This was meant to be the funny post. Unfortunately, due to a weird glitch that I cannot explain, the post has disappeared and now instead of it being funny, its just a sad sad post. I had the thing written and it was lonnnnnnnnnnng and I had to keep taking breaks because I was laughing so much at it.. and I was going to post a link and it went into the wrong place so I did the CTRL-Z to back out of the mistake, and the entire thing - THE ENTIRE THING - just disappeared. Whilst I was still staring at my screen in horror I saw the Back Up Save kick in and it saved the blankness.
Gone. All gone.
I enjoyed it though, sorry for your loss.