Medically Proven!

My ex husband has been friends with a man for many years. The guy was nice enough but had issues with drug abuse. (Why my holier-than-thou ex husband was friends with him has always been beyond my understanding.)

Anyway, two weeks ago the friend overdosed. I'm told it was probably deliberate as the guy was depressed, etc. Last week the doctors told them that there was no brain activity, there was no hope for survival. A sad state of affairs really.

But yesterday I got an email from my ex husband telling me that when the guy was removed from the ventilator, the guy woke up and has now been moved to a regular room, and recognizes his friends when they go to see him.

Of course I had to respond to the email. I told him this was proof that men function on little or no brain activity.

I never got a response.

I Have An Owie

I was given $100 from one of the boss dude's clients (yes that one) as a Christmas gift. I used it and bought some nice square dishes and a wok set. I LOVE that thing, the stir fries made in there are heaven. But the other day I was cooking up a stir fry and when I put the chicken into the hot grease, it splattered all over my stomach. Fortunately I had on a loose shirt and most of the grease went on that. Unfortunately it was one of my good wispy sort of shirts and the hot grease melted a hole into it. (DAMN I hate when that happens!) Some of the hot grease did make it onto my stomach though, and now I have a bright red patch right on the middle of my gut. It isn't very bad, just abnormally red. Seeing as how the shirt I had on was red I was wondering if maybe the dye from the shirt cooked itself into the skin on my stomach.

Can that happen???

Can't We All Just Get Along??

This just won't go away. Don Imus and his stupid radio behavior. His ass was fired, but now one of the basketball players he allegedly slandered is sticking her name into the limelight.

A member of the Rutgers women's basketball team sued Don Imus and CBS on Tuesday, claiming the radio personality's sexist and racist comments about the team damaged her reputation.

(Just FYI: "Damaged her reputation" = hurt her feelings) Anyway, wouldn't most sensible people have just taken the moral high ground and moved on?? I guess not, when there is potential money to leech.

It goes on to say:

Vaughn was humiliated, embarrassed and publicly mocked for the comments, the lawsuit claims. Her attorney, Richard Ancowitz, said: "The full effect of the damage remains to be seen."

I googled the esteemed Mr. Ancowitz's website. He has defamation of character listed as one of his specialties. He should also list "getting his name in the news by attaching himself to the back of a dead news story."

Anyway, I do know how things work around here, and hopefully the good sense of any judge where that particular lawsuit was filed. Here this lawsuit would more than likely fade into oblivion because the girl suffered no damage. I don't think she can cash in because her feelings were hurt. If that was the case I would be a rich woman. hehe

If I Used Tags.....

This one would go under the "I am an idiot" tag.

I was cleaning my kitchen yesterday (shaddup, it happens), and I opened my towel drawer. I stood there digging around for a minute wondering why the drawer seemed stuffed so full - when there it was. Half an onion in a ziploc bag.

Yes. For some reason unknown to modern man, I had put half of an onion into a baggie and then put it in my towel drawer. It had been there for days. I do not remember doing it. What's worse is I must have seen it when I was digging around for a dish cloth and I just passed right over it. It just didn't connect that there was an onion somewhere it wasn't supposed to be.

But, if I used tags, the following would be tagged under "ego strokes."

I don't know if you guys remember the story of the proposal, but yesterday I was talking to the same client. He was telling me about how he is leaving today for a two week trip to Australia. I told him I was jealous, that I had never been. He said, "Come go with me, I'll buy."

Holy GOD was it ever tempting... even JC told me I should go, although I reminded him that it was an invitation from a man who had proposed to me and that I would be expected to put out.

But I'd be putting out in Australia............ hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........

;-)

Geeze

Are bloggers an immoral bunch? At one time I was getting many search hits for "nudist blogspot," but it stopped. Well now its started again. I am not sure why I get hits on that, I have never had a nudist blog, although I probably have blogged in the nude. ;-)

I'm also getting hits for "homework cheats." Those have been the two main searches in the last couple of weeks. The nude people are wanting to cheat on their homework as well. Why don't I ever get any hits on "the nearest church" or "charity contributions?"

Okay, maybe I don't get hits on those things because I have never mentioned charitable contributions or going to church. I'll make a list of nice things never mentioned here:

Church
Flowers
Puppies
Kittens
Sunday Dinners
Fuzzy Blankies
Fireplaces
Hot Soup on a cold day
Charities
Love
Hugs

There. Maybe that will send some wholesome blog searches my direction.

Compliments

Sometimes they are few and far between. My boss is a great boss, but he is stingy with the compliments. However, when he does give them, I know he means it because it is not something he does on a regular basis.

There are two schoolteachers I had. One was very nice, everyone loved her, and she made an effort to compliment every one of her students. It was okay. She complimented everyone, so although it was nice, it wasn't special. Another teacher I had in high school was gruff, curmudgeonly (personally he was one of my favorite teachers), but when he gave out one of his very rare compliments, you felt like you had earned it and it left you glowing.

I think I prefer the rare compliments.

Oh, and by the way (off topic here), my daughter is going to make sure I stroke out soon.

One More

I saw this over at Odat's and decided to steal it. Because I am evil.

MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


How evil are you?

Spiders

I confess to having a bit of a fascination with spiders - I both love and hate them at the same time. Being a typical girl, they give me the creepy crawlies, but at the same time I love looking at them, they are gorgeous creatures.



Back in my days of domestication (before I went feral), for a few years in a row a spider like this one would take up residence somewhere near our house. I wouldn't let anyone touch it, I thought it was beautiful. The kids and I would feed it grasshoppers. I think it appreciated it. One made its zig zaggy web right outside my kitchen window, which was pretty clever for a spider. It knew the light would draw the moths at night.

The last time the maintenance guy was in to fix something in my apartment, he told me about a spider that seems to have migrated up from Florida.. something called a brown widow. I thought he was yanking my chain until I looked it up, and sure enough there is such a thang.



It looks just like a black widow except it is brown. Apparently it is as poisonous as a black widow as well, but isn't as aggressive. It will run when approached (thank God for small favors).

Then there are these:



Wolf Spiders. My office partner had some recent adventures with these types of spiders, claiming they were as big as her hand. I'm not sure if that was the case or if it was a claim born from a couple of panicked nights of trying to kill some. It does seem that these things can get up to a couple of inches in length, and with their legs included that would make them as big as a hand.

Okay that would scare me.

I used to have a baby spider named Chuck living in my bedroom. The cat ate him.

300

I watched that movie last night. I'm not sure I enjoyed it. I didn't NOT enjoy it, but it wasn't all that pleasant of a movie to watch. Lots of blood and guts and beheadings.

I'll let you know as soon as I decide whether or not I liked it.

(The men's abs were very nice though.)

Yuck

I am a fairly decent cook. I can usually turn a collection of random foodstuffs into something edible. However, I do occasionally have major failures, as was the case this weekend.

I attempted to make split pea soup. Normally I love split pea soup, but obviously it is not one of my talents. I couldn't finish even one bowl of the stuff. It isn't even good enough to feed to my vicious guard dog (although that could be considered his punishment for trying to bite the neighbor). But that leads me to another dilemma... how does one dispose of a full pot of disgusting split pea soup??

I think I'll start a list of things that are difficult to dispose of:

Broken vibrator (don't ask)
Unwanted Pot Pipe (really don't ask)
Disgusting Split Pea Soup

Maybe I should stick with cooking the basics for a while. My mom and my daughter both have the cooking talent of the family. It must have skipped a generation.

On to other developments....

I spoke to the WRS (a/k/a World Reknowned Scientist a/k/a bestest friend) via email yesterday, seeing as how he is such a busy guy these days. He was telling me how he was enjoying the power of his new (temporary) position of running an institute. He mentioned that he was "putting a cap in the ass" of anyone who was being negative. The conversation was ongoing until I reminded him that the phrase "putting a cap in his ass" was so completely American. hehe

And finally, Brian J. Noggle has posted another installment of Ask Dr. Creepy. I have found this to be one of my favorite things to read in the blog world, but Dr. Creepy doesn't come out to visit very often.

Bad Habits

Setting the scene:

6:00 a.m.
Hot tea in hand.
Dog by my feet.
Air conditioner on.
Edward Scissorhands on the television.

Here we go........

Why is it that bad habits are sooooo easy to fall into? I was doing so well, but then BOOM. I had company for a good chunk of the summer and I fell right back into my old habits. Eating junk food and not drinking water and smoking and not exercising and spending too much money and... and......

But I'm better now. I have once again stopped everything and am drinking only water or tea again (as opposed to energy drinks and diet soda). The junk food has stopped. Okay the exercise hasn't started again yet but I'm thinking about it. The spending has mostly stopped. The smoking has stopped.

Poverty will do that sort of thing to you.

Anyway, I expect in a few weeks I will be back to my pre-summer self, sunny disposition and all. Attemping to return to healthy(ish) is hard work.

Now, about yesterday. I was outside with my dog. He's a good dog, but he's a tad - shall we say - antisocial. So I was standing outside with him and he was doing his thing on a nearby bush. A neighbor decided to take that moment to amble by, said their hellos, and Jake, loving dog that he is, LUNGED at the neighbor, snarling and showing his teeth. He scared the shit out of the neighbor and me as well because I was having trouble controlling him. I apologized all over the place for the way Jake behaved, and the neighbor was good enough to take it in stride. Having a guard dog is all well and good, but not a vicious dog. I'm not sure what to do about this situation. This is Jake's bad habit.

So anyway, today's topic is bad habits. Jake and I are not the only ones that have them, I hope. ;-)

The Simpsons Version of Hamlet

By the way... has anyone seen the Simpsons movie?

I've Got The Summer Blahs

I Want To Goooooooooo

Once upon a time I was married to a man who claimed he liked to travel, and he did... as long as it was places of his choosing and his parents went along. Back in those days I didn't like to travel much.

BUT, now that I get to choose where I go and what I see, the travel bug has hit me in a big way. Last year I was in the final planning stages of my trip to Scotland, and yesterday the urge struck to go see someplace new. I had JC on IM at the time (I was at work), so I sent him a message.... "Hey.. lets go to Key West." His response was, "Okay."

This is so cool, to have something like that occur to me and have him be all for it. And I'm betting he won't want his parents along.

;-)

I'm Back (sort of)

I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but I took a mini vacation. I didn't go anywhere, but I stayed home and indulged my bad mood. I behaved badly and was forced to apologize. I kicked the dog and tripped little old ladies. I laughed at inappropriate moments.

So anyway, here I am, I am back. I am still indulging my bad mood though, so be warned.


I was thinking the other day about something that happened when my daughter was about four years old. She had a cabbage patch doll (remember those??). It was one that she had been given on the day she was born, a baby gift. Well she absolutely adored that thing and named the doll Jenny. Jenny went with her everywhere. Until one day, she had left Jenny in the living room. I was picking up toys and doing things that moms do. I picked up Jenny and carried her to my daughter's bedroom where my daughter was playing. Instead of walking into the bedroom to hand her Jenny, I tossed Jenny from the door to the bed. My daughter was absolutely horrified. She started screaming about how I had "killed Jenny!" I, of course, tried to make amends by walking to the bed, picking Jenny up and telling her that Jenny was okay, she was not dead. My daughter would have none of it... she was convinced that I killed Jenny and refused from that day on to have anything to do with that doll.

I guess I did kill Jenny.

Talk Like a Mad Scientist

Yesterday was Talk Like A Mad Scientist Day. Seeing as how I only know one scientist, I sent him an ecard in celebration, stating that it was about time his people were recognized, but pointing out the fact that he has been talking like a mad scientist for a long long time now. He responded with a thanks, and that he was then going to go to the lab and behave bizarrely without explanation. I reminded him to use the phrase "They'll never defeat me!" and mention "World Domination" a few times, and told him to laugh evilly.

I did fail to mention that being Scottish, I doubt that anyone would notice any difference in his demeanor anyway.

MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA

I'm a Schmoozer

The divine Odat has bestowed upon my person the above Schmooze Award. I'm not exactly sure why, as lately I have been decidedly anti-social (as demonstrated by her recent message to me asking why I was "hiding"). I expect she's thinking about the times that I'm not anti-social. I suppose I should take this as a sign from the gods that I am to stop being anti-social and resume my schmoozing ways.

I'll get right on that. I'll start next Wednesday.

Wait.. I need more tea... be right back -

Okay I'm back.

I did a Google image search for the word schmooze and found this picture that expresses my true feelings for being chosen for this prestigious award:



Thanks Odat. :-)

Now, on to the fun part (and the only rule required as part of the award) - choosing 5 blogs that I believe have schmoozing power:

1. The wonderful C.G. Hill at Dustbury (who had to be included since he recently returned from a schmoozing world tour and whom can speak car language).

2. The lovely Shay at Endless Days (a talented photographer and butterfly mom, and who bravely sleeps through vibrating needles piercing her skin).

3. Exquisite Aisby at Maybe I'm Just Confused (one of the fearless - a schoolteacher and certified diver, although not at the same time).

4. The clever Soubriquet at Grit in the Gears (a poetic soul and also a cunning Brit, but as far as I know doesn't own any badgers or squirrels).

5. My favorite Curmudgeon at Curmudgeonisms (whom I expect to totally snort at this award, but too bad, he's getting it anyway).

Miscellaneous Stuff Because I Am Lazy Today

Ouch.

I got these pictures in an email, captioned about how the vet took over 1,300 quills out of this poor dog after he had a slight tangle with a porcupine. (The dog was okay, according to the email.)


Also, as a follow-up to the British spying squirrel post, there is this article:

British blamed for Basra badgers

British forces have denied rumours that they released a plague of ferocious badgers into the Iraqi city of Basra. Word spread among the populace that UK troops had introduced strange man-eating, bear-like beasts into the area to sow panic.

But several of the creatures, caught and killed by local farmers, have been identified by experts as honey badgers.

The rumours spread because the animals had appeared near the British base at Basra airport.

UK military spokesman Major Mike Shearer said: "We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area.

(Link kudos go to Fighting Weasel, who left the URL in my squirrelly comments.)

It was a cunning plan.... ;-)

Oh.. and get this......

My son had forgotten his phone charger when he came to visit, so he went and bought a cheap one, charged up his phone, and then took the one he bought back to the store (sneaky). Anyway, I thought little of it, until I went to plug my cell phone in to let it charge. Yup. My charger was gone. He had returned my charger instead of the one he bought. Now I have no way to charge up my cell phone.

Oh well, I didn't need to talk to anyone anyway.


And finally, there are these, which made me giggle:

:-(

My several weeks of unfettered, ceaseless activity has now come to an abrupt halt. I have no visitors left to entertain, no places left to go, I am once again - just here. Don't you hate the let down after all the excitement has passed?

Yesterday I took my son out for seafood since he was flying out today (he flew out this morning). I am not a big seafood fan, but he is so I let him choose what we were to eat. I suffered through it and bravely (I thought) attempted the deviled crab. I wasn't impressed. He, however, was more than brave - he tried raw oysters for the first time. I wish I had gotten a picture of the expression on his face after that first one, it was absolutely priceless. The second one didn't seem to want to cooperate as well as the first and he turned a little green. He refused the rest and then moaned for the rest of the evening about how he could still feel the goo at the back of his throat.

I miss the kid already.

Those Damn Squirrels

My son and I recently had a giggling fit over the news that Iran had arrested 14 squirrels for spying. This act of rodential (I just made that word up) espionage seems to have made it into the international news:

Israel

India

UK

US

Australia

This particular quote is what started my offspring's and my own giggling fits:

Mohammadi asked me if I knew where the squirrels were from, and I told him that I didn’t know. Then he came to his own conclusions. "I bet they were British squirrels, they are the most cunning," he replied.

Even a day later this line brings tears of utter glee to my eyes. hehe

Poor Iran. I know exactly how they feel. I was inundated with French Assassin Mice this past winter. I showed them though. It seems the French government failed to train their Assassin Mice to resist the temptation and the danger of peanut butter in a mouse trap.

Damn French.