Blogger is being a bitch tonight. Kind of like your significant other's mother when she suddenly realizes that you have been kissing her baby in very inappropriate places.
Uncooperative, but under the radar nasty so that only you notice and her baby thinks the two of you adore each other.
That kind of bitch.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Work Humor
I was at work today and spent a large chunk of time trying to locate a particular attorney. He ended up being in Nutbag, New Joisey*. I took the letter that had to go to that attorney to my boss for him to sign, and he saw the town it was going to and started sniggering like a juvenile. I said, "We're not going to laugh at the name of that town are we." He said, "No, that would be immature."
When I left his office we were both sniggering.
*Not its real name.
When I left his office we were both sniggering.
*Not its real name.
Ok. I'm better now.
Sort of.
Kid issues. Enough said. Most of you guys have hung around long enough to know which kid and what sort of issues, so I won't go into it again.
Shutting everyone out doesn't seem to help much either though.
Kid issues. Enough said. Most of you guys have hung around long enough to know which kid and what sort of issues, so I won't go into it again.
Shutting everyone out doesn't seem to help much either though.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Just Stuff
I am in the process of putting back some of my archives. I had them all saved in draft form and have been reading through and getting rid of the stupid ones (shaddup).
I came across Sassan's Ralph the Wonder Llama bio. I do believe that is my favorite thing in this entire blog.
Who doesn't love Ralph the Wonder Llama??
I came across Sassan's Ralph the Wonder Llama bio. I do believe that is my favorite thing in this entire blog.
Who doesn't love Ralph the Wonder Llama??
You Too Could Be A U.S. Citizen
My mom is Canadian. Or was, before she became a U.S. Citizen. My son, in his infinite wisdom, refused to speak to her until the day she became a naturalized citizen. Then and only then would he call her "Nan." It was funny as hell, I have to admit. He was just a little over a year old and we all went up to watch her being sworn in as legal. When it was all over we all went out to climb into our van (we had all ridden together). I had my son in his car seat and my mom went to climb into the van and my son piped up..... "NAN!" To this day we tease him about not speaking to anyone who isn't a legal U.S. resident.
Anyway, I took this test this morning and did okay on it. I had an 85% score (I missed 3).
Welcome to the U.S.
I think I'll go back to bed now.
Anyway, I took this test this morning and did okay on it. I had an 85% score (I missed 3).
Welcome to the U.S.
I think I'll go back to bed now.
Monday, July 31, 2006
DRUM ROLL PLEASE.................
And the winner of the Fact or Crap quiz is....
CURMUDGEON!! He had every single answer correct.
1. True. The bible WAS translated into Klingon (by a 48 year old geek who still lives with his mother).
2. There are enough veins in a person's body to stretch 100,000 miles. (I don't believe it. I think we need to try this out on Paris Hilton.)
3. New York City was once the capital of the U.S. (I will give Markoos a credit on this one since he isn't from the U.S. and can't be expected to know what most Americans don't even know.)
4. Bruce Lee was the cha cha champ in Hong Kong in 1958. (Right before he kung fu'd his partner in the throat.)
5. DDT does not kill millions of people each year. Now that it has been banned in most places, however, malaria and other insect carried diseases kill about a million people each year.
So there ya have it.
Yayyyyyyyyyy Curmudgeon! You win the Blue Ribbon of Happiness.
CURMUDGEON!! He had every single answer correct.
1. True. The bible WAS translated into Klingon (by a 48 year old geek who still lives with his mother).
2. There are enough veins in a person's body to stretch 100,000 miles. (I don't believe it. I think we need to try this out on Paris Hilton.)
3. New York City was once the capital of the U.S. (I will give Markoos a credit on this one since he isn't from the U.S. and can't be expected to know what most Americans don't even know.)
4. Bruce Lee was the cha cha champ in Hong Kong in 1958. (Right before he kung fu'd his partner in the throat.)
5. DDT does not kill millions of people each year. Now that it has been banned in most places, however, malaria and other insect carried diseases kill about a million people each year.
So there ya have it.
Yayyyyyyyyyy Curmudgeon! You win the Blue Ribbon of Happiness.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
I'm Sorry I Was Ever Born!!!
We expect those words from our kids, in one of their many many hissy fits that they like to throw to make the lives of us parents pretty damn miserable. They don't really mean it for the most part, they are just looking for pity and sympathy.
But what does it mean when a 40+ year old man says it? For some reason when the guy said it, I had an uncontrollable urge to laugh. It sounded so fucking silly... I admit to giving the guy a little bit of shit over it. He didn't seem to see the humor at all. He got no sympathy from me, I am sorry to say.
I think a large number of us adults are becoming more and more immature every day. When a grown adult says something like that, it smacks of being ridiculously silly. Is it politically incorrect to laugh at something like that? I mean, what if the guy truly is depressed and he truly feels that way. Does having someone laugh at him for it make the situation worse?
I, for one, says who cares. If they are immature enough to actually say something like that in public, they should be grounded with no TV for at least 2 weeks. And sent to bed without their supper.
Geez.
But what does it mean when a 40+ year old man says it? For some reason when the guy said it, I had an uncontrollable urge to laugh. It sounded so fucking silly... I admit to giving the guy a little bit of shit over it. He didn't seem to see the humor at all. He got no sympathy from me, I am sorry to say.
I think a large number of us adults are becoming more and more immature every day. When a grown adult says something like that, it smacks of being ridiculously silly. Is it politically incorrect to laugh at something like that? I mean, what if the guy truly is depressed and he truly feels that way. Does having someone laugh at him for it make the situation worse?
I, for one, says who cares. If they are immature enough to actually say something like that in public, they should be grounded with no TV for at least 2 weeks. And sent to bed without their supper.
Geez.
Weekends Suck
Well, they do in the blog universe anyway. Very few people blog on the weekends. You know what that tells me??
That most people blog on company time.
That. Is. Shameful.
If I were your bosses I'd sack ya all.
Come onnnnnnnnnnnn (whine whine whine) update your damn blogs. I'm booooored.
*Update*
Gold star to Brian J. for posting "cat pictures and stuff."
hehe
That most people blog on company time.
That. Is. Shameful.
If I were your bosses I'd sack ya all.
Come onnnnnnnnnnnn (whine whine whine) update your damn blogs. I'm booooored.
*Update*
Gold star to Brian J. for posting "cat pictures and stuff."
hehe
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Today's PSA
I received this in my email. I thought I would do my part for the greater good, and post it here.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage." Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered.Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer." The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims into various unwholesome activities.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.
Keeping that in mind, the last party I had I limited the beer to one cup per guy.
Don't ever say I'm not community minded.
P.S.: Thanks Roll!
My Life As a Dog Servant
I have mentioned in the past my dog, Jake. Jake and I are pals, Jake and I are buddies. I love him, he loves me, etc. etc., but he has me wrapped and he knows it. Jake is half chow, half golden retriever and can be very intimidating when he wants to be.
Yesterday when I got home from work, Jake wanted to go outdoors. Okay fine. I pick up the leash, he grabs his giant blue stuffed dog. Its true. He stood at the door with this giant blue stuffed dog dangling out of his mouth. I said to him, "You're going to look silly walking around in public with that thing hanging out your gob like that." He just looked at me and demanded I open the door (okay he didn't actually say to open the door, but I understood the "look"). So I opened the door and out we went. We weren't 10 steps from the front door when one of the neighbors I had never met pulled up in the parking lot. He gets out and sees Jake with this blue thing dangling around his face and says, "Awwww how sweet!" I was so fucking embarrassed.
My vicious guard dog has blown his reputation in one fell swoop. I am now known as the woman that has that sweet dog who won't go anywhere without his stuffed blue dog toy.
I will never live this down.
Yesterday when I got home from work, Jake wanted to go outdoors. Okay fine. I pick up the leash, he grabs his giant blue stuffed dog. Its true. He stood at the door with this giant blue stuffed dog dangling out of his mouth. I said to him, "You're going to look silly walking around in public with that thing hanging out your gob like that." He just looked at me and demanded I open the door (okay he didn't actually say to open the door, but I understood the "look"). So I opened the door and out we went. We weren't 10 steps from the front door when one of the neighbors I had never met pulled up in the parking lot. He gets out and sees Jake with this blue thing dangling around his face and says, "Awwww how sweet!" I was so fucking embarrassed.
My vicious guard dog has blown his reputation in one fell swoop. I am now known as the woman that has that sweet dog who won't go anywhere without his stuffed blue dog toy.
I will never live this down.
Friday, July 28, 2006
No Its Not Because I've Been Reading Stephen King
I know you guys aren't going to believe this story, but I'm telling it anyway.
My office is haunted.
No shit. It is.
If anyone is familiar with Savannah, you know that its a very historical city. Half the buildings in town are so old they should probably be torn down, but that won't happen because someone historical might have slept across the street from there and might have breathed in the general direction of the now derelict building.... but I digress.
The building my office is in is one of the big historical looking houses that Savannah is famous for, marble porch across the front, huge columns, floor to ceiling windows, etc. It has always been said (usually to new employees) that the building is haunted by the Doctor that used to own it. It is said that he died in the house and was laid out in what is now our front conference room, and he never quite left. Oddly enough I don't normally believe in that kind of thing, but this time I do. I've seen him.
One day I was in my office and was on my computer (as was normal). My back was to the rest of my office, but I could see the reflection of (what I thought was) my boss who had came into the office and was standing behind me. I assumed he was standing there trying to remember where something was, so I just asked without turning around, are you looking for something......? No response. I turned around and the office was empty. Ohhhhhhhhkie dokie then.
Not long after that, around the fall of 2004, my office machines started running on their own. The Doctor especially liked my scanner and he pushed the button constantly to make it run. Of course there was nothing in there to be scanned so it would always make an error message come up on my screen. Everyone on the second floor heard the scanner running constantly. I came to work once and the scanner had been ran and a file attached to an email that was waiting to be sent. I confess to being terrified to look at the attached file, but it was blank as normal. One day I went in and popped a tape full of dictation into the transcription machine, and it started running by itself. Normally I have to push the floor pedal with my foot to make it run, but it was going very nicely all by itself. I stepped out and called another secretary in and she came in there. I said look....... she stood there for a second and heard the machine going by itself.. on, off, on, off, like someone was working the foot pedal (I was across the office standing next to her). She absolutely FREAKED. After she left I sat down to try to do the tape but the tape kept going off and on. I said, "Cut it out please, I have to work," and it stopped. A few days later the electric typewriter would type random letters, just out of the blue.
That hilarity lasted about two weeks, then it stopped as suddenly as it started. Its been quiet ever since.. until yesterday. The scanner ran twice all by itself. That was it, just two times, and then nothing else.
The Doctor is back.
My office is haunted.
No shit. It is.
If anyone is familiar with Savannah, you know that its a very historical city. Half the buildings in town are so old they should probably be torn down, but that won't happen because someone historical might have slept across the street from there and might have breathed in the general direction of the now derelict building.... but I digress.
The building my office is in is one of the big historical looking houses that Savannah is famous for, marble porch across the front, huge columns, floor to ceiling windows, etc. It has always been said (usually to new employees) that the building is haunted by the Doctor that used to own it. It is said that he died in the house and was laid out in what is now our front conference room, and he never quite left. Oddly enough I don't normally believe in that kind of thing, but this time I do. I've seen him.
One day I was in my office and was on my computer (as was normal). My back was to the rest of my office, but I could see the reflection of (what I thought was) my boss who had came into the office and was standing behind me. I assumed he was standing there trying to remember where something was, so I just asked without turning around, are you looking for something......? No response. I turned around and the office was empty. Ohhhhhhhhkie dokie then.
Not long after that, around the fall of 2004, my office machines started running on their own. The Doctor especially liked my scanner and he pushed the button constantly to make it run. Of course there was nothing in there to be scanned so it would always make an error message come up on my screen. Everyone on the second floor heard the scanner running constantly. I came to work once and the scanner had been ran and a file attached to an email that was waiting to be sent. I confess to being terrified to look at the attached file, but it was blank as normal. One day I went in and popped a tape full of dictation into the transcription machine, and it started running by itself. Normally I have to push the floor pedal with my foot to make it run, but it was going very nicely all by itself. I stepped out and called another secretary in and she came in there. I said look....... she stood there for a second and heard the machine going by itself.. on, off, on, off, like someone was working the foot pedal (I was across the office standing next to her). She absolutely FREAKED. After she left I sat down to try to do the tape but the tape kept going off and on. I said, "Cut it out please, I have to work," and it stopped. A few days later the electric typewriter would type random letters, just out of the blue.
That hilarity lasted about two weeks, then it stopped as suddenly as it started. Its been quiet ever since.. until yesterday. The scanner ran twice all by itself. That was it, just two times, and then nothing else.
The Doctor is back.
Email of the Day
Updated Nursery Rhymes
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumbass!"
HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad.......
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo,
and a sports car.
MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.
SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumbass!"
HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.
HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.
GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.
There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad.......
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo,
and a sports car.
Strange Days
I have been in a strange mood lately. I have not wanted to talk to anyone. I rarely even answer the phone when it rings. I get like this occasionally, just very anti-social for no particular reason. Nothing is wrong in my life, no tragedies unfurling.. I just feel like being quiet and reflective.
I have always had times like this, for as long as I can remember. Of course when I was domesticated being anti-social wasn't allowed. Husbands tend to think the wives are brooding about something horrible when in fact, all the wife wants is some peace and quiet, and going without speaking for 4 or 5 days isn't too much to ask for, is it?
Maybe its a Walnut Tree thing. ;-)
I have always had times like this, for as long as I can remember. Of course when I was domesticated being anti-social wasn't allowed. Husbands tend to think the wives are brooding about something horrible when in fact, all the wife wants is some peace and quiet, and going without speaking for 4 or 5 days isn't too much to ask for, is it?
Maybe its a Walnut Tree thing. ;-)
Quiz Time
| You Are A Walnut Tree |
 You are strange and full of contrasts... the oddball of your group. You are unrelenting and you have unlimited ambition. Not always liked but always admired, you are more infamous than famous. You are aggressive and spontaneous, and your reactions are often unexpected. A jealous and passionate person, you are difficult in romantic relationships. |
P.S.: I don't think I'm THAT difficult.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
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