Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Self Destruct


I am sure everyone knows someone like this:

My son in law, whom has admittedly had some issues in his growing up years, is a very self destructive person. We have tried to pull him into the family and let him know that he is loved, etc., but for some reason every single time things start to look up for him and my daughter, he goes on a self destructive rampage. He just got a good job with full benefits. My daughter was just offered a job as a endo/scrub tech at a hospital near her. You would think that life would be sunny and rosy for him, but no.... he can't handle it and goes on a pill taking, screaming, pushing, bawling like a baby rampage. My daughter has been struggling to make a life for herself and their new baby and has weathered many obstacles to finish her schooling just so they can be independent and a family. She completed her schooling through a pregnancy, being hit head on by a drunk driver with no insurance, a broken back, and being broke beyond all belief. I'm very proud of her actually, to see her make it through all of that. He, however, just doesn't seem to get it. When he is straight (forward) and sober, he's a great guy and dotes on my daughter and his baby, but when he gets overwhelmed by too many changes, even the good ones - watch out.

What is it with some people who just can't accept the good things that come their way? Why do some people feel compelled to sabotage their life? Is there anything that can be done for them or are they lost causes?

I just don't know.

6 comments:

Jess said...

Gayly forward.

The Hermit said...

Maybe he needs some professional help.

tallyho said...

Please encourage him to talk to a professional. Try not to enable him and say that its because of his childhood. He's a grown man and needs to be held acountable for what he does to himself and those around him. Treat the drug problem and then maybe he won't act eratically. Just my couple of cents. Please don't take this personally, I have been though a lot myself...

BikerbabeNJ said...

He is the only one who can help himself. Nothing else matters. If he's not "at bottom" things WON'T chang. Until then, perhaps she should give him a good scare NOT tolerate that behavior.

Deb said...

You are all right. Unfortunately I have no say or control. He's very much the type that will agree with everything you say, if only to shut you up, and then go on and do his own thing anyway.

It is a difficult situation to say the least.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Sorry to say this but your daughter needs to be thinking of options for herself and her baby.

I hope she has a support system very close by because she really needs it, through no fault of her own. It sounds as if she has worked unbelievably hard to make a good life for herself and her family and at some point, she will have to accept that he is incapable of being an active part of it.

Nearly everyone has childhood trauma of one kind of another. It is no excuse to resist growing up, and he simply does not have the right to destroy your daughter's life and their child's in the process.

I'm so sorry that you and your daughter are in this very sad situation, and wish all of you the best of luck. I hope the young man will get some counseling, but he sounds like the type who won't.