I Got Nuthin

It is times like these that I wish I could call myself a writer, so that I could claim to have a killer case of writer's block. But since I am not a writer, just a goofball, I guess what we have here is a case of goofball block.

I see something on the internet that makes me snicker a lil.. think that it might possibly make a good blog post - my brain will even kick into gear, "yeah yeah, we could do something with that!" But then 2.5 seconds later it is forgotten amongst the daily tv listings, Facebooking, dog chasing, cat swearing, bookreadingmusiclisteningspringwishing... well, you get the point - and then there is the whole laziness factor. One thing I wanted to do I couldn't do because I would need to screenshot what was on my screen, but then I would have to add in edits, but since I got this new computer I haven't yet reinstalled my graphics program so that I could add in edits, and I didn't exactly know where my graphics program was stashed, I think I do (possibly in the bottom drawer of my filing cabinet, or maybe upstairs in the spare bedroom in that basket where I stashed a bunch of loose CDs), but here again the laziness factor comes in, I just can't be arsed to look.  So my brilliant idea just seems like too much work. 

I think I have cabin fever. 

Turn up the music.

A Public Service Announcement

For a change I am doing a serious post.  I now have two friends who are suffering the affects of this little known addiction and I wanted to bring your attention to it so that you can avoid the snare.  Just don't start and you won't get hooked, its that simple... not even one experiment.  Apparently, from watching these two friends of mine, all it took was one little sample and BOOM... after that they could not stay away, no matter how much their friends and family yelled at them.

Yes.  I'm speaking of...  cat poop.

My dogs, my two friends, are totally addicted.  They cannot stay away, no matter how much I yell, punish, throw things.  I've even resorted to saying "BAD DOG!"  It has no affect.  They are moved by an unknown compulsion.  I assume it is psychological rather than physical, but until I am able to make them go cold turkey that part is unknown.

Even this morning Jake, my beloved Georgia boy whom I have lived with for the last 11 years, he came wandering out of the laundry room with a goofy, happy expression on his face, smacking his lips as if he's just sampled the world's greatest chocolate.   (Okay chocolate was a bad choice, but you get what I mean.) I shook my finger in his face, I yelled at him, I called him names like stoopid bad dog -- to no avail.  The addiction has gripped him beyond all reason.

I hope that we can serve as a cautionary tale to you, dear friends.  I do not want to see you, too, become a slave to the cat poop addiction.

Friday Randomness

I have several topics running through my mind on this cold Friday morning.  I can't choose just one so I'll go with them all.

1)  Bad dreams - I had dreams last night that left me feeling quite unsettled.  They all seemed to run together, sort of like a wet painting - but the worst part was a good friend of mine shot herself, right in front of me.  It was very upsetting, I woke up upset, but the problem is this friend died several years ago, so why I am dreaming that is beyond strange.  I'll just chalk it up to my not quite normal brain kicking into overdrive again.  I would say that it was good to see her again, even if it was just a dream - but it wasn't.  Not the way my dream ran.

2)  My computer situation - As you know and as I have whined about in past posts, my computer monitor bit the dust.  That is a rather serious problem for a laptop and I had gotten a new computer, which also bit the dust.  I was in the process of replacing that one when it was stolen out of the box whilst in transit.  Best Buy told me that it had fallen out of the box and was damaged, but that isn't what the UPS site said.  UPS says the box was empty, not that the item had been damaged.  I think I'll go with UPS on this one, they have no reason to lie about it and Best Buy has their reputation to protect.   Whatever reason, my brand new, state of the art, cutting edge laptop was gone.  My problem with the entire situation is that we never, not once, got a phone call or email telling us that there was a problem with the original order.  If I hadn't been tracking the package on UPS we would never have known and it just never would have gotten here.  They only re-shipped it because I spent a lot of wasted minutes on the telephone, calling them over and over after their customer service people hung up on me, disconnects, their system was down, etc.  The last guy I spoke to - and by then I was quite annoyed at the entire matter - was rather defensive about it all saying, "We are giving you free overnight shipping, I don't know what else you want us to do about it."  I wanted to (but I didn't because I'm a fucking lady), I wanted to tell him how about you hit your big toe with a sledgehammer and then you'll experience some of the frustration and pain that you guys have put us through over this.  You would think that when someone is buying a nearly $2k computer they would be, oh I dunno... a little more polite.  I'm still debating on taking it back to the store when it gets here.. which leads me into my next bit of randomness:

3)  My old computer is now working.  I'll tell you my newly found secret for fixing a laptop.  a)  You turn it on and stare at it with a look of disgust on your face; b) You set up a replacement laptop next to it; c) You close the lid and flip it over to get the serial/model number so you can troubleshoot it; d) You don't find anything so you proceed to use the second laptop, totally forgetting about the upside down, turned on laptop lying on the desk; e) You let your cat walk across it and sit on it on a regular basis; f) You decide a week and a half later that you are going to look at it and see if maybe it had miraculously fixed itself; g) You flip it over, open the lid and find that YES, IT HAS MIRACULOUSLY HEALED ITSELF.  My computer is back and its working just fine.  Its a miracle!  All I can say is that cat butt must have a healing magic, all its own.  But now I have a whole other problem - my brand new, state of the art, cutting edge laptop is supposed to be delivered today.  What to do what to do.

4)  My two dogs are, at this very moment, walking up and down the stairs for no apparent reason.

5)  I've saved the best part for last.  After I did the post about the Betty I received a hilarious (I'm telling you it was hilarious) email from a friend, with several links in there along the same sort of lines (but different).  This discussion was gray hair DOWN THERE, merkins, among other things, but the very best one was THIS - go on ya gotta look, you have to, your life will be incomplete until you do.

Okay, for those of you who refuse to look, I'll add their description:

Are your p**sy lips looking a little dull and lifeless? Do you wish they had the rosy hue of the day you were born? Now they can! My Pink Button “genital cosmetic colorant” will restore the pink back in your tired, old, used-up ladyflower! The product comes in four shades, cleverly named after the labia of Marilyn Monroe, Bettie Page, Ginger Rogers, and Audrey Hepburn, natch! My Pink Button only costs $29.95, so what are you waiting for? Your vaginal lips are ready for a whole new look!

All I have to say is that I flat refuse to worry about my bits looking dull and lackluster.

That's all, I am out of randomness for the day.  An empty vessel, a mind used up....   a.......  yeah this is me, gone.

Love ya mean it!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Merchandise is missing. UPS will notify the sender with additional details. / All merchandise missing, empty carton was discarded. UPS will notify the sender with details of the damage.

I woke up this morning and logged onto the UPS Tracking Site to find out where my new computer is.  That was in the notes.  Does that mean that someone stole my nifty new laptop right out of the box??

ACK

You will not believe this you just will not.

I killed two (count em 2) laptops last week.  First was my one that I have used for 3 years, which I explained in an earlier post.  Dead.  So I got a new 3D laptop that I loved.  Unfortunately from the start the screen would flash in pretty colored lines, so I was afraid that the graphic card on that one was bad.  Sure enough, over the weekend it went completely apeshit and had to be returned to the store.  Unfortunately, Best Buy no longer had anymore of those nifty little things, and J was insisting I get my 3D laptop.  I'm not sure if he wants to keep me entertained or if he liked the prospect of it entertaining him in the near future (I suspect he's thinking porn in 3D, which might be funny to watch actually - "WHOA watch where you are pointing that thing!").  Anyway, since they no longer had any in the store, he had them order me an upgraded version which will not be delivered until the end of this week.  At the moment I am on his monster laptop (which has its own issues but will do temporarily).  And by monster laptop, I'm talking 20 inch screen and heavy as a stack of bricks... that kind of monster. 

The thing is I am now paranoid.  It takes a special kind of talent to kill two laptops in less than a week.  Pray for me that I don't kill J's laptop as well. 

I Don't Do This Often

So I was sitting here ruminating in my mind.. chewing over, if you will..  the idea of celebrity perfumes.  Wouldn't it be just amazingly awesome if our favorite celebrities made perfumes just for us commoners, so that we, too, might have just a touch of the life that they have, that we might smell as their radiant greatness smells, so we can stink just like them.  Wouldn't that be nifty??   Oh wait... there isn't a celebrity out there who hasn't decided that we commoners don't smell as pretty as they do so they have made it their mission in life to improve the odor in our personal space.  So, I decided, that subject is B.O.R.I.N.G.

But on the bright side, while I was doing my 2 minute research on the subject, I stumbled across something much more interesting.  I give you the Betty.  For those of us girls who still have, ya know, unkemptness in our nether regions, this product is for you. 

Our Award Winning betty™ products are specially formulated color dyes for the hair down there. In just a few years, we have hundreds of thousands of happy customers using betty to naturally match their hair above, cover gray or just for fun! Whether you're a blonde (be a true blonde now!), radiant auburn, rich brunette, raven black or want to try hot pink for fun, our easy to use no-drip formula gives you the perfect finishing touch.

Sorry, but I have always been somewhat disturbed at the thought of gray hair DOWN THERE.

The site says, "This Valentines Day give a Love or Fun betty kit!" *Comes with free heart stickers* I guess that is to turn your lady bits into fun piles of red/hot pink fuzz, and cover it with heart stickers.  I don't know about you, but if J got me this for a gift, my response would be "I will if you will, and only then." 

Apparently the men love it too!

BETTY IS LOVED BY MEN!

When we first launched the betty colors, we didn't realize how many men would be interested in using it. Turns out that men love betty to manscape - dye their hair down there! Our male customers told us they had no product to use to cover gray, tried current mens hair color products for color manscaping- but it left them severely irritated and burned.

Men everywhere are flocking to use betty's specially formulated no-drip hair dyes made with natural ingredients and skin conditioners, keeping any betty (or bob!) safe!

St. Patrick's Day is coming up -

Please please please.. anyone who is willing to try this, send pics of your clover shaped.. ya know... yeah that, along with a leprechaun sticker stuck to it. I don't normally want to post pics of that but I totally will if you will let me put your name on it.

I would, but I lack the... J likes it......... well.......... I don't have....

Okay. Nevermind.

My New Toy

My laptop died.  Well, the screen died, and anyone who knows anything about computers know that when a laptop's screen dies the whole thing may as well have died.  I felt like I had lost an appendage.

J took pity on me and took me shopping for a new computer, and this one is the one I ended up with:

Processor -Intel® Core™ i7-740QM processor

Operating System  -Genuine Windows 7 Home Premium (64-bit)*

Graphics Engine -NVIDIA® GeForce® GTS 350M

Graphics Memory -2781MB total: 1GB GDDR3 discrete memory + up to 1757MB shared memory w/NVIDIA® TurboCache™ technology

Memory - 4GB DDR3 memory

Hard Drive - 640GB HDD (5400rpm)

Optical Drive -Blu-ray Disc™ Rewriteable (RE) and DVD SuperMulti drive with Labelflash®*

Among other things, and to top it all off, it is a 3D machine!  3D!!  I can do stuff in 3D!  Okay, I know I have fallen for the 3D hype, but tell me that you wouldn't want to be typing documents in 3D.  Tell me that blogging in 3D doesn't sound way uber cool to you.  No, don't bother telling me because I wouldn't believe you anyway.

The only issue I have is that J says I look like Bono with the glasses on.

*** An OMG moment - I just realized that this is my third (3rd) laptop since I started this blog.  Either this blog has been around a long long time, or I am much too hard on laptops.

Sad Tree

Sad tree, practicing its fanatical dedication to dejection.

I'm pretty sure winter is what is making it sad.  I feel the same.

This is the view from my bedroom door. We have a deck off of our bedroom. Unfortunately, it is almost always in the shade so during the winter it is too chilly to sit out there much. And so far it just has a view of the closed up pool (and for the last couple of days, lots of snow) - not really all that impressive.

This is our pool house. It needs work. It has a missing window pane, wind blew a chunk of siding off the side. But, its one redeeming feature is the sign on the outside that says, "I don't swim in your toilet so don't pee in my pool." Classy.

There ya go, a tour of my snowy back yard. I know you are impressed. If it ever warms up enough to be able to open the pool up (and I'm having my doubts these days that it will ever be that nice outside), I will post comparison pics so you can see for yourselves that I'm not making all this shit up.

:-)

Its The End of Days!

Okay, maybe not. I was sitting here at my desk minding my own business when out of the blue - KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOM *window rattle window rattle startled dogs and panicking cats* - apparently this incoming snow storm decided to signal its start with some loud thunder. At least I hope that was what that was.

Anyway, I just saw this and was enamored with all the pastels. We are, apparently, about to get walloped.

Deep Thoughts

I just received this in an email from a New Yawkah that I worked with at a local retail facility. We both hated it and we bonded over our mutual hatred of the retail business.  He has since moved to Florida (and left me to suffer the cold) and regardless of what this message says, he's been married forever and a day.

I just emailed him back and told him that I would not be getting married now, thanks to him and his profound email, that it has opened my eyes.  I shall continue to live like the strumpet I am - in heathen sin.

Grr

So much for the great day yesterday.

We had a plumber coming to the house to fix a leak (that wasn't the bad part), so J stayed home from work (also not the bad part). Now to understand this next section I have to explain the layout of the house. There are 4 levels to this house, basement level is J and my office/family room space. It has 2 desks, a television, fridge, bathroom, etc.. all the comforts of home. Then there is the living room/kitchen level. Third level is 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, and 4th level is just one bedroom - which is the area that J's son occupies.

So yesterday he decided that instead of watching television in his room, he needed to watch tv on our office/family room. Okay fine, just don't watch anime (which I hate) or horror movies (which J hates). At one point I got up and walked outside (I was getting claustrophobic, lol). I walked out and looked into our two outbuildings, which are quickly filling up with empty boxes, so I walked inside and asked J's son to please go out and gather all the boxes up into one area and flatten them and stack them up. No big deal since most of them were already done, it was just continuing with the same pile of flat boxes - right?

Okay - here is the part that annoyed the everloving shit out of me:

He rolled his eyes at me.

Yes. He did it. He rolled his eyes at me.

I said nothing at first, but when he got up and went out to do the boxes, I said something to J about his son rolling his eyes at me. J saw it too.

I was livid. For some reason when someone rolls their eyes at me I go absolutely apeshit. Not sure why really. Its a sign of contempt to me, I suppose. And when someone who is living off of our hospitality with absolutely no contribution shows that kind of contempt in my general direction - oh my - it was not pretty.

Actually, I was fairly restrained with the kid, but poor J.. he had to listen to it all, and to his credit he did show sufficient sympathy to my plight... but he also knew to keep it low key because I would eventually calm down.

He was right. I calmed down. But our kitchen was spotless. lol

To make a short story even longer - J's son has gotten a dose of punishment. His dad told him he has until Saturday to get all the dog poo out of the backyard with the pooper scooper.

On another note, this vehicle was spotted at the local Best Buy. I was compelled to get a picture.

The Cartoon Car

5:30 a.m.

Its crazy early and I'm up for some reason.. well.. I know the reason.  Jake (the dog) was pacing around the bedroom wanting outside.  Hardwood floors and dog toenails do nothing to advance my sleep agenda.  *Tic Tic Tic - pause - Tic Tic Tic Tic Tic*

The weird thing is I woke up in a great mood.  I'm having my tea (mixed with spiced cider, mmmm), oatmeal (yum) and listening to this:



I love Cat Stevens. :-)

Anyway, so far, nothing has bothered me (except seeing J's son dirty socks laying on my coat, but its my fault isn't it for leaving my coat laying on the sofa, yep.. my fault).

This is going to be a good day.

And So It Goes

This has nothing to do with this blog post.

J's son, precious tyke that he is, is now going through a marriage split. Dunno why really, he's adorable.

Anyway... Now he has this girl that he wants to go visit who lives a good 4 hours away from here. He is demanding that his dad and/or mom take him (he doesn't drive). Understandably his parents are balking at this. After all, if you want to act like an ass, get married when you have no place to live, go through a divorce because you couldn't be arsed to find a place to live, and now you want to commit adultery with another girl who lives across the state from you, of COURSE we'll drive you there, anything you want honey really.. no no, REALLY.

He's a little upset that they aren't cooperating. I'd be upset if they did. His dad told him that getting him laid is not his problem or concern. I cheered.

I've been trying to impress upon this impressionable child that if he is going to expect to be able to do adult things, then he should expect to be accountable and responsible for doing those adult things.  He doesn't get it and seems to think I am only nagging him.  (It took me 3 times of yelling at him to get him to half-assedly clean the bathroom that only he uses).  He says his mom is a bitch because she won't drive him there.  I say good on ya bitch mom for refusing.

But.. but... and there is always a but.... having the house to ourselves for a week sounds like heaven.

Its a conundrum.

I Found This CD Whilst Unpacking

Ain't nuthin better.

Adorable!

My gorgeous descendant decided that Santa needed to bring her a Buzz Lightyear for Christmas this year.... so of course, Grammy Santa complied with her request.

So last night when this precocious child was sitting calmly on her mother's lap, she looked up at her mum, with her big blue eyes, and asked, "Where do baby Buzz's come from?"

Her mom, being my brilliant offspring that she is (obviously takes after me), said, "The toy store."

Classic. hehe

Back In Time

It seems I am now being forced to raise a child.  One who is stubborn, willful, thinks he should be allowed to do what he wants when he wants no matter who it inconveniences and without consequence.  One who thinks that it is okay to eat a stack of 3 sandwiches for lunch.  One who will look me in the eye and lie to me when I ask them did they do what I asked them to do.  "Yes."  No ya fucking well didn't. Glaring at me across the room. A child who doesn't feel he has to contribute in any way. One who believes it is to our privilege and great fortune to be allowed to live in this close proximity of his radiant presence.

Unfortunately, the child is a 21 year old grown man who still needs to grow up.

He lost his 8 year old cuteness long ago, and I'm quickly losing my last reserves of patience.

Confession Time

I confess. I have never quite gotten over the LOLcat fascination. There is something about cat pictures with humorous misspelled sayings that provides me with endless entertainment.  But now, alas, I believe I will be forced to stay off of that website.

It has started nagging me like a girlfriend with deadly PMS.

Look at these things:

Girl!  Don't you ever take a............?

You need some exercise.  Why don't you go try......?

Lifting weights would help you with that little problem you have with......

See what I mean??  It  goes on and on, every single time I decide to have a laugh at the kitties these things pop up and gracefully slide across my screen, daring me to ignore them.  Its sucking the fun out of the site I tell ya.   If it tells me to quit smoking I'm going to cry.

Baring My Soul (But Not My Ass)

I have been feeling rather, shall we say.. crappy, of late. My knee has been screaming, I've no energy, etc. J is one patient guy to live with my whining and still be acting as if he still likes me.

So I decided that right after the holidays were over I would start on a diet, and stick to it. I do pretty okay on those things if the motivation is there. My sore aching knee is good motivation... I figure if it doesn't have to carry so much dead weight around it has to get better. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

So I started on this diet yesterday, meticulously counting my points, faithfully drinking the water, and lo and behold - I woke up this morning with almost no knee pain and feeling almost energetic.

All I can say is W.T.F.

I'll take what I can get with no complaints, but there is no way I could have lost enough weight in 1 day to make that much difference. I think God is messing with my head.

Happy New Year to Me.

See the bottle above? J's son decided to celebrate the incoming New Year with a bottle of Jagermeister, just like the one above. Not being the kid's actual parent, I decided to shy away from adding my input to the decision, seeing as the kid is of legal drinking age, and the fact that his father was sitting across the room from me... and if his father was okay with it who was I to say no. Right? RIGHT?

Oh how I regret not speaking up.

The kid is in school during the week and he left last night to return to school. He had closed his bedroom door, but since we have 3 cats in the house (see post below), I thought I heard a noise in his room so opened the door to make sure there wasn't a cat locked in there (I swear that's all I was doing!). Anyway... I opened the door to this bedroom... in what I still consider J and my brand new house.... I opened the door... and I swear to fuck it looked like a murder scene in there. RED Yagermeister vomit all over the carpet. Beige. Carpet. It was a damn good thing the kid had gone back to school or it would have been an actual murder scene.

I thought he was being awfully quiet the last couple of days.

Now to come up with an appropriate - yet severe - response to the damage he has done.

No. I'm not going to kill him. I slept on that decision and ruled against it. But any response should make him wish I had just gone ahead and put him out of his misery.

Any suggestions?

They Are Still Here.

*whimper*

The Christmas season has now come and gone and life can go back to its normal routine.  IF ONLY.

I can't remember if I told you about the cats we are babysitting, and I can't be bothered to scroll back and look right now so I'll just tell you again.  If it is like a self-repeating record then it will just reinforce my extreme unhappiness at the situation.

We moved into our new house at the end of October.  Exactly one week later, J's daughter called her dad up crying, saying the people who were taking care of her cats were going to take her cats to the pound if someone didn't come get them (and she was staying with someone else so couldn't take them there).  J, good father that he is, totally ignored my extreme displeasure of having these cats in our brand new house, went to pick them up to come and visit with us for a few weeks.  That was two months ago.  On Christmas Day, the cat's REAL mother was here and casually let it slide into the conversation that she won't be getting her own place for at least another month.  That was her way of telling us another month of kitty hell in our new house.

Now don't get me wrong, I like cats, I do, I really do....   in fact we have a cat.  Borden.  He's one of the gang along with our two dogs.  (Its like a zoo around here.)   You are thinking to yourself, "What's the big deal, you already have all those creatures running around, why is keeping two extra cats so hard?"  Well I'll tell  ya.

They ain't my cats!  They should be at their own house, damaging cabinets, beating up on each other, and eating all the food they can locate.

I woke up yesterday morning to this:

Okay, I concede she's cute.  But she needs to go home.