Holiday Chickens!

I have neglected my holiday posting, mostly because I have been unusually Scroogish (is that a word?) this year. So in light of my failings I have decided to make it up to you by posting a few cartoons from my favorite Chicken Artist. If this doesn't earn your forgiveness for my obvious failings, nothing will.

And yes, I am aware that this one is totally not a holiday toon, but it made me laugh so I'm putting it here anyway.

P.S.: I have bitch cat trying to get all up in my grill at the moment.. which is fine (I guess) because I am laid out across the sofa like I was Jabba Da Hut... but the problem is she keeps staring over my shoulder, acting kind of startled. Seeing as how it is 5:30 in the morning and nobody else is up, there shouldn't be anything over there for her to be staring at and I don't wanna turn around to see in case it is a zombie behind me.

The Escape Artist

This is Jake, taken last year before we moved to the new abode. At this house we have a large back yard, completely fenced in, with no (apparent) way of getting out. He, however, has proven me wrong. I let him out to do his business and went back 15 minutes later to let him in and he was gone.. MY DOG WAS GONE!!

I grabbed my shoes, jacket, purse, keys (forgot my phone) and took off, driving around the block to look for him. I knew he hadn't gotten far, but considering his former reputation for bad assedness, I feared for the neighbor's safety. What I had forgotten is this 13 year old dog doesn't give a shit about being bad assed anymore, as long as the house is warm and they feed him.

I located him about 5 houses down from ours. The lady there had hold of his collar and was calling the vet's number that was on his tag. I pulled up and she told them his owner just showed up, thanks anyway, then she brought him to the car where he happily jumped in and settled in like he had been in the adventure of a lifetime. The neighbor (Bonnie, as I now know), was very nice, had given him a chew bone and kept him there until she could locate Jake's owner. Jake was behaving toward her as if he'd known her all his life.

It was kind of cute, actually.

But now he's home, warm and has been fed. His life is good.

Busy Busy Busy

Christmas Day and the days surrounding it were quite busy.  We had J's kids here.. which was interesting and included a physical altercation between siblings.  I was in the kitchen whilst their father physically restrained and removed one sibling from the room (the man is stronger than he looks)...  and was happy to stay there. 

J's grandson, however, was here as well.  I was quite entertained by this 2 year old North Carolina boy and we spent nearly all waking minutes of his four days visiting together, just chillin.  He kept laying his head on me telling me he liked me... at one point he told me he didn't like me, right before he laid his head on my shoulder and cuddled up.  I didn't believe him.  There was one problem I had with the child though.  He flat refused to sit still!  I was trying to take pictures of him and in every single picture of him, one body part (or more) was a blur from his wiggling all over the place.  So to combat this problem I decided to take a video of him and then just run it and pick out a good shot of him to use as a picture.  Bad move.  He had decided he didn't want to be videoed and he told me to stop it.  I told him I was just trying to get a good picture of him... he commenced to cussing me out like a freaking sailor.

Ooops.

And I got it on video.  HAHAHAHAAA

Anyway...  I mentioned to his mother (after she had used a few choice words in a conversation) that her boy has been cussing at us.  She smiled, ruefully, and said that she has told him those fucking words were fucking bad, he knows they are bad, and then continued on as if nothing was said. 

The boy did try to back down when I told him those were bad words.  He tried to tell me he was a bad boy.  I said no, you are a good boy, but that word is bad.  NO I'M A BAD BOY!!

*sigh*

And The Lord Did Grin.

Merry Christmas everybody.  Grin with the Lord for the holiday.  :-)

In Days Gone By...

One evening, whilst I was still chilling with my homies in Savannah, I received a phone call from my son - who at the time was approximately 12 years old.  He was in the car with his dad and was giving his poor father loads of shit because his dad had a date that night.  So he called me.

I, of course, joined in the fun.


What's her name?  Fluffy Butt (I just made that up right here in the spot, I crack myself up).  Anyway, it continued on for a bit..  and the conversation got around to where he met her at.  He told us (my son was relaying all the information back and forth between his dad and myself).  I told my son to tell his dad that it was better than where I met my last boyfriend.  Of course this peaked his dad's interest and he had to ask.. where did you meet your last boyfriend?

In rehab.

I heard the wariness creep into his dad's voice, he wasn't sure if I was serious or not. 

He finally asked (through my son, who was suppressing gales of laughter), was I still with him?  I said no, I broke up with him and went back to my ex girlfriend.

Silence.

My son, on the other hand, was about to bust a gut.    It was great.  hehe

Not As Good As A Zygmie.. but nearly..........

This was forwarded to me by a friend, I had no choice but post it.  



*insert inappropriate giggles here*

Oh Em Gee...

J and I have been playing a video game (that will rename unnamed, lest you call me geeky names).  Okay, the thing is, I have a thing for mini people.. dunno why, its just the way I roll.  Midgets...  love em.  Gnomes - omg - what can be better than magical mini people??  But now I have discovered a new love...  PYGMIES! 

Mini people with killer attitude?  For the love of gawd I can't take the cuteness overload! The only thing that could get better than that would be if there were zombie pygmies. 

I just realized, this is another post that reveals how totally odd I truly am.

Speaking of Sweeping....

My grandmunchkin, adorable little tyke... has made a friend.

This is the little beauty:

And yes.  She is every bit ornerier than she even looks here.  She also has a bit of a weird streak.  See this thing here:

My mother has one of these and she has played a game with chasing Little Britches around the house with it when she is sweeping.  Now LB has decided that thing is her best friend and is all the time pulling it out of the closet to have my mom sweep.  She has named it Buddy.  She says, "C'mon Buddy." (Pulling it out of the closet.)  She then drags it over to my mom and makes her sweep the floor with it while LB runs around in front of it.  Told ya she was a bit strange.

At least Mom's floors stay clean.

I Love The Sweep Function

I have a junk email address that I never... well, hardly ever.. even look at. That is vaguely bad because I do have a few important emails (think IRS important) going to that email address and if they emailed me to tell me I was on my way to prison, I have been living in blissful ignorance.

So yesterday I ordered J's Christmas prezzie and logged onto my junk email account to check to see the order status since I used that email address. I logged on to 3,829 unread emails.

You read that right. Three Thousand (comma) Eight Hundred and Twenty Nine. Unread. Emails.

What is so cool though is that a big chunk of them can be swept away. I can checkmark an email address and hit the SWEEP button, and Hotmail (in a moment of divine genius) will automatically delete every one of the emails from that particular sender. Brilliant, I say! One particular email sweep automatically deleted 483 emails from the same sender.

Ahhhh life is good. I am currently down to 2,796 unread emails. It may take me a while to get them all, I can feel the boredom setting in - hence the stupid blog post.

;-)

Ugh

I've heard the song Hallelujah covered by practically everyone who sings. Last night it was sung on a Christmas special... its not a Christmas song as far as I'm concerned, but to each its own. Its depressing if you listen to the words.

But.. I still love it when its sung by the man. Leonard Cohen wrote it and nobody can sing it like he does.

Yay!

We have a winner (who wishes to remain anonymous).. so virtual cookie via email, I guess.

I'm told that the weird thing below is a weaving shuttle from an old loom and NOT a vagina (sorry Jess).

Thanks for playing!

What Is It??

This thing is hanging on the post right outside our back door. It is about 12 inches long and I am hoping someone out there might see it and can tell me what it is.

Anyone? Anyone?

I'll give ya cookie.....

Sprickets Everywhere!

When I lived in Savannah I had to tolerate Palmetto Bugs... gigantic cockroachy things that sneak in your house no matter how diligent you are about cleaning, no matter how much money you had, no matter where you lived. They were just there and you had to live with it (or do like me, get a dog whose greatest pleasure was killing them).

Here in Maryland we have Sprickets a/k/a Camel Crickets. I realize they are just weird looking crickets, but I was told they were part spider and that was enough for me.

They live in your house and there is nothing NOTHING that you can do about it. I was also told they bite, which makes it even creepier.

BUGS ARE TAKING OVER! And cats. Cats are taking over too. I think I shall go hide in my bedroom now.