Happy New Year- Help me

The Dallas airport sucks donkey dicks. Apologies for any offended sensibilities, but it does. Here I sit, waiting for my flight and listening to the blissfully in love married couple who are sitting next to me argue. Love is grand, isn't it? I still don't like blogging via cell phone. I'll be home soon. I hope.

Oklahoma is Burning

Fires everywhere, all around us. OMG we're all going to die!!!

Okay Okay, its not THAT bad. In fact, I've not even seen any smoke, but from the sounds of it the fires are pretty bad and are expected to get worse on New Years Day.

My dad, who is a panicker, is already planning their escape route.

I'll be back home in Georgia by then, so I'll just have to watch helplessly from a distance as my mother, in her infinite wisdom, refrains yet again from killing my dad when his back is turned.

Okie dokie, I'm off for the day. See ya later.

Something new

This is a new experience for me, blogging from my cell phone. Just so you know, l have had no time alone until now to update, and doing it via cell phone is immensely unsatisfying. Shaddup about the typos. The zoo pics turned out great. Too bad you can't see them until i get home. I could sure abuse a cigarette right now.

Nice!

Its going to be 70 degrees today. We're going to the zoo if I can ever get my slacker brother to get out of bed.

Pics to follow. :)

More Wine

White Goat Wine. Another Christmas gift. Sounds tasty doesn't it.

To All My Dear Dear Blog Friends

I truly mean that too. Merry Christmas to Everyone!!!

ahhhhhh

Have you ever gotten home at the end of a very hectic day, and swore that when you sat down and took your shoes off you could hear the tsssssssssssssssss sound of the steam being released.

Neither have I.

But I am home at the end of a very hectic day, and I haven't taken my shoes off yet. Blog first. I have my priorities right. I couldn't get the receptionist to tell Boss #2 that I had broken my leg, although I did get him almost as good when he called to make sure I had started the project, and I told him I had a few things come up and that I would be starting really soon, I promise. hehe

It turned out to be a not so bad day. Everyone in the office left for the day at noon except Boss #1 and Boss #2, and me because I was Very Very Busy, but I had two attorneys at my beck and call (which I loved). I mentioned to Boss #1 that I needed a caffeine hit and there were no cokes in the fridge, oh well I'd do without. Next thing I knew he brought me a coke. What service I tell ya. Boss #2 brings me a $100 gift card for the local mall (to go along with the $50 one that I already had gotten from Boss #1). They have spoiled me this year.

I should have asked for a back rub and a soft pillow, too.

Ummmmm.....

I should be getting ready for work, but for the life of me I can't figure out why I'm not.

I've decided that today will be "Mess with Boss #2 Day." He has a very very long, very very important document that has to be filed with the court today. He swears I'm the only one he trusts enough to do it right (uh huh, he's just trying to flatter me so I'll do it). Anyway, I have decided that when I get there I am going to have the receptionist tell him when he calls in to check on me (and I know he will) I have broken my leg and can't make it in to work. Hilarity will ensue.

hehehe

Oh the weather outside is frightful.....

Okay its just cold. 24 Degrees! That's freezing for this part of my world.

I'm leaving tomorrow afternoon to fly to my folk's place. They don't know I'm coming. I had told everyone I couldn't make it this year, but the closer Christmas got the more depressed I got, so I decided on Tuesday that I would go. I'm meeting my brother in Dallas and I'm riding up with him. It should be interesting anyway since for the last two weeks every time I would talk to my mom & dad they would say that they wished I was going to be there for Christmas. hehe

I will continue my quest for blog perfection while I'm there, but it will be few and far between since getting any private computer time at all takes me being awake at 3:00 a.m.

Even checking email is risky business, here is a typical conversation:

Mom walking by: Who is that email from?
Me: A friend, Mom.
Mom stopping and looking at my email list: Where did you meet that person and what kind of name is that are they a pervert??
Me: No mom he's a system analyst for Microsoft.
Mom: That doesn't mean he's not a pervert, he could be a rapist or a murderer, he just wants one thing from you.
Me: Mom he's married and has 14 kids!
Mom, finally walking away: What and you think that means anything these days??

Yup, that would be me, sitting there looking all befuddled and wondering why I thought I was going to miss this.

The good news is that now my daughter is 20 and I make her have the same reaction, and it just struck me that I do it on purpose just to aggravate her. I wonder if my mother does it on purpose too. hmmm. That would change the entire nature of our relationship, as well as the previous conversation, which would go more like this:

Mom, sneaking up without me noticing: Who is that email from?
Me: A friend, Mom.
Mom stopping and looking at my email list, snickering to herself, knowing that I'm getting irritated: Where did you meet that person and what kind of name is that are they a pervert??
Me: No mom he's a system analyst for Microsoft.
Mom, secretly laughing and wishing my dad were inside so that he could witness her brilliance: That doesn't mean he's not a pervert, he could be a rapist or a murderer, he just wants one thing from you.
Me: Mom he's married and has 14 kids!
Mom, finally walking away, triumphant in her victory: What and you think that means anything these days??

I'm going to have to keep a close eye on her.

I got this for Christmas today. I mostly drink white wine, if I drink anything at all, but I'll give it a try. Every merlot I've tried before has been too dry and bitter. Maybe this one will be better.

Ho Ho Ho

Today was the Christmas party at work. I have been unusually Scroogish this year, but I have to admit that we do have a good time, and I came home with a helluva haul. Presents from Boss #1: DVD of Eating Raoul. I've never seen it but he's been telling me for ages that I need to rent it. DVD of a collection of B horror movies called Garden of the Dead Zombie Collection. Boss #1 knows I love those old B movies. He also got for me a $50 gift card from the local mall, yeahhh baby.

Boss #2 got me a HUMONGOUS, GIGANTIC and even HUGE food basket full of really cool chocolate stuff, Godiva chocolates and Ghirardelli chocolates, biscotti, (and oddly a package of smoked salmon that seemed really out of place), among other things. He also got me a gift box from Hickory Farms. And a giant tin of chocolate gourmet cookies, and a bottle of wine with which to wash it all down with. I think he must have decided I look hungry.

One of the other attorneys in the office gave me a big box of peanuts.

And another a package of cookies.

And another a coffee cup with chocolates in it.

From one of the other assistants in the office I got a package of cookies from her mom, some bath goodies and a nice smelly candle.

What I figured out from these gifts is that the people I work with think am warped, I smell funny and that I am on the verge of starvation.

David Letterman, Sexy God of Love

This article describes the very thing that Brad Pitt has been putting me through since June 19, 1997. He told me (in coded body language) that the only way he can survive the torment that is his life is by knowing that he and I will eventually be together. I answered him (in coded body language) that he's just too ugly for me, but if he comes around maybe I could learn to love him for him enough that I would stop being rupulsed by his looks.

I tried to watch the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith, but the "mental harrassment" went on all the way through the movie, even though I have begged Brad to cease his constant barrage on me.

Its such a relief to know that someone else in the world is going through the same thing that I am. I wonder if I should start a support group.

Stunt Ass?

According to experts, my adult industry job would be... Stunt Ass Not all adult actors want to have their backsides on camera. This is where you come in and stand in. Your perfect job is a Stunt Ass Take the Adult Industry Job Quiz

Alrighty then. I think that's clear. I just realized that I only take these silly quizzes when I can think of nothing else to write about on my blog.

Honesty is the best policy you know.

*GASPING FOR BREATH*

Victoria Beckham wasn’t acting very posh when a Spanish TV star expressed interest in the former Spice Girls’ hubby, soccer star David Beckham. “Why would he be interested in an old lady like you?” Beckham reportedly snapped at 50-year-old Ana Obergon, who according to the London Mirror was decked out in pink satin hot pants and pink legwarmers. “Go get some clothes on and act your age.”

OMG is that line not a total scream?? I'm in stitches people...STITCHES.

5:35 a.m.

Why is it that I always get the urge to post something at this ungodly hour? I think I went to bed waaaaaaaaay too early last night. I woke up an hour ago and have already taken a bath. I'm sitting here now watching (sort or watching) I Robot. Not a bad movie really, but I need to know where I can buy a bot like Sonny. Maybe they will take cats as a trade.

Speaking of cats, I have one sitting on the back of the chair staring at me as we speak. Sometimes I swear she hates my guts, other times she gazes at me like I'm the most loveliest thing she's ever seen. Today it seems to be somewhere in between the two. She's already been fed so I know its not a hunger thing.

I have decided that I hate cats.

Halo

I've been playing Halo online with my son. Isn't that the game that has the reputation of being the ultimate geek game or something? All I know is it's fun, but I get motion sickness from it. I can't play for long or I'll throw up. lol

BAD

Can't help it, this is just funny.

I know girls aren't supposed to laugh at this stuff, but...........

I think I've posted a link to this game before, but it was ages and ages ago, long enough that I'm sure anyone who saw it then has totally forgotten about it and I can pretend that this is a whole new idea. I can't remember where I found this before, but I thought it was a scream then.

It's still a scream.

Mental Health Day

I have taken the day off from work. I decided not to subject all my co-workers to my insane ramblings, my uncontrollable weeping for no particular reason or my animalistic snarling.

Actually I am lucky that way, they are all pretty understanding about what has been going on in my life lately. I think they are surprised I haven't cracked before now. But a day of laying around in my pajamas, watching trashy movies and not doing anything more constructive than taking the dog out for a pee will do me a world of good.

I think I'll ask my boss tomorrow how he feels about having an assistant that has 98% lost the plot. If I know him, he'll probably say its good for an occasional laugh. ;-)

Christmas Shopping

If you are doing last minute Christmas shopping, I would suggest these for that hard to buy for person. They cover almost every category, useful, decorative, whimsical. I personally would love forever the person who bought these for me for Christmas. (Mailing address provided upon request.)

I love weird stuff. lol

If you are interested, they also have wind up hopping lederhosen.
You can find that stuff here.

P.S. I first heard of these wonderful items on the website of
The Sneeze. He has ran a couple of contests giving them away, but since I never win anything so far I haven't been able to score. I may have to actually break down and *gasp* buy them. ;-)