To Delete or Not to Delete.... THAT is the Question

Yeah I'm already bored.  All my blog buddies have quit blogging, with the exception of one or two that no longer visit because I was non-existent for a while.  So the question remains, should I just delete this tired monstrosity?  Or leave it alone to live on in perpetuity, forever, as a monument to my former life - although I have already disabled half the posts?

That is the question.

Shacking Up

I almost made a new blog.  Almost.  Don't know why really.  I thought I might be more comfortable if I were completely anonymous again, but I can't say that I would be more inclined to keep up with it.  Some days I miss blogging - like when I see a stupid phrase in the mainstream media like the term "Shacking Up."  That sounds so 70s, so ridiculous, yet I can't really think of anything better. 

Yes, I am shacking up with a man to which I am not legally married.

Someday the above sentence will not sound so archaically outdated.  Or maybe I am just a strumpet.

For anyone who happens to wonder what is going on with me, I will do a quick update.  I may try to keep up here, I may not, but for right now this is the (very short) story of my current activities:

1)  I am a Realtor.

I sell houses, I help people find houses to rent.  I have never, in all my days, have had to hope and pray that any of my current clients don't change their minds about selling/buying/renting - or my puppies don't get to eat.  Oddly enough though...?  I love doing it.  I am not bound to a desk all day, I am not tossed by the whims of a boss.  I am my own boss and although some days I work for free - I am loving every minute of it.  Plus once I get caught up on some bills I am buying a pottery wheel and a kiln.  I'm gonna - don't try to stop me.

 2)  I am a Pinterest addict.

There is something about that site that makes me go back every single day.  To me its like getting a visual glimpse into what makes everyone on there tick.  If its unpleasant I can unfollow them and they just never notice that I'm gone.  If its beautiful- I, too, can pin the beauty and share it.  My DIY board is getting quite extensive and I have yet to really do anything off of it.  I will though!  I swear I will!  (P.S.:  The Orange Dreamsicle Cake was underwhelming - I'd leave it off if I were you.)

3)  (For today) I am an earlybird with a very sore jaw.

I have an abscessed tooth.  It made my jaw swell up and boy oh boy did it hurt.  I caved and went to the dentist - who incidentally decided that I was off to the hospital - but I convinced him it was getting better so he relented and put me on antibiotics instead.  The problem is he poked and prodded the bad area so much that now it is really sore again.  Probably why I feel I should write down my thoughts... in case I die today then there will be some sort of record of my last words.  *insert smiley here*

4) When I make zombie type jokes - they are only jokes I swear!

I seem to have most of my friends on Facebook convinced that I want to be a zombie when I grow up.  Its not true - I really don't want to be.  The thought of eating raw, uncooked brains makes my throat try to claw its way out of my body.  So those people on Facebook can continue to believe it, but between you and me... its only a joke.   k?

5) We seem to have become a Pet Rescue house.

We now have 3 (count em) THREE dogs and 2 (yes two) cats.  We have Jake, who I have had since the beginning of time - or at least since before I started this blog.  Jake has been around for the long-haul.  He's a good boy.  Although to be honest I almost feel silly calling him a good boy since in dog years he is approximately 105 years old (or more).  He's still relatively healthy, although getting around is a tad difficult for him.  He is content to sleep on his cushy bed most of the day.  Next is Splotch.  We acquired his happy ass last August when I (misguidedly) decided to go to the SPCA because they claimed to have 2 Shelties up for adoption.  When I arrived the Shelties were gone, but there was Splotch (formerly known as Slugger) bouncing like he has springs on all four feet.  It amused me every time I walked by his cage- BOING BOING BOING - and he looked so dang happy to see me! The problem was he is a cocker spaniel, which is not my favorite type of dogs.  The experience I have had with them is that they are dumb as a bag of hair.  But I couldn't get past how cute he was when he bounced, so he came home with me.  He was quite hyper and John took him to obedience classes.  A LOT of them.  Splotch is now a graduate of advanced dog training at PetSmart.  He is a lot better behaved now, but I credit that more to Marco than the pet training.  Marco, you see, is our new kitten.  He and Splotch were best buds from day 1.  Its cute, adorable, yadda yadda.  Now Marco is full grown and when he plays with Splotch it looks like they are trying to kill each other.  They're not (I hope).  Then came Mercy - John's Silky Terrier.  Long story on how she came to be here, its not especially my favorite story so I will skip it.  All I can say is she makes John seven kinds of happy, so I can't complain much.  I will say that when we ended up with three dogs (and two cats), I became a sullen bitch... too much for me.  I am adjusting nicely though, I think.

5)  I bought my mother a ruby pendant for her birthday.

In the picture it was so pretty, a 4 carat bright red ruby, square cut (or whatever).  Then it arrived.  Turns out it is 14 carat, then thing is freaking huge.  My mother isn't going to wear that!  I can hear it now... its too gaudy.  Not that she'd ever say that to me, oh no.. she'd say it to everyone BUT me.  I know this because she has said that to me about other pieces of jewelry she has.  What the hell am I going to do with a 14 carat ruby pendant that my mother is going to refuse to wear??

Alright, I know this probably doesn't even need to be said, I am positive I lost everyone who even attempted to read this right around paragraph 1 1/2, and I am getting tired of all this catching up, it could go on and on since I haven't blogged in like 28 years. 

Smoke break!

More later (maybe).  Love ya!  Mean it!

D

PEOPLE PLEASE

Please please PLEASE check the facts in an email before you decide you must forward it for the good of the people.

Also, attaching a photo of a disabled American Vet does not make the email any more true.

Congressmen and senators do NOT get 100% pay when they retire:  HA

Families, friends and co-workers of congressmen and senators DO have to pay back student loans: IN YOUR FACE

And being disgruntled because you didn't plan for retirement doesn't make the stupid email any more relevant.  If it is full of untrue statements, DON'T FORWARD IT.

Fun Stuff

The title is a lie.. this is totally not fun, but it is somewhat of an explanation on why I've been absent. 

This is what is left of my daughter's home.  The pile of charred fluff just to the left of center was, at one time, her sofa.

J and I were on our way to the hockey game in DC the other night when I get a phone call from my daughter, who was hysterical.  It was strange because I had only just been talking to her 5 minutes before and she was fine.  After I finally got her to slow down I was able to ascertain that her apartment building was currently on fire.  After we hung up she heard sirens outside so she went to her window and looked out, only to observe a growing crowd of people who saw her in the window - who then started yelling for her to get out of there.  She grabbed her purse, her camera and her computer and went outside.  Thankfully the peanut was at her other grandmother's house and did not have to witness her home going up in flames. 

Aside from the few things my daughter picked up on her way out the door, she has lost everything she owned, and is not taking it at all well. I am currently fielding frequent phone calls and bouts of hysteria, along with making phone calls for her.  I keep reminding her that it was only stuff and stuff is replaceable, that thank God nobody was hurt.  Apparently that is small consolation and I have to confess that I have never lost everything in one fell swoop like that, so I have really no idea how to comfort someone in that position. 

I have discovered that my daughter is obsessively sentimental and has recovered the music box that I had since I was a child and had given to the peanut.  It was charred on the outside but it still worked, but my daughter is quite upset at the loss of her blankie that she has had since the day she was born that I made for her when I was pregnant.  I told her it was ugly anyway, but that only made her cry (oops).  I told her I'd make her another.  Maybe it won't be the same but maybe I can make it a little more attractive.

So there you go, this is what I am trying to handle at the moment.  I swear to God this is no exaggeration, she called me 20 times yesterday (I just looked on my phone log and got a bad case of incredulous giggles). 

Gratuitous Cuteness

Email

I got this in an email and liked it a lot - well, liked it doesn't really fit, it made me squirm. I imagine some of you who see this will be outraged, but I have to agree with it. (Sorry)  It was said to be a quote from the Czech Republic.  Two minutes of research stated that it was a quote from Prager Zeitung of April 28, 2010, I have confirmed the existence of the newspaper but since it seems to be published in gibberish, I can't go any farther than that (sorry again).

"The danger to America is not Barack Obama but a citizenry capable of entrusting an inexperienced man like him with the Presidency. It will be far easier to limit and undo the follies of an Obama presidency than to restore the necessary common sense and good judgment to a depraved electorate willing to have such a man for their president. The problem is much deeper and far more serious than Mr. Obama, who is a mere symptom of what ails America . Blaming the prince of the fools should not blind anyone to the vast confederacy of fools that made him their prince. The Republic can survive a Barack Obama. It is less likely to survive a multitude of Ass-Holes such as those who made him their president."

Contrary

I was having a phone conversation with J yesterday and his son came into the room. I wasn't feeling well (still am not really), but was coughing and making all the sick people noises I could make to garner sympathy. J's son stands there looking at me for a minute and begins talking to me, and it was apparent to his dad that what he was saying was annoying me, and told me that he didn't mean to be contrary, he thinks he's being funny. I said yes he does mean to be contrary - name me one 21 year old that doesn't. He laughed and said good point.

The conversation with the son went like this:

Me: *cough*
Him: Still sick eh?
Me: Yes well, it was only 2 hours ago that you noted I was sick, do you know anyone that gets better that quickly?
Him: I never get sick.
Me: You do too, you were sick a few weeks ago.
Him: That was 3 months ago.
Me: Well you get sick then, don't you.
Him: Rarely.
Me: 3 months doesn't seem rare to me.
Him: But it is, I rarely get sick!
Me: You see that I'm on the phone, right?

After later considering this conversation, and contemplating his dad feeling the need to point out that his son doesn't mean to be contrary.. and especially now after reading how the conversation went, I have come to a difficult conclusion.

It was me being contrary. Yes, I was the contrary one. But that's okay, cause I'm sick. And its my house. And he ate all my picante sauce.

Have Ya Ever....

Been going about your business and it suddenly dawned on you that you would remember that moment for the rest of your life? It was a quiet and unobtrusive moment, nothing special happening, we were just driving down the street.

This was playing on the radio:



The windows were down, it was kind of warm, we had just left the hockey game in downtown D.C. - traffic was a little slow going.

For some reason that moment has imprinted in my brain. Its not a bad thing to remember, a warm(ish) night, good music, hanging with my man.

Blame it on my ADD baby.

EUREKA!

I have a thang (yes a thang) for good, old-fashioned chicken fried steak.  (Or country fried steak, as some of you prefer.)  The problem is I didn't know how to cook it so the only time I ever got any was if we went to a restaurant that served it.  We're mostly a fast-food family so that didn't happen often.  I did get some a few weeks ago when the WRS was here, he said it looked disgustingly like something the Scottish would dream up.

Yum

So anyway, using my talents here to make a short story very long - it starts this way:

J had gone shopping at the Commissary and brought home a London Broil.  I've had these before but had no clue how to fix them correctly because every time I tried it turned into a chewy lump.. tasted okay but nearly impossible to chew, so because of that the weird chunk of meat has set in our freezer for a while.  On Monday I decided to tackle that thing and win.

I cut it in half, then sliced each half until I had 4 thinner steaks.  I then proceeded to beat the living shit out of it with a meat tenderizer sledgehammer.

(Not the actual sledgehammer.)

IT WAS AMAZING!  Those little 4 inch steaks, after I had beaten them to death had spread out to the size of dinner plates!  It was like magic!  Who knew. 

After working all of my frustrations out on those innocent chunks of meat, they were ready for cooking.  I dipped em in egg/milk, rolled em around in flour/salt/pepper/garlic powder, slapped them in the frying pan - they were big enough that I could only cook one at a time, and VOILA - country fried steaks.

Throw some white gravy on those babies and you are good to go.

Actually, I was pleasantly surprised.  Most of my experiments turn out to be dismal failures.  This one was a screaming success.

There we have it, another successful post about pretty much nothing at all.

I'm happy.  :-)

The Internet So Cracks Me Up

There I was, reading a forum, when this caught my eye and had me participating in side-splitting giggles:

pre-madonna

ITS PRIMA DONNA you idgit.

Ahhh  that was fun.

Spring Has Sprung

This is our back yard (unmowed - or should that be unmown).  Anyway, I spent a good part of yesterday planting flowers and seeds.  I still have 3 azalea bushes and our Christmas tree to plant, but it started raining so they will have to live in their pots for a couple more days.  That screened building is about to be converted into an office/guest house.  We decided to make it an office so that a certain person's son (who shall remain unnamed) can't try to claim it for his own.  One end will be an office area for me, but it will be set up so that it is easily converted into a guest house when we have company.  I've been looking at ideas for converting small spaces like that and have found several ideas, but holy moley they are expensive ideas. 

Speaking of expensive, J's son is back in town after living with his girlfriend for a month and a half.  She apparently kicked him out after using his laptop as a frisbee.  So he's back to living here with no computer, which means he's bored, which means our groceries are disappearing at a rapid rate.  I can't keep up. 

Sometimes

I get into strange moods and go shopping for weird items. The weirder the better and what is weirder than zombie gifts?

How To Speak Zombie.  I swear this is the best idea EVER.  How else would a couch potato like me survive other than totally fitting in?  Its not like I will be able to run from them (sore knee), its not like I carry an axe around to destroy the brain or remove the head.  I will only survive by pretending to be a zombie because, everyone knows, zombies don't eat other zombies.  I love the pronunciation button.  GOTTA HAVE.

As (I typed ass there, but I fixed it) - anyway, as most of you know, we recently moved into a new house.  It needs to be landscaped and, in fact, my intention was to go down to the local home improvement store and buy some flowers.  However, I think I would much rather have this under the bushes next to the front steps.  I'm pretty sure it would keep those annoying neighbor kids off our lawn.

Easter is just a couple of weeks away and how better to celebrate the birth of our Lord but by handing out zombiefied bunnies.  The website says this is made from white chocolate.  Do we trust that?

The zombie cookie jar.  The above photo shows it filled with yummy chocolate chip cookies, but personally I think oatmeal raisin would look more brain-like.  But that's just me.

This is sold as a zombie magnetic poetry kit, and I must confess that out of everything I've posted so far I want this the most.  It brings back the old law firm days of Jess and I rearranging magnets into insults on the filing cabinet next to my desk.  Good times.  They had me at "her skin is chewy."

Hungry for a mid-zombie apocalypse snack?  Have some zombie jerky!  What else are we supposed to do with all those headless zombie bodies??

There you go, I must stop now because it has already crossed my mind to send J a list for my upcoming birthday.  If any of you are interested, these amazing items can be found at ThinkGeek, and email me and I'll send you my mailing address because you know you want to buy this crap for me.  :-)

WAIT WAIT - HOLD THE PRESSES, I found something else that I gotta have.  Its not zombiefied or anything so it doesn't really fit in with this post, but OMG -

The bluetooth handset!  It looks like a retro phone handset but connects to my cell phone via bluetooth (see what I did there I have already claimed it as mine).  NEEEEEEED THIS and I have emailed an enthusiastic link to J.  Think he'll pick up on the hint?  hehe

The Lawn Mower Has Taken a.. Vacation

We moved into this house at the first of November and the woman we bought it from seems to have been one of those weird ass people who is constantly on the move. The house was immaculate enough to eat off of, the lawn was in perfect shape.

Enter us.

I wouldn't say we are pigs, but we do tend to live a bit cluttered (we have enough boxes of books to furnish a small library), and the yard has begun to grow.

Unfortunately, an unkempt yard does bug me so I am itching to go mow it but the lawn mower has decided to take a shit. It flat refuses to turn on. I've mentioned this to J, but an unkempt lawn doesn't seem to bother him as much as it does me. Actually, the back yard is looking quite nice, things are blooming, there is a large tree covered with white flowers. I would take a picture for you to see but then you would see the tall grass and that would be unacceptable. On the bright side - a few more weeks and we get to open the pool! Yay yippeeeeee!

So anyway back to the original topic (I am so easily distracteeeeohhhh LOOK SHINY), I am thinking I am going to need to take apart the lawn mower and see if I can figure out how to make it start. I think if I threaten this then J may get out there and fix it. I assume that would be preferable to him coming home from work one day to find his lawn mower in 1000 different parts lying all across the back yard.

On to the next...

J wants me to take up day trading. He seems to think I would be good at this, but I know absolutely nothing about buying/selling stocks. Anyone have any useful suggestions? The only thing I know is I like the commercials:



This commercial seems like a good enough reason to take on a new hobby, doesn't it?

;-)

What is the deal??

What is with the internet's fascination with celebrity pregnancies? Isn't the internet aware that any female creature, including dogs, pigs and mice, can get pregnant and that what those women's gestational talents are not anything to hoot about?

Ugh.. move on to something more fascinating, please.

This Is My Opinion and I'm Sticking To It

If you read my last post you know the shock I had when I discovered what had been done by someone I considered a friend (in days gone by, anyway). Short version - church minister, adopted daughters, sexual abuse, etc. etc, blah blah blah - we hear so many stories like that these days that it is almost commonplace (although no less tragic). I've been following the news reports (the internet is a wonderful thing), and seeing my old partner in that setting has made me respect her more every day. She did what we all hope we never have to do, she turned in the love of her life to the police to protect her children. She did the right thing.

Unfortunately, in looking up the news reports on this, I also stumbled across many blogs leaping on this story and basically saying SEE SEE? See how evil Christians are?? Such misguided people.

Christianity isn't a person. If it were it would have failed within six months of its inception. Christianity isn't a church for that very same reason. Christianity isn't attending services every Sunday or inviting the pastor over for a nice meal or keeping up with the neighbors or scorning someone that you have decided was not as good as you. Christianity is keeping your faith close to your heart no matter what storm is going on around you.

Christianity is knowing that God loves you, even when you feel overwhelmed. Christianity is NOT looking down your nose at people, its accepting everyone and leaving the judgments for God to decide.

What that minister did was damaging to Christianity in the fact that so many people look for bad behavior to hold up to the world and point out to everyone how dirty Christianity is. Christianity can be dirty and rotten - but only because humans can be dirty and rotten. Its in our nature, but I find it pointless to judge an entire religion on one person's despicable behavior.

Am I a Christian? Yes, I think so. I live a sinful life, I drink, I smoke, I am living with a man without benefit of marriage (fornication, anyone?). My parents were shocked, my friends from my old regimented Christian life were appalled, but oh well. I still believe in God and deep down I feel he still believes in me.

I guess I'll find out eventually, eh?

**Edit:  It was pointed out to me that I associate with gays as well.  Its true, I confess - one of my best friends is a lesbian.. yes I said it, she's LESBIANESE.  Pretty sure it won't send me to hell though.  ;-)

The Heart, It Breaks

I woke up this morning to rain, it was nice. But when I got up saw that I had messages from my daughter asking if I had heard about a person that I had been friends with for almost longer than I can remember, but she gave me no details in the message. He and his wife were good friends of mine and my ex husband. His wife was my partner in a barber shop many years ago. I moved away, they moved away, but through Facebook we somewhat kept up with each other. They were pastors of a church in a small Oklahoma town. They raised 3 girls, then adopted 3 more girls a couple of years ago. I thought he had died - until I looked up news reports and was horribly shocked at what I found.

He had been raping those girls and is now in jail. His wife turned him in. I can't even begin to imagine what she is going through. He is the last one I would have thought would go that direction.

The world is going crazy.

And How Was Everybody's Weekend??

Mine was nice, thank you for asking.

I've found a new band called Elbow.. well, they aren't new, they are new to me (it was recommended to me by the Doc). I'm hooked.



How many bands can get away with using a cup as a musical instrument?

Dinner Time!

I am trying to plan dinner for tonight... what ya think, moving pizza? Frog?





(One YouTube comment to this one was "He just stole that frog's soul." Made me laugh.)

I Hope He Doesn't Ever Read This

Okay so I admit I slack off on doing laundry.  I hate doing it, so I usually end up waiting until one or both of us are out of clean drawers before I tackle the mountains of clothes.  That was what happened this week.  J ran out of underwear so I was forced to do the laundry.  Whilst sorting through the various items, I stumbled across a pair of............   wait for it...............

California Raisins Underwear.

Tis true, J is the proud owner of circa 1988 California Raisins underwear.  I could not decide whether to be appalled or highly amused, so I took the amused route.

Last night I pointed out to him that I discovered his vintage drawers. Yes, he agreed, they were his. And you've had them how long? (I asked). He couldn't remember. I said okay so you actually do have underwear older than some of the girls you dated. Yes.

Holy crap that one made me laugh.

He would kill me with extreme prejudice if he ever read this post. Shhhhh don't tell him.

An Announcement!

I have had entirely too much to drink.

That is all.

There Is An Explanation To This Post, I Swear

This was meant to be the funny post.  Unfortunately, due to a weird glitch that I cannot explain, the post has disappeared and now instead of it being funny, its just a sad sad post.  I had the thing written and it was lonnnnnnnnnnng and I had to keep taking breaks because I was laughing so much at it.. and I was going to post a link and it went into the wrong place so I did the CTRL-Z to back out of the mistake, and the entire thing - THE ENTIRE THING - just disappeared.  Whilst I was still staring at my screen in horror I saw the Back Up Save kick in and it saved the blankness.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yes.

Gone. All gone.

I enjoyed it though, sorry for your loss.

What Is Wrong With Us??

We are a sad sad, really sad bunch of so-called civilized people. When people like this:

Can behave in a totally drug addled way -

When they can do and/or say whatever they want -

With no fear of consequences -

And knowing that instead of seeing any sort of fallout from their stupid stupid actions -

Their starts seem to rise ever higher. Why do we get all excited about grown adults acting stupid and reward them by throwing our money at them.. HERE, TAKE IT ALL, YOU ARE AWESOME!

Charlie Sheen is a child. Lindsay Lohan is an addict. Paris Hilton is an attention whore and only became famous after her sex tape was released (and don't tell me she had nothing to do with that, I wasn't born yesterday). And we all seem to love it. Its ridiculous and says an uncomfortable lot about people as a whole.

I'm curious though - is this mainly an American thing or are other cultures just as fascinated with badly behaving celebrities as we seem to be?

OMG! OMG! OMG!

I just found the most awesome thing EVER!  Dawn Wells (a/k/a Mary Ann) has a personal website and will answer questions emailed to her.   Of course I had to ask a question.

Do you have an aging picture of yourself hanging in your attic? You are gorgeous as ever - what is your secret? (I know, that was two questions.)

The website swears that she will see the question. I'm so excited!

If you, too, have a question for Dawn (I call her Dawn) just burning in your mind, here is the website for you The Most Awesome Site EVER.


Other Dawn posts, for your convenient review (and since that is almost the only traffic I get on this blog, to see her pictures).

Dear Dawn Wells
I Just Received This

Also listed on her page is a site that you can order live celebrity phone calls, Dawn being one of them.  I love her, I really do, but I'm also a cheap bitch.  Sorry Dawn, I'll just have to wave to you from afar and hope you lurve me enough to answer my brilliant and insightful (and totally suck up) question.

Insomnia

I used to have it and could get by with just two or three hours of sleep a night.  Those days are gone and I must have a full night's sleep or I transform into CrankyBitch. 

Unfortunately, J has insomnia. 

If I go to bed early enough to get good and asleep before he wanders up to bed I am okay - and can usually sleep through his nocturnal wanderings.  But the last couple of nights I have been awake when he decided it was bed time.  Oh. My. God.  The man watches tv.  He reads.  He listens to his CDs.  He eats.  He drinks.  He flips channels on the television.  He eats again.  He watches tv and FINALLY finds something that interests him, so he cranks the volume up.  I mumble something about turning it down a lil please.  He then continues to flip channels.  Wander through to the kitchen for a drink of water.  Etc., Etc., and so on and so forth.

Tonight I stood up and announced (before I was fully awake) that now I understand why I go to bed so early, that if I am not comatose before he comes up then I just don't sleep well.  No response - he went back to watching the interviews with the Sister Wives. 

So now I am downstairs at 2:00 a.m.  I've wandered the house, I've eaten brownies, I've drank water, I've let the dog outdoors.. I've read the news, now I'm blogging.

I guess insomnia is contagious.  CrankyBitch will soon be making an appearance, I'm guessing.

Ummmm..... okay?

I got this email this morning from my ex husband:

3:00 A.M. phone call from Hawaii
before all phone service is lost
David and kids are on higher ground, safe
Seana is safe in Japan.

I'm happy David and the kids are safe.  I'm happy Seana didn't get knocked down in Japan.. but.. I don't know these people.  They are the family of his current wife, people I've never met and who I wouldn't know if they stomped my toe in the checkout line of Target. 

Why my ex husband thinks I would be relieved - or - concerned - or.......  no no, that sounds uncaring - Okay.. reword here - ummm, okay?  I don't even know how to respond to the email.  I suppose "Yippee" would sound too glib.  "Hallelujah praise Jesus" would sound insincere.  "Congratulations" sounds sarcastic.

Nope.  Can't think of a thing.  I am open to suggestions.

It Was Nice

You know how when you don't see a person for a long time and then you do, and you realize how much you miss them?  Yeah that's me and the WRS. 

I met him for lunch yesterday before he flew off, back to the mythical land of England.  (Seriously, everyone keeps telling me England is there, but I've never seen it - so its mythical.)  Anyway, back to the topic of lunch.  I met him at the airport since I was too big of a wuss to drive in to Baltimore to fetch him (I remember the days of driving across country all by myself, I think there is something wrong with me).  We parked our arses at one of the airport restaurants and sat there talking non-stop for 3 solid hours.  I don't talk to anyone for 3 hours!  He kept me entertained by telling me about university politics (sounded like a bunch of sharks circling their prey). 

So yes, I had a very nice time spending time with the man.  I knew I missed him, but I didn't really realize how much until he was sitting in front of me.  Best friends like him are rare.  If you have one hold on to them.

WRS

Back for the first couple of years of this blog I spoke often of my best friend, the WRS (World Renowned Scientist).

Old WRS reference posts are here, here, here and here.  A few posts among many.

I haven't so much lately because 1) we don't talk nearly as much as we used to, and 2) I don't blog nearly as much as I used to.  The last time I laid eyes on the guy was nearly 6 years ago when I went to Scotland, he drove up to show me around.  A good time was had by all.

Anyway, he has flown into Baltimore for a conference and J and I picked him up from the airport on Saturday and took him to dinner before dumping him off at his hotel in Baltimore.  I took him cookies (it was the only constructive thing I could think of to do).  At our ages though, changes happen and we nearly didn't recognize each other -  my arse has gotten much larger, his hair has gotten much thinner - but when he smirked at me I recognized that alright.

(Yes Jess, I told him you said HIIIIIIIIIIIIII... and he said HIIIIIIIIIIII back.)

I gotta tell ya people, it was an odd dinner, but everyone seemed to get along okay.  He and J even seemed to have nice dinner conversation about growing kidneys from scratch.  Although when I got my country fried steak that I had ordered for dinner, he was appalled and said it looked like something the Scottish would cook up.

So so very bad - but so funny

A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed the ability to satisfy a female of almost any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:

"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

"Second", said, "She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

"Third", he said, "you can't never tell no one about this." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

"Fourth", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.

"And last of all," Bobby Lee said, "I'll need another week to come up with the $500.00.

Silly Pooty

First off let me say that I am not (NOT) a McDonalds Chicken McNugget fan. Never have been. The best I can say about them is that if they are dipped in a lot of barbecue sauce then they are vaguely edible, and if I close my eyes and squint then maybe I can possibly - on a very clear day - imagine that they could possibly, in theory, taste sorta kinda like a piece of chicken. That said, if you like them, then you are in for a bit of an education.

Apparently in the United States it is perfectly okay to mix chemicals into them that the rest of the world considers to be poisonous. But then again what does the rest of the world know. We're Americans, we're smarter than the average bear.

Watch this:



When looking at the ingredients list it has Polydimethylsiloxane which is used as an anti-foaming agent.  That is all well and good, except it is also used to make contact lenses, medical devices (of the unknown variety), shampoo, caulking, lubricating oils (wink wink nudge nudge) and heat resistant tiles.  Makes ya wonder if the Chicken McNugget you are scarfing regrets the life it could have had as a piece of space shuttle.  It is also used in making Silly Putty.

Also among the ingredients is TBHQ a/k/a tert-Butylhydroquinone.  This is a preservative that is used to keep the oil from going icky.  Too much of this stuff can cause this:

The FDA sets an upper limit of 0.02% of the oil or fat content in foods.[4] At higher doses, it has some negative health effects on lab animals, such as producing precursors to stomach tumors and damage to DNA.[5] A number of studies have shown that prolonged exposure to high doses of TBHQ may induce carcinogenity,[6] especially for stomach tumors.[7] Other studies, however, have shown opposite effects including inhibition against HCA-induced carcinogenesis (by depression of metabolic activation) for TBHQ and other phenolic antioxidants (TBHQ was one of several, and not the most potent).[8] The EFSA considers TBHQ to be non-carcinogenic.[3] A review of scientific literature concerning the toxicity of TBHQ determined that there is a wide margin of safety between the levels of intake by humans and the doses that produce adverse effects in animal studies.[9]

Now to be fair we are being told that anything we do, say, breath, eat, drink, touch or look at is bad for us to the point of being deadly, so I guess if I am going to look up ingredients and their side effects I should probably try to balance it and look up something organic, eh?  Maybe later.

(This information was brought to you courtesy of Wikipedia and the McDonalds Website.)

Now a few months ago this picture was making the rounds:

It was being claimed that this was what Chicken McNuggets were made from.  What you see above is MSP a/k/a mechanically separated poultry.  This is what chicken nuggets are made from, but apparently not what McDonald's version of chicken nuggets are made from.  It is surprisingly difficult to find out how, exactly, McDonalds makes their chicken nuggets, but apparently they claim that it is made from all white bonelss meat.  The description I read was that they used breast meat only, made it into a paste with all the spices and crap in it, then they shape it into one of three shapes - the tombstone (appropriate), the circle and the boot.

Okay, I've unconvinced myself.   Maybe these little babies aren't so bad after all.  I'm going to McDonalds - anyone want to come along??

For Jess

Boondoggled Chicken Noodle Stuff

Boneless chicken breasts (or a whole chicken, if you feel like peeling the meat off of it)
1/2 onion, chopped

Put the chicken in a big pot, fill the pot about halfway with water.  Add the chopped onion, boil until the chicken is cooked through.


Remove chicken from the broth (ta daa, boiling chicken in water turns the water into broth, its like magic) but don't discard the broth. Chop the chicken into bite sized pieces.

Return broth to boil and throw in one package of those medium sized egg noodles and cook until the noodles are tender. Now comes the cool part -

1 can Cream of Chicken Soup
1 can Cream of Mushroom Soup
1 can Cream of Celery Soup

Dump all of that into the noodles and broth, throw the chicken back into the mix. Now... take a half brick of Velveeta Cheese and chop it into pieces and dump that in there with the rest of it. Cook it all until its thick and cheesy and oh so delicious. Serve with hot rolls, warm bread, biscuits, whichever suits your fancy at the time.

There ya go. Easy peazy.

WHY??

J's son refuses.. REFUSES.. to put things away in the kitchen.  After all this time I'm only just getting him to put leftovers away when it is his turn to do the kitchen, instead of leaving them in the pot and cleaning around them.  Okay, I totally made myself laugh there - he doesn't clean around them, if there is something on the stove he ignores the stove completely.

Anyway, this isn't a new discovery but I'm only just getting around to telling you about it.  I will take cream cheese out of the fridge and lay it on the counter to soften.  I go back in two hours later and the cream cheese is back in the fridge.  So I take it out again and lay it on the counter, once again, to soften so I can use it to make either fantastical cheesecake or phenomenal fruit dip (or whatever).  I go in later to mix it up and yup - cream cheese has been put back into the fridge.  I can't mix it that way!   I take it out of the fridge and throw it down on the counter to, yet again, soften.

This has happened over and over.  I can leave the butter out all day.. for two days!  Nope.  He doesn't put it away.  Bottle of ketchup?  Nope.  Peanut Butter?  Jelly?  Milk?  Nope Nope Nope. 

But cream cheese seems to go completely against his sense of decor or something. 

OMG

Please, please, I am begging - if any of you love me at all - keep me far far away from the emo tunes.  LOL



(I really like this song though.)