groups (religious, ethnic, etc.) have their zealous few who go well past the line of decency and commit atrocious acts. Do we paint them all with the same brush?Actually, having lived near Oklahoma City at the time of the OKC bombing, I have to respond to the Timothy McVeigh comment. Yes, in my neck of the woods, at that time anyone who spoke out against the government was automatically under suspicion. It is a gut reaction and involuntary reflex of a group of people who have been traumatized by someone or something.
Have you heard about the Japanese internment camps during World War Two? This was where Americans and Canadians of Japanese descent had their property and possessions taken away from them, and they were holed up in concentration camps. These were not enemy sympathizers, they were simply born in the wrong country.
After Timothy McVeigh blew up the federal building in Oklahoma City, did we suddenly rush to condemn anyone who had ever spoken out against the government, ever?
When a couple of kids shot up Columbine High School, did we suddenly become suspicious of all teenagers and lock down all the homes that had children age 13 to 18 in them?
It's just to wrong to tar and feather an entire group of mostly peace-loving people, when the acts were carried out by a small number of them and condemned by the rest of the group.
"You said there is not enough being done by their own to put a stop to it, what exactly do you suggest they are capable of doing that law enforcement officials are not already doing??"
Radical Muslims have proven that laws have no meaning to them, but they will listen to their Muslim leaders. For the most part the Muslim leaders are encouraging their actions. There are a rare few who timidly speak up against what is being carried out, but from what I have seen these few have not gotten enough support to be a true voice of the Muslim faith.
We can have an ongoing debate about this.. but mostly I think it is Americans who are Muslim targets. I have yet to see a Canadian flag being burned, Canadian citizens being targeted or anyone chanting "Death to Canada." If that ever happens you may see more clearly where the attitude comes from.
The response.....
The part I don't get is that you have THIS one group of Muslims over here who are horrible evil terrorists and deserve to be punished or worse, but instead you go after THAT other group of Muslims over there who have not done anything wrong and are simply peacefully praying when you go and roll a pig's head into their mosque. What did THEY ever do??
Honestly, I don't think that the U.S. is in any danger from 99%+ of its Muslim population!
I will not speculate as to why Americans seem to be a target. I will say that is neither deserved nor random.
I would be extremely interested to hear from a true Muslim. I cannot answer for anyone of the Muslim faith, and perhaps I have been too harsh in my judgment, it wouldn't be the first time. I will be the first to say I'm wrong if it comes to that, but until then......
Thanks to Sassan for the very interesting discussion.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
I'm Bored
I'm bored I'm boring I'm so very very bored. My life has settled into a boring routine. I need to do something fun and completely out of character.
GAWD I'm bored.
GAWD I'm bored.
Monday, July 10, 2006
New Blog (to me anyway)
I stumbled across this blog last night during my nocturnal wanderings, but can't remember how I got there. If it is a stolen link from one of my regular reads then feel free to speak up and I'll give credit where credit is due.
The name Fallen Scorpio immediately got my attention since I am one of those sad creatures as well, but it was the fact that he uses really cool words like "whilst" and "queue" that forced me to acknowledge that this blog is going to have to be on my list of dailies.
Go have a look.
The name Fallen Scorpio immediately got my attention since I am one of those sad creatures as well, but it was the fact that he uses really cool words like "whilst" and "queue" that forced me to acknowledge that this blog is going to have to be on my list of dailies.
Go have a look.
I Knew It
As soon as I posted my last entry about the book "Wicked," I started getting search hits for the word "nymphomaniac."
I am convinced that most of us are headed straight to Hell. Some of us faster than others. ;-)
I am convinced that most of us are headed straight to Hell. Some of us faster than others. ;-)
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Wicked
I am reading a book called "Wicked." It is a book about the life story of the Wicked Witch of the West. Yes, the green witch from The Wizard of Oz. I had a little trouble getting into it at first. Mainly because us (meaning me) as Americans (meaning me again), have had it ingrained in our (me again) brains that green skin = totally evil witchiness. I believe that comes from breathlessly waiting for The Wizard of Oz to have its annual showing on television. My mom would make popcorn and I would plant myself in front of the television in breathless anticipation. Obviously this was before the days of VCRs, and I don't need any smart ass remarks from the gallery about my age..k?
Obviously, as a child I LOVED the movie The Wizard of Oz. Poor beleaguered Dorothy, her much loved dog ruthlessly yanked away from her by the mean old rich lady, to be killed without a second thought because the little dog had the nerve, yes the nerve to bark at the mean rich lady's cat. And then.... to have the dog run away from the mean old rich lady and come back to Dorothy, only to eventually be blown away by a Kansas tornado to a land of color and short people, where the truly evil ones are made obvious by their green skin.
This book has changed my entire perspective regarding the green=evil thing. Yes she was green, but she was misunderstood. She had a harsh childhood, being the child of an itinerate preacher man and a mentally unstable nymphomaniac. Her sister (yes, the squished one from the movie), was born deformed (but not green) and grew up to be a religious zealot. The misunderstood green woman stayed away from her family for her own mental stability. She took on a married lover, who was later murdered because of his affection for her. Glinda, The Good Witch of The North, was the Green Witch's college roommate, and they only had their falling out when Glinda gave Dorothy the ruby slippers, which the Green Witch only wanted because they were sentimental and made by her father.
Oh, and the Wizard is an evil dictator who ruled with an iron fist. It was his way or you die a slow, painful death.
I'm not quite finished with the book, I have another chapter or two. I have just read the real twist to the book, and am breathlessly anticipating the climax. I won't spoil it for you because I know that most of you are going to want to run right out and get the book.
Boondoggled Assessment:
4.2 out of 5 stars.
Slow start, but grabs your attention after the first couple of chapters. Who knew that the Munchkinlanders were such horny little fellers.
Obviously, as a child I LOVED the movie The Wizard of Oz. Poor beleaguered Dorothy, her much loved dog ruthlessly yanked away from her by the mean old rich lady, to be killed without a second thought because the little dog had the nerve, yes the nerve to bark at the mean rich lady's cat. And then.... to have the dog run away from the mean old rich lady and come back to Dorothy, only to eventually be blown away by a Kansas tornado to a land of color and short people, where the truly evil ones are made obvious by their green skin.
This book has changed my entire perspective regarding the green=evil thing. Yes she was green, but she was misunderstood. She had a harsh childhood, being the child of an itinerate preacher man and a mentally unstable nymphomaniac. Her sister (yes, the squished one from the movie), was born deformed (but not green) and grew up to be a religious zealot. The misunderstood green woman stayed away from her family for her own mental stability. She took on a married lover, who was later murdered because of his affection for her. Glinda, The Good Witch of The North, was the Green Witch's college roommate, and they only had their falling out when Glinda gave Dorothy the ruby slippers, which the Green Witch only wanted because they were sentimental and made by her father.
Oh, and the Wizard is an evil dictator who ruled with an iron fist. It was his way or you die a slow, painful death.
I'm not quite finished with the book, I have another chapter or two. I have just read the real twist to the book, and am breathlessly anticipating the climax. I won't spoil it for you because I know that most of you are going to want to run right out and get the book.
Boondoggled Assessment:
4.2 out of 5 stars.
Slow start, but grabs your attention after the first couple of chapters. Who knew that the Munchkinlanders were such horny little fellers.
I Feel So Special
I look at a few particular blogs every day. Sassan's is one of them, but I have noticed that he hasn't posted anything new in a while, which I helpfully pointed out to him in a comment.
He has now fixed that situation.
I just feel so damned special now.
Thank you, Sassan.
He has now fixed that situation.
I just feel so damned special now.
Thank you, Sassan.
Funny Stuff
Who says I don't believe in equal opportunity?
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
--------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
----------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
--------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-----------------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
----------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
-------------------------------------------------------
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
--------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until
they can walk down the street with a bald
head and a beer gut, and still think they
are sexy.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
My Top 25 Flaws
Actually I'm not sure these are the top ones, they are just the ones I could think of at the time. They are in no particular order, just written as they popped into my head. I'm sure my friends could happily add a few.
1. I hate housework. I would rather chew glass.
2. I take too many lonnnng baths. When I get into the bath I always take a good book with me. I'm sure it would be annoying to anyone who lived with me, if they did.
3. I have days when I live on nothing but Pop Tarts and coffee.
4. I only make my bed when I'm expecting company.
5. My dog is very very lazy and I like it that way.
6. I will read anything from children's books to forensic textbooks.
7. I never watch the local news.
8. I only put my cordless phone on the charger when the battery runs dead.
9. I only get out the Pledge when I can write my name in the dust.
10. My ironing board stays out 24/7.
11. I can't brush my teeth unless I have Listerine to use first.
12. I breathe sarcastically.
13. My kids think I'm a flake.
14. I will only exercise when I can't think of any excuse not to.
15. I have a deep seated distrust of anyone with an "M.D." after their name.
16. I'd like to go to university but I'm too lazy.
17. My car is very messy. All my junk mail gets thrown into the back seat.
18. My bosses think I'm a flake.
19. I must be a flake.
20. I have a tendency to do things that I know will annoy my ex husband.
21. I worry obsessively when I don't hear from someone when I was expecting to.
22. When boss #2 calls me I answer the phone, "Hey hunny bunny!"
23. When boss #2 questions what I am doing I tell him everything, even if I was just going to the bathroom... I threaten him with details just to scare him.
24. I like to shock my mother.
25. I secretly like blog wars.
1. I hate housework. I would rather chew glass.
2. I take too many lonnnng baths. When I get into the bath I always take a good book with me. I'm sure it would be annoying to anyone who lived with me, if they did.
3. I have days when I live on nothing but Pop Tarts and coffee.
4. I only make my bed when I'm expecting company.
5. My dog is very very lazy and I like it that way.
6. I will read anything from children's books to forensic textbooks.
7. I never watch the local news.
8. I only put my cordless phone on the charger when the battery runs dead.
9. I only get out the Pledge when I can write my name in the dust.
10. My ironing board stays out 24/7.
11. I can't brush my teeth unless I have Listerine to use first.
12. I breathe sarcastically.
13. My kids think I'm a flake.
14. I will only exercise when I can't think of any excuse not to.
15. I have a deep seated distrust of anyone with an "M.D." after their name.
16. I'd like to go to university but I'm too lazy.
17. My car is very messy. All my junk mail gets thrown into the back seat.
18. My bosses think I'm a flake.
19. I must be a flake.
20. I have a tendency to do things that I know will annoy my ex husband.
21. I worry obsessively when I don't hear from someone when I was expecting to.
22. When boss #2 calls me I answer the phone, "Hey hunny bunny!"
23. When boss #2 questions what I am doing I tell him everything, even if I was just going to the bathroom... I threaten him with details just to scare him.
24. I like to shock my mother.
25. I secretly like blog wars.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Spammer Names
I hate spam email. I do, but I have to confess to being highly amused by some of the names attached to the emails. One today was Overshot P. Gingivitis. Yesterday it was Saffron Mazzarella. I think I will start collecting some of these names to use as character names in a nonsensical kid's book.
One was TAKAYUKI KASHIWAGI (re: I must intensification my thrust). I think Takayuki needs to work on his English skills if he wants to spam us regular folks.
Helmuth Ledoux. Doesn't that sound like a great villian name??
LOL
One was TAKAYUKI KASHIWAGI (re: I must intensification my thrust). I think Takayuki needs to work on his English skills if he wants to spam us regular folks.
Helmuth Ledoux. Doesn't that sound like a great villian name??
LOL
Thursday, July 06, 2006
I Couldn't Let This One Pass
Pig's Head Thrown Into Maine Mosque During Prayers
Someone explain please.
Pigs are considered unclean by Muslims, who are barred from eating pork, and the act was viewed as a deliberate insult against the religion.Nooooooooo, ya think??? But this is the part that cracked me up:
When the pig's head rolled in, the men got up and ran outside.Are pig heads that scary?
Someone explain please.
I Don't LIke It When You........
I think my son and I have spent too much time together. We spent the evening last night sniping at each other, and to top it off, its pissing me off that I can't use my computer dammit. If I get on it, he sits behind me saying, "Are you almost done?" "Are you almost done?" "When are you going to be done?" I suppose it would be considered child abuse to lock him in the closet. Personally I think the child abuse laws are much too strict these days.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Email of the Day
Is it too soon to whine?
I don't think it is.. so I'm going to whine. It is Wednesday morning and I am about to get ready for work after having 4 days off. I am spoiled now. I don't want to go to work. *insert whiney noises here*
Although.......... If I leave soon I can stop at the corner coffee shop and get a Cafe Latte.
Okay, I'm happy again. ;-)
Although.......... If I leave soon I can stop at the corner coffee shop and get a Cafe Latte.
Okay, I'm happy again. ;-)
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Monday, July 03, 2006
ROAD TRIP!
I have today off from work (yayyyy). My son and I decided to drive down to Florida and see what there is to see. I have to be back tonight though (damn dog is always needing to pee).
It should be a fun day. I'll be soooooooooo fucking broke when I get home.
LOL
It should be a fun day. I'll be soooooooooo fucking broke when I get home.
LOL
Christmas in July
This really should be saved as a Christmas post, but I'll never remember to do it then, so I'll do it now, just because I was thinking about it.
This occurred back in the days of my domestication. My son was about 3 years old, but very smart for his age. It was near Christmas time, so I left the kids home with my husband (at the time) and went Christmas shopping. Off I went. I came back with a trunk load of stuff. My son saw me pull into the driveway and came running out to the car. "What did you get me what did you get me what did you get me???" Nothing son, don't ask questions this close to Christmas. "But what did you get me what did you get me what did you get me??" I couldn't get out of the car. In his excitement he had planted himself right at my doorway and would not budge until I told him what I got him. So there I was, the trunk laden with Christmas gifts. I was forced to give the child an offering so that I would be allowed out of the car. I grabbed the closest thing at hand, which happened to be a new frying pan (that wasn't a gift, it was just a new pan). I handed it to him and said, "Here, this is what I got you. Enjoy."
The kid was absolutely delighted. He ran into the house to show his daddy and his sister what mom got him, and took his new frying pan into his bedroom and stashed it under his bed. He wouldn't let anyone touch it. After a couple of days I asked him could I use the new frying pan. "NO, ITS MINE!!!"
He kept that thing under his bed for weeks. After I was sure he had forgotten about it I went in and got it out and used it. As far as I know he never noticed it was gone.
I think I'll get him a new frying pan for Christmas this year, just for a laugh. ;-)
This occurred back in the days of my domestication. My son was about 3 years old, but very smart for his age. It was near Christmas time, so I left the kids home with my husband (at the time) and went Christmas shopping. Off I went. I came back with a trunk load of stuff. My son saw me pull into the driveway and came running out to the car. "What did you get me what did you get me what did you get me???" Nothing son, don't ask questions this close to Christmas. "But what did you get me what did you get me what did you get me??" I couldn't get out of the car. In his excitement he had planted himself right at my doorway and would not budge until I told him what I got him. So there I was, the trunk laden with Christmas gifts. I was forced to give the child an offering so that I would be allowed out of the car. I grabbed the closest thing at hand, which happened to be a new frying pan (that wasn't a gift, it was just a new pan). I handed it to him and said, "Here, this is what I got you. Enjoy."
The kid was absolutely delighted. He ran into the house to show his daddy and his sister what mom got him, and took his new frying pan into his bedroom and stashed it under his bed. He wouldn't let anyone touch it. After a couple of days I asked him could I use the new frying pan. "NO, ITS MINE!!!"
He kept that thing under his bed for weeks. After I was sure he had forgotten about it I went in and got it out and used it. As far as I know he never noticed it was gone.
I think I'll get him a new frying pan for Christmas this year, just for a laugh. ;-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)