Also Entertaining....

All errors are available in a variety of Windows versions.

Just the way it is.

This says it all. Perfect for tormenting your athiest friends.

Hmmmmm

The $3.00 per gallon of gas was totally necessary... we swear!

Scorpion.

I hate scorpions. They scare me.

Right after my husband and I split up, I had moved into an apartment complex that was brand new. One day I was there with my daughter, she was doing what kids do, either watching tv or playing on the computer, and I went into the kitchen to clean. There were dishes in the sink, and I started to take them out so I could fill the sink and wash them. After I moved a couple of things I heard scuttling down in the bottom of the sink. I froze. I then started taking things out one by one, very very slowly. When I got to the bottom, I saw a GIGANTIC, HUGE red scorpion in my sink! It was at least 3 feet long!

Okay that last bit was an exaggeration, but it was about 3 inches long. I had never seen one like that, and of course, being a girl, I started to screech. My daughter came running in, saw what I was yelling about, and she joined me in the yelling. We were jumping around, screaming, trying to push each other up to the sink because neither of us was going to be the one to get it out of there.

Good times. hehe

More Jocularity

If anyone knows who created these pictures let me know. I'd like to give the credit where it belongs (as well as be able to place the blame where it belongs in case the president gets upset when he reads this blog).

"I swear I didn't make these Mr. President, but I think they are flattering."

*slapping hand over mouth and holding in uncontrollable snickering*

I don't know who doctored these pictures, but they are a genius. These are the funniest things I've seen all week.....

Its official.

The Coke in the toilet does not work. All it does is make it look even nastier.

Actually its a bit of a relief because I want to drink some too and I can't if its harsh enough to clean my toilet.

;-)

Can you say........

Dumbass?

Sure, less than a week on the job and lets piss off the U.S. (among other countries). That makes total sense.

There is something wrong with this.

"The girls face possible expulsion from school." (emphasis mine)

Read This.

How can it be that a high school girl can blatantly try to ruin a man's life, can play up and manipulate her daddy to the point of the man stepping in to defend his little girl, can lie to everyone involved in a concerted effort to cause the innocent teacher assistant harm, and only possibly be expelled from school? She and all of her little clique need to be freaking arrested, not just expelled. It is time for shit like this to be dealt with a little stronger than just expelling. A man's life was almost totally ruined because she was a little miffed. Ridiculous.

I first heard of this yesterday on a national radio program, the host saying that although he didn't agree with what the father did, he did understand why he did it. Turns out the precious little angel was lying to everyone, in hopes of getting the man fired out of revenge for something he reported her for.

Girls are scary creatures, they truly are. I can say this with complete confidence because 1) I is one; and 2) I had one.

ARGHHHH

Sometimes I come across a blog that I read, not because I enjoy it, but because its like watching a train wreck in progress.

Remember the one who posted a pic of her boobs because she was "too lazy to email" the picture to someone? Well now she posts a fucking novel about what she calls her "brain injury" daughter. Her daughter is 23 years old, working two full time jobs and has a boyfriend that the idiot mother despises. The daughter has put on weight (as some of us tend to do), and occasionally asks her parents for money (seems normal to me so far) which, according to idiot mom, seems to signify that is proof that her daughter is damaged and is beyond hope. This woman thrives on crisis, and if there isn't one she creates one. She blogs about how horrible of a person she herself is, so the commenters will tell her she's great.. she blogs about her horrible child, her "brain injury" child, whom by the way, she didn't realize had a brain injury from when she was 3 until she was an adult, so the commenters will offer endless sympathy. She's a perpetual victim, and she writes a blog and feeds off the support she gets in her comments. I'd post the address but I mostly don't want her to check this site out in her referral list and see what I wrote about her. (I'm bad I know.)

So, accordingly, if you want the address email me and I'll send it to ya. hehe

I can't stand drama queens.

How's this for getting serious?

I got this in my email today. I had almost completely given up sodas since last summer, but I will still have one occasionally. This makes me want to stop them altogether.

Okay, this is really an eye opener....Water or Coke? We all know that water is important but I've never seen it written down like this before.

WATER:

1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.

2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.

3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.

4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study.

5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.

8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less to develop bladder cancer.

And now for the properties of COKE:

1. In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of coke in the truck to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.

2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.

3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous China.

4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.

6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke for sumptuous brown gravy.

8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.

9. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.

For Your Info:

1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis.

2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous Material placards reserved for highly corrosive materials.

3. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!

Now, would you like a coke or a glass of water?

I'm not sure how much of this is true and how much of the coke information is urban legend, but my mom does the coke on ham thing, and I'm going to try it in my toilet, just to see. I'll let you know the outcome. ;-)

I do know for a fact that drinking a lot of water eases the craving for cigarettes when you quit smoking.

Interesting Websites

I don't know what sites are "real" or "hoax" sites. I'm pretty sure the bug candy site is real, but the rest I can't account for.

MMMMM Yummy!

This could come in handy...... to any practicing morons.

I'm getting one of these to wear at work.

This is perfect for long hiking trips, emergency kits, etc.

Oh shit. I never thought I'd see this. Now what am I going to do with all my spare time.

If you get tired of the internet and would like to take a bit of a break,this might be a nice peaceful place for you.

Interested in the inner workings, behind the scenes of the White House? Then this is the site to visit.

Are you tired of Aunt Edna taking up space on your coffee table? Put her to work doing something useful. Something more useful than collecting and/or being dust.

I'll start being serious after this post. I swear.

I'm a Porsche 911!

You have a classic style, but you're up-to-date with the latest technology. You're ambitious, competitive, and you love to win. Performance, precision, and prestige - you're one of the elite,and you know it.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

It took me 2 tries to get the car (and accompanying description)that I liked. Oh wait, that's tweaking the results isn't it.

Oh well, the public schools do it so it must be okay.

Wednesday

Every day before I leave home to come to work, I put on a movie in the VCR for the kids (Jake the dog, Amelia the siamese kitty) to watch while I'm away. Mostly I do it because Jake will bark at every noise he hears outside if I don't put something on to drown it out. Anyway, I put the movie in, set it to repeat, and it plays over and over throughout the day. Monday & Tuesday the movie was Babe (remember the one about the pig?). Today's movie is Eurotrip. I usually end up making things up about what they learn from these movies, but mostly all I could come up with from this week's movies is that they would be really annoyed by the pig because I left it playing too long.. Jake and Amelia would want to eat him, and from Eurotrip they would learn to cuss and have inappropriate sex while they are murdering the pig.

I never claimed to think like a normal person.

This morning's music accompaniment whilst on the drive to work: Arlo Guthrie, Alice's Restaurant (laugh out loud fun).

The Lovely Little Animals

I noticed there were some pictures that I didn't post from my trip to the zoo last month. I thought this blog needed some color, so I'm putting a few more out for the world to see.

Meer Cats, or is that Meercats, or Merecats. I should probably do a little research before I post the name, but I think you get the idea.

Snake. Big snake. Big snake that had just had dinner. Big snake that had just had a kitten for dinner. Hey.. where's Oink??

A seahorse. Obviously.

Quotes

In honor of Odat, who seemed to think the Tim Curry question was a bit low class, and Markoos, who seemed to have no idea who Tim Curry is to begin with, I present for your enjoyment, the following quotes. Your job is to tell me who said this stuff.

1. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

2. I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.

3. Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.

4. The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

And last but not least....

5. I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

348,765 points to whomever can answer each one correctly.

Mensa Test

Or so it says. I took this test and got a 22, so according to that site, I am officially a "genius."

Like you guys didn't already know that, eh?

mwa hahahahahahahahaaaaaaa

Brownsugar!

Is the winner of the 128,762 points. Yes, the answer is Tim Curry was in both movies. He was the lead singing transvestite in Rocky Horror Picture Show, and the lead singing pirate in Muppet Treasure Island.

Way to go Brownsugar!

(See Odat, it wasn't THAT hard.)

HA HA HA HA HEEE HEE HE HEEEE

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked"

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. If it's really a pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....

He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?...."

An Easier One.

Rocky Horror Picture Show. This movie has achieved cult status, and surprisingly, is one of my favorites. I mean really, what other movie can you name that has perverted transvestite aliens living on the outskirts of Denton, Texas, having naughty sex with each other and building good looking men who wear gold panties. None. And no, that wasn't the question.

This is the question:

Rocky Horror Picture Show has something in common with Muppet Treasure Island. What is it that the two movies have in common?

(This one is with 128,762 points.)