This Is My Life

Thank you Mr. Savage for summing up the blog wars with my office partner.

Well done. hehe

The Dumbest Quote EVER

"It makes it safer for everyone who's inside the prison system, both the inmates, the staff members -- the correctional custody staff," said Matt Gray from Taxpayers for Improving Public Safety. "Prison simply cannot function in a safe manner right now with all of the overcrowding."

Taken from this article about early releases from prison to ease prison overcrowding in California... because we're all about making sure the prison inmates are safe.

I don't live in California, but if you are interested in reminding them how much of a dumbass idea this is, or to point out that you had never heard a more dumbass quote, that on a level of dumbassedness that rates a 200 which makes Mr. Gray the king of all dumbasses, the email form is here.

Maybe I'm just missing something.

Have You Ever..........?

Had one of those moments when the only thing to do was to burst into tears and bitch and moan and cry and wonder why the universe hates you?

That was my weekend. Actually it wasn't all THAT bad, just until I got the mess cleaned up.

Friday at work was Very Very busy (with capital Vs). My intention was to come home, take a nice hot bath, have a glass of wine, and lay in bed and watch tv. Instead I came in to find a dog who had been sick from one end of my apartment to the other. The poor thing, I can't blame him really, but I took one look at the diarhea slung everywhere and burst into tears. I spent Friday evening cleaning and the rest of the weekend taking him outside every hour. I think the neighbors are now familiar with all my pajamas.

Hint here: He kept that up until last night, when I gave him a heaping helping of vanilla yogurt. He loved it and it seems to have shut the diarhea down. He ia almost back to normal.

That was my weekend. I demand a do over.

My Current CD

I bought this CD this past weekend and have been listening to it. It is pretty damn funny, but to be honest I prefer to watch these guys on the tv.

Bitch

This person has been awful and mean to me for most of the day. I mentioned that I was having trouble seeing without my glasses today (because they are broken), and she said, of course, that it was all due to menopause. I am not amused.

I'm pretty sure it is just a case of pure jealousy because we both entered a raffle and I have informed her that I will be winning the laptop, so to keep her drool off of it. She was not amused.

The drawing is next week. Let's hope that we don't kill each other before then, although she has posted her Christmas List and I have just informed her that I like the vacuum and do believe I will get myself one and not let her touch it.

MWA HAHAHAHAHAAAAA

**Update**

She just read this and her only comment was, "You suck." No imagination, I swear.

The Saddest Pictures I Have Ever Seen

This brings tears to my eyes.

Time for them to come home, I'm thinking.

Things I Learned This Weekend

1. A 9 1/2 hour drive goes much much faster when it is somewhere you are looking forward to visiting.

2. A 9 1/2 hour drive is torture when you are not wanting to go home.

3. Our kids are annoying no matter how old they are.

4. Hot tubs get uncomfortably warm even when it is 50 degrees outdoors.

5. German Chocolate Cake will be wiped out before the birthday dinner.

6. So will deviled eggs.

7. New babies believe they are giving you a wonderful gift when they are pooping their diaper and spitting up on you at the same time... although it is very cute when they grin after gifting you. (Yes, it is a boy - the bodily function pride starts early, apparently.)

8. I'd still do Indiana Jones.

9. Washington DC drivers scare the everloving shit out of this country girl.

10. Pregnant daughters still need their mothers to tell them to get their pregnant baby bellies out of the 90 degree sun so they don't make the little peanut that she is gestating get overheated.

11. Holiday weekends are more tiring than a regular work day.

12. You guys kept me giggling with your car sex comments, so I guess that means I need to post something ridiculous before I go out of town from now on. No more serious posts.

13. I need Mexican food for lunch.

That's it. I may add to the list as I think of more, but I'm too tired.

Ummm..

Does jacking off inside a car count as having sex with it?

This is the stupidest story I think I have read all year.

As well as Vanilla, he regularly spends time with his other vehicles – a 1973 Opal GT, named Cinnamon, and 1993 Ford Ranger Splash, named Ginger.

Before Vanilla, he had a five-year relationship with Victoria, a 1969 VW Beetle he bought from a family of Jehovah's Witnesses.

Holyfuckingmoley

Why oh why did they identify this idiot as American.. we get bad enough press as it is.

HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Conversation with Odat

Some of you know that I am friends with the famous Ms. Odat. What you don't know is the strange and bizarre paths our conversations occasionally tend to follow. Here is a portion of this morning's conversation:

Deb says:
I gotta go to walmart and get Noah a birthday card, but if I leave a muslim will get my parking spot

Odat says:
lmao.....what??????????????

Deb says:
yeah after I read that the thought crossed my mind that this might just end up as a bloggable conversation. lmao

Odat says:
why, pray tell, will a muslim get your parking space?

Deb says:
cuz they are out to get me.. of course.

Odat says:
oh...ok, i get it now

Odat says:
aluminum hat time

Deb says:
actually its cuz my office is half a block away from the jihad church (it actually says jihad above the door), and I parked right in front of their door this morning when I got here

Deb says:
to make matters worse, the jihad church is directly across the street from the abortion clinic.

Odat says:
lmaooooooo

Deb says:
can you say the most dangerous street in savannah?? lol

Odat says:
sounds dangerous to me

Deb says:
when I got here this morning the catholics were in front of the abortion clinic saying hail mary's really really loud

Odat says:
omg

Odat says:
you should blog this

Deb says:
lol

Deb says:
maybe I'll log the entire conversation and just post that.. seems much easier. lol

Odat says:
that's easier

Deb says:
don't worry.. I'll use your fake name to protect your right to privacy. lmao

Odat says:
I know, you're a good friend that way

Deb says:
actually.. I won't do it if it bugs you.. just seems like a funny conversation. lol

Odat says:
no I wouldn't mind

Deb says:
oh cool.. your fans will be impressed that I am pals with you. hehe

There you have it. Another weird one. Thanks girlfriend.. you do keep me laffing. hehe

*P.S.: We decided to do the twin posts just for the comedic factor. Oh shut up, you know you laughed. (snicker)*

Holy Moley

It just struck me, just now, how absolutely crazy things are going to be for me for the next month or so. I am driving to Annapolis next weekend to spend JC's birthday with him. A week or so after that my daughter is due to have her baby and I will be taking off and driving to Oklahoma for that happy occasion (18 hour drive, OMG), but we'll have that cute little baby to cuddle. I will be bringing my son back with me for the summer and I plan to take him up to Annapolis to meet his impending step-brother and to haul him around D.C. and do the tourist thing. With all my trips up to that area I have only been into D.C. to go to sports events (goooo Caps!), so I'm looking forward to just walking around and gawking.

*I don't think JC has been reading my blog so I will put this here too...*

I think when I'm up there I will suggest we go get married, just for the opportunity to laugh at the reaction. My mom told me to take a picture of of the expression on his face. I said that he is liable to call my bluff and say okay let's go.... she then said, then have him take a picture of the expression on YOUR face. Thanks mom. hehe

I Stole This Post

I just visited the great Brian J. Noggle, who apparently borrowed the idea from the wonderful Dustbury. I liked it so much I thought I'd join in on the action.

What we have here is the top 106 books most often marked as "unread" by LibraryThing's users. As in, they sit on the shelf to make you look smart or well-rounded. Bold the ones you've read, underline the ones you read for school, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish. Additionally, I have listed in green the ones that I have on my to read shelves to actually read.

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi: a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
The Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler's Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran: a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked: the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian: a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault's Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
1984
Angels & Demons
The Inferno (and Purgatory and Paradise)
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D'Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver's Travels
Les Misérables
The Corrections
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela's Ashes: a memoir
The God of Small Things
A People's History of the United States: 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-Five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake: a novel
Collapse: how societies choose to fail or succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics: a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: an inquiry into values
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity's Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood: a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield
The Three Musketeers

Obviously I am not as well read as our Mr. Noggle. Apparently I have a lot of reading to do before I, too, can look smart. :-)

Lost Dog

This flyer for a lost dog was dropped off at our office. It has pretty much cracked everyone up.

click for the full effect

Body and fur are very similar to this & her face is kind of similar to this
Do Not Chase

AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA

Vagueness and not catching the dog is the way to go when looking for a lost dog, I guess.

Randomness

This photo is the one that brings the most blog hits here. I am not sure why. The poor dog has been ogled at enough, let him live his life in peace and privacy after his tussle with the local neighborhood porcupine.

He is shocked and dismayed that these photos have become so popular amongst the internet elite, but asks that you let him move on from this embarrassing episode of his life and let him recover quietly. He will issue another statement in the future, if one is needed. He says he's fine and only occasionally suffers traumatic flashbacks.

Moving on....

Also popular amongst bloggers is a post I once did for the book Wicked. Apparently there are a lot of people on the lookout for homework cheats. We are an immoral generation. DO YOUR OWN DAMN HOMEWORK.

Moving on...

Since I posted the Cuss-O-Meter, I had sorta, kinda, been on a mission to up my cussing percentage on this blog. It is not working. I just did a check up and my cussing has actually dropped to 10.2%. I am a failure at dirty language. Fuck.

And finally...



This is the motorcycle that The Handsome JC has bought, the Harley-Davidson Rocker C. It seems he will take delivery of it next week, which means that he will have it when I am at his house over Memorial Day weekend. Luckily for me, at the moment it does not have a passenger seat, but he seems to be on a mission to acquire one. I do not like motorcycles, but I won't count anything out until I try it. That thing looks way too fast for my liking though.

That is all. Have a lurvely Thursday.

AH HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA

My friend gave birth at age 65.

With all the new technology regarding fertility in recent years, a 65-year-old Friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.

"May I see the new baby?" I asked

"Not yet," She said "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."

Thirty more minutes passed and I ance again asked, "May I see please your new baby now?"

"No, not yet," she said.

After another few minutes had elapsed, I anxiously asked again, "May I see the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied my friend.

Growing impatient, I asked, "Well, when can I see the baby?" "Okay...Alright .... WHEN HE CRIES ... WHEN HE CRIES!" she told me.

"WHEN HE CRIES?" I demanded. "Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?"

"BECAUSE .... I DON'T REMEMBER WHERE I PUT HIM .... Okay ?!!

The Po Leese

I am a self admitted cynic. In some ways I am as naive as I was when I was kid and I find myself unpleasantly surprised when someone does something nasty to someone else. I just don't expect it and when it does I am shocked and dismayed. However, when it comes to the local police departments, I fully expect THEM to do nasty things. I know I know, they are there to "serve and protect," and that we should give them our full support, blah blah blah, but I rarely see any police officer doing anything other than trying to catch everyday normal citizens doing something out of the ordinary so that they can be separated from their hard earned cash. I drive back and forth between here and Maryland on a fairly regular basis. I have seen unmarked white Mustangs with people pulled over. Now... is it just me or does that just seem WRONG?? The police spill their usual crap about how they are trying to keep us safe, but wouldn't a marked police car, which would deter speeders, make more sense? Deterrence means that we are all safer, right? But no, they put a sports car on the road so that they can catch anyone speeding so that yes, they can have the extra cash for those donuts, or so that they can fill their quotas. Then we have the jaded and burned out police officers who are only in it for the pension.

Recently one of the attorneys at work was in need of a local police officer's deposition regarding an accident that he investigated. The police officer was completely uncooperative (you would think testifying about accidents would be part of his job). That particular police officer was more interested in getting his appearance fee than in doing the job he is already being paid for. Sad, it is.

Then we have the "Police Benevolence Associations" calling our house and asking us for even more of our hard earned cash, throwing the guilt upon our heads about taking care of these officer's family, should they die on the job. Well ya know, let me see... they already get paid more than I do, they are in a job that they chose to do and they knew the risks, not to mention the fact that if something were to happen to me on the job (explosion, ghostly presence, disgruntled client), would anyone be soliciting donations from strangers to take care of my family? I think not. That, coupled with the fact that these "Benevolence Associations" get a very large chunk of the profits from whatever they take in, it is all a crock of shit.

I will insert the usual disclaimer here. I am sure there are good, honest and decent police officers in the world of law enforcement. I, personally, have yet to see those rare creatures.

When the boat crashed next to my apartment a couple of years ago there were 5 police cars with lights blazing outside my apartment, and I was the one being yelled at because I didn't have the truck tag number of the owner or that I didn't get the make and model of the pickup truck. Sorry guys, I was too busy laughing and lamenting the fact that the boat didn't crush my car. Let's see........ no damage, crashed boat, embarrassed boat owner, woman bawling her face off because a boat came loose from a truck and forced her to hit her brakes. A recipe for social disaster apparently since it took 5 police units to respond to the phone call. Police work at its best, I guess.

So there you have it. My weekly rant. I have a cartoon about this but it is on my computer at work. If I remember I will attach it when I get there.

Later, my fellow reprobates.

Actual Work Conversation (as of 12 minutes ago)

Me: I believe that Armageddon has already happened and we are already in Hell.

Jess: No that's global warming!

Proof that Al Gore is Satan? You decide...... Discuss.

Lazy Days and Bad Dreams

I had nightmares last night. All night. Every time I would wake up and drift off back to sleep I would slip into a different dream but with always the same basic theme: a tornado is heading straight towards me. This does not make for relaxing sleep... although this could be a throw back from my growing up in Oklahoma. An observation here. When I tell anyone who knows that I grew up in Oklahoma that I have never seen an actual tornado, they get an incredulous expression on their face and say something along the lines of, "What the fuck??" I then go on to explain that the most probable explanation of that is that when we knew a tornado was coming we hastily made our way to the storm cellar. Or maybe I was just lucky. (This is also the same expression I see when they find out that I'm living in Savannah but that I despise seafood. It just doesn't seem to compute.)

THEN... I wake up this morning and realize that I have been absolutely unmotivated. I don't want to work, and normally this is a job that I love. My motivation has dropped to the nether regions.

How does a person get their motivation back once it has abandoned us?

Whine whine bitch piss moan. This is my blog and I can if I want ta. hehe

Equality?

Before I launch into this, let me preface this by saying no, I am not racist. But then of course I'm pretty sure even the most racist people in the world would deny being so. Does Al Sharpton concede to being racist? I doubt it. Is he racist? Absolutely.

That being said, I was having a discussion with the Handsome JC today about the state of entitlement that this country seems to have settled on. At this point I don't believe it is any particular race or sexual orientation that has decided they are owed the world. It is more like an entire generation that has settled upon that attitude in life. We raised our children as spoiled little brats, if they mess up then it must be someone else's fault. So why should we be surprised when they have that attitude as adults? I have found that the hardest lesson to instill into my children's hard heads is that when they mess up it is THEIR fault, not the person next door. I keep telling them that we all make mistakes, but it is what we do with ourselves after that mistake is made that defines where we go in life. Do we learn from it? Do we move on from it and take the steps necessary to insure that mistake never happens again or do we blame someone else and continue on with the same old mistakes?

I live in the south where 150 years ago black individuals were kept as slaves. As a country mistakes were made, but from what I can see the country has really gone above and beyond what is necessary to make amends for that. Affirmative action anyone? But now I see that living in the south black Americans (I say black Americans because unless they actually are from Africa, they aren't freaking African in my opinion) have a sense of self entitlement. Their great great grandparents were slaves so white Americans MUST pay the price. But when does the paying stop? How long is society to pay for mistakes made 150 years ago? Minorities today have the same opportunities that everyone has, i.e., go to university and improve your life. Work for what you want/need as opposed to expecting it to be given free and clear. I was wondering the other day that at that point in the future when white Americans become the minority, will we be afforded the same preferential treatment. Will affirmative action be available to us? Will we be allowed to have white pride parades? Will we have scholarships to universities based solely on the fact that we are white? Would we have White Entertainment Television (WET) stations? Would we even want that? I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want that, but I would like for the preferential treatment of races and sexual orientation to stop.

As individuals we are what we are. We are born into families that do right by us or we don't. Every single person on the face of the earth has baggage to deal with. Deal with it and move on and attempt to improve your life rather than blaming it on the fact that you are black/hispanic/gay and the white/straight man is keeping you down. It is not my fault, or the guy next door's fault, your ex-husband/wife's fault, or your Uncle Albert's fault that you aren't going where you want in life.. it is your fault.

That is my rant for the day. That is just what is going through my mind.

Black/Hispanic/Gay Pride? Sorry, but that just seems all outdated and silly. American pride? There you go, maybe we should all just settle on that and move on from the inequality bullshit. I think everyone would benefit from that.

Brevard, North Carolina

Friday afternoon I drove up to Brevard, North Carolina to see The Handsome JC, who had driven down from Maryland to meet the newest addition to his family (the fresh grandson). It was a 4 1/2 hour drive for me, a 9 hour drive for him. I had a really nice weekend though, lots of adventures (in and out of the hotel room, hehe), meeting the other daughter that I had not met yet, and holding the little noobikin, who is absolutely adorable and has inherited his grandfather's freakishly long toes. Brevard is a beautiful town, I would like to visit there again sometime.

There is a small gourmet type store there that we went in that had a plethora of stranged named beers. I bought a few, gave one to JC (I can't remember what it was called but it looked like it was in a moonshine jug with a cork stopper and all) and kept the below one for myself.



I bought the Monty Python Holy Ail for my boss, since he and I both are Monty Python fanatics. He took one look at it, burst into laughter and said that he was going to have to take it home because if he leaves it at work "someone" would take it and drink it. (I failed to mention that it might be me who is the "someone.") The label on the bottle cracks me up, it says, "Tempered over burning witches."

*insert snide ex-wife/ex-girlfriend joke here*

Now, to keep up the spirit of the Cuss-O-Meter, here is my daily addition: BASTARD

The Cuss-O-Meter

Apparently my language isn't colorful enough.


Created by OnePlusYou

I'm experimenting. Be Right Back................ (Ignore the below if you are easily offended)

fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother
fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother
fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shit
bags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck
shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker
damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a
bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker
damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags
son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit
fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit fuck fuckity shitbags son of a bitch mother fucker damn hell suckit fuck shit damn damn damn

Ok.. lets see what this did to my Cuss-O-Meter. Be Right Back Again.

Fuck. It did nuthin. I am going to have to spice it up more often, I'm thinking.

The Joy Internetting

Facebook. I believe it is here to stay. For a while anyway. My parents have discovered the joy of posting baby pictures of my brother, who is now an airline pilot, and myself (I'm not an airline pilot). As adorable as this sounds, it has led to some interesting misidentifications of a few photos. Luckily for me I was the only one around with long brown hair and huge soulful eyes (insert big shiteatin' grin here), so I was always identified correctly. My brother, however, was misidentified in one photo. My parents posted a picture of me playing in a backyard pool with the two neighbor kids, one being a small girl without a shirt on. They thought it was my brother and tagged the picture that way. I did correct them and told them who it was, but the damage is done. I can now make fun of my brother until the end of time, reminding him that at least our parents knew who I was in baby pictures.

I have had an ongoing argument with him over the last 20 years over who is the favorite. This development has given me a huge advantage. Life is good. hehe

Me, at about 3 or 4.

Happy Shakespeare Birthday!

You know I had to post a celebration.



I found this the other day. Scenes from the movie Pulp Fiction translated into Shakespeare speak. I had ta laff, I really did. It makes me want to go back and watch Pulp Fiction again, which I haven't seen in several years, just to compare the scenes.

ACT I SCENE 2. A road, morning. Enter a carriage, with JULES and VINCENT, murderers.

J: And know'st thou what the French name cottage pie?
V: Say they not cottage pie, in their own tongue?
J: But nay, their tongues, for speech and taste alike
Are strange to ours, with their own history:
Gaul knoweth not a cottage from a house.
V: What say they then, pray?
J: Hachis Parmentier.
V: Hachis Parmentier! What name they cream?
J: Cream is but cream, only they say le crème.
V: What do they name black pudding?
J: I know not;
I visited no inn it could be bought.


...


J: My pardon; did I break thy concentration?
Continue! Ah, but now thy tongue is still.
Allow me then to offer a response.
Describe Marsellus Wallace to me, pray.
B: What?
J: What country dost thou hail from?
B: What?
J: How passing strange, for I have traveled far,
And never have I heard tell of this What.
What language speak they in the land of What?
B: What?
J: The Queen's own English, base knave, dost thou speak it?
B: Aye!
J: Then hearken to my words and answer them!
Describe to me Marsellus Wallace!
B: What?
JULES presses his knife to BRETT's throat
J: Speak 'What' again! Thou cur, cry 'What' again!
I dare thee utter 'What' again but once!
I dare thee twice and spit upon thy name!
Now, paint for me a portraiture in words,
If thou hast any in thy head but 'What',
Of Marsellus Wallace!
B: He is dark.
J: Aye, and what more?
B: His head is shaven bald.
J: Has he the semblance of a harlot?
B: What?
JULES strikes and BRETT cries out
J: Has he the semblance of a harlot?
B: Nay!
J: Then why didst thou attempt to bed him thus?
B: I did not!
J: Aye, thou didst! O, aye, thou didst!
Thou hoped to rape him like a chattel whore,
And sooth, Lord Wallace is displeased to bed
With anyone but she to whom he wed.

This site is dedicated to translating the entire movie into Shakespeare speak. Funny as hell it is. Go have a read. :-)

This About Sums It Up

This video perfectly reports my life as of late. I love it when the international news agencies report something that hits so close and I can relate to so well.

Have You Ever Noticed.......

That when a celebrity has a new album or a new movie to promote, suddenly they decide to "come forward" with their own personal struggle with depression/abuse/eating disorder, or that they are suddenly, happily gay? Why is it that they choose that particular time to talk about it... or why do they even talk about it at all? Is it to make them feel as if they are identifying with the little people and that they, too, have the same human struggles that us common folk have? I call bullshit on that. Sure they may get depressed. Sure they may have been abused... sure they have the same emotional ups and downs as the rest of us, but to be perfectly honest here, they are celebrities because we need fantasy lives to imagine ourselves in. I imagine myself with 50 million plus bucks in the bank. I may have an occasional blue day (can you say PMS??), but I suspect I will be much less stressed about things. I can imagine that not having to worry about my credit card bill would make me much, much happier. I can almost imagine myself being about to sign a two year cell phone contract without hyperventilating.

Gwyneth Paltrow has a new movie to promote, and suddenly she is coming forward with her struggle with mild postpartum depression. All you moms say it with me.. GROAAAAN. It is ridiculous and nearly every new mom I have ever known has had that struggle to some extent. It doesn't make her any better because she survived it without going on a killing rampage. It just means she is a normal person. I don't exactly see why it should be celebrated or should have dozens of articles written about it. (On a side note, she also claims that her husband gets very upset with her if she mentions him in interviews.. good for him, she needs to take a hint and keep her mouth shut.)

Is it just me or does it seem that the bigger the mystique, the bigger the star? The ones that constantly talk about themselves or put themselves in tabloid heaven are the ones that us general public people get sick of hearing about.

Anyway, that is my rant for the day. Sorry for the long absence, but I have been feeling strangely uncreative lately. Hopefully normal blogging will resume shortly.

Did anyone miss me? ;-)

Meatloaf Day

Meatloaf Day is what I call periods of time when I have had pretty much zilch to blog about. Nothing is really going on, good or bad, all the funny things I seem to see are things I've already posted about, etc.

HOWEVER, in a discussion with my partner in crime, Jess, she was talking about how someone read and commented on her blog and that she was writing them an email to thank them. I said, "You are sending them an email to thank them for reading your blog?"

Her response was, "Well, yeah."

My first thought was HEY... then I pointed out to her that she doesn't ever thank me for reading her blog.

Speechlessness abounds in these here parts now. I love it when I can render her with nothing to say. I just knew I had to blog about it.

hehe

Thus ends my post on Meatloaf Day.

I Just Received This...

And thought I would post it. It is an open letter written by the police officer who arrested Dawn Wells a/k/a Mary Ann.

Dear Deb:

Yes it was me. I am the fool who arrested America's fantasy, Mary Ann. But it wasn't my fault! The woman was stoned! It was my job! I had no choice! The world can stop making fun of me now. I realized at the time that arresting Mary Ann would be opening me up to all sorts of backlash, but it had to be done. If it had been any other famous person (Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, etc.), I would have been applauded. As it was I have gotten nothing but grief from anyone who knows, which at the moment, unfortunately, seems to be the entire population of the United States.

Life has been relatively peaceful since it happened in October. Other than a few officers I work with nobody really knew that Mary Ann had been arrested, but when it hit the national news the shit hit the fan. People point at me on the street. My own grandmother has chastised me for picking on Mary Ann. I can't drive down the street in peace now. When I pull someone over for speeding the first thing out of their mouth is, "You're the one who arrested Mary Ann! What the fuck were you thinking you idiot!" They then laugh when I give them their tickets instead of looking chastised and sorry like they are supposed to. I had one guy actually say that he couldn't wait to tell his friends that he got a ticket from the asshole who arrested Mary Ann.

Ms. Wells told me at the time that I pulled her over for swerving that she was swerving because she couldn't find the heater in her car. All four windows were down, no wonder she needed to turn the heater on. Yes okay I know that I am resorting to sarcasm, but I need my life to go back to normal. She had four half smoked joints in her car! What was I supposed to do...? Blame it on Ginger, or maybe the Professor??

Please, let my life go back to normal. I only did what my job made me do.

Stop calling me Little Buddy.

Officer J.G.

Paolo Nutini

This guy was recommended by Diane, so I thought I would check him out... turns out she was absolutely correct in her recommendation, the guy is GREAT. She gets 598,923 bonus points for him being Scottish. hehe

My Current Favorite CD

Mika - Life in Cartoon Motion



Except I left it sitting on my desk at work. :-(

Email Stuff

I hadn't spoken to the WRS in weeks. Apparently he was busy working on a huge ass grant worth $2 million, but that is no excuse as far as I'm concerned. Our friendship should come first, but oh well. Last week the grant app was done and I still hadn't heard from him, so I thought I would prompt a little bit of contact with an email. Nothing big really, I just told him I was moving to Russia with the handsome JC and that I was pregnant with twins.

Sure enough, that elicited a response:

Congratulations!!! Я надеюсь вы john и близнецы имеет сказовое время в земле Putin. Май ваши младенцы имеют более малых младенцев внутри их... .and настолько дальше.

No I don't know what it says other than Congratulations, John and Putin. So I ran it through the Babelfish translation site. The translation was:

Congratulations!!! I hope you john and twins has fantastic time in earth Putin. May your babies have the smaller babies inside of their.....and so further.

I'm pretty sure that isn't what he intended to say, but who knows. My response was, "I was just kidding you freak, god almighty what am I going to do with your fucking ass??"

For shits and grins I ran it through Babelfish as well, to translate it from English to French. It looked like this after translation:

J'étais juste vous badinant anormal. toute-puissant d'un dieu ce que la baise suis moi allant faire avec votre âne.

I love how the French can make the most insulting lines sound elegant. Just to be sure I thought I would translate it from French BACK to English to see how garbled it came out. This was the result:

I was right badinant you abnormal all-powerful of a god what kisses am me active to make with your ass.

I'm also pretty sure that isn't what I meant to say, but I swear that Jess and I laughed until tears were streaming.

That's good shit right there. hehe

Pornographic Vegetables

I got these pictures in an email. They didn't make me hungry but I was sort of turned on...........

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA

My Grandpa

I pinched this picture of my grandfather off of one of my relative's Facebook page. (He is the one on the left, by the way.) He was so little.. a bit shorter than my mother, who is 5' tall. He talked in that strange Newfoundlander accent that is difficult to understand sometimes, but he sped it up about a thousand times so that it was nearly impossible to understand. In fact, if you have seen the movie Snatch, the Brad Pitt character always cracked me up because he sounds so much like the way my grandfather sounded. ("Do ye like dags?")

Anyway, I came across this photograph, and thought I'd post it.

Next, my very good friend Odat gave me this award. I am oddly touched by this, as much as she has gone through lately she still takes the time to make us feel as if we are the special ones. What a girl she is.

I will pass this lovely award to Jess, my very good friend and office partner, who keeps me in stitches on a daily basis. Dunno what I'd do without her... probably get more work done, if nothing else. hehe

Speaking of work, I need to get to it. After having the last 5 days off it is going to be difficult to get back into the routine.

*insert bemused expression here*

An open letter to TA Travel Centers:

Dear TA Executives:

I drive. A lot. My family lives in Oklahoma. My fiance lives in Maryland. I live in Georgia. Hence the driving. A lot. Now, when I'm driving, I tend to drink many beverages, ranging from energy drinks to Diet Coke to just plain old water, and occasionally even coffee or tea, although I don't drink the latter two that often when I travel because it forces me to have to take more than the usual amount of pee breaks.

I'm sorry if I sound as if I'm rambling, I just thought I needed to set the scene for you.

Thursday morning, oh, approximately 9:00, Florence, South Carolina. I was in an extreme need for a pee stop. I held out for a TA Travel Plaza because your facility has always been a friend to me in my time of need, whether it be water, Jones Energy Mints, etc., you always came through for me. So Thursday morning I bypassed the Pilot Travel Center. I bypassed the multitude of convenience stores, and went out of my way down a road to visit you. I finally make it to your location and pulled into the entrance. It turned out to be the wrong entrance. You have separate ways in for 18 wheelers and cars which would be okay if you had a way to get to the car parking lot and gas tanks from the truck parking lot and gas tanks. You did not. Completely cut off from each other they were. Does that sound convenient to you? Forcing someone who has been driving for hours to search for a way to get into your facility? I didn't think so, but I chalked it up to poor planning and consoled myself with the fact that the person who designed the flawed entrances was probably fired for being an idiot.

Alrighty then. Through sheer determination I found may way to your gas pumps, filled my car with gas. This activity went without incident. But remember how I planned the stop at your place of business because I really really REALLY needed to pee? The story gets horrifying from here...

After I pump the gasoline into my car I nonchalantly walked into the front doors of your facility. Now mind you, your bathroom wasn't the only thing I was looking for... in the previous hour my MP3 player had lost its battery charge and I didn't have a spare battery, so my intent was to purchase from your business one of those adapter thingies that would allow me to plug the MP3 player into the cigarette lighter. I had visions of continuing on my journey with relieved bladder and a variety of musical choices to occupy me.

Alas, it wasn't to be.

You had no adapters, which I find odd considering truckers, travelers, etc. are at your store at all hours of the night. How many of those people have had to leave disappointed because they couldn't find an adapter thingy?? Okay, I concede that it is possible that you were just sold out, and I would have continued on my merry way without much thought of it other than to stop somewhere else for an adapter had your women's bathroom been in working order.

Ahhh, NOW we are at the core reason for this post.

YOU ARE A FUCKING TRAVEL PLAZA! People who travel need to pee! You sell coffee, drinks, etc., all the ingredients to force people to have to stop at your facility for the specific purpose of using your restroom (and I'm sure you are aware that 87.4% of travelers feel obligated to buy a little something from places who
graciously allow us to use their restrooms - true story, scientific fact*), yet your women's bathroom was out of order. The sign on the door said, "Closed For Cleaning." When I saw the sign a touch of panic began to set in. Breathe, breathe... its okay, its a cleaning, how long does that take. So I hung around your store for about 10 or 15 minutes, shopping, looking again for the adapter thingy (which you still didn't have), looking at your DVDs, glancing through your audio book selection, walking back to the restroom.. nope,the sign is still up... looking at your impressive cell phone accessory choices, looking at those weird looking rolled up things that are in your snack area - do people really eat those things??

Anyway, after waiting a reasonable time I once again headed back to the restroom area. The sign was still up, and by that time I was in pain. Finally a sour, bitter looking women came out, unhooked the sign from the wall so she could come out of there, and NOOOOO!!! She turned around and hooked the sign back up. It was dawning on me that they were not going to let me pee. I asked through gritted teeth (but fairly politely, under the circumstances) was the bathroom going to open anytime soon? The bitter, hateful old wench had the nerve to turn and look at me standing there in my agony, and said, "No," and turned and walked away without a backward glance. No sympathy, no suggestions, just a FUCK YOU NO YOU AIN'T USING THIS BATHROOM EVER MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA message to her tone.

I then felt obligated to buy something since I had hung out in your store so long.

Pilot Travel Centers are my new favorite pit stop.

Sincerely,
Deb from Boondoggled








*These statistics may or may not be totally made up.

Happy Valentine's Day?

I have to use the cupid pic for the sake of tradition, but this year, for the first time in ohhhh, about a hundred years, Valentine's Day is something I am looking forward to.

Have a good one. I'm off to Annapolis.

Keep my seat warm. :-)

My New Motto

I Have a Bad Pixel

I have a bad pixel on my work computer monitor. It GLARES at me everytime I try to look at anything interesting (like Jess's blog, obviously). Click on the picture to get the full size view.

I demand a new computer.

P.S.: Let's all pretend not to notice that Jess has NO COMMENTS to her last post.

That is all.

Mitt Romney Drops from the Election Race

My dog is one smart dog. (See post below.)

God Almighty

We had a staff meeeting yesterday at work. You would not BUH LEEVE the level of idiocy on the part of one of the participants. Any of you who have hung around for any amount of time might remember the Potty Monitor from here and from here. She made the meeting very interesting, which was a source of endless entertainment for the rest of us who were in attendance. Emails were flying around after the meeting. I could hear occasional guffaws of laughter and I knew that another email has hit someone's screen. It was GREAT.

I can't wait to see how the day develops.

I'm Having Computer Issues

It is driving me insane. My laptop has CPU usage spikes, up to 100%, for no apparent reason, and it does it every few seconds, often enough to keep me from being able to do anything interesting on it. Last night I watched the processes tab and the performance tab on my task manager,and whenever the performance spiked to 100% I ended the process with the highest number. I had nearly everything shut down, but was still getting the spikes.

Does anyone anywhere know anything about what is going on with my crappy laptop? I'm being tempted to throw it across the room.

HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

I need add nothing more.

My Dog Hates Mitt Romney

Its true. I had him outdoors the other day so he could do his doggie business, and there were two Mitt Romney political signs out by the road. He caught sight of those signs and froze - then started barking like a sonofabitch (get it? son of a bitch? hahahahahahaaaaaaa). Anyway... I tried to distract him, tried yanking his leash to focus his attention on something else, but no, he was pulling on the leash and going insane towards those two signs. I suspect that if Mitt Romney was standing in front of him then he would have gotten a nasty bite.

It was a very strange way for him to behave and I am almost convinced that it was a sign from above.

A New One

I am adding a new blog link. I'm not adding it because I particularly enjoy the blog, I'm adding it because everyone who had ever held a job for any length of time will recognize this person. Go read it and be prepared.

I Am The Only One Who Does Any Work Around Here

Okay. Its funny too.

12 Signs of Substance Abuse

Someone in the office has posted the above magnets all over our office building. It is titled (since I cut it off in the scan), "Twelve Signs to Look for in a Person With Possible Substance Abuse Issues." What is really funny about it is that everytime someone in the office sees it, they come in and ask, "Is that directed at me??" I, personally, rarely even drink other than the occasional glass or two of wine, but still everything on that list applies to me.

I'm thinking someone at work is trying to send everyone a message.

In fact, former Boss #2 came into Jess and my office this morning, slapped that list down in front of us, and declared that he's staging an intervention.

What a funny guy because we knew he was joking.

The list goes as follows:

1. Inconsistent quality of work;
2. Reduced work pace;
3. Difficulty focusing on tasks;
4. Increasing mistakes or errors in judgment;
5. Sudden inability to fulfill complex assignments;
6. Coming to work inappropriatedly dressed or not well groomed;
7. Unhealthy appearance;
8. Extended weekends or excessive absenteeism;
9. Consistently arriving late or leaving early;
10. Overall reduction in productivity;
11. Increase in arguments with other employees;
12. Accident prone.

Now tell me that this doesn't apply to everyone on the face of the earth.

Lamb

I just finished reading Lamb, The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore. I was raised and spent most of my adult life being a devout Christian (I got better), so I was expecting to be totally offended by this book. I expected it to be a book of making fun of the life of Jesus, etc. What I got was a hysterically funny look at Jesus' years 13-33, what he was doing during the years that aren't mentioned in the Bible. Of course it is entirely fictional, but it was done with such grace and humor it is not hard to imagine that is how it really happened. The book never deviates from the way the Bible teaches that Jesus was, it just adds aspects to the story that will make you laugh.

Jesus (who goes by the Hebrew version of the name, Joshua) can't have sex, so it one part of the book he is having his best friend Biff have sex so Biff can describe to Josh what it is like. Biff also has a lifelong crush on Mary, Josh's mother.

Josh and Biff became friends when they were very small, when Biff watched Josh's brother killing lizards and Josh bringing the lizards back from the dead, only to have his brothers kill them again.

It is all funny as hell. There are many things said in the book that I have found myself using in normal conversation. My ex-husband is besought with demons..... HEY LOOK! A seagull!

If you get the chance to read the book, do. You'll love it.

Blessed are the meek, for to them shall we say "attaboy."

We Crack Me Up

Conversation with Jess, (who, by the way, has the most hysterical post for today), after walking into MY office and seeing that she had put a box of something in my chair...

Me: "WTF??" (only not said all the way - like this: dubya tee eff??)

Her: Explaining why the stuff was in my chair, then making fun of me for something completely unrelated and nonsensical.

Me: "STFU." (ess tee eff yew)

Her: "LOL." (el oh el)





*If you need a translation, let me know ASAP, ROFL.*

Seeing Red

Oh. My. Gawd.

I colored my hair red. I thought it was going to be a nice, subdued auburn, but no, it is RED. At work yesterday I had one person tell me, "Don't worry honey, it'll tone down after you wash it a few times." Anoter person said, "What color did you pick, FIRETRUCK??"

I had almost decided to re-do it to tone the color down a little, but my rebellious streak is surfacing. I think I'll keep this color.

My inner redhead is emerging.

A Great Way to Start the Day

Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows I have a weird love for Tshirt Hell. Yes I know its an illogical love and it will never lead me anywhere. Yes I know that it is a love that will only leave me hurt (or possibly beat up), but there it is. Besides, I haven't posted anything from there is so long that to the new folks who stumble across this blog, it will all look like a new and original post. Nifty eh? hehe

MWA HAHAHAAAA



But they do punch when they are unpleasantly surprised. (snicker)



Reminds me of a very very politically incorrect joke. I will save that for another shocking day at another shocking time.



Oh. My. God. I laughed at this one. COMA SUTRA... HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAA



There. I said it.

My current motto.



We've all had these moments...



I think this one should belong to Jess



Nothing I say could possibly add to this.

Here endeth the newest installment of the delights of Tshirt Hell. I really gotta get me one of these.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted. The troopers looked at each other.

One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we
found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 15 twenty-five pound King crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her." Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

Its in the early planning stages......... but........

We're going to Ireland! I can't wait. The problem is that I just don't know much about Ireland. Where is the best place for touristy types (such as us) to go to? Best places to stay, what to see, etc.

Those of you who have been there (or are from there), suggestions would be appreciated.

Maybe we should do the pub crawl. :-)

Movie Time!

I watched two (count em two) movies this past weekend. My professional critique on both of these movies are as follows:

1. Mad Money

I really had no intention of seeing this movie, but I was pleasantly surprised. It starts out with an upper middle class couple (Diane Keaton & Ted Dansen). He had lost his job and they found themselves deep enough in debt that they were going to lose their home. She decided she wasn't going to let that happen and went on a quest to find a job. The job she found was as a janitor at the bank that shreds old money (Federal Reserve Bank? I don't remember...) Anyway, after she is there for a while and the lure of all of that money starts getting to her, she hatches a plot to relieve them of just enough of that money that is destined for shreddom to get her and her husband out of debt. She convinces two other women who work there (Queen Latifah and I don't know who the other person was) to participate in the plot.

The movie was entertaining, not especially deep and meaningful. Diane Keaton is not especially convincing as a janitor. Queen Latifah is adoreable, I enjoy her in everything I've seen her in.

I won't give away the ending, but I will say that the movie is good for light entertainment.

Score: B+

2. Cloverfield

I had read reviews about this movie and had seen trailers for it which made me want to see it.

I was absolutely enthralled all the way through it. I was a little concerned (after Blair Witch) that the hand held movie camera angle of it would make me want to hurl, but I had no problem (thank god).

The movie starts out as a home movie of a guy who seemed to be absolutely in love with a girl. It then jumps to weeks later at this guy's going away party (he was moving to Japan for a job). The movie begins to get a little soap opera-ish, but then BOOM.. earthquake.. or something. Screams and panic ensue. The earthquake turns out to be a giant bug monster invading Manhatten. The home movie shots of the bug monster are mostly blurry and unclear (until the end), but the panic that the characters go through is very apparent.

Basically the entire movie was a home movie of a New York City monster invasion. It was GREAT. I was glued to the action the entire time.

Final Score: A

Go see this one.

Now..... back to the real world. Work calls.

Later.

Yuck

When JC and I were visiting the fam over Christmas, we stayed in a Travelodge. Overpriced and shabby. Not unlike the last Travelodge I stayed at in Atlanta. Now THAT was an experience. The Travelodge in Atlanta was apparently in a bad enough area that they felt the need to put the rooms behind a security gate.

I had gone to Atlanta to see the WRS, who was visiting from one of those weird European countries. When we were checking into the hotel, the hotel manager was from India or Pakistan (I can never tell), and had a fairly thick accent, but I had no problem understanding him. The WRS, who has a fairly thick Scottish accent, was trying to talk to the guy, and they just could not understand each other. The manager would say something to the WRS, who would then look at me for translation. The WRS would answer, and the manager would look at me for translation. It was actually pretty comical.

THEN...

After we got to our respective rooms (they had a door in between the two rooms), after we made it through the security gate and was confirmed "guests" by the very large, very mean looking security guard who stands at the gate, we got settled into our really horrible rooms. It was okay though because we really weren't there all that much. That night I was asleep in one room, he was watching TV in the other room (the adjoining door was open though). I was woken up by screeches right outside our rooms. I seriously thought someone was being murdered. I got up, wandered into the WRS's room, who had heard the screaming and yelling as well. We listened for a minute, trying to ascertain if we should hide under the beds or something, when the reason for the screaming became apparent. The resident prostitute, Celine, had apparently had a customer who refused to pay. She was not a happy hooker. After the WRS and I got over our fits of giggles, we continued to listen to them come to some sort of understanding. The laughing started again when we heard the guy tell her he will pay if she would do a particular act for him and his friend.

All went quiet after that.

Except for the continued laughing and the WRS occasionally saying CELIIIIIIIINE. That has become a longrunning joke since then.

Moral of the story: Travelodge Hotels suck donkey dicks.

The End.

hehe

Background

As you may or may not have noticed, I have a new background set here. The picture was taken by the bestest friend, the World Reknowned Scientist (a/k/a WRS), on his recent trip to Australia. He sent me pictures, I loved them, and have emailed him to ask his permission to use the picture on my blog. (With full and/or anonymous credit, whichever is his preference.

I will take his silence as his implied consent until I hear otherwise.

hehe

**UPDATE**

He has given me his permission to use his photographs, but has specifically asked that I credit him as the Internationally Reknowned Scientist. I told him that would make him the IRS, which isn't very popular over here, so World Reknowned Scientist would be better. (snicker)

I Am Constantly Amazed

After the sudden passing of my very good friend Odat's husband, I have watched her site with amazement at the outpouring being offered to comfort her. I find myself on many occasions somewhat disillusioned by the way we as humans treat each other. Sometimes we go out of the way to frustrate others just for the sake of having something to do at the time. I will confess that I have taken my turn at being misanthropic as well. What really causes the hitch in my giddyup is when something such as this happens, and so many people from so many places, take a moment of their time to offer comfort to a person they only know from blogging.

I was reading through the comment section on her blog and happened across one that touched me in a big way. With my apologies to Odat for purloining her comment, and to the author of the comment, I only say that I had to, it was one of those beautiful things that made me stop and just listen to my own space for a few minutes.

Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the shining stars to you.
Deep peace of the infinite peace to you.
Sometimes Saintly Nick

Go outdoors and smile at a stranger today. Maybe tomorrow as well.

My Very Close Friend

She lost her husband last night. I wish I knew what to say to make it easier for her, but nothing I can say will take away the grief and loss. But I do I love this friend dearly.. and want her to know this.

Most of you know her too, but I will refrain from assigning a name for now. Her grief is too fresh. She is a strong lady though, and will make it through this, as she has so much in the past.

The thought that keeps running through my head is what would I do if it were JC. I can't bear the thought, much less the reality.

When you read this my friend, I love you and am here for you. HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGS

Midget Strippers

There is a strip club just across the border from Savannah. I have been told (by the famous Jess and one of her other partners in crime) that there will be midget strippers at that particular strip club. I told you in a previous post about my first ever trip to a strip club. I was traumatized. But midget strippers???

I am so THERE!

You know you guys are jealous.

Have You Ever..........

Woke up one day and realized that this is a turning point in your life, and whatever choice of direction you choose, you realize that it will be a completely different path than your life has been on so far?

Yeah. Me either.

Okay, that wasn't quite true... that seems to be where I am right now. I have a choice from three different directions, each take me to three very different places.

So which way am I going to go? Oh I dunno... forward maybe?

A Change of Plans

I know I know, I have been totally slacking in the blog department as of late. I still love you guys, I really do. I have had some issues to deal with and haven't been in much of a social mood to be honest.

There has been a change of plans, I am not going to move to Annapolis right now. There are some unresolved issues that have to taken care of first, so although the move is still on, it has been postponed until at least summer, possibly longer. You will know when I know.

Thank God Acid Brother was kind enough to allow me to keep my job. What a cool guy.

So for now, I am still a Savannah resident. I really am beginning to hate this place.

Home Again Home Again Jiggity Jig

We are just about to hit the road to head back to the east coast (if I can get JC's ass out of bed, that is). Christmas was nice, if not a little odd. My mom wasn't feeling well, my brother was a no show, my son was going around as if he was John Lennon incarnate, my ex husband was a runner (which was okay, it stopped me having to deal with his antics).

JC got me a nifty new video camera, which I will make good use of to post videos on my blog... once I figure out how to get the video off the camera and onto my computer.

On Christmas night JC & I and my daughter and her baby daddy all went to the casino. I lost more money than I can afford. Actually, I was doing okay, I was up by $60 at one point, so I cashed it in and split the money with my daughter, and we both promptly lost every dime. A little later I was up $80, and yep, you guessed it... GONE, along with every other dime I had. I had a good time, but I am very very glad that I don't have a casino anywhere near me.

Then yesterday it fucking snowed! Not just a light dusting, it dumped it hard. I was beginning to think we were going to have to stay a day longer, but by 5:00 it was mostly gone. I had forgotten Oklahoma's weird weather.. kind of entertaining though, just the same.

Anyway, it is after 7:00 a.m., so I need to be getting dressed and hitting the road. An 18 hour drive is nothing to sneeze at.

achoo

Later.

Forrest City, Arkansas

So far I have spent the majority of this holiday week in a car. JC arrived Friday evening, Saturday we drove to south Georgia and the beyond reaches to visit his family (who are quite nice, although I couldn't tell if they liked me or not). Sunday morning we got up and got into the car and took off for the lonnnnng lonnnng trek to Oklahoma to visit my family. After 12 hours driving we had only gotten as far as Forrest City, Arkansas.

Tired.

But three words describe this place:

King. Size. Bed.

ahhhhhhhhhhhh

I'm ready to hit the road again. :-)

AhHaHaHaHaaaaaaa

You Betcha Buddy - Don't Be Messing With Me Dammit

20

Found Here

A Partridge in a Pear Tree

This is so cool!

Bitch & Moan Time

I have approximately 4 more Saturdays in this apartment. Two of those Saturdays will be spent with JC over the holidays. Over the next few weeks I will be entirely too busy, entirely too stressed and entirely too uncreative to blog much. I hope the two of you who read this will find it in your hearts to forgive me.. but I will be back to post when I can, it just won't be very often until after I get settled in my new abode.

On top of everything else I believe I'm getting sick again. yay

I had a telephone interview scheduled for Thursday evening. The problem was that I was feeling very very green Thursday at work, green enough that the Boss Dude took one look at me and sent me home. Once I got home I crawled into bed and fell asleep, and yep... slept right through telephone interview time. GAWD

I woke up at 3:00 a.m., realized what I had done and sent an email to the person. They seemed to be understanding and let me reschedule the interview for Sunday (thank god).

So.. to recap here... I have to pack up 9 years worth of JUNK into boxes in the next few weeks. I have to find a job in Annapolis. I have to drive to Oklahoma to visit the fam and introduce them to my new squeeze over Christmas. I have to figure out what to do with my (very small) 401k. I have to decide the best way to keep Jake from freaking out amongst all the his new brothers and sisters (2 cats and a dog).. and in the middle of all of that I have to remember why I'm doing it.

:-)

I shall return.

OMG!

I just had the most bizarre dream EVER. I dreamt that my ex husband, ex boyfriend, and ex fling were all hanging out together. I wasn't there but I could somehow hear what they were talking about. None of them had that much to say about me.. good or bad... but they were all very enthusiastic about their new wenches.

I know this says something psychological about me. I'm just not sure what it is.

LOL