Things I Remember

I was sitting here listening to The Eagles, and that song The Best of My Love came on. It has the line at the first, "Every night, I'm lying in bed, holding you close to my dreams." BUT.. when I was a kid there was an AM radio station that at that time played rock music, and I would occasionally turn out the lights in my bedroom and listen to the music in the dark. Someone had manipulated the song to sing, "Every night, I'm lying in bed, listening to KOMA." Now, because of that, everytime I hear that song, that line is what I expect to hear instead of the correct line. Is KOMA still alive?


I was a tomboy. Its true, I was. One of my favorite things in the world to do was to go the field at the end of our street and hunt for horny toads. I thought there was nothing better in the world than to spend the day playing with my captive pet. They are very gentle, almost to the point of being tame, and would just stoically endure all my affection. (I always let them go at the end of the day.)

Ice Cream Trucks. I don't remember them being a very regular visitor to our neighborhood, but when they did come look out... You would see every kid from one end of the block to the other running into the house to get 50 cents from their parents to buy an ice cream. I never see Ice Cream Trucks here.

The smell of Playdough and Crayola Crayons. They take me alllllll the way back to age 7 again.


June Bugs. I find it so funny to see a girl (or a guy, anyone) shriek when they see a June Bug. They were another one of those things I used to play with, the small ones were just cute, but the big ones.. they would tickle so much you couldn't keep them in your hand for long. Yes tickle. They have prickly legs and them crawling around on your hand would almost always cause a fit of the giggles.

Playing "Chicken" with my next door neighbor. We used to stand in the yard barefoot and throw knifes at each other's feet to see who would jump. Oddly enough, neither of us lost a toe.

Building stilts. The same next door neighbor that I played chicken with, she and I built a set of stilts. That kept us occupied for weeks I think. One or the other of us were constantly walking around on those things. "Its my turn!" "It is not!"

Paul Simon. Being at that same next door neighbor's house late at night one night, and a Paul Simon record playing. "Get out the back, Jack... Make a new plan, Stan..."


Airplanes. Our house was right in line of the Will Rogers World Airport runway. The noise was outrageous, and the planes flew so low we could read the small print on the bottom. We got used to it. My brother, however, is now an airline pilot. I'm thinking it affected him more than it did me. He now flies into the OKC airport from that direction... he tells me it is a surreal experience, seeing it from the there and knowing so well what it looked like from the ground.

Thunderstorms. An Oklahoma thunderstorm is sometimes an awesome thing to behold.

>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<<<

Okay, enough nostalgia for this morning. I have a fire going in the fireplace, The Eagles blaring, and I believe I will go make an omelette and bacon for breakfast.

Later!

Saturday Morning Toons

It's like being a kid all over again. ;-)













Elmer's Revenge:

Friday

I was told by my boss on Thursday that yesterday (Friday) was going to be a nightmare day, lots of things that had to be filed, and he was going to be in depositions for part of the day. So I prepared. When I got up yesterday I had loads of caffeine, I wore my running shoes to work.. I was good to go.

When I arrived, he hadn't started on any of it.

So while he was in his depositions, I did random chores, waiting for him to come back and pile the work on me. I didn't speak to him again until after 5:00, as I was about to leave, when the deposition had broken up for a short break. He stepped out, charmed me into making them another pot of coffee, and entertained me while I busied myself with that. After a bit I could contain it no longer.. I asked about the things that were to be done, he just said he wasn't expecting the depositions to go so long. I, in my ever helpful way, reminded him that I had said he shouldn't keep it until the last second.

I swear to God, I haven't had anyone look at me in such a murderous way since I was married.

I burst out laughing, he walked away muttering.

I love my job. hehe

Awwww

My pal Sassan has announced the impending addition to his family, and posted really super duper cool 3D pictures of the new kid.

How do they do this stuff??

The ANNOUNCEMENT

Fellow Bloggers, I have decided that, after much agonizing and self-analysis and at the urging of my attorney, as well as due to privacy issues, I will not be running for the office of the President of the United States in 2008. I know this will come as a shock to some of you, and some of you will have been expecting this concession. However, I have come to realize that the private sector is where my true calling lies, and public office will demand too much from my family, not to mention wanting to avoid the failing reputation of political office.

I personally would like to thank each and every one of you, my friends and supporters. I could not have gotten this far without your undying loyalty, and I will announce my endorsement for Presidential Candidate at a later date.

Please refer all questions to my Press Secretary.

I Have An Announcement to Make

I have an extremely important announcement to make. Said announcement will be released to the general public tomorrow at approximately 8:00 p.m. EST.

Stay tuned for updates as they become available.

Oh Geeze

I found this on Craig's List. I'm not exactly sure how to categorize this guy.

Ugly? No problem.

Smoke? No problem.

Drink? No problem.

Poor? No problem.

Mildly handicapped? No problem.

Drug user? Sorry.

Incurable Disease? Sorry.

Ex con? Sorry.

Bad attitude? Sorry.

Likes to live in filth and clutter? Sorry.

Loves dogs? Sorry.

Religious fanatic? Sorry.

Self centered? Sorry.

Self righteous? Sorry.

I know I'm a bit picky, but I'm worth it. :-)

Now

Before you guys start thinking me some over the top spinster who has no sense of humor - I MUST post about this site..... Manties - Panties made for men. The blurb on the page says:

For those nights and days, when you want to be and feel a little special, naughty, and very sexy, these Manties are for you. Once you have them on, it will be "hard" to take them off. They are made of nylon and have the extra room where you need it, for the most comfortable fit there is. Once you try a pair, you will wonder why you never tried them before. Panties are for the gals MANties are for the guys

HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Dating Fucking Sucks

Even if we think it went well at the time, we usually seem to find out otherwise the day after. It was odd really.. I had a nice time.

I don't think I'll do it anymore.



*Insert Ironic Expression Here*

Ch Ch Ch Changes

I'm tired of the background I have up here. Its time for something new. Sooooo.. if you pop in here and there is something weird and bizarre up there, its just me, playing with the template.

Please don't gouge your eyes out if it looks bad. hehe

Gender Reassignment

My cubicle partner is a fan of the strange and bizarre, even more so than I. She came to work yesterday telling me all about the two headed girl that she saw on tv, and then shifted into the topic of what she called, "Gender Reassignment."

I sat quietly for a bit, absorbing what she had just said. "Okay, wait...." said I. "Gender reassignment? That is what, a sex change operation??" "Well yes." said she, and looked at me as if I had suddenly turned stupid.

When did "sex change operation" become "gender reassignment?" Am I showing my age here?

I did a google search for gender reassignment, and it came up with all sorts of fancy names: sex reassignment therapy, transsexual sex reassignment surgery, vaginoplasty (that one made me snicker like an adolescent).

I then did a google search for sex change operation and hit the mother lode... a handbook for transsexuals. It describes exactly how the surgery is done. I will post some of it here for your reading enjoyment:

Contrary to popular belief, the penis is not amputated during SRS. Rather, the internal penile tissue is mostly removed, but the outer skin is left attached, inverted and inserted into the body inside out as the new vagina. The testicles are removed, but the scrotal tissue is also left attached and used to fashion the vaginal lips or labia through standard plastic surgery procedures.

Here is how it happens. Once the patient has been prepped, sedated, wheeled into the operating room and anesthetized, the doctor slits the skin of the penis lengthwise from the head or glans down to the base on the underside. The skin is then peeled away from around the penis, but since the slit only opened the penis, the base of the skin is still attached.

The penile skin is then turned inside out, much like one might turn a sock inside out. When this is done, the slit is stitched back together, creating an inverted penis, which will ultimately form the new vagina.

Before this occurs, a rather miraculous, yet simple procedure is performed. Earlier, when the internal penile tissue was removed, a small stub of tissue was left behind, still attached. This is erectile tissue, which becomes stiff when stimulated, and also carries sexual sensation.

A tiny slit, perhaps a half-inch in length, is made in the new, inverted penis near the base where it is still attached. The stub of erectile tissue is pushed through the slit, forming the equivalent of a clitoris, and providing the opportunity for complete orgasm and sexual satisfaction after surgery. In addition, a second tiny slit is made below the one for the clitoris. The urinary tube is rerouted to this second slit to create a typical female urinary opening.

Once this procedure has been accomplished, the skin and muscles of the lower abdomen are lifted up with surgical instruments, providing a gap near the pelvic bone. The inverted penis is pushed into the gap, still attached at the base, so that it hinges down and into the proper location for a vagina.

To allow for proper vaginal contractions later, some of the abdominal muscles are repositions around to new vagina so that they can squeeze in on it, both by conscious control and also automatically during orgasm.

The new vagina is filled with surgical gauze to maintain shape, and then anchored in place with a thin surgical wire which enters the abdomen from the outside, runs under the pelvic bone, through the new vagina, back up around the pelvic bone and out the abdomen again. Once the vagina has healed in place, which takes approximately seven days, the wire is removed by the surgeon, who simply slips it out.

I realize I am being so completely politically incorrect here (sorry, its what I do), but this one made me laugh hysterically:

Can hormones grow beards?

Yes, for female to male transsexuals, beard growth is an immediate effect. Unfortunately, a long term effect is male pattern baldness!

Oh. My God. Still laughing.

yes... still....

*wiping tears*



Okay, I'm better now.

If you are interested in reading the entire handbook, you can see it here.

I'm a horrible person. I should be ashamed.

But I'm not.

Still laughing.

Yes Yes I Know

But I had to, this was funny.

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"So, you're a cannibal."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?

My Mood Lately

I have been in a crappy mood lately. I've been going through things here in the apartment and throwing a lot of stuff away... some of it I expected to never give up. Time to give it all up.

I'm making some changes and some things have to go, but this puts me in a shitty mood (mostly because I'm a sentimental git, but sentimentality gets me nowhere).

Time to take a load of crap to the dumpster.

Anyone interested in a set of ~slightly~ used handcuffs or a Grateful Dead Darkstar bear? ;-)

Email of the Day

I Was Double Dawg Dared

Odat sent me this in an email and double dawg dared me to post it. I am already going to Hell, so what the fuck. Just don't tell my mom I posted this, she would kill me.



P.S. Odat: You do realize this has now raised the bar on our dares, don't you? hehe

Just An Observaton

I was watching the movie The Fugitive this morning... remember, the one with Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones, made back in the 90s. Anyway, I remember liking this movie when it first came out, and I still like it okay. But one thing I didn't remember about it was how completely and totally STUPID the Chicago police looked in this movie.

I just wonder if that made them mad at the time. I guess if they were truly that stupid, they may not have noticed, eh?

I'm Just Sayin

I'm not inferring anything by this post. I'm sure we all know women like this. I'm not saying I'm the moody bitch. Or anything. No, really.



*Studying a spot on the wall over there ---------->*

I *Heart* My Whatever

I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that said "I *Heart* My Golden Retriever. Of course they heart their Golden Retriever, who wouldn't heart a dog like that? They are gorgeous, they have long flowing hair, and they have merchandising readily available so that anyone can show their devotion to their dog. What's not to heart?

Now me, I have a bi-racial, chow/retriever mix mutt. He's the best dog ever (although he sucks at catching mice). I think he deserves a bumper sticker even more, but how many times have you seen a bumper sticker that said "I *Heart* My Bi-Racial Chow/Retriever Mix Mutt Even Though He Sucks at Catching Mice?" Never.

So in the spirit of uplifting his self-worth, I have decided to get a bumper sticker that says, "I *Heart* My Norwegian Ridgeback Mountain Shepherd.* I believe he deserves to have a breed name applied to his being.

He's a good old Norwegian Ridgeback Mountain Shepherd.

Far Out

My son has declared that he should have been of the 70s era. His main christmas this year consisted of classic 70s record albums and a record player. He has the long(ish) hair, goes for the 70s classic band posters for his walls, and has decreed that he wants a VW Van. I was of that era, and I don't think I turned out so badly (as long as you don't ask any exes, that is).

I guess I'll be on the lookout for a good used VW van for him (that hasn't been used as a storage shed, that is).

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Remember.......

Chocolate Soldier? When my kids were small, if I was going to be very indulgent and allow them to have the worst thing in the world for them, it would always be Chocolate Soldier. Personally I hated the crap, it tasted like watered down chocolate milk, but for some reason my kids were enamored with it. There was a period of time that if they were given any money to buy something at the corner store, they would come out with one of these things.

After a diligent 3.5 minute search, I have been unable to find if Chocolate Soldier is still available to buy. Not that I care or anything, I just thought that maybe some of you guys would want to know.

Yeah that's it.

The 2006 Word of the Year

The Merriam-Webster Online 2006 word of the year is...........
drum roll ...................

TRUTHINESS

ta daaaaaaaaaaaaa

Now. If you have read my post from earlier today, you would already know that this particular word is also on the 2006 banned word list. So what's up with this shit? Is the Banned Word List comparable to the tabloids, running an innocent word into the ground before its time? Is the Lake Superior State University on a quest to see how much it can influence our word usage?

Is Merriam-Webster Online going against the flow as a show of independence?

Enquiring minds want to know.

Banned Words?

I just read an article about a university that released a list of banned words for 2006. Here is the list:

• Gitmo
• Combined celebrity names
• Awesome
• Gone or went missing
• Pwn or pwned, a misspelling of “own” used by online video gamers
• Now playing in theaters
• We’re pregnant
• Undocumented alien
• Armed robbery gone bad or drug deal gone bad
• Truthiness
• Ask your doctor
• Chipotle
• i-anything
• Search
• Healthy food
• Boasts

First of all, to be completely nasty here, this list comes from Lake Superior State University. Apologies to anyone who attended there (yeah right), but that isn't exactly on the A list for Ivy Leagueness, is it. I would resent being told what words I couldn't use by Harvard, much less Lake Superior State University.

Second.. some of those words have been around forever, such as "search" or the phrase "Ask Your Doctor." "Chipotle" is okay to ban, that is some nasty stuff.

Who put these guys in charge of word usage?

I have to confess to being very interested in lists from past years. ;-)

She's Baaaaaaaaaack

I arrived home last night at about 10:30, after driving for 19 hours. Yes. N I N E T E E N fucking hours. That is torture and I don't want to do it anymore. When I called the few I needed to call to let them know I made it home, the reaction I most often got was, "You're home already??" I wanted to yell at them and ask them do they not understand the significance of driving in a car, stopping only for gasoline, for 19 long hours. I was talking to myself by the time I got home. I was holding conversations with someone who wasn't there.

Nineteen hours is a full month (minus one day) of lunch breaks at work.

I'm tired, but I wanted to say thank you to each and every one of you who kept up with the limited posts and encouraged me not to kill my ex husband while I was away.

ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou ThankYou

Apologies to anyone I left out, and I promise to post something extremely witty and shockingly entertaining later.

Holy Moley

You would NOT believe the bullshit going on in this itty bitty town this week. I remember now why I ran away to Savannah after my divorce. Have I mentioned lately that I can't stand my ex husband? Just in case I haven't, there it is... I can't stand him. But on the bright side, he has given me blog fodder for the next 6 months. This blogging thing is better than talking to a psychiatrist. ;-)

I haven't been posting much because my parents' computer is slow and they are on dial up. I run out of patience before I am even logged on, that and the fact that I am never, ever alone. My creativity has been stifled.

Other than the ex issues, the visit has been pretty okay. He thinks I am the bitch from hell, but he has no idea that I am barely refraining from strangling him with my bare hands. I think I'm doing pretty good.

Okay, I'm off to take my kid clothes shopping. This should be interesting.....

Later Gators

OKC

I am, at this very moment, at The Fitness Nazi's house in Oklahoma City. We are about to go to Lowe's for a gift card for my ex husband (from my son, not me), and then go find a place to eat some lunch.

I have already this morning greatly pissed off the ex husband, when he informed my mother that he was taking my brother to a hockey game tomorrow night, his one and only night in town. I told him no way, that I have seen my brother for 10 minutes in the past year and he's NOT removing him to a hockey game on our one and only night to see each other. The ex husband stormed out of the house. Bastard.

Anyway, Christmas with the family (and ex family). There are always issues, aren't there.

Conway, Arkansas

I gave up last night and stopped at a hotel. A hotel with a king size bed. A hotel with a king size bed and cable TV. A hotel with a king size bed, cable TV and a jacuzzi.

Do squatters' rights apply to hotel rooms?

*Insert picture of myself being dragged from the room by the police*

Christmas Prezzies

My gift list for this year:

1. The Onion- Embedded in America, News Archives. My favorite present ever, I think. I was skimming the headlines at work and could not stop laughing. I am taking this with me to keep myself entertained in the quiet moments.

2. A $100 gift card. Yeah baby.

3. A food basket full of chocolates.. and a random package of smoked salmon and jar of mustard:


I'm taking this to my mom.

4. A big box of peanuts. My dad will love them.

5. A jar of homemade fudge that is absolutely the best fudge ever.

6. A Starbucks mug and a Starbucks gift set.. coffee and cookies and stuff. Yummy.

7. A flower pot for one of my orchids. (That reminds me, I forgot to water my plants before I left work, hang on while I email a friend to do it for me.)

8. A huge box of brownies from the local candy store. Those brownies are an inch thick, I swear to God, and frosted, and covered in nuts. Absolutely sublime. They would be perfect for an after sex snack, or even an instead of sex snack, that is how good they are.

9. A 5 pound can of tuna. No shit. Five. Fucking. Pounds. Of. Tuna. Obviously a joke gift but my gawd!

That's it. My car is gassed up and I have my energy drinks bought. I am going to go sleep for a bit now and then I will be off. Those of you that have my cell phone number (and you know who you are), call me tomorrow to help break up the monotony. I fear I will die of boredom.

I will post when I can.

Aloha

Oy

It's That Time (Almost)

This is it. My last day. Tonight I will be leaving for my long, long, long long lonnnnnnng drive to Oklahoma. That drive takes me 18 hours. I will be worthless when I arrive there and worthless when I get home from there, but in between, LOOK OUT. hehe

I won't be posting much because i) my parents rarely leave me alone long enough to be able to post; and ii) I will be on the go for most of the time I'm there. I will post when I can, but here is a warning for Odat:

I'm going to the zoo again while I am there and I am taking my camera.

I will probably be posting tonight so I can list all my prezzies from the bosses (I hope they give me lots of alcoholic refreshment, like they did last year. hehe), but I will be leaving shortly after.


This should hold you over until I can post again. ;-)

Have a very wonderful Christmas everybody.

Email of the Day

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. So, frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

An Oldie

Ever wondered what it would be like if Dear Abby was a man?

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you, he can only settle for the next best thing - your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal, while you think about it.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A.: Do it. Sperm can help you loose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day. Then cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should - he should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal.

Dear Mr. Abby:

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep never giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal?

Huh?

My bestest blog buddy Sassan has posted a joke that he called, "The Funniest Joke in the World."

But I don't get it.

I hate not getting jokes. Help.

Have You Ever.....

...gone along at an even keel, everything is okay, nothing major going on to shake things up, but then suddenly

BOOM!

You wake up one morning and all the losses, mistakes, stupid moves and regrets of the last few years have fallen on your head and you feel them all, every one, as if they only just happened?





Neither have I.

I SO Need a USB Toaster

These are great. If I weren't so ummm "frugal," I would have gotten these to wrap Christmas gifts in.

Salt of the Month Club. Brilliant.

Build Your Own Umbrella. Hilarious.

Bleh

This is it. The week I dread all year long. I know, that sound unusually scroogish of me and completely against my normally upbeat demeanor. I am on the final countdown, four days until I get to make that long long, long long long.... extremely lonnnnnnng drive to Oklahoma. Eighteen hours in a car, just me and my dog. Then a few days later I get to do it again to come back home. Sounds fun, does it not?

Not.

I have my Christmas shopping done (more or less), I just found out my brother is bringing his new girlfriend for Christmas, so I have to go get something for her. Bleh.

Scrooge is my hero.

Quiz Time (A Sure Sign of an Inspirationless Life)

Your life is 28% crappy!

You have a pretty good life. There might be areas you'd like to improve, but overall, life's pretty sweet.

How crappy is your life?
Quizzes for MySpace

Inspirational Moment

Please pause for a moment and listen to this spiritual song. It is for the good of your soul.

Sorry, your browser doesn't support the embedding of multimedia.

(Patience is a virtue, it takes a minute for it to load.)

Perceptions

I was just over at The CEO's blog and he was talking about what we think other bloggers look like. I just want to say this:

I have a video featuring the world famous Odat, taken this past August, and I am accepting bribes.

Also, Mark has posted a picture of him (well, the back of his head anyway) and The Curmudgeon.

I still find it odd that bloggers look so deceptively normal.

Last Year

I was sitting here in my mouse-free apartment (so far so good anyway), trying to think of things that have changed since last Christmas. There are a few differences.

Last Christmas I was still holding on to a relationship that was all but dead.

Last Christmas the only ones that read my blog were Sassan and Markoos. These days neither of them post as much as I'd like them to.

Last Christmas my daughter had just moved from Savannah back to Oklahoma.

I'm still at the same job, still in the same apartment, still have the same dog, still have the same kids. My daughter now lives in Seattle, my ex husband is marrying a woman who apparently looks like me, has the same first name as me, and as was recently discovered, we even have some of the same relatives. The fact that my ex husband is a freak has not changed since last year.

Last Christmas I had not been out of the U.S. This year I have passport stamps and I'm very proud of them. ;-)

Last Christmas I drove a granny car that I loved.. this year I drive a piece of shit Lancer that I hate. (I also get weird looks if I tell anyone around here that I drive a Lancer. Apparently only 18 year old guys who like to race are allowed to drive those.)

Last Christmas I was a year younger. This year I'm a year older.

Last Christmas things were a little different, but not much.

(How's that for coming up with an entire post about nothing at all? hehe)

Monday Morning

This had me in stitches. What a great way to start a Monday. :-)

Why

I seem to have become jaded in the last year. I have a hard time seeing the good in people these days, mostly what I see is people using each other to get what they want, people doing whatever it takes to get something for nothing, people suing anyone who looks at them sideways in an effort to pad their bank account. When I do start to see the good in someone, they do something to completely prove my point, which disappoints me beyond all description.

Whatever happened to people just being who they are? Is it that impossible to get ahead in this life without stepping on and hurting someone else to get there, and if the only way to get there is to hurt someone, is it worth doing? Has everyone seemed to have forgotten that behind those faces that they kick in to fuel their own agendas, is a real, live person with real, live feelings?

Enough already.

This past year has not been pleasant, and it seems to be going downhill from there.

And don't even get me started on the old cliches about how we make our own happiness, etc. That's bullshit. Making our own happiness is all well and good until someone comes along to beat us down, for no other reason than its because they CAN. I realize now that nobody is going to care about how I feel about things, with very few rare exceptions.

Yup. I have had enough.

Email of the Day

I liked this a lot.


As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Morning Randomness

I made that banner a long time ago and can't remember where I made it at. Probably the credit in the corner is a hint. ;-)

******

I still have a mouse, but I'm at a loss as to what to do. I have never had to deal with this sort of thing without a husband to carry the dead mouse out for me. I informed my boss yesterday that if I kill it in a trap, I was going to phone him up and flat refuse to come to work until he comes over and gets rid of the mouse brains on my floor.

******

Remember the Lite Bright? I spent countless hours when I was a kid, creating wondrous works of art on mine. I loved it and got one yesterday for one of the angel kids that I'm buying for. I am pretty sure he will hate it because it isn't videogame related and/or cool, but I don't care. He's getting it and he's going to like it dammit. I found this site, if you (like me) still like them.

******

My daughter phoned me last night from Seattle. She asked was she supposed to leave if the fire alarm was going. YES get out of there! But no, she was in the middle of her game of Warcraft, and as soon as the fire trucks get there she will vacate.

That's my girl.

Thank God when the fire trucks got there they went to another building in their complex. Geesh.

******



My office partner and I got the above rubber stamp collection for our bosses for Christmas. I think they will come in handy.

******

Okay, I got distracted there by reading old emails. Some of them are REALLY old and should be deleted I guess. Maybe I'll do that tonight. In the meantime, I have my bottle of Sangria, and I think when I get home I'll add whatever it is that is supposed to be added to it, and enjoy it tonight. It is supposed to be painfully cold today, so my plans are: 1) work cuz I hafta; 2) after work, come home and light a fire in the fireplace; 3) drink sangria and possibly cook my stuffed peppers, but since there is a mouse living under my stove that doesn't sound very nice; 4) drink sangria and delete old sentimental emails that I have held on to for years; 5) drink sangria and watch Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Man's Chest; 6) drink sangria.

That is my Friday night plan. Sounds fun eh? I know you are jealous.
;-)

******

That is all of the randomness for today. I think I'll go have a nice hot bath before work.

Shhhh

If you are bored at work but you don't want the mess of making an actual paper snowflake (personally I think the mess it makes is part of the fun), here is a site that will entertain you:

Make a Flake

Its actually fun, making all the snips and seeing what it does. I was going to include the one I made but Blogger seems to have decided it was jealous of my artistic abilities and wouldn't let me upload it. You will just have to use your imagination, but take my word for it, it was amazingly beautiful.

;-)

New Blog

While reading Mrs. Joseph's blog I stumbled across an interesting new blog called The World From My Point of View. Dave's profile is what caught my attention at the start:

I am great. Read my blog for more of my greatness. I had to blur my picture up so my greatness won't blind you.

It cracked me up.

His posts also cracked me up (but don't tell him that, he might be offended). I told him I wanted to continue to read his blog so as to soak up the gloriousness of his being. He has graciously allowed my continued soaking.

The only thing is he doesn't post often enough. Maybe if he knows we're looking he'll rectify that.

;-)

Oh The Weather Outside Is...........

Lovely. But I'm still, somehow, after many long years of Scroogeness, feeling the Christmas Spirit again. I'm sure it will pass. But until then:



I also had a Christmas gift from Maker's Mark when I got home. I can't wait to try it out.

;-)

OH Shit

Elvira has tracked me down. I woke up this morning to find a pile of sharp instruments on the floor of my kitchen. A nail, a needle and two push pins. I think she left that as a message to me that she is on to me and knows that I have reported on her treachery, either that or its meant as a little mousey curse. Jake knows where she's getting in at, I just know it. I just hope he's not in on it.

And the "OH Shit" title? Yep, there was some of that too.

Elvira is going to have a fight on her hands. I know what she did to Stewart and Bucky. She will not get away with it.

Christmas Fun

My kids are grown... well, the youngest is 15 and isn't all that fun to shop for Christmas gifts anymore. Give him money and he's a happy camper.

So this year, as with last year, I have adopted a child from Salvation Army. We're given a list with their names, age and sizes, and asked to buy Christmas presents for them. I am having a ball doing that.

Boss #1 has also adopted a child, but given me the responsibility of buying for her (a 2 year old girl), and the ex Boss #2 has adopted three (count em 3!) and has also asked me to do the shopping for them. So I have 5 small kids to shop for and I'm having a ball. I tend to go for the loud toys, the ones I know the parents wouldn't want to buy them. I found a remote control car the other day that played low rider music while it bounced up and down. Pure culture I tell ya. I also hit the Macy's sale and got them all coats.

The deadline is December 11 and I still have some shopping to do. When I have grandkids I am going to be completely out of control, I can just tell. hehe

OMG

The weather is absolutely perfect for me... rainy and cold. I opened the patio door just a bit and I have built a fire in the fireplace.

I love it. ;-)

A Survey

Two friends of mine, one a lesbian, the other a world reknowned scientist, are in the midst of a debate regarding the following:

One says that sushi - specifically salmon - has the texture and the "bouquet" of labia. The lesbian says no way, the scientist says way.

Since I have had neither I can't be a good judge, so I am forced to bring this scientific study to you for your unbiased opinion.

What do you think?

*Update*

We have an official vote for Eel from The CEO.

HA HAHAHAHAHAAAA

My 30 Seconds of Summer video got a You Tube honor. How cool is that???

Ok I know it was an obscure honor, but I like it anyway. :-)

Happy Friday!

Today has been a pretty good day. I heard from a friend that I thought I had lost track of, and I found out my rent wasn't going to be raised after all. It was about 70 degrees here today and rainy, my perfect sort of day. The only thing that would have been better would have been if it had stormed as well.

I do feel for you guys who are sitting in snow, or waiting for the snow to hit. In your honor, I am including the following:



30 Seconds of Summer - Enjoy.

;-)

Confound it, the batteries are dead!

Yesterday's quote, "Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb," was of course a quote from Batman, in Batman The Movie. It was obscure enough that I pretty much knew that anyone that got it right looked it up. I know, that was playing dirty. But on the other hand, I get to keep the points and use them at Christmas. Bonus!

I bought this movie last week at the Walmart Black Friday sale for $3.44. I remembered seeing this as a kid and had to have it. The funny thing is I haven't seen it since I was a kid, and some of the jokes are truly funny, and would have been over my head at that time. They were genius with obscure clues to a crime. Example: "It happened at sea...... C? C for Catwoman!"

Things I have learned from Batman:

1. If ever I would like to be anonymous, all I have to do is put a mask over my eyes and give myself an exotic new name, and none of my friends, family or co-workers will recognize me.

2. Life is so much easier when everything is clearly labeled.

3. Even Batman can be distracted with hints of sex, and doesn't get it in the end anyway.

4. Even bad guys have a mother, every one.

My Day of Music

It has finally arrived. The day I have longed for, the day I have dreamed about. The day I can do all of my Christmas shopping for my family online and not even have to leave the comfort of my office. My son has named just a few things that he wants for Christmas, and they are all found online. He has decided that he wants to collect vinyl record albums, which I have to confess is kind of a cool thing to collect, and he is very much into classic rock, so I ordered these three for him today:






Of course I could not buy him music without getting myself some as well, so this is what I got for me:

A Challenge

For 19,856 points, and without looking it up, who said:

Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb.

5:43 a.m.

That is what the clock says right now. I have been up for two hours and here I am, trying to stay occupied until time to go to work. I only have three words for this.. Path Et Ic.

I would really love to know why I can't sleep like normal people. I was sleeping fine, but then the dude and his wife who moved into the house I grew up in in Oklahoma City (and parked their gigantic RV in the driveway), they started preaching at me about church. Damn dreams.

I have found myself less than inspired lately. I caught myself last night looking for filler crap to post, but that isn't very cool. I only post inspirational filler crap.

I think I'll go try to sleep for another hour. Maybe something will come to me while I'm unconscious.

Have You Ever.......

Gone to bed, and just before falling asleep, had the most BRILLIANT idea for a novel.... so brilliant that you knew you wouldn't forget it the next day, and you go to sleep content, knowing what you were going to do, only to wake up the next morning and not remember one bit of the plot?

Ummmmmm.. Neither have I.

I've Been Meme Tagged Again

Odat, in her infinite wisdom, has infected me with another meme. It is almost like those chain mail things, I can't NOT do them, I feel too guilty.

So, here it goes:

The Three Things Meme

Three things that scare me:
1. Adolescent boys;
2. Being forced to pop a balloon;
3. Mental illness.

Three people who make me laugh:
1. The WRS;
2. My boss;
3. My son.

Three things I love:
1. Shakespeare;
2. A good book;
3. Scotland.

Three things I hate:
1. Ear infections;
2. Folding clothes;
3. Palmetto bugs.

Three things I don't understand:
1. Fluorescence methods to enable simultaneous measurement of SR Ca2+ release and force production. These techniques are currently being used to investigate (i) the influence of phosphate metabolites on Ca2+ regulation by the SR and (ii) failure of Ca2+ regulation in human malignant hyperthermia;
2. Einstein's Theory of Relativity;
3. Men.

Three things on my desk:
1. A bottle of protein water;
2. An orchid;
3. A picture of my kids.

Three things I'm doing right now:
1. Poking pins in Odat's voodoo doll;
2. Longing for bed;
3. Trying to decide the next book to read.

Three things I want to do before I die:
1. See Venice;
2. Fall in love again;
3. Win the lottery.

Three things I can do:
1. Type ridiculously fast;
2. Understand Shakespeare;
3. Cook.

Three things I can't do:
1. Play the violin;
2. Take fish off of a fish hook after I catch them;
3. Eat seafood.

Three things you should listen to:
1. Your instincts;
2. Classical music;
3. Me. (hehe)

Three things you should never listen to:
1. Your ex husband;
2. Your angry teenager;
3. Car salesmen.

Three things I'd like to learn:
1. Skydiving;
2. To trust someone again;
3. How to stop being so caustic.

Three favorite foods:
1. Lasagna;
2. Pakora;
3. Cherry Garcia ice cream.

Three beverages I drink regularly:
1. Water;
2. Hot tea with spiced cider;
3. More water.

Three TV shows I watched as a kid:
1. Batman;
2. Gilligan's Island;
3. Sonny & Cher. (shaddup)

Three people I tag:
You three on the end. Yes you, and stop pretending you didn't see this.

Controversial Toys

Crazy for You Bear from Vermont Teddy Bear. This toy brought on such an outcry from mental health organizations that the Vermont Teddy Bear company discontinued it. Too bad, I think its kind of cute.


Trash Talker Elton. He says such inspiring phrases as, "Want to be my Rectum Romeo?" and, "Ahhh, don't worry, I won't tell anyone you're gay. HE'S GAY!!" You can see him in action here.


Trash Talker Bubba. Yes I know it is from the same company, but the things he says just had to be shared. "Meet my sister, uh.... I mean my wife." and "Isn't your cousin a nice piece of ass?" Classic. Available here.



Ballsy Bear. He says things such as, "I've got a stiffy that just won't quit," and "I swear she told me she was 18!" This is truly an educational toy. Every kid should have one.


And finally, I saved the best for last... Answer Me Jesus. It is the religious icon version of the Magic 8 Ball. Ask Jesus a question and flip him over and you will get your answer:



Okay this is it, I think I am officially going to hell now. If you guys need me, I'll be kneeling beside my bed, praying for my soul.

Ouch

I am in bed but I can't sleep well. I have an ear ache. Aren't we supposed to stop having those once we pass the age of 2??

Anyway, pity me whilst I suffer in my bed of affliction. And say hi if you like, I have the chat thingy on over ----------------------> there.

;-)

We're #7!

This blog is #7 search hit for "ex-girlfriend on Bothwell Glasgow." I think that is an important search, so I am going to endeavor to become #1 for that one.

Its my goal in life.

Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha

I went to my friendly neighborhood monopoly conglomerate (Walmart) for the day after specials. I picked up one thing that was not on their sale list, because I needed it. It is a padded backpack for my laptop, and it also has a mini mouse (its sooo cute), and a USB hub (nifty).

So I got up to the check out and of course, I picked one up with no label on it, so the cashier sent another person back to check the price. I didn't tell them how much it was supposed to be because I wasn't sure I picked up the right one (none of them were marked). So we wait. And wait. And then we continued to wait.

Finally, the girl calls and says she can't find any of them with prices, and there were no bar codes. The cashier rang it up at $5.

Life is good. :-)

Personal Ads

I found this ad on Craig's List. It made me giggle. ;-)

I am a big jerk who is totally self absorbed. I would tell you about my job but who really cares. I would tell you about some of my previous life experiences but I think you couldn't handle most of it. I don't fit in, in any situation, and do not enjoy staying at home. I also despise going out for a "night on the town". Laughing is for losers and I see the humor in no situations. I am extremely outgoing at first but then get very shy once I get to know you.

I bring a total lack of respect into any relationship and believe that playing games and deceitful tactics are the bedrock cornerstones of any successful encounter with the opposite sex. When you find out I have been cheating on you the only comment I expect to hear is "Well Played".

I am looking for a woman without any goals in life who is not very smart and would enjoy being in a relationship that is full of lies, cheating and stealing (please bring a large bank account to the relationship or at least a home I could leverage behind your back). It would also help if you have absolutely no expectations of me. And of course hygiene is completely optional.

If you "get" this profile then feel free to contact me. If the words "holler at your girl" with at least one misspelled word (i.e. holla, atcha or gurl) are anywhere in your profile, then please remove the statement before contacting me. I won't tolerate jackasses and the inclusion of this phrase ensures this is what you are.

Happy Thanksgiving

Now... time to go put my cute little turkey in the oven. ;-)

One of my Favorite Haunts

I live in Savannah. Anyone who has ever come to Savannah for touristy purposes will recognize the name of Bonaventure Cemetery. If you have seen the movie Midnight in the Garden of Good & Evil, you will have seen a bit of it. It is supposedly haunted, but since it closes at 5:00 in the afternoon I doubt I'll ever get to see any ghosts, unless they happen to be early birds.



There is good reason that Bonaventure Cemetery is a tourist area, it is absolutely beautiful there. It is almost like walking through an outdoor museum, witih all the statues, and the hanging moss. It sits against a saltwater river and sometimes, if you are very lucky, you will see dolphins there. I saw a baby dolphin once. Being born and raised a landlubber, I was in awe.

There are activities that went on here that I think back fondly on. ;-)



More pictures here if you are interested.

I may go out there this weekend and take my own pictures. I couldn't find any of the stained glass.

New Medication

I am told that this is just the thing to cure my social awkwardness.

*Insert Giggle Here*

Our friendly neighborhood Curmudgeon has finally, after some cajoling (okay nagging), posted his streaking story. I would add to the collection, but I have never gone streaking. I am the picture of modesty and purity (snicker). Anyway, I will work on getting him to post the video, although he says he was alone at the time so who would be videoing this escapades.

Does anyone else have a streaking story that they are longing to share? I will be more than happy to critique the technique.

;-)

Email of the Day

Another oldie, but still a good one.

*Dog Applicant*

A sign was hung in an office window. It read:

Help wanted.
Must type 70 words a minute.
Must be computer literate.
Must be bilingual.
An equal opportunity employer.

A dog was ambling down the street and saw the sign. He looked at it for a moment, pulled it down with his mouth, and walked into the manager's office, making it clear he wished to apply for the job.

The office manager laughed and said, "I can't hire a dog for this job."

The dog pointed to the line: "An equal opportunity employer."

So the manager said, "OK, take this letter and type it." The dog went off to the word processor and returned a minute later with the finished letter, perfectly formatted.

The manager said, "Alright, here's a problem. Write a computer program for it and run it."

Fifteen minutes later, the dog came back with the correct answer.

The manager still wasn't convinced. "I still can't hire you for this position. You've got to be bilingual."

The dog looked up at the manager and said, "Meow."

See?? I TOLD You I Don't Have an Accent!

I haven't posted any quizzes in a long long time. I think its time.

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The West Your accent is the lowest common denominator of American speech. Unless you're a SoCal surfer, no one thinks you have an accent. And really, you may not even be from the West at all, you could easily be from Florida or one of those big Southern cities like Dallas or Atlanta.
The Midland
Boston
The South
North Central
Philadelphia
The Northeast
The Inland North
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

How much of a smart @ss are you? Your Result: Congrats!! You are the biggest smart @ss around!!! Your @ss is so smart, it speaks on its own!!! You have reached full level of smart @ssness!!!I hope you feel proud! I know your family doesn't...
What?
nice.
Wow!
a start.
How much of a smart @ss are you? Quizzes for MySpace

My New Toy

I finally was in enough desperate need of retail therapy, that I went and bought a laptop. Not the one I posted about earlier though, I got a better version.


This is the one I got.

I have to say I am very impressed with it, plus, until I get my wireless router set up, I can "borrow" my neighbor's wireless connection. He seems to be a very generous guy. The only thing I am having a problem with is that it is set up for dual monitor, and I can't figure out how to change it. I may have to actually open the manual (ohmygawd).

This is very cool, I am blogging from my bed. Absolutely sublime.

Trivia Time!

"She's my Rushmore, Max."

For 5,233 points, tell me where the above quote is from. For an extra 189 points, tell me who said it.

~~Update~~

Crankster is the lucky winner of 5,233 points, as well as the 189 bonus points. These points are redeemable for a free meal at Waffle House*.

The answer, of course, is Rushmore (now don't you guys feel silly, the answer was in the question), and the person saying it was Bill Murray's character. Rushmore is one of my favorite movies, very quirky... I seem to like very quirky, which is probably why I like all of you guys. (HAHAHAAA)

Anyway, Congratulations to the Crankster!

*No Waffle House Restaurants are actually participating in this contest, said free meal is redeemable only at the Waffle House on Abercorn Street in Savannah, and only if I am informed in advance so I can meet you there to pay for it. ;-)

Friday Funnies

In my quest to start the weekend right, I have included the Trunk Monkey videos, more for my own entertainment than anything else. These things are just plain funny. I need a Trunk Monkey.








(I think Crankster should seriously think about this one.)





Breathe with the monkey...... HAHAHAHA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA

Happy Birthday To Youuuu...

Happy Birthday to the BikerBabe! I bet you thought I forgot....

;-)

Cousins

My mom emailed me pictures of my cousins, whom I haven't seen in many, many (many) years. I opened the email, and sat here staring at the pictures for a few minutes.

Those people are fucking old. My cousins got old. How did it happen that my cousins could get old like that but I stayed exactly the same?

Shaddup Odat.

Way Cool!

I stumbled across this site that has some extremely cool art work, each done from a single sheet of paper. How can anyone do that kind of thing??

I'm so jealous.




How long does it take someone to do something like this? It is hard to have a favorite among them, but I think if I had to choose it would be this one:



Or the castle. Or the tracks in the snow one (that is is interesting, human tracks merge with bear tracks, human body parts left behind and the bear goes on alone).

Go have a look.

Useless Celebrity of the Week

I had the most wonderful post for this one. It was the War & Peace of blog posts. It would have had you laughing and crying at the same time. It would have had you hugging your children and loving your wives and husbands all over again. It would have made you call your parents just to tell them that you love them. It would have had you singing my praises for the talent that I bring to the world.

But Blogger ate it. So my Useless Celebrity of the Week is Blogger.

I really need to learn to copy the text of my posts before I hit the publish button. I have had this happen more than once.

It doesn't help that my head hurts bad enough that I would rather enjoy slipping into a coma right now.

Ch Ch Ch Ch Ha Ha Ha Ha

I love horror movies. LOVE EM. But I have a bit of advice for you. Never, and I mean NEVER, fall asleep with Friday the 13th playing.

Bad bad move. Especially if you live alone.

Oh Noooooooooooooooo

I got up this morning and my bathroom was flooded water is backing up into the bathtub, the toilet won't flush and there is water all over the floor.

What does it say about me that I stop in the middle of all of that and have to come here and blog about it??

I only have one word for this. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Help me.

My Space

I don't get it. I do not see the attraction to having a My Space page. I realize that I risk pissing off a lot of people here, but I have glanced at the site, I have looked at a few of the profiles, but according to what I have seen, 99% of the people who use My Space are 22 or under. If you are over 25 and not in a band, you look silly having a My Space page.

But that is just my personal opinion, and what do I know.

Groovy

I have added a nifty chat thingy ------------------------>> over there. It will tell you if I am online, and if you want you can talk to me there and I will get your message. Doesn't that sound fun???

;-)

I Need Some Advice

I have decided to engage in some retail therapy and buy myself a laptop computer. Not from Ebay either, a real, honest to God, brand new one from the store (Walmart).

This is the one I am thinking about getting.

I know that most of you out there know more about this stuff than I do, so please tell me if you think that is a good computer. I don't need top of the line, just something reliable that will last me for the next 20 years (I tend to keep my computers forever).

If you have any info or advice, I would be most grateful. ;-)

Email of the Day

This one is from Roll......

An Irishman in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?"

The waitress nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.

The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?"

The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, sweet thang. How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Coke!" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?"

The waitress once more nodded, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of Coke, "On my bill."

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me..........I'm drawin' disability!"

HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA

Cure for A.D.D.

I think this might just work..... (not that I advocate child abuse or anything) ;-)

Sometimes

We find things out that hurts beyond all possible belief, yet there is not one fucking thing that we can do about it.

Except sleep.

November 7

Tomorrow will be one year (365 days) (8,760 hours) (525,600 minutes) (but who's counting), since I quit smoking. I have been doing okay, I occasionally think that I would like a cigarette, but mostly its just a passing thought. But tonight.. TONIGHT.. I was reading Sassan's blog and he mentioned second hand smoke. Oh. My. God. I would LOVE some secondhand smoke. Someone blow some smoke in my direction as a 1 year anniversary gift.

I would go buy a cigarette if I could buy them one at a time.

No no no, I didn't mean that. Just forget I even posted this. Argh.

Othello

I went, I froze my ass off, but I was enthralled and could not leave until the play was over. Holy crap that Iago is an evil one. I did take some pictures and will sort through them tonight and see if any came out good enough to post, since I was quite a ways away from the stage.

The only thing I didn't like was the costumes, they were dressed as if it was WWI, instead of Shakespearean garb, which was a bit distracting. Other than that it was very very nice, and the only thing that kept me from turning into an ice cube was my scarf that I bought in Scotland, I had that thing practically wrapped around my head. ;-)

For now, have a look at this video. I had posted a video of this guy before, and go back from time to time to see if he has posted anything else. Well he has. Excellent.

Useless Celebrity Of The Week

Miss Piggy. Oh how the mighty have fallen. I remember the days (long past) when I would let my kids watch Miss Piggy without worry, when she was innocent, and had the cute little crush on the frog. But now...



She has jumped on the Paris Hilton "selling yourself for fame" wagon. I mean really, this once talented actress has taken such a plunge into the seedy underbelly of Hollywood. I suppose she couldn't get Kermit's attention by being sweet and innocent.

Take a note here........just because you have nipple doesn't mean you have to show it. DAMN.

How About A Giggle?

You can't help but laugh when you watch this.

Oz

Since I posted the Homework Cheats for the Wizard of Oz questions, I keep getting many, many hits a day for the same thing. If I give you the answers to your question, someone leave me a comment telling me exactly WHY you guys are looking up that question ("What is the name of the witch that gets squished by a house in the Wizard of Oz"). It has made me very curious.

Okay.. here it is:

Green Witch: Elphaba Thropp
Squished Witch: Nessarose Thropp

If there are any other questions, feel free to ask. ;-)

Amazon Book Review

I read the reviews for a book on Amazon and the reviews made me giggle in an inappropriate way.

The Author's Review was especially amusing:

Reviews From the Author

Please read my book, but don't take it too literally - some of my co-authors were a little too zealous and I'm not sure it all came out right in translation. If you want the short version, here it is: Be nice to each other, would you? It was a hellish job creating the world and all that, and I'd be most pleased if you didn't all mess it up. As you were. Love, God.

The book being reviewed was The Bible. Who knew God was English....?

Have You Ever....... (this one is for the girls)

Bought a skirt just because you liked the belt that came with it, only to never wear the skirt but to wear the belt all the time with your jeans?


Ummm... neither have I.

Late Night Phone Call

I was nearly asleep last night when the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and it is my son's number. I answer it with a sleepy what the fuck do you want now kid (okay I didn't really), and the first thing he says is MOM WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME?!? Ummm.. why do you need to know? He then asks is it Lynn? Yes.. He and his friend start triumphantly yelling.

After I got him to stop sounding so happy I asked what was going on. Apparently they had found a website that lists arrest convictions, and they found my full name with a Protective Order filed against them. Then were even happier when they found my full name with an outstanding warrant for possession of a controlled dangerous substance. I said cool.. when was this? He looked at the date and realized it couldn't have been me since I wasn't living there at that time.

His disappointment was extreme.

I apologized for not being a wanted drug dealer.

He said, "I was so excited!" I apologized again. He sadly said he had to go and hung up.

That's my boy.

Cool Blog

I stumbled across the blog of a guy who is stationed in Antarctica. He shamelessly asks for comments, so if you have the time, surf on over and tell him hello. His blog is called If You Visit My Site, Please Leave a Comment.

He has some pictures of him and his girlfriend setting rocks upright alongside a river. It is very odd looking and I would imagine a little creepy if you happened to walk along there and see all those rocks set up that way. (That was before Antarctica, obviously.)

Anyway, tell him I sent you over. :-)

Oh. My. God.

This weekend is the Shakespeare Festival. I think I've died and gone to Christmas morning.

I know what I'm going to be doing this weekend.

Thursday (This IS Thursday, isn't it?)

Things that are going through my head this morning:

1. What the hell am I going to wear to work?

2. At least I have plenty of clean underwear.

3. Why does the damn dog always lay where I'm going to trip over him in the dark.

4. Am I stuck in the Groundhog Day movie?

5. Who is calling me at this time of the day?

6. Oh yeah.. him. hehe

7. Is it 5:00 yet.

8. I have to remember to take the Monty Python DVDs to my boss ("Friends Share").

9. Holy moley I think this is the lamest post EVER.

10. I'm going back to bed.

*Rant Alert*

I'm going to do something that I'm pretty sure will stop me from ever getting the daily bestest blog award, but here goes.......

The Bestest Blog of All Time page is annoying as hell! I am hitting the "Next Blog" button, just to surf other blogs, and that stupid, self-serving page comes up every other time I hit it. THEN, when I hit the "Next Blog" button from there, it puts up a frame at the top of every blog I go to, which I am going to call their advertising frame but I'm sure the owner of the Bestest Blog will call something else, and I can't get out of the frame unless I close the browser and start all over.

Its fucking annoying! Not to mention that I have read (glanced at) the silly blog and its not a blog at all, it asks for money to lists your blog on its sidebar. Why the hell should I PAY someone to list my blog?? Geez, get a real job already.

Okay. Rant over.

*UPDATE*

I received a response from Mr. Griffin, who happens to run The Bestest Blog of All Time site, and I think that in all fairness I should post his response:

The reason I created this page has to do with mist1's comment "I never click the next blog button anymore. For every blog I like, there are 164,231 that make me want to throw up."

So, what my site has done is created a random blog surfing tool of higher quality blogs than the "Next Blog" button provides.

By the way PARLANCHEQ, the only reason I ask for a donation is because I am doing a favor to the blogger that increases exposure and normally drives 300-500 visitors to your blog in a 24 hour period (plus more over time). And I do stress the fact that it is optional.

You do not HAVE TO pay to have me list your blog, I have an absolutely free link exchange that I encourage everyone to join. The donations are for EXTRA, ADDITIONAL exposure for those who are particularly excited to drive visitors to their website. And by the way, I do have a real job, one of the most noble and lowest paying jobs out there: high school teacher. I run my blog (yes it is a blog) during my spare time (of which I have little) to make some extra cash (which probably works out to less than minimum wage, but I enjoy it).

That is a fair response, and I will give the man credit for his hard work, but the plain fact of the matter is that the "Next Blog" button has been hijacked by his site, and its extremely annoying and unwanted. At the very least a "Close Frame" command should be added so that anyone who does not want to surf his suggested blogs can opt out. Surfing random blogs is my middle of the night, when I have terminal insomnia, activity. I don't want to have someone else dictate to me what they think I should be seeing. It is just that simple.

No Comprendo