Friday, July 25, 2008

Zombie Attack Plan

This very helpful map outlines the best places to go if the zombies invade Sacramento. I, personally, think this is an inevitable event, so preparation is absolutely essential. Unfortunately, as far as I'm aware, there has been no zombie invasion map made of Savannah and/or Annapolis, so escape routes will have to be formulated on the spot wherever I happen to be at the time of the coming invasion. Oh.. and if you run too close to me I am totally going to have to trip you. No offense.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Maturity

My feelings have been hurt in a big way. No really.. my internet feelings are crushed beyond repair. There is nothing to do now except throw waves of guilt at the offending party.

Brian J., whom I thought was a pal, has made it clear that he is only humoring an old woman in her golden years. He told me (in his comments section to the blog post about my baby Brooke's upcoming Christmas), that I was known as a "erm.. mature woman." What an awful thing to say to a girl!

No no, I'm fine.. really. Don't worry about me. I have my prunes and my walker to keep me company.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Just Stuff

My son, who was unexpectedly left behind in Dallas (and had to go back home), will be here this weekend for a 10 day visit. Yes, I sucked it up and just bought him a ticket this time. Unfortunately, since he doesn't know about this blog - I expect he would be a tad upset with me for posting about him eating worms n'shit, and since I have been told that blogging on the job is an absolute no no, and since I'm all about following the rules - I don't know how often I will be posting whilst he is visiting. Although I notice that I haven't posted anything since Monday, but that is for no reason at all except pure laziness on my part.

So, I'm saying all this just to say I'll be back when I'm back. If I get a moment of quiet I will post, but I expect with a very bored 17 year old around I will be reminded that there is life outside of my home and be forced to go to seafood restaurants and stuff, although he has told me that he totally wants to hang out with the two lesbians, their gay roomate, their 6 cats and 9 ferrets, and drink beer. I can arrange the lesbians, cats, ferrets, gay guy, but the beer is off the radar dammit.

Go read Brian J., who has posted a helpful shopping list for me of things to buy as Christmas gifts for my darling baby Brooke. hehe

Monday, July 14, 2008

Just One Letter

The following is part of an actual email conversation that I recently participated in:

Them: Garbles. Did you giggle?

Me: No, cuz its HARBLES. I did yell at Jake this weekend to stop licking his harbles, and yes, it did make me giggle.

Them: DAMN IT! 1 letter off. GUCK! CAMN! THIT!

I have some hysterically funny friends. hehe

Friday, July 11, 2008

BUSTED


Due to the unexpected fact that this blog has been accidentally discovered at work (more due to the fact that I'm a stupid git), this blog is being transformed from sarcasm central to more, shall we say, inspirational posts, to atone for my sins. (Kate Gosselin Hair Cut)

No more will you see naughty words here, such as fuck, shit, bitch or Pauly Shore. From now on lady bits will be referred to as "vajaja," and man bits will be referred to as "that dangly thing." *Kate Gosselin Hair Cut*

From now on when you visit this blog, you will go away with a sense of peace and tranquility. [Kate Gosselin Hair Cut]

I humbly apologize to anyone who may or may not have been offended by my evil ways. (Kate Gosselin Hair Cut)

Speaking of evil ways, I also humbly apologize to the hard drinking, tattooed & pierced lesbian for leading her away from the path of righteousness to a life of debauchery unlike any that our office has ever seen before (apparently). I recognize the fact that she would be a perfect angel if not for my vile influence. {Kate Gosselin Hair Cut}

Finally, please know that Jesus loves us. This we know. For the Bible tells us so. ~Kate Gosselin Hair Cut~

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Baby Stuff

I suspect there will be many posts about my darling grandbaby girl. She is going to have an interesting life. I do believe she is already aware of what is to come for her because the attitude is aleady showing. I received pictures in my email from my ex husband, several of the grandbaby in a four generation pose. I noticed something when I was looking at them and burst out laughing... I couldn't help myself.




I'm pretty sure it was deliberate on our baby's part, she is just that smart.

Interesting times ahead.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Drunk Drivers

I have always been somewhat militant against driving after drinking anything at all. I feel guilty if I drive after having just one beer. I lecture my friends, family members and co-workers about it. I nag, whine and cajole and ask them to please, please, PLEASE just call me to come get them if they have been drinking and need a ride home.

My daughter and her boyfriend were in their car last night, going to his mother's house for the 4th of July obligatory cookout and fireworks display, when a drunk driver hit them head on. The baby was not with them, thank God, and they weren't seriously hurt, just banged, bruised and very sore.

I am afraid that this will cause me to be more of a nagger about it than ever. It could have been so much worse than what it was. As it is their car is destroyed, but they are still alive. They will have loads of bullshit to deal with, with insurance and all, but they are still able to hold and raise that baby girl. So many people aren't that lucky.

Please do not drive when you've been drinking.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Have You Ever Noticed...


That sometimes, when you wake up sick in the middle of the night, throwing up... your body attempting to eject any superfluous organs that it considers non-essentials, your only comfort is the fact that you will get a day off from work to die in peace. And then morning comes and you feel better. No fever, no more throwing up, and since everything that made you sick in the first place is long gone you feel almost normal except for the lack of sleep and the headache you have from trying to eject your eyeballs.

When things like that happens there is no sympathy to be found anywhere. You only annoy the people who you might happen to be living with by the loud vomiting while they are trying to sleep, and when morning comes and you feel better they look at you as if you are faking. You call into work and since you didn't call while your arms are desperately hugging the toilet or whilst loudly throwing up they aren't very sympathetic either and just want to know when you can make it in.

Yeah... I'm going in after lunch hour.

Papers due n'stuff.

SOMEONE feel sorry for me please.....

I think I'll go take a nap. I wish the damn dog that lives upstairs would stop his fucking barking.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008