A Major Award

This past Thursday I came home from work and had a voice mail from my apartment manager. I had won a major award. Well okay.. THEY called it the door prize, but I like to think of it as my major award.

Anyway, I went on Friday morning and picked it up, and it was a gift certificate to a restaurant I had never heard of called Beef O'Brady. (The receptionist at work said that sounded like the name of an Irish porn star.) Anyway, I picked it up and took it in to work and pulled it out of the envelope, and immediately noticed something odd about it.

Have a look. Its the story of my life.

Poker (a/k/a Get Shitfaced) Night

At our office we have been discussing having a girl's poker night at my place for the last year. It never came about until yesterday, when one of the gang said WHEN ARE WE DOING IT??? I said I have no furniture. Everyone else said who cares we're there to get play poker (get drunk), not admire your furniture... so it was settled. Girls poker night at my house on October 17. The really entertaining thing about it though was the emails that went flying around about it:

First one, from Jess: In honor of finally (getting rid of) Debbie’s departure to lands far, far away we are having a girls poker night at her house on Friday, October 17th . There will probably more drinking and less poker playing, but we will have this shin dig under the guise of poker night for the sake of not calling it "a bunch of chicks getting drunk night". Hope everyone can make it!!!

From me: HEYYYYY... that wasn't nice. Look behind you, I'm crying now.

From Jess again: She wasn't. She was giving me the one fingered salute

From me again: That was the Hawaiian Peace Sign. Geesh.

From Larking, receptionist/my replacement: Note: Furniture not included.

From me (again): Yes yes.. I have no furniture to sit on, but I do have my dining table and chairs (still), a fold up chair and 2 loungers. And lots of boxes. Hopefully someone will take pity on my plight and bring along a beach chair or two for temporary usage. Also, does anyone actually own a deck of cards or are we all going to gather around the computer and play computer poker?

From Frances (another reprobate): I do but not sure about them - they offend the light hearted

From Chris (another secretary): I don't know how to play poker, except for the scratch off ticket one -- it tells you on the back which hand is better so you know if you have won or not.

From me: Cool! Bring lots of money.. we'll teach you how to play. mwahahahahahahaaaa

From Jess: Beverly has come up with the fantastic idea of perhaps throwing this par-tay at her house...she claims to have furniture.

From Chris: I have been there and she really does have furniture.

From me: You mean people do actually own that stuff? Weird.

And it goes on and on. I'm really going to miss this place.

Self Destruct

I am sure everyone knows someone like this:

My son in law, whom has admittedly had some issues in his growing up years, is a very self destructive person. We have tried to pull him into the family and let him know that he is loved, etc., but for some reason every single time things start to look up for him and my daughter, he goes on a self destructive rampage. He just got a good job with full benefits. My daughter was just offered a job as a endo/scrub tech at a hospital near her. You would think that life would be sunny and rosy for him, but no.... he can't handle it and goes on a pill taking, screaming, pushing, bawling like a baby rampage. My daughter has been struggling to make a life for herself and their new baby and has weathered many obstacles to finish her schooling just so they can be independent and a family. She completed her schooling through a pregnancy, being hit head on by a drunk driver with no insurance, a broken back, and being broke beyond all belief. I'm very proud of her actually, to see her make it through all of that. He, however, just doesn't seem to get it. When he is straight (forward) and sober, he's a great guy and dotes on my daughter and his baby, but when he gets overwhelmed by too many changes, even the good ones - watch out.

What is it with some people who just can't accept the good things that come their way? Why do some people feel compelled to sabotage their life? Is there anything that can be done for them or are they lost causes?

I just don't know.

Ugh

I am in the process of packing up my life and moving to another state... that in no way explains my extreme and utter laziness when it comes to posting. I'm just a lazy slack ass.

I am now, however, living with only a bed to sit on since I've given away most of my furniture, but I haven't yet begun to pack up my bedroom. That room has 10 years worth of old clothes to sort through, a million sets of sheets that won't fit the bed in the new place, odds ends and crap to throw out. I also have (in the kitchen, not in the bedroom), 4 sets of dishes and about 47 drinking glasses and approximately 18 coffee cups. Yes I know, that is a bit extreme for one person to have, but I get bored. Luckily I won't have to pack any spoons because I have somehow lost them all.

Anyway, from now until the end of October, that will be the extent of my life and my extracurricular activities. Packing. And occasionally drinking a beer or two with friends from work (if they invite me). Nothing much to blog about there.. although the last time I went and had a beer (or two) with friends from work, an argument broke out between two attorneys from our office, which left one of them in tears and the other storming off in a foggy, hazy, slightly drunken sort of rage. Good times.

Later, best beloved. I shall post again soon I promise. Even if it is only fluff stuff. ;-)

I LOVE This Guy!

Liberty Bell

Those nearest and dearest to me are familiar with my odd habit of having extremely strange and colorful dreams. I often wake up and launch into a story about what happened in the dream. After a few times of doing that the novelty wears off and I get stared at as if I have interrupted their important conversation to tell them the sky is blue or water is wet.

This time it was the Handsome JC’s turn. I told him that he had bought the Liberty Bell off of Ebay and when it arrived at our house, it turned out to be much smaller than I expected it to be, but it did come with a handy dandy display case for it. I wasn’t at all surprised (in the dream) that he could buy the Liberty Bell off of Ebay, and he wasn’t at all surprised that I would dream something so completely stupid. After I told him he didn’t bat an eyelash and just segued the conversation about how he only lives two hours from Philadelphia and has never been there to see it.

I love my family. hehe

Quote for the Day:

(via email)

"Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply:
If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit."

Talk Like A Pirate Day is Here!

The tide I ben waitin' fer, me favorite tide o' th' voyage. In me wanderings I be havin' located historically relevant pictures o' a sea dog that looks strikingly like me gorgeous grandchild and thought I would share them wi' ye, me beloved scallywags.





More swashbucklin' fun t' come....

Pranks

I think I posted about this once before a long time ago, but I’m too lazy to go back and check so I’ll do it again while I’m thinking about it.

Jess' roommate works at a pet store and Jess is, at this very moment, conspiring an epic prank upon his person. The ideas so far are:

1. Call and say that the fish that they thought was male has laid eggs, and ask if the pet store is going to help support all those babies.

2. Call and say that they are in the process of moving, can’t take the fish they’ve had for a couple of years with them, and ask if it is safe to eat them as opposed to flushing them down the toilet.

3. Call and say that her fish was pregnant and ask if they provide fish abortions.

4. Call and claim to be a local restaurant who has ran out of the main ingredient for Rabbit Coq Au Vin, and needs to purchase every rabbit they have in the store ASAP.


The possibilities are endless.

When our receptionist had her beloved dog neutered I wanted sooooo badly to call her up and tell her that the dog turned out to be hermaphrodite and had to be spayed as well. It was also considered to call her up pretending to be a local Chinese restaurant and asking her if she wanted the collar and leash back. Alas, I was unable to bring myself to do these to her, but one day soon I will be able to use those on someone. It is one of my life goals before I die.

Yes Yes I Know

I have been a slack ass lately. Too many things going on. It has sapped my creative juices. (snicker)

Okay, so I know that this is Pirate Week. My favorite holiday of the year is on Friday when we all get to TALK LIKE A DAMN FREAKIN PIRATE ALL DAY LONG YAYYYYYY! But I saw this on Youtube and thought it was the funniest thing ever.

Ninja Cat



And this one.......

Dramatic Cat

Rant Rant Mutter Rant

I came home for lunch today to find a note on my door from apartment management (there was one on every door). They informed us that on September 1, 2008, they will be trimming the trees around the apartment complex and if our cars are in the way they will "regretfully" be forced to have them towed. Perturbed I was... so I called the management office. I helpfully reminded them that Monday was Labor Day. Yes, they agreed, it is. I went on to graciously remind them that most people will be at home on that day and asked if it was a mistake about the car towing thing. No, no mistake. I said, "Ya know, it is a holiday weekend, I've got company coming for the weekend, and you are telling me that if my car is in the parking lot on that day you are going to tow it??" Stutter. Apologies. But yes.

I am not a happy puppy at the moment and am so glad I am moving out of here.

I do believe a strongly worded letter is in order. hehe

hehehe

Two elderly people living in Florida, he was a widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years. One evening there was a community supper in the big arena in the Clubhouse.

The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, 'Will you marry me?' After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered 'Yes. Yes, I will!'

The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places. Next morning, he was troubled. 'Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?'

He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.

First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, 'When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ' Yes' or did you say 'No'?'

He was delighted to hear her say, 'Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart.' Then she continued, 'And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me.'

I'm An Illusionist. Yeah That's Right, Uh Huh.

I haven't quizzed in a long time. This one was "borrowed" from Dustbury, who apparently borrowed it from someone else. Not so impressed with the image that goes along with it. It looks like a swarm of bugs. ewwwwww

Your result for The Perception Personality Image Test...

NBDC - The Illusionist

Nature, Background, Detail, and Color

You perceive the world with particular attention to nature. You focus on the hidden treasures of life (the background) and how that is affected by the details of life. You are also particularly drawn towards the colors around you. Because of the value you place on nature, you tend to find comfort in more subdued settings and find energy in solitude. You like to ponder ideas and imagine the many possibilities of your life without worrying about the details or specifics. You are highly focused on specific goals or tasks and find meaning in life by pursuing those goals. You are a down-to-earth person who enjoys going with the flow.

The Perception Personality Types:

Take The Perception Personality Image Test at HelloQuizzy

P.S.: 24 Days to Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Ya scurvy dog who ortin' t' be keel hauled!





Okay the Yoda Pirate just made me giggle. hehe

Taking Your Own Sweet Time

I have noticed an alarming trend in the blog world. Most of my regular reads, with the exception of a couple, only blog once every few weeks now. I understand that they have lives and all that crap, but come on... this is about ME and MY entertainment, which they are failing at. Daily blog posts people!

And no, I’m talking about them, not me.

There is one link on my linkage that hasn’t posted in over a year. I have kept his link up hoping he would make a miraculous return, but so far it hasn’t happened, so I must sadly remove him. *whimper*

Another one hasn’t posted since last winter, but I keep him on there because he was my very first blog buddy/crush and I know he’ll be back. YOU HEAR ME SASSAN??

Anyway, those of you who think you can get away with only posting once every week or so, think again. I am taking it upon myself to make sure you blog often enough to entertain me dammit.




P.S.: There are only 25 more days to Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Yar.

I'm FREEEEE

Well okay, I’m not free, but I am cheap. I am a fatwallet.com addict. I have not had to buy deodorant, toothpaste or razors for the last 2 years now. It is liberating, it is nice, it is better than nice that I don’t have to spend my hard earned cash on implements of personal hygiene. They are provided to me free of charge by companies who are trying to entice me to buy their products. How silly of them.

I did, however, come to the alarming realization that I should probably stop (or at least slow down) my free sample ordering, as I am going to be moving to a whole new area code in approximately 12 weeks. Since most orders take 8 to 10 weeks to arrive, that gives me only 2 more weeks of pleasurable cheapness. When I pointed this out to the Handsome JC last night, he became very still and quiet. I’m pretty sure it was out of fear that I would start having that stuff sent to his house. His only response was, “You can do a change of address once you move.” The man does not appreciate my frugalness.

He’ll thank me for this one day, once he gets a gander at my year supply of deodorant/toothpaste/razors/shampoo samples. In fact I don’t know why he seems so afraid of that aspect of my personality, he himself has, in the past, benefited from the razor selection.

Men.

Office Conversations

Jess and I have frequent interesting office conversations. There are many times at the conclusion of one of these entertaining dialogues that I stop and say... BLOG POST! Yesterday there were two such moments.

The first conversation was discussing her post on the standing up dead dude. I told her about the picture I found of the guy who was buried in his Lamborghini:



About the Harley Hearse:



And about the coffin sofas that are available in kickin blue, sassy red or in the subdued, yet elegant, classic black:





The conversation then gravitated toward my own funeral, wherein I stated my wishes to have my urn set in the middle of all my drunken friends and that shall be my funeral. Jess told me to start saving up because she sure as hell wasn't paying for that keg (what a pal). I've decided to have the funeral director rig my urn to occasionally cough and have puffs of ashes come out the the top whilst my pals drink themselves silly all around me. Good times to be had by all.


Later in the day the conversation was about a person here in Savannah who went to jail for graffiti at the parking garage. There were photos of the graffiti on the news online page, and the graffiti SUCKED. There was no artistic thought put to it at all, and now this guy is probably not in jail for defasing public property, but more than likely he was arrested for lack of artistic imagination.

This then led the conversation on how it would go if we were sent to prison for bad graffiti art.....

"HEY MAN.. whaddya in for???"

"Graffiti"

BWAH HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

"C'mere precious, whose yer daddy...."

Or something like that. If it were me I'd so totally lie about what I did to be sent to prison.

Hey... I think I can get another post out of this one. The title will be: What I Did To Be Sent To Prison.

Still More Chickens

(received in an email)

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side..That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Chicken Hamlet

The Chickens are at it again. Chickens and Hamlet.

Hmmmm... suddenly hungry........

Mush Alert (hehe)

I had an issue with The Handsome JC this past weekend. Something came up that I expected him to do, which he didn’t. I was a little (okay a lot) upset. When I informed him of my displeasure, to which he sat listening to patiently for about 20 seconds, and then piped in that if I was just needing to vent fine, but he’s already said he was sorry so there was no point in going over it again. He was right, but I was still upset, so I told him I’d call him back later.

Lo & behold, when I got home that evening and checked my email, there was an email waiting for me correcting the situation that I was upset about. He had bent over backwards to fix the issue just because I was upset. Nobody has ever done that for me before. Yes, I melted.

I’m thinking this man has got the right stuff. In love? Absolutely.

What An Amazing Thing!

The amazing Crystal over at Boobs Injuries & Dr. Pepper has inadvertently began a tidal wave of good feelings all through the blogging community. Her little girl, Virginia, had her Nintendo DS stolen from her, and while blogging about it one of her readers stepped up to replace the Nintendo, which was a very sweet thing to do. It has now avalanched into a charitable donation thing to provide Nintendo DS to deserving kids.

Go check it out and donate if you can. I plan to.

Guess Who This Is - The Surprising Answer

Okay Okay, you give up. Lightweights. Although having Jess cuss at my back for not being allowed to answer was pretty damn satisfying. hehe



This guy, my darlings, is the one and only Karate Kid.. Ralph Macchio, all grown up. As cute as he was in the Karate Kid movies I think he is even better looking now than he was then, which brings to mind two questions: i) why do men get better looking in their 40s and women just start looking old; and ii) why isn't he on TV somewhere??

A New One, And No, I Can't Help Myself So Get Used To The Excessive Cuteness

Say it with me..... AWWWWWWWWWWWWW

The dress she has on was my daughter's when she was a baby, which makes this a doubly cute picture.

Wax On Wax Off

I am at home, laying in bed, taking a sick day. I won't tell you what the problem is, just think First Plague of Egypt, and you'll be pretty close. (And no, that one isn't the plague of lice or frogs.)

So, whilst in my bed of affliction, I have been laying here watching Karate Kid.. remember that movie from the 80s? I haven't seen it since the 80s and enjoyed it immensely. I usually get bored and fall asleep during movies but I made it all the way through it.



That last scene where Daniel wins the tournament is great, isn't it? Who knew that doing household chores would save you from an ass kicking and/or win you fame and fortune.

:-)

Guess the Picture

Before you click the link to see what actually is happening in this picture, tell me what you think is going on. Some of you reprobates will more than likely get it right.




Full story here. Prepare to be entertained.

HAHAHAHAHAAAAA

Now Playing

In a living room near me. Over there, actually. ---------------->

This is the best Melissa Etheridge song EVER and the only reason I'm listening to the CD. Don't really care that much about the rest of the CD to tell the truth.



:-)

P.S.: Come back Odat!

EEEP

I WAS ASLEEP. I swear I was! Except one thing woke me up and since that moment I have had trouble getting back to sleep and I seem to have developed an uncontrollable itch over every inch of my body. I may never be recover.


This was crawling across my chest. I touched it. It touched me.

OMIGOD I'm unclean!

I hate the south.

True Beauty

I do believe she's got it.



But then again, maybe gram is a touch biased. ;-)

Zombie Attack Plan

This very helpful map outlines the best places to go if the zombies invade Sacramento. I, personally, think this is an inevitable event, so preparation is absolutely essential. Unfortunately, as far as I'm aware, there has been no zombie invasion map made of Savannah and/or Annapolis, so escape routes will have to be formulated on the spot wherever I happen to be at the time of the coming invasion. Oh.. and if you run too close to me I am totally going to have to trip you. No offense.

Maturity

My feelings have been hurt in a big way. No really.. my internet feelings are crushed beyond repair. There is nothing to do now except throw waves of guilt at the offending party.

Brian J., whom I thought was a pal, has made it clear that he is only humoring an old woman in her golden years. He told me (in his comments section to the blog post about my baby Brooke's upcoming Christmas), that I was known as a "erm.. mature woman." What an awful thing to say to a girl!

No no, I'm fine.. really. Don't worry about me. I have my prunes and my walker to keep me company.

Just Stuff

My son, who was unexpectedly left behind in Dallas (and had to go back home), will be here this weekend for a 10 day visit. Yes, I sucked it up and just bought him a ticket this time. Unfortunately, since he doesn't know about this blog - I expect he would be a tad upset with me for posting about him eating worms n'shit, and since I have been told that blogging on the job is an absolute no no, and since I'm all about following the rules - I don't know how often I will be posting whilst he is visiting. Although I notice that I haven't posted anything since Monday, but that is for no reason at all except pure laziness on my part.

So, I'm saying all this just to say I'll be back when I'm back. If I get a moment of quiet I will post, but I expect with a very bored 17 year old around I will be reminded that there is life outside of my home and be forced to go to seafood restaurants and stuff, although he has told me that he totally wants to hang out with the two lesbians, their gay roomate, their 6 cats and 9 ferrets, and drink beer. I can arrange the lesbians, cats, ferrets, gay guy, but the beer is off the radar dammit.

Go read Brian J., who has posted a helpful shopping list for me of things to buy as Christmas gifts for my darling baby Brooke. hehe

Just One Letter

The following is part of an actual email conversation that I recently participated in:

Them: Garbles. Did you giggle?

Me: No, cuz its HARBLES. I did yell at Jake this weekend to stop licking his harbles, and yes, it did make me giggle.

Them: DAMN IT! 1 letter off. GUCK! CAMN! THIT!

I have some hysterically funny friends. hehe

BUSTED

Due to the unexpected fact that this blog has been accidentally discovered at work (more due to the fact that I'm a stupid git), this blog is being transformed from sarcasm central to more, shall we say, inspirational posts, to atone for my sins. (Kate Gosselin Hair Cut)

No more will you see naughty words here, such as fuck, shit, bitch or Pauly Shore. From now on lady bits will be referred to as "vajaja," and man bits will be referred to as "that dangly thing." *Kate Gosselin Hair Cut*

From now on when you visit this blog, you will go away with a sense of peace and tranquility. [Kate Gosselin Hair Cut]

I humbly apologize to anyone who may or may not have been offended by my evil ways. (Kate Gosselin Hair Cut)

Speaking of evil ways, I also humbly apologize to the hard drinking, tattooed & pierced lesbian for leading her away from the path of righteousness to a life of debauchery unlike any that our office has ever seen before (apparently). I recognize the fact that she would be a perfect angel if not for my vile influence. {Kate Gosselin Hair Cut}

Finally, please know that Jesus loves us. This we know. For the Bible tells us so. ~Kate Gosselin Hair Cut~

Baby Stuff

I suspect there will be many posts about my darling grandbaby girl. She is going to have an interesting life. I do believe she is already aware of what is to come for her because the attitude is aleady showing. I received pictures in my email from my ex husband, several of the grandbaby in a four generation pose. I noticed something when I was looking at them and burst out laughing... I couldn't help myself.




I'm pretty sure it was deliberate on our baby's part, she is just that smart.

Interesting times ahead.

Drunk Drivers

I have always been somewhat militant against driving after drinking anything at all. I feel guilty if I drive after having just one beer. I lecture my friends, family members and co-workers about it. I nag, whine and cajole and ask them to please, please, PLEASE just call me to come get them if they have been drinking and need a ride home.

My daughter and her boyfriend were in their car last night, going to his mother's house for the 4th of July obligatory cookout and fireworks display, when a drunk driver hit them head on. The baby was not with them, thank God, and they weren't seriously hurt, just banged, bruised and very sore.

I am afraid that this will cause me to be more of a nagger about it than ever. It could have been so much worse than what it was. As it is their car is destroyed, but they are still alive. They will have loads of bullshit to deal with, with insurance and all, but they are still able to hold and raise that baby girl. So many people aren't that lucky.

Please do not drive when you've been drinking.

Have You Ever Noticed...

That sometimes, when you wake up sick in the middle of the night, throwing up... your body attempting to eject any superfluous organs that it considers non-essentials, your only comfort is the fact that you will get a day off from work to die in peace. And then morning comes and you feel better. No fever, no more throwing up, and since everything that made you sick in the first place is long gone you feel almost normal except for the lack of sleep and the headache you have from trying to eject your eyeballs.

When things like that happens there is no sympathy to be found anywhere. You only annoy the people who you might happen to be living with by the loud vomiting while they are trying to sleep, and when morning comes and you feel better they look at you as if you are faking. You call into work and since you didn't call while your arms are desperately hugging the toilet or whilst loudly throwing up they aren't very sympathetic either and just want to know when you can make it in.

Yeah... I'm going in after lunch hour.

Papers due n'stuff.

SOMEONE feel sorry for me please.....

I think I'll go take a nap. I wish the damn dog that lives upstairs would stop his fucking barking.

A Word That Makes Me Giggle

Harbles

Thought you ought to know.

Tshirt Hell

It has been a long time since I visited Tshirt Hell, so I thought I would have a look at their new stuff. I was not disappointed and just HAD to share it with you guys.


This could apply to any situation anywhere EVER.


I've never actually been to Idaho, but if someone has a differing opinion than the one on this incredibly brilliant tshirt, I will be happy to post it.


I'm pretty sure the ex-boyfriend came up with this one.


No explanation nee....zzzzzz


Just kidding. Size doesn't matter. (snicker)

This one made me giggle.


This could describe a few people I know.


Agreed. This guy can pay my tab anytime. Then I would have no choice but to put out. It would be the least I could do.


But with my luck he'd probably take this attitude.


I saved the best for last. I'm hoping it will help my fucking rating.

There you have it, another brilliant installment from my favorite clothier.

Well Its New To Me!

The Handsome JC is a music fanatic, which is cool for me because he is always getting for me CDs of bands that would normally not be anywhere near my radar. I guess he is trying to broaden my horizons. This one is Coheed & Cambria, whom I confess to have never heard of before now. I know.. most of you guys are probably wondering where I've been n'stuff, but come on now really. Look at their picture -



That one guy disturbs me. (No not that one, the other one.)

I used to cut hair for a living (before I decided that computers were more fun to work with than people). That is one scary do.

Love their music though.

In other musical news... Well ok it isn't news, just idle gossip (hehe).

My son is a die hard, OMG! Flaming Lips fan. (Their music speaks to him, and he has attempted to use me to stalk them.) So my son, knowing that one of my best friends was married to one of the band members and that I went to high school with 90% of the band, asked me why the former lead singer quit. Apparently, from what I've seen, the reason is the stuff of mythical legends. He asked me did I know the answer. Why yes my son, yes I do. Well why then? I told him the reason. It was anticlimactic and his disappointment was extreme.

Even rock stars can be mundane.

I'm the Nightmare Ex

I just read this article about a guy who was taking his new girlfriend to a party where his ex-wife would be. He was running over the several nightmare scenarios of the possible outcome. This made me think back to Christmas before last when I met my ex-husband's girlfriend. I wasn't very nice.

Now don't get me wrong, it wasn't her fault. She seemed nice enough and believe it or not, I was genuinely happy that my ex-husband had found someone that he cared about and who seemed to care about him. The problem was that I was very, very, VERY angry at my ex-husband, and that came out in the meeting. I am pretty sure that the new girl thought it was directed at her, but what could I say. At that point I didn't care.

What happened was that on Christmas morning, which he and I had always made a point of sharing with our children even after the divorce, my son opened a gift from his father and it turned out to be something that I had stood firmly against him having until he turned 18. My son knew he wasn't allowed to have it until he was 18 and my ex-husband knew my view on it, but he got it for him anyway. I was, how shall we say it... murderous. That night while I was sitting peacefully at my parent's house, my ex-husband arrived to introduce the new girl to me. I was still murderous and it was very apparent.

I feel a little bad now about behaving that way because I know (or at least hope) that it had nothing to do with her, that it was just him being him and overriding my wishes (yet again).

The two of them have since broken up, but if ever I see her I will apologize for behaving like a spoiled child in front of her.

And then we can laugh about the ex that belongs to the both of us now.

MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

The Trons

I guess it saves on drug and alcohol expenses.

I Have Found a New Love

Hillside Self Heating Beverages.

Oh. My. Gawd.

I read about these last year but forgot about them until I was in Oklahoma, when I happened to see them at the store and bought a couple of them. I'm hooked. No microwaving, no heating water, no coffee maker, no Starbucks. You press the little button and voila, a few minutes later you have steaming hot (and quite tasty) coffee and a nifty hand warmer. I only wish it were winter so I could enjoy the full effect of having warm hands when I am outdoors in the cold.





It has been discovered that they also sell these things with chicken soup and tomato soup in them. I am SO going to the store at lunch to see if I can find them.

Life is good. hehe




(No, I am not being paid for this rave review.)

I'll Miss Ya George

California

Do you know what happened this week back in 1850, 158 years ago?

1. California became a state.
2. The state had no electricity.
3. The state had no money.
4. Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
5. There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically, it was just like California is today, except the men didn't hold hands.

Well That Didn't Take Long

Ms. Odat answered the test question almost before I had it typed. Yup, it is Moonshadow sung by Cat Stevens, which is my current favorite CD. I'm jealous that she actually saw this guy back when he was Cat Stevens and not Yusuf Islam.. although I watched a couple of videos of him singing now and he's still a damn good singer (apologies Yusuf for saying the word damn when describing you, but it applies).



My brother gave me this CD when we were driving from Dallas to my parents' place in Oklahoma last week. He said he didn't like it much. What??? How can anyone not be enthralled with Cat Stevens?? Damn Texan. He probably listens to country.

And now, on to other news that is happening in my general vicinity these days........






























Yeah. That's it. Exciting isn't it?

A Test

If I ever lose my mouth, all my teeth north and south, if I ever lose my mouth...

I won't have to talk.

What is that quote from?

One More... Just Because

I had to cuz it is such an adorable picture. :-)

Oh Noooo

I returned to the humble abode last night. I'm tired.. and what is worse is I feel horribly guilty as well. My 17 year old son is trapped in Dallas.

Here is what happened:

My brother is a pilot. He can get us tickets that cost us nothing, to fly pretty much anywhere. The problem though is that we have to fly stand by. Sometimes we can catch an easy flight and sometimes we can't, but its free so we don't complain. My son was flying back to Savannah with me yesterday. We survived the being trapped for 3 hours on the airplane that was sitting out on the runway whilst we waited for the storm in Dallas to stop. We survived the eating the TGIF food. We ran into my brother (in his pilot's uniform), and his fiance (in her flight attendant uniform), and we stood there and talked to them until time for our flight out of Dallas. It was nice, it was comfortable... and then the clerk called my name. They only had room for one of us on the flight. I had to be back to work today and my brother and his girlfriend promised to get my son on the flight to Jacksonville and then I could drive from here to pick him up.

Only they canceled the flight to Jacksonville.

So now my son is trapped in Dallas.

The guilt. Oh the guilt.

He probably had the time of his life, staying with his favorite uncle in their fancy new house.

The little shit.

Just Look At That Face

Is that not the most gorgeous thang you've ever seen? Unfortunately for you guys (all two of you), I have held (and babysat) the little peanut and have fallen hopelessly in love. She sleeps through the day, keeps her mama up all night, screams her head off when she's getting a bath, makes the most godawful faces, but I've never seen anything so stinking cute.

I think I might like this grammy stuff. hehe

And She's Off!

I'm flying out to Oklahoma in the morning to go meet my newly sprogged grandchild. I will be there approximately 6 days and I may or may not get to post whilst I'm away. I am in the middle, as I type, of trying to convince The Handsome JC to guest blog for me, but he sounds less than enthusiastic about it, so I won't hold my breath. I mean really.. how hard is it to type something profound and utterly brilliant on a daily basis?

Anyway, I will post if I can, but if not I will be back quicker than the ex boyfriend could jump at meaningless sex.

In the meantime, here is a video for your viewing pleasure. I bet all of you know someone just like this.

She Won!!

It's true, Jess won a prize in the raffle. It wasn't the laptop though (sorry chicklet, I did fully intend to give it to you if I had won it), it was a "Limited Edition" print of a painting of River Street in Savannah... except there are two bridges (or something like that).

I just want to know where she is going to hang that lovely piece of high art.

We can take consolation in one thing, and that is that Potty Monitor didn't win it either.

Oh, by the way, those of you who still wander back here and read this crap, the ever-powerful Potty Monitor is back at it, watching our light usage whilst we take our bio breaks. Some things never change, not even my underhanded attempts to drive her to distraction.

LIGHTS OUT...... MWA HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

The Shit Will Hit The Fan Now

It all started with a phone call.

Sunday afternoon my phone rang. The caller ID said it was my daughter, who was due to sprog at any minute.

I picked up the phone, said hey there... silence, except for a tiny sob on the other end. I asked what was wrong. More quiet sobs. I asked again what was wrong. "n n n nothing. (sob)" What's going on, I asked, why are you crying? "I don't k k knowwwwww (sob)." Then why are you crying?? "I think my water broke - *whimper*." Ohhhh. I asked her was she sure she didn't pee herself? (I know, but it was funny at the time, hehe) Her response was, "I DON'T KNOW!!! *WAILLLLL*"

Turns out she hadn't peed herself.



Brooke Vegas, born Monday morning at approximately 8:30 a.m., 7 lbs. 15 oz.

Holy moley I'm a grandma.

But isn't she gorgeous.