For Jess

Boondoggled Chicken Noodle Stuff

Boneless chicken breasts (or a whole chicken, if you feel like peeling the meat off of it)
1/2 onion, chopped

Put the chicken in a big pot, fill the pot about halfway with water.  Add the chopped onion, boil until the chicken is cooked through.


Remove chicken from the broth (ta daa, boiling chicken in water turns the water into broth, its like magic) but don't discard the broth. Chop the chicken into bite sized pieces.

Return broth to boil and throw in one package of those medium sized egg noodles and cook until the noodles are tender. Now comes the cool part -

1 can Cream of Chicken Soup
1 can Cream of Mushroom Soup
1 can Cream of Celery Soup

Dump all of that into the noodles and broth, throw the chicken back into the mix. Now... take a half brick of Velveeta Cheese and chop it into pieces and dump that in there with the rest of it. Cook it all until its thick and cheesy and oh so delicious. Serve with hot rolls, warm bread, biscuits, whichever suits your fancy at the time.

There ya go. Easy peazy.

WHY??

J's son refuses.. REFUSES.. to put things away in the kitchen.  After all this time I'm only just getting him to put leftovers away when it is his turn to do the kitchen, instead of leaving them in the pot and cleaning around them.  Okay, I totally made myself laugh there - he doesn't clean around them, if there is something on the stove he ignores the stove completely.

Anyway, this isn't a new discovery but I'm only just getting around to telling you about it.  I will take cream cheese out of the fridge and lay it on the counter to soften.  I go back in two hours later and the cream cheese is back in the fridge.  So I take it out again and lay it on the counter, once again, to soften so I can use it to make either fantastical cheesecake or phenomenal fruit dip (or whatever).  I go in later to mix it up and yup - cream cheese has been put back into the fridge.  I can't mix it that way!   I take it out of the fridge and throw it down on the counter to, yet again, soften.

This has happened over and over.  I can leave the butter out all day.. for two days!  Nope.  He doesn't put it away.  Bottle of ketchup?  Nope.  Peanut Butter?  Jelly?  Milk?  Nope Nope Nope. 

But cream cheese seems to go completely against his sense of decor or something. 

OMG

Please, please, I am begging - if any of you love me at all - keep me far far away from the emo tunes.  LOL



(I really like this song though.)

I Got Nuthin

It is times like these that I wish I could call myself a writer, so that I could claim to have a killer case of writer's block. But since I am not a writer, just a goofball, I guess what we have here is a case of goofball block.

I see something on the internet that makes me snicker a lil.. think that it might possibly make a good blog post - my brain will even kick into gear, "yeah yeah, we could do something with that!" But then 2.5 seconds later it is forgotten amongst the daily tv listings, Facebooking, dog chasing, cat swearing, bookreadingmusiclisteningspringwishing... well, you get the point - and then there is the whole laziness factor. One thing I wanted to do I couldn't do because I would need to screenshot what was on my screen, but then I would have to add in edits, but since I got this new computer I haven't yet reinstalled my graphics program so that I could add in edits, and I didn't exactly know where my graphics program was stashed, I think I do (possibly in the bottom drawer of my filing cabinet, or maybe upstairs in the spare bedroom in that basket where I stashed a bunch of loose CDs), but here again the laziness factor comes in, I just can't be arsed to look.  So my brilliant idea just seems like too much work. 

I think I have cabin fever. 

Turn up the music.

A Public Service Announcement

For a change I am doing a serious post.  I now have two friends who are suffering the affects of this little known addiction and I wanted to bring your attention to it so that you can avoid the snare.  Just don't start and you won't get hooked, its that simple... not even one experiment.  Apparently, from watching these two friends of mine, all it took was one little sample and BOOM... after that they could not stay away, no matter how much their friends and family yelled at them.

Yes.  I'm speaking of...  cat poop.

My dogs, my two friends, are totally addicted.  They cannot stay away, no matter how much I yell, punish, throw things.  I've even resorted to saying "BAD DOG!"  It has no affect.  They are moved by an unknown compulsion.  I assume it is psychological rather than physical, but until I am able to make them go cold turkey that part is unknown.

Even this morning Jake, my beloved Georgia boy whom I have lived with for the last 11 years, he came wandering out of the laundry room with a goofy, happy expression on his face, smacking his lips as if he's just sampled the world's greatest chocolate.   (Okay chocolate was a bad choice, but you get what I mean.) I shook my finger in his face, I yelled at him, I called him names like stoopid bad dog -- to no avail.  The addiction has gripped him beyond all reason.

I hope that we can serve as a cautionary tale to you, dear friends.  I do not want to see you, too, become a slave to the cat poop addiction.

Friday Randomness

I have several topics running through my mind on this cold Friday morning.  I can't choose just one so I'll go with them all.

1)  Bad dreams - I had dreams last night that left me feeling quite unsettled.  They all seemed to run together, sort of like a wet painting - but the worst part was a good friend of mine shot herself, right in front of me.  It was very upsetting, I woke up upset, but the problem is this friend died several years ago, so why I am dreaming that is beyond strange.  I'll just chalk it up to my not quite normal brain kicking into overdrive again.  I would say that it was good to see her again, even if it was just a dream - but it wasn't.  Not the way my dream ran.

2)  My computer situation - As you know and as I have whined about in past posts, my computer monitor bit the dust.  That is a rather serious problem for a laptop and I had gotten a new computer, which also bit the dust.  I was in the process of replacing that one when it was stolen out of the box whilst in transit.  Best Buy told me that it had fallen out of the box and was damaged, but that isn't what the UPS site said.  UPS says the box was empty, not that the item had been damaged.  I think I'll go with UPS on this one, they have no reason to lie about it and Best Buy has their reputation to protect.   Whatever reason, my brand new, state of the art, cutting edge laptop was gone.  My problem with the entire situation is that we never, not once, got a phone call or email telling us that there was a problem with the original order.  If I hadn't been tracking the package on UPS we would never have known and it just never would have gotten here.  They only re-shipped it because I spent a lot of wasted minutes on the telephone, calling them over and over after their customer service people hung up on me, disconnects, their system was down, etc.  The last guy I spoke to - and by then I was quite annoyed at the entire matter - was rather defensive about it all saying, "We are giving you free overnight shipping, I don't know what else you want us to do about it."  I wanted to (but I didn't because I'm a fucking lady), I wanted to tell him how about you hit your big toe with a sledgehammer and then you'll experience some of the frustration and pain that you guys have put us through over this.  You would think that when someone is buying a nearly $2k computer they would be, oh I dunno... a little more polite.  I'm still debating on taking it back to the store when it gets here.. which leads me into my next bit of randomness:

3)  My old computer is now working.  I'll tell you my newly found secret for fixing a laptop.  a)  You turn it on and stare at it with a look of disgust on your face; b) You set up a replacement laptop next to it; c) You close the lid and flip it over to get the serial/model number so you can troubleshoot it; d) You don't find anything so you proceed to use the second laptop, totally forgetting about the upside down, turned on laptop lying on the desk; e) You let your cat walk across it and sit on it on a regular basis; f) You decide a week and a half later that you are going to look at it and see if maybe it had miraculously fixed itself; g) You flip it over, open the lid and find that YES, IT HAS MIRACULOUSLY HEALED ITSELF.  My computer is back and its working just fine.  Its a miracle!  All I can say is that cat butt must have a healing magic, all its own.  But now I have a whole other problem - my brand new, state of the art, cutting edge laptop is supposed to be delivered today.  What to do what to do.

4)  My two dogs are, at this very moment, walking up and down the stairs for no apparent reason.

5)  I've saved the best part for last.  After I did the post about the Betty I received a hilarious (I'm telling you it was hilarious) email from a friend, with several links in there along the same sort of lines (but different).  This discussion was gray hair DOWN THERE, merkins, among other things, but the very best one was THIS - go on ya gotta look, you have to, your life will be incomplete until you do.

Okay, for those of you who refuse to look, I'll add their description:

Are your p**sy lips looking a little dull and lifeless? Do you wish they had the rosy hue of the day you were born? Now they can! My Pink Button “genital cosmetic colorant” will restore the pink back in your tired, old, used-up ladyflower! The product comes in four shades, cleverly named after the labia of Marilyn Monroe, Bettie Page, Ginger Rogers, and Audrey Hepburn, natch! My Pink Button only costs $29.95, so what are you waiting for? Your vaginal lips are ready for a whole new look!

All I have to say is that I flat refuse to worry about my bits looking dull and lackluster.

That's all, I am out of randomness for the day.  An empty vessel, a mind used up....   a.......  yeah this is me, gone.

Love ya mean it!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Merchandise is missing. UPS will notify the sender with additional details. / All merchandise missing, empty carton was discarded. UPS will notify the sender with details of the damage.

I woke up this morning and logged onto the UPS Tracking Site to find out where my new computer is.  That was in the notes.  Does that mean that someone stole my nifty new laptop right out of the box??

ACK

You will not believe this you just will not.

I killed two (count em 2) laptops last week.  First was my one that I have used for 3 years, which I explained in an earlier post.  Dead.  So I got a new 3D laptop that I loved.  Unfortunately from the start the screen would flash in pretty colored lines, so I was afraid that the graphic card on that one was bad.  Sure enough, over the weekend it went completely apeshit and had to be returned to the store.  Unfortunately, Best Buy no longer had anymore of those nifty little things, and J was insisting I get my 3D laptop.  I'm not sure if he wants to keep me entertained or if he liked the prospect of it entertaining him in the near future (I suspect he's thinking porn in 3D, which might be funny to watch actually - "WHOA watch where you are pointing that thing!").  Anyway, since they no longer had any in the store, he had them order me an upgraded version which will not be delivered until the end of this week.  At the moment I am on his monster laptop (which has its own issues but will do temporarily).  And by monster laptop, I'm talking 20 inch screen and heavy as a stack of bricks... that kind of monster. 

The thing is I am now paranoid.  It takes a special kind of talent to kill two laptops in less than a week.  Pray for me that I don't kill J's laptop as well. 

I Don't Do This Often

So I was sitting here ruminating in my mind.. chewing over, if you will..  the idea of celebrity perfumes.  Wouldn't it be just amazingly awesome if our favorite celebrities made perfumes just for us commoners, so that we, too, might have just a touch of the life that they have, that we might smell as their radiant greatness smells, so we can stink just like them.  Wouldn't that be nifty??   Oh wait... there isn't a celebrity out there who hasn't decided that we commoners don't smell as pretty as they do so they have made it their mission in life to improve the odor in our personal space.  So, I decided, that subject is B.O.R.I.N.G.

But on the bright side, while I was doing my 2 minute research on the subject, I stumbled across something much more interesting.  I give you the Betty.  For those of us girls who still have, ya know, unkemptness in our nether regions, this product is for you. 

Our Award Winning betty™ products are specially formulated color dyes for the hair down there. In just a few years, we have hundreds of thousands of happy customers using betty to naturally match their hair above, cover gray or just for fun! Whether you're a blonde (be a true blonde now!), radiant auburn, rich brunette, raven black or want to try hot pink for fun, our easy to use no-drip formula gives you the perfect finishing touch.

Sorry, but I have always been somewhat disturbed at the thought of gray hair DOWN THERE.

The site says, "This Valentines Day give a Love or Fun betty kit!" *Comes with free heart stickers* I guess that is to turn your lady bits into fun piles of red/hot pink fuzz, and cover it with heart stickers.  I don't know about you, but if J got me this for a gift, my response would be "I will if you will, and only then." 

Apparently the men love it too!

BETTY IS LOVED BY MEN!

When we first launched the betty colors, we didn't realize how many men would be interested in using it. Turns out that men love betty to manscape - dye their hair down there! Our male customers told us they had no product to use to cover gray, tried current mens hair color products for color manscaping- but it left them severely irritated and burned.

Men everywhere are flocking to use betty's specially formulated no-drip hair dyes made with natural ingredients and skin conditioners, keeping any betty (or bob!) safe!

St. Patrick's Day is coming up -

Please please please.. anyone who is willing to try this, send pics of your clover shaped.. ya know... yeah that, along with a leprechaun sticker stuck to it. I don't normally want to post pics of that but I totally will if you will let me put your name on it.

I would, but I lack the... J likes it......... well.......... I don't have....

Okay. Nevermind.

My New Toy

My laptop died.  Well, the screen died, and anyone who knows anything about computers know that when a laptop's screen dies the whole thing may as well have died.  I felt like I had lost an appendage.

J took pity on me and took me shopping for a new computer, and this one is the one I ended up with:

Processor -Intel® Core™ i7-740QM processor

Operating System  -Genuine Windows 7 Home Premium (64-bit)*

Graphics Engine -NVIDIA® GeForce® GTS 350M

Graphics Memory -2781MB total: 1GB GDDR3 discrete memory + up to 1757MB shared memory w/NVIDIA® TurboCache™ technology

Memory - 4GB DDR3 memory

Hard Drive - 640GB HDD (5400rpm)

Optical Drive -Blu-ray Disc™ Rewriteable (RE) and DVD SuperMulti drive with Labelflash®*

Among other things, and to top it all off, it is a 3D machine!  3D!!  I can do stuff in 3D!  Okay, I know I have fallen for the 3D hype, but tell me that you wouldn't want to be typing documents in 3D.  Tell me that blogging in 3D doesn't sound way uber cool to you.  No, don't bother telling me because I wouldn't believe you anyway.

The only issue I have is that J says I look like Bono with the glasses on.

*** An OMG moment - I just realized that this is my third (3rd) laptop since I started this blog.  Either this blog has been around a long long time, or I am much too hard on laptops.