Sad Tree

Sad tree, practicing its fanatical dedication to dejection.

I'm pretty sure winter is what is making it sad.  I feel the same.

This is the view from my bedroom door. We have a deck off of our bedroom. Unfortunately, it is almost always in the shade so during the winter it is too chilly to sit out there much. And so far it just has a view of the closed up pool (and for the last couple of days, lots of snow) - not really all that impressive.

This is our pool house. It needs work. It has a missing window pane, wind blew a chunk of siding off the side. But, its one redeeming feature is the sign on the outside that says, "I don't swim in your toilet so don't pee in my pool." Classy.

There ya go, a tour of my snowy back yard. I know you are impressed. If it ever warms up enough to be able to open the pool up (and I'm having my doubts these days that it will ever be that nice outside), I will post comparison pics so you can see for yourselves that I'm not making all this shit up.

:-)

Its The End of Days!

Okay, maybe not. I was sitting here at my desk minding my own business when out of the blue - KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOM *window rattle window rattle startled dogs and panicking cats* - apparently this incoming snow storm decided to signal its start with some loud thunder. At least I hope that was what that was.

Anyway, I just saw this and was enamored with all the pastels. We are, apparently, about to get walloped.

Deep Thoughts

I just received this in an email from a New Yawkah that I worked with at a local retail facility. We both hated it and we bonded over our mutual hatred of the retail business.  He has since moved to Florida (and left me to suffer the cold) and regardless of what this message says, he's been married forever and a day.

I just emailed him back and told him that I would not be getting married now, thanks to him and his profound email, that it has opened my eyes.  I shall continue to live like the strumpet I am - in heathen sin.

Grr

So much for the great day yesterday.

We had a plumber coming to the house to fix a leak (that wasn't the bad part), so J stayed home from work (also not the bad part). Now to understand this next section I have to explain the layout of the house. There are 4 levels to this house, basement level is J and my office/family room space. It has 2 desks, a television, fridge, bathroom, etc.. all the comforts of home. Then there is the living room/kitchen level. Third level is 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, and 4th level is just one bedroom - which is the area that J's son occupies.

So yesterday he decided that instead of watching television in his room, he needed to watch tv on our office/family room. Okay fine, just don't watch anime (which I hate) or horror movies (which J hates). At one point I got up and walked outside (I was getting claustrophobic, lol). I walked out and looked into our two outbuildings, which are quickly filling up with empty boxes, so I walked inside and asked J's son to please go out and gather all the boxes up into one area and flatten them and stack them up. No big deal since most of them were already done, it was just continuing with the same pile of flat boxes - right?

Okay - here is the part that annoyed the everloving shit out of me:

He rolled his eyes at me.

Yes. He did it. He rolled his eyes at me.

I said nothing at first, but when he got up and went out to do the boxes, I said something to J about his son rolling his eyes at me. J saw it too.

I was livid. For some reason when someone rolls their eyes at me I go absolutely apeshit. Not sure why really. Its a sign of contempt to me, I suppose. And when someone who is living off of our hospitality with absolutely no contribution shows that kind of contempt in my general direction - oh my - it was not pretty.

Actually, I was fairly restrained with the kid, but poor J.. he had to listen to it all, and to his credit he did show sufficient sympathy to my plight... but he also knew to keep it low key because I would eventually calm down.

He was right. I calmed down. But our kitchen was spotless. lol

To make a short story even longer - J's son has gotten a dose of punishment. His dad told him he has until Saturday to get all the dog poo out of the backyard with the pooper scooper.

On another note, this vehicle was spotted at the local Best Buy. I was compelled to get a picture.

The Cartoon Car

5:30 a.m.

Its crazy early and I'm up for some reason.. well.. I know the reason.  Jake (the dog) was pacing around the bedroom wanting outside.  Hardwood floors and dog toenails do nothing to advance my sleep agenda.  *Tic Tic Tic - pause - Tic Tic Tic Tic Tic*

The weird thing is I woke up in a great mood.  I'm having my tea (mixed with spiced cider, mmmm), oatmeal (yum) and listening to this:



I love Cat Stevens. :-)

Anyway, so far, nothing has bothered me (except seeing J's son dirty socks laying on my coat, but its my fault isn't it for leaving my coat laying on the sofa, yep.. my fault).

This is going to be a good day.

And So It Goes

This has nothing to do with this blog post.

J's son, precious tyke that he is, is now going through a marriage split. Dunno why really, he's adorable.

Anyway... Now he has this girl that he wants to go visit who lives a good 4 hours away from here. He is demanding that his dad and/or mom take him (he doesn't drive). Understandably his parents are balking at this. After all, if you want to act like an ass, get married when you have no place to live, go through a divorce because you couldn't be arsed to find a place to live, and now you want to commit adultery with another girl who lives across the state from you, of COURSE we'll drive you there, anything you want honey really.. no no, REALLY.

He's a little upset that they aren't cooperating. I'd be upset if they did. His dad told him that getting him laid is not his problem or concern. I cheered.

I've been trying to impress upon this impressionable child that if he is going to expect to be able to do adult things, then he should expect to be accountable and responsible for doing those adult things.  He doesn't get it and seems to think I am only nagging him.  (It took me 3 times of yelling at him to get him to half-assedly clean the bathroom that only he uses).  He says his mom is a bitch because she won't drive him there.  I say good on ya bitch mom for refusing.

But.. but... and there is always a but.... having the house to ourselves for a week sounds like heaven.

Its a conundrum.

I Found This CD Whilst Unpacking

Ain't nuthin better.

Adorable!

My gorgeous descendant decided that Santa needed to bring her a Buzz Lightyear for Christmas this year.... so of course, Grammy Santa complied with her request.

So last night when this precocious child was sitting calmly on her mother's lap, she looked up at her mum, with her big blue eyes, and asked, "Where do baby Buzz's come from?"

Her mom, being my brilliant offspring that she is (obviously takes after me), said, "The toy store."

Classic. hehe

Back In Time

It seems I am now being forced to raise a child.  One who is stubborn, willful, thinks he should be allowed to do what he wants when he wants no matter who it inconveniences and without consequence.  One who thinks that it is okay to eat a stack of 3 sandwiches for lunch.  One who will look me in the eye and lie to me when I ask them did they do what I asked them to do.  "Yes."  No ya fucking well didn't. Glaring at me across the room. A child who doesn't feel he has to contribute in any way. One who believes it is to our privilege and great fortune to be allowed to live in this close proximity of his radiant presence.

Unfortunately, the child is a 21 year old grown man who still needs to grow up.

He lost his 8 year old cuteness long ago, and I'm quickly losing my last reserves of patience.

Confession Time

I confess. I have never quite gotten over the LOLcat fascination. There is something about cat pictures with humorous misspelled sayings that provides me with endless entertainment.  But now, alas, I believe I will be forced to stay off of that website.

It has started nagging me like a girlfriend with deadly PMS.

Look at these things:

Girl!  Don't you ever take a............?

You need some exercise.  Why don't you go try......?

Lifting weights would help you with that little problem you have with......

See what I mean??  It  goes on and on, every single time I decide to have a laugh at the kitties these things pop up and gracefully slide across my screen, daring me to ignore them.  Its sucking the fun out of the site I tell ya.   If it tells me to quit smoking I'm going to cry.

Baring My Soul (But Not My Ass)

I have been feeling rather, shall we say.. crappy, of late. My knee has been screaming, I've no energy, etc. J is one patient guy to live with my whining and still be acting as if he still likes me.

So I decided that right after the holidays were over I would start on a diet, and stick to it. I do pretty okay on those things if the motivation is there. My sore aching knee is good motivation... I figure if it doesn't have to carry so much dead weight around it has to get better. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

So I started on this diet yesterday, meticulously counting my points, faithfully drinking the water, and lo and behold - I woke up this morning with almost no knee pain and feeling almost energetic.

All I can say is W.T.F.

I'll take what I can get with no complaints, but there is no way I could have lost enough weight in 1 day to make that much difference. I think God is messing with my head.

Happy New Year to Me.

See the bottle above? J's son decided to celebrate the incoming New Year with a bottle of Jagermeister, just like the one above. Not being the kid's actual parent, I decided to shy away from adding my input to the decision, seeing as the kid is of legal drinking age, and the fact that his father was sitting across the room from me... and if his father was okay with it who was I to say no. Right? RIGHT?

Oh how I regret not speaking up.

The kid is in school during the week and he left last night to return to school. He had closed his bedroom door, but since we have 3 cats in the house (see post below), I thought I heard a noise in his room so opened the door to make sure there wasn't a cat locked in there (I swear that's all I was doing!). Anyway... I opened the door to this bedroom... in what I still consider J and my brand new house.... I opened the door... and I swear to fuck it looked like a murder scene in there. RED Yagermeister vomit all over the carpet. Beige. Carpet. It was a damn good thing the kid had gone back to school or it would have been an actual murder scene.

I thought he was being awfully quiet the last couple of days.

Now to come up with an appropriate - yet severe - response to the damage he has done.

No. I'm not going to kill him. I slept on that decision and ruled against it. But any response should make him wish I had just gone ahead and put him out of his misery.

Any suggestions?

They Are Still Here.

*whimper*

The Christmas season has now come and gone and life can go back to its normal routine.  IF ONLY.

I can't remember if I told you about the cats we are babysitting, and I can't be bothered to scroll back and look right now so I'll just tell you again.  If it is like a self-repeating record then it will just reinforce my extreme unhappiness at the situation.

We moved into our new house at the end of October.  Exactly one week later, J's daughter called her dad up crying, saying the people who were taking care of her cats were going to take her cats to the pound if someone didn't come get them (and she was staying with someone else so couldn't take them there).  J, good father that he is, totally ignored my extreme displeasure of having these cats in our brand new house, went to pick them up to come and visit with us for a few weeks.  That was two months ago.  On Christmas Day, the cat's REAL mother was here and casually let it slide into the conversation that she won't be getting her own place for at least another month.  That was her way of telling us another month of kitty hell in our new house.

Now don't get me wrong, I like cats, I do, I really do....   in fact we have a cat.  Borden.  He's one of the gang along with our two dogs.  (Its like a zoo around here.)   You are thinking to yourself, "What's the big deal, you already have all those creatures running around, why is keeping two extra cats so hard?"  Well I'll tell  ya.

They ain't my cats!  They should be at their own house, damaging cabinets, beating up on each other, and eating all the food they can locate.

I woke up yesterday morning to this:

Okay, I concede she's cute.  But she needs to go home.

Holiday Chickens!

I have neglected my holiday posting, mostly because I have been unusually Scroogish (is that a word?) this year. So in light of my failings I have decided to make it up to you by posting a few cartoons from my favorite Chicken Artist. If this doesn't earn your forgiveness for my obvious failings, nothing will.

And yes, I am aware that this one is totally not a holiday toon, but it made me laugh so I'm putting it here anyway.

P.S.: I have bitch cat trying to get all up in my grill at the moment.. which is fine (I guess) because I am laid out across the sofa like I was Jabba Da Hut... but the problem is she keeps staring over my shoulder, acting kind of startled. Seeing as how it is 5:30 in the morning and nobody else is up, there shouldn't be anything over there for her to be staring at and I don't wanna turn around to see in case it is a zombie behind me.

The Escape Artist

This is Jake, taken last year before we moved to the new abode. At this house we have a large back yard, completely fenced in, with no (apparent) way of getting out. He, however, has proven me wrong. I let him out to do his business and went back 15 minutes later to let him in and he was gone.. MY DOG WAS GONE!!

I grabbed my shoes, jacket, purse, keys (forgot my phone) and took off, driving around the block to look for him. I knew he hadn't gotten far, but considering his former reputation for bad assedness, I feared for the neighbor's safety. What I had forgotten is this 13 year old dog doesn't give a shit about being bad assed anymore, as long as the house is warm and they feed him.

I located him about 5 houses down from ours. The lady there had hold of his collar and was calling the vet's number that was on his tag. I pulled up and she told them his owner just showed up, thanks anyway, then she brought him to the car where he happily jumped in and settled in like he had been in the adventure of a lifetime. The neighbor (Bonnie, as I now know), was very nice, had given him a chew bone and kept him there until she could locate Jake's owner. Jake was behaving toward her as if he'd known her all his life.

It was kind of cute, actually.

But now he's home, warm and has been fed. His life is good.

Busy Busy Busy

Christmas Day and the days surrounding it were quite busy.  We had J's kids here.. which was interesting and included a physical altercation between siblings.  I was in the kitchen whilst their father physically restrained and removed one sibling from the room (the man is stronger than he looks)...  and was happy to stay there. 

J's grandson, however, was here as well.  I was quite entertained by this 2 year old North Carolina boy and we spent nearly all waking minutes of his four days visiting together, just chillin.  He kept laying his head on me telling me he liked me... at one point he told me he didn't like me, right before he laid his head on my shoulder and cuddled up.  I didn't believe him.  There was one problem I had with the child though.  He flat refused to sit still!  I was trying to take pictures of him and in every single picture of him, one body part (or more) was a blur from his wiggling all over the place.  So to combat this problem I decided to take a video of him and then just run it and pick out a good shot of him to use as a picture.  Bad move.  He had decided he didn't want to be videoed and he told me to stop it.  I told him I was just trying to get a good picture of him... he commenced to cussing me out like a freaking sailor.

Ooops.

And I got it on video.  HAHAHAHAAA

Anyway...  I mentioned to his mother (after she had used a few choice words in a conversation) that her boy has been cussing at us.  She smiled, ruefully, and said that she has told him those fucking words were fucking bad, he knows they are bad, and then continued on as if nothing was said. 

The boy did try to back down when I told him those were bad words.  He tried to tell me he was a bad boy.  I said no, you are a good boy, but that word is bad.  NO I'M A BAD BOY!!

*sigh*

And The Lord Did Grin.

Merry Christmas everybody.  Grin with the Lord for the holiday.  :-)

In Days Gone By...

One evening, whilst I was still chilling with my homies in Savannah, I received a phone call from my son - who at the time was approximately 12 years old.  He was in the car with his dad and was giving his poor father loads of shit because his dad had a date that night.  So he called me.

I, of course, joined in the fun.


What's her name?  Fluffy Butt (I just made that up right here in the spot, I crack myself up).  Anyway, it continued on for a bit..  and the conversation got around to where he met her at.  He told us (my son was relaying all the information back and forth between his dad and myself).  I told my son to tell his dad that it was better than where I met my last boyfriend.  Of course this peaked his dad's interest and he had to ask.. where did you meet your last boyfriend?

In rehab.

I heard the wariness creep into his dad's voice, he wasn't sure if I was serious or not. 

He finally asked (through my son, who was suppressing gales of laughter), was I still with him?  I said no, I broke up with him and went back to my ex girlfriend.

Silence.

My son, on the other hand, was about to bust a gut.    It was great.  hehe

Not As Good As A Zygmie.. but nearly..........

This was forwarded to me by a friend, I had no choice but post it.  



*insert inappropriate giggles here*

Oh Em Gee...

J and I have been playing a video game (that will rename unnamed, lest you call me geeky names).  Okay, the thing is, I have a thing for mini people.. dunno why, its just the way I roll.  Midgets...  love em.  Gnomes - omg - what can be better than magical mini people??  But now I have discovered a new love...  PYGMIES! 

Mini people with killer attitude?  For the love of gawd I can't take the cuteness overload! The only thing that could get better than that would be if there were zombie pygmies. 

I just realized, this is another post that reveals how totally odd I truly am.