Thursday, May 11, 2006

The Onion

I have my homepage at work set on Yahoo, with updated news headlines on it. I have one section set for The Onion. I used to read that site all the time but rarely do now, only if one of the headlines catch my eye. Today they all did.

1. Mr. Special Foreign Man Won't Read Anything Not Written in His Language

The entire article is interviews with people who have casual dealings with the Greek man, and them complaining that he will only read Greek language newspapers and books. Classic.

2. New "Anti Abortion Pill" Kills Mother, Leaves Fetus Alive

The first paragraph: Pro-life advocates celebrated approval of the new anti-abortion drug UR-86 by the Food and Drug Administration Tuesday, calling it a "safe and effective method" for terminating pregnant women while leaving their unborn children unharmed.

**You know I have to have something completely politically incorrect, just to stir the rampant frenzied emotions of anyone who might stumble across this site.

3. Hormel Makes Compelling Case for Man's Last $2.39

This interesting article is a commentary on one man's epic quest to spend his last $2.39 in the tastiest way possible. News stories just don't get any better than this.

4. Study: Alligators Dangerous No Matter How Drunk You Are

Every news outlet has their public service announcements. This particular article focuses on scientific proof that alligators are dangerous, and that a person's state of inebriation does not affect an alligator's ability to bite their face off. I am very impressed with their community mindedness.

And Finally:

5. Local Band Attempts To Track Down Mysterious Visitor to Its Website

Although there doesn't seem to be an article to this one, the mysterious headline caught my eye because it hits so close to home. I, too, have been on a similar quest. Okay, not really, but I thought the headline was a riot. ;-)

3 comments:

Odat said...

LOL....Did you read the one on the Ancient Race of Skeleton People??? roflmao

irv said...

I love the Onion!

...that is all.

irv said...

I'm still literally dying laughing rereading 'mr. special foreign man (in foreign repose outside the greek embassy or something)' and 'alligators v. drunkards'

savannah, eh? I actually know a real flesh-n-blood person who now resides there...

(thrumming fingers together).....excellent!...

-smithers