Email of the Day

(I loved Ernest Hemingway's answer...)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.

OPRAH:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and simple as that!

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2005, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^( C \ .... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

Strange People

I went and walked around the park near my office this morning. It is a large park and there are always a lot of walkers and runners there. I had my MP3 player blasting (not the new one, it hasn't got here yet), and I was just watching the people as they went by. There was one particular woman who was obviously very athletic and ran quite a lot.. but... when she runs, she sticks her arms out in front of her with her wrists bent toward the ground. It looked extremely bizarre and stiff.

I don't want to be athletic if I have to look stupid.

They Are At It Again

The naked people were up late last night, on a diligent search for more of their kind. From oh about, 9:30 my time to this morning, I had 7 search hits for "nudist", and even one for "dwarf nudist." I had no idea how discriminating they were, seeking out the company of their same species. I guess they aren't like the rest of us (the ones with clothes on). Us clothes people aren't so finicky in our tastes most of the time. We'll read anybody.

I know there has to be a joke in there somewhere.

I Never

Twenty things I've never done:

1. I never went to college or university.
2. I've never smoked pot.
3. I've never traveled to another continent.
4. I've never been arrested.
5. I've never driven a stick shift.
6. I've never completely trusted anyone.
7. I've never been to New York City.
8. I've never had a one night stand.
9. I've never had a brand new car.
10. I've never had a secret admirer.
11. I've never learned another language.
12. I've never been a blonde.
13. I've never watched The Godfather.
14. I've never won more than $5.
15. I never liked the smell of Surf Detergent.
16. I've never paid to go to a concert.
17. I never learned to play a musical instrument.
18. I've never given a speech in public.
19. I've never been able to make good stuffed peppers.
20. I've never jumped out of a perfectly good airplane.

Test Time Again

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

I guess that's okay. Except I don't ride a motorcycle. And I'm not a guy. And bikers are scary.

The Boondoggled Thought for the Day....

If you lie down with dogs, you get peed on by the incontinent dogs.

This profound bit of wisdom has been brought to you by: The Letter B.

Okay, not really. It was a direct quote from Musings of Brian J. Noggle. I started reading his blog waaaay back when, when he was in the midst of a hilarious blog war with another guy. The war seems to have subsided, but he still sometimes makes me giggle.

Today's PSA...

I have found that it is very important that your close friends and co-workers know about any medical condition that you have, just in case of an emergency. You just never know, ya know? To that end, I have created the following for myself. I think it best that you all know, just in case.

I Haven't Disappeared.

I just haven't been in much of an entertaining mood of late. I figured you guys would rather I disappear for a few days than to spend the time whining. ;-)

But things, as they always seem to do, move along at a steady pace and what was bad will soon be in the past, with breathless anticipation of the uncertainty ahead. Tomorrow is like a Christmas present. It could be the most wonderful, most wished for gift you could ever want or it could be a pair of those ugly socks that your spinster aunt always seems to think you need. The only way to find out is to get up in the morning and see.

Moving along.........

I know I haven't posted a quiz thing in quite a while. I took one tonight, and here is the result:

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

I've never really thought of myself as the Einstein type, but I definitely have the hair for it.

P.S. to Markoos: I am typing this entry completely in the nude. To continue with traditional topic, I am a nudist. Its true.

Okay, maybe not.

More Nudist News

Three more search hits for the workd "nudist." I wonder if I post the words naked, nude and porn what kind of traffic would I get.

I'll let ya know. hehe

NUDIST Fetishes

I have had THREE blog search hits for "nudist blogspot." This is a Monday people, aren't you supposed to be at work??

I am starting to notice a trend here.

To be continued..........

Tybee Island

I went to the beach yesterday. It was very nice, until the crowds came, the clouds disappeared, it became blazing hot, and the flies started biting. I took a few pictures, but I have come to believe that beach pictures can never do it justice. The pictures pick up the sand and the water, but it doesn't quite pick up the colors. It doesn't accurately show the cool breeze coming off the water. It can't show the ocean smell or the sound of the surf.. but its the best I can do under the circumstances.

P.S.: The backs of my legs are very sunburnt (apparently I was careless when applying the sunscreen). It hurts to sit normally so work should be interesting. ;-)

MMMMMMMM

Pancakes and hot coffee. A Sunday morning's sublime pleasure. :-)

The Final Chapter

I have been in a funk. Yes, I admit it. Since I was told how much it was going to cost to fix that silly car, I sank into a deep depression. Food lost its flavor. All color leeched out of everything around me. Breathing was becoming too much of a chore to bother with. I mean really... I am a girl, its not my JOB to think about cars and how to fix them. Its all overwhelming for my pink tinged psyche. So I pouted. Its what I do.

However, I knew that I was not going to get out of the funk until I did something about the car. So I put an ad in the newspaper yesterday, selling it AS IS, hoping that someone would take it off my hands and I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. A long shot to be sure, but what else was there to do.

Lo and behold, this morning at 7:00 a.m., my phone rang. Someone saw the ad (which was a surprise since it wasn't supposed to post until tomorrow). They asked if they could come look at it. I told them I would drive it to work and they could come there to see it. They did. They liked it. They handed me a check for what I was asking for it. I was waving enthusiastically as they drove it away.

ITS GONE ITS GONE HALLELUJAH!

I was going to have to cancel my Scotland trip but now its back on! WOOO HOOO!

HOLEY MOLEY

The cost to fix my heap of a car ranges from $1,100 to $1,700. I only owe $1,800 on it and I want to get rid of it, so that isn't going to fly.

I am in extreme need of a financial advisor. lol

Car Issues, pt. 2

I, again, have my old car at the garage, hoping against all hope that they can figure out what is wrong with the thing. The last two places I took it to worked with it, turned this knob and that, changed this thing and probably that other thing too, but could not figure out what is ailing it. I have pulled out the big guns and taken it to the dealer, which I am pretty sure is going to cost me my firstborn grandchild. (I hope my daughter will cooperate, its pretty important to get the thing fixed.)

Anyway, I am again carless. I am again stuck at work. I am again forced to eat that stupid healthy soup crap for lunch, and I will not think about the huge bag of peanut M&Ms that I have stashed in my drawer. Nope.

Two freaking cars and I find myself stuck.

R I D I C U L O U S

I'm Surrounded by Pervs

Since I did the post about the searches, I have had FIVE (count em FIVE) search hits for the word "nudist."

We are all going to hell.

Boondoggled Searches

I've been getting some odd(ish) hits from Google searches.

1. Nudist Blogspot
2. Blog Add On
3. Local Band Attempts To Track Down Mysterious Visitor to Its Website
4. alligators dangerous no matter how drunk
5. star trek next generation
6. fact or crap questions
7. sinko de mayo origin
8. boondoggled (imagine that)
9. If you lived on mars you'd get an extra half hour each

I really want to know why anyone was searching for a nudist blogspot site.

Spotted on a tshirt today........

If Idiots Could Fly This Would Be a Fucking Airport

HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA

Do you remember...

Waldo? For a while I was obsessed with finding Waldo. I bought every single book (I think my son still has them). That is why when I saw
this site it brought back my obsession, albeit briefly (translation: I'm over it already but thought it would be an interesting blog post).

I wonder, just out of curiousity, how someone sitting at home one night, probably bored and wanting something to do.. how does someone come up with the idea of making a text only version of Where's Waldo? Maybe I'll email the guy who did the site and ask him. ;-)

Ohhhhhhhh Kay

Of all the offensive and politically incorrect shit I have posted on this blog, you guys are going to get mad over dwarf tossing??

Come on now.. lol