It Was An Opportunity I Could Not Pass Up

Yesterday when I was at work, I was minding my own business, I was doing my job, I was diligently behaving in a reasonable fashion, when out of the blue.. yes, the blue.... came an email from my ex husband. Usually I cringe when I get emails from him because most often they are emails telling me bad news. He doesn't ever email good news.

So, doing my good ex wife duty, I opened the email and peeked at it through squinted eyes, bracing myself for what was to come.

It was a love note.

Obviously, he had meant to send it to his girlfriend (who, coincidentally, has the same first name as me). I swear to God it was like Christmas, Easter, the 4th of July and a new puppy all rolled into one. I called my office partner over and we both had a few minutes bout of uncontrollable laughter, tears streaming, the works.

Of course you know I had to send a response.

My first response was: "Are you cheating on me or have you FINALLY started to recognize my wonderful qualities??"

No response from him.

So I sent another (he had said in the email how tired he was): "I'm sorry I wore you out last night, I'll go easier on you tonight."

Still no response.

So of course, another response to him was required: "When you call out my name, are you sure you aren't thinking about her??"

Still nothing.

My last response: "Its nice to know that after all these years, I still got it."

That one finally got a response from him. He was forced to confess that he had sent the email to the wrong Deb (NO REALLY??) I, of course, could not let him off the hook that easily, so I fired off one more at him. "You mean that wasn't meant for me?? Oh MAN you build me up and then knock me right back down."

Yesterday was a good day. hehe

Ah Ha Ha

I haven't posted anything from Tshirt Hell in a long time, so without further ado..........

Okay okay - I didn't really. I love clowns.
Really I do. MWA HAHAHAHAHAHA

I love this one. Everytime a woman is in a bad mood we say
"It must be PMS." We all do it. hehe

A test to check for color blindness.

Oh Wow! I didn't realize the ex boyfriend was narcoleptic!


No comment I make here could do this one justice.
(a/k/a the "This One Left Me Speechless" defense)


hehehe
(WHAT? I can be lecherous!)


Hmmmm, that's an excellent point actually...........


This one is my favorite. I may have to order it.


There ya go. Have a good weekend. :-)

You're In Big Trouble Mister!

I know all of us have done this at some time or another.. woken up very angry after dreaming that the significant person in our life had done something reprehensible. I did this morning. If JC had been in the vicinity he would have gotten a punch in the arm.

I know it was just a dream, that what happened in the dream didn't technically happen, but that isn't the point. He left me completely lost in a town I didn't know. I had no money, no idea where he had gone.. my cell phone was in his car (that he had taken off in), and I couldn't remember his cell phone number.

Boy is he ever going to get it. muttermuttermutter

(hehe)

Dog Wisdom

If a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

Monday

Yuck

The Days of Yore

I get a warm glow when I think back to the television programs from when I was a child. So you know what it did when I stumbled across this? Yeah. You guys are going to be seeing a lot of old television programs. Last night I watched Chico & The Man.

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Next up.........

Gilligan's Island.

This is better than having cable. hehe

Shakespeare's Chickens

Gotta love The Chickens. And Hamlet... a sublime combination. ;-)

Sweet

I received an extremely nice surprise yesterday. I was going along my day in the usual fashion, which was, of course, working my little stumpy fingers to the bone. (hehe)

Anyway, right after lunch the receptionist buzzed me and asked me to come downstairs. So down I went. When I got down there, waiting for me was a delivery of flowers. Orchids. Purple. Absolutely gorgeous.

The Handsome JC sent me flowers.

I was speechless.

I'm still speechless. Nobody else has ever sent me flowers.

The N Words

I have been meme tagged by the lovely Ms. Odat. I am supposed to list 5 things I like and 5 things I dislike that start with the letter N. I don't know if I can come up with that many N words, but I will give it a shot.

Dislikes:

1. Necrophilia. (It reminds me painfully of sex with the ex boyfriend.)

2. Nefarious boys. (wink wink nudge nudge)

3. No.

4. Nausea.

5. Nastiness. Why can't we all just get along??


Now for the likes:

1. Nonconformists. I truly enjoy people who don't try to fit in.

2. Nefarious boys. (wink wink nudge nudge) hehe

3. Nissan 350Z. (My dream car.)

4. Night.

5. New friends.

There ya go, my job is done. I suppose I should tag someone to pick it up here...

*scanning the list*....

no, he wouldn't, maybe........

yes yes..........

Heartsinsanfrancisco! Yayyyyy, loud applause, whistles. Your job, Hearts, should you choose to accept it, is to list 5 likes and 5 dislikes that begin with the letter "D."

Whew. These meme things are hard work.

Nuttin Really

This is an old(ish) song, one that was seriously overplayed on the radio, but I love it and never get tired of hearing it.





I'm tired. Where was that life I was trying to find....? I seem to have misplaced it.

Nothing But The Truth

I am a true believer in absolute honesty. You would think that this would be a beneficial trait, but it has, on occasion, worked to my detriment. That doesn't stop me though. The part of my brain that consciously says "don't tell em don't tell em think of something quick," although it works well enough to have that thought process, what I hear coming out of my mouth is the truth, whether I want it coming out of there or not. One of my biggest fears is being caught in a lie, so I just don't lie.

It has, however, gained me some leverage on the job. My boss knows that I will tell him the truth about a situation and won't try to soften it with pretty lies. Basically, he knows if I fuck up, I'm going to tell him I fucked up. Confessing my every sin to him has gained me a bit of respect. He also knows that if I deny fucking something up, that I didn't do it since I tell him when I do. There has been more than one occasion that I stood in front of his desk and told him I was there to "confess my sins." His facial expressions at that time range from amusement/annoyance/worry/relief, since most of the time its not too serious.

This happened yesterday. About the middle of the day I discovered that I had forgotten to do something that I was supposed to do last week. Since he was out of the office I worried and fretted and panicked, and resolved to fix the situation (if I could since the deadline had passed). He was out of the office until the very end of the day, and when he came in I had done the document that needed to be done. I handed him the paperwork with a few blanks in it, told him I had forgotten it I'm sorry but that I would get it out ASAP as soon as he filled in the blanks. He looked at it, said, "Oh, I don't have that information yet either." I had been sitting there and stressing and worrying over something I couldn't have even completed when I was supposed to do it last week.

RELIEF. It washes over us like a soothing balm sometimes, doesn't it.

One of the best thing in life is finding out that sometimes, things aren't always our fault. hehe

Apiphobia

Being a former beekeeper (I betcha didn't know that about me), I am not scared of bees. At all. However, I have witnessed the following phenomenon on many occasions.

It always makes me laugh.

Single Bee Sends Gathering Of Humans Into Helpless Panic

DALLAS—A western honeybee measuring barely one-quarter of an inch in length and weighing approximately .03 ounces triggered panic among a gathering of six fully-grown Homo sapiens during a picnic at Davis Park on Monday, witnesses reported.

"Where is it—where is it?" said 44-year-old general manager Charles Freid, who has been described by his coworkers and business rivals as "ruthless," after the bee happened to fly in his general direction. "Get it off me! Is it on me?"

"Jesus!" added Freid, screaming and flailing his arms as he raced to his car, got inside, and locked the doors.

The college-educated humans, all of whom are not allergic to bee-sting venom and possess both cerebral and muscular capacities several orders of magnitude beyond that of the insect, proceeded to retreat in abject fright from its half-millimeter stinger, which, when used, causes a twinge of discomfort followed by mild irritation and kills the bee.

According to entomologists at the University of Texas at Dallas, the Apis mellifera was most likely trying to pollinate a nearby cluster of dandelions and was not, as alleged by 50-year-old attorney Georgia Sakko, who has twice endured the pain of childbirth and successfully battled breast cancer, "out to get us."

"Don't make it angry—don't make it angry!" Sakko said. "Is it in my hair? I feel something in my hair. Somebody get it out. Get it out!"

Airline pilot Mike Grunwold, 49, who is approximately 1,224 times the size of the bee, said that he was "certain" the bee had landed on Sakko's back. Fiber tests on Sakko's clothing later found no traces of a bee's presence, but did reveal a small piece of lint and matted hair that may have resembled an insect at a distance and in certain lights.

Civil engineer, marathon runner, and Gulf War veteran Scott Fogel, 39, briefly attempted to use force against the bee's non-aggressive actions, waving it away with a paper plate. After accidently upending a container of potato salad, which caused the bee to suddenly swerve, Fogel leaped back several feet and dashed for cover behind a trash can.

"They're attracted to sweat," Fogel said. "It makes them want to kill. Just try to keep as far away from it as you can."

After the bee seemingly disappeared, the humans—members of a species that has crossed an Ice Age land bridge from Asia to North America, domesticated the wolf, built the pyramids, and landed a manned vehicle on the surface of the moon—walked cautiously back to the picnic area.

"I think it's gone," personal trainer Marcus Weller, 32, said. "Thank God."

A few seconds later, the bee emerged from an overturned Coke can, prompting the humans to scream and retreat once more. They opted not to return to the area, abandoning several hundred dollars' worth of food and picnicking equipment. The brutalized parkgoers characterized the day as "totally ruined."

The bee, which was reportedly never more than vaguely aware of the presence of other living organisms besides the blooming plants it sought, eventually returned to its hive without incident.

Happy Father's Day

It is Father's Day. Being 1200 miles away from my dad, we don't see each other as much as I'd like, but I think we're closer now that I have ever been in my adult life. If something happened to either him or me, we would know that we have left with all the good things said.

I was having a conversation with my mom a few days ago, and she said something that somewhat surprised me. She said, "You always were his baby girl." When she said that things from my childhood came flooding back to mind... walking in downtown Oklahoma City when I maybe 2 or 3. I remember it clearly, I was so intimidated by the huge size of the buildings, but he held my hand, and even carried me when I asked him to.

I remember him taking me to see the movie Yellow Submarine when I was very small. I understood none of it, but it was pretty. I recently watched that for the first time since then, and even though I still don't really understand it, I loved every second of it. I almost felt my dad sitting next to me. I remember him taking me fishing and teaching me to sit quietly to wait for the bobber to be pulled under, and him taking the 2 inch perch off my hook for me. I remember him walking with me to McKinley Park and letting me play on the sloping hill that held me fascinated. My mom tells me that when I was very small, I fell and cut my forehead and had to be stitched. My dad wasn't at the hospital with us but she tells me that I was screaming for my daddy the entire time (she says now that that hurt her feelings, lol).

I remember riding in the backseat of the car and hearing the radio station playing the song Downtown and saying something to my dad and calling him by his name, Troy (something I did until I was about 3 years old, apparently), and him laughing and shaking his head in amusement at my mom, and asking me if I can say Daddy.

I remember him taking me and my shiny new bicycle to Woodson Park and teaching me to ride it.

I remember watching him fishing around in his pocket for the 50 cents I needed to go see a movie.

I remember the fact that he never told me he loved me until recently, but that I always knew that he did anyway, I didn't need the words to know it without a doubt.

Those earliest memories have always cushioned any harshness that may have came from him in later years when I became an obnoxious kid. I never doubted that I was his little girl.

Now we have the adult relationship. We both know that neither of us is infallable, and I do get exasperated and frustrated with his stubbornness, as I'm sure he gets exasperated with me for whatever unknown reasons. But I know that if I asked him to, he'd hold my hand and walk with me through whatever is is intimidating me.

Happy Father's Day. I think I'm going to go make a phone call.

Why Is It.............

That when a person starts to have a life - a somewhat happy life - long term friends end the friendship? If they can be a person's friend when that person is unhappy, why can't they stay friends when that person's life changes for the better?

Why can't they be happy for that person instead. Do they think they don't need them anymore just because their life has improved?

I don't get it. I guess I never will.

I Won!

Okay... let me set up the scenario for you.

Rotary Club Raffle. Some excellent prizes and only 1,000 tickets being sold. $10 per ticket. One of the attorneys in my office had some tickets he was selling, so I contributed to the cause. I paid my $10 with the knowledge it was a charitable donation because I never win anything.

Fast forward 30 days or so.

I get an email with the subject line "Raffle Prize Winner!"

Omigod I won something. I have never ever won anything!

In the split second before I opened the email my mind scrolled through the list of possible prizes... laptop computer, Ipod, digital camera, free dinner, etc. etc.

I opened the email and my prize was: free tax preparation.

The let down was extreme. I live in an apartment, I have no deductions so I do the short form on a tax website. Why do I need a $250 value tax preparation package? I have offered my jackpot prize to JC who got all glassy eyed and mumbled a polite "Thanks, maybe."

The laptop prize sure would have been nice... but maybe I'm being ungrateful.

WoW

I have told you in the past how much of a nerd I am... I am about to offer you more proof.

I have been introduced to the World of Warcraft. JC is an addict and now he has gotten me addicted. Just what I need, another vice. ;-)

(But its so FUN, hehe.)

Nothing Important Really - Just An Observation

I was talking last night to a person who has become very important to me. We were discussing our past relationships and how we made some seriously WRONG turns. The men in my past had different priorities, which isn't really an issue, but it does become comical when I think back on it. My ex husband's priorities were how he was perceived by people outside of his family. The ex boyfriend's priority was the performance. Ex husband had to be sure that outside people respected him, ex boyfriend liked to think that he was the best ever in bed.

I have a message to both of them (not that they'll ever see it, but I like the idea that everyone else will - catty of me? maybe......).

Ex husband - your family were the important ones, their perception of you was what was important, its too bad you never saw that (and still don't).

Ex boyfriend - what I have now in my life makes you look like a timid little christian, so get over yourself.

I feel better now.

Thanks.

;-)

Just One More Thing

I was nosy. Yes. I haven't done this in probably a year, but I snooped. I read the ex boyfriend's blog. The more things change the more they stay the same. He made a comment about me that I thought was relevant.....

What was even more incredible was that I ran into the ex g/f. No not the last one, the attractive one before that.

Not to mention a few blatant comments about the size of my ass.

Is it just me, or is that mean? So, I am posting a picture of myself, so you can judge for yourself. I know I am not gorgeous (never have been, never will be), but I don't think I'm hideous the way he makes it sound. Boy am I glad I didn't offer him a ride that day. Those of you who were bold enough to say it, you were right.. I should have ran him over.

LOL


Yes. Me, taken about 15 minutes ago. I don't think I'm tooooo scary. Unless I'm pissed off, anyway. ;-)

Bleh

I am suffering from writer's block.

Well, let me qualify that statement. First I wouldn't say I was exactly suffering. I'm going along my day as if I haven't a care in the world, so no, it isn't really suffering. Second, I am not a writer, so its not really writer's block. It is a "I can't seem to find anything absurd enough to giggle about" block.

So as a last resort I scanned my 2 years worth of emails that I never seem to get around to cleaning out, and came across a video that makes me laugh no matter how many times I have watched it. I'm sure most of you have already seen it, and I have already emailed it to my sushi eating pal at work.



And just for good measure, just because I thought it was a scream, the internet version of Titanic.........



That is all.

Last Night

I had company last night, two girls that I work with. One of them was the lesbian that I share an office with. We had a good time, we had dinnner, drank beer, played the Wii and listened to Steely Dan.

I told JC I had a date with a lesbian last night (snicker). He asked should he be worried and then demanded I get video. (Typical guy.)

Anyway... here's the interesting part....

While we were kicked back and I was watching the two of them duke it out in the boxing game on the Wii, the other girl gets a phone call from her husband. He had been out playing hockey and had gotten hit in the balls really really hard by the hockey puck. Rapid swelling and the urge to throw his guts up immediately followed. He was needing to be seen to in the ER, I do believe. Since they had both rode out here together, that meant they both had to leave.

As horrible as that injury sounded, the three of us girls were cringing, yet giggling about it. How much more undignified of an injury can a guy get? She said he has a new nickname... she couldn't settle on which one though. It was a toss up between Nutboy and Plum Nuts.

I guess I'll have to wait until Monday to find out which one she chose.

Stars Without Makeup

I confess, this made me laugh. What's up with Cameron Diaz, why is she still being called one of Hollywood's most beautiful??



(Okay, the Cameron comment was a little mean.)

*snicker*

OMG (hehe)

An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"

"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky bastard, was she pretty?"

"Dunno . . . Never found the head!"

Arrogantly Shabby

I saw a bumper sticker today with that on it, "Arrogantly Shabby." What does that mean.. that they are shabby and proud of it? That they don't give a flying f**k if they are shabby? That they are shabby and don't mind rubbing your face in it?

Any of those don't seem much to be proud of.

Can someone explain this to me please?

Mississippi Moon

Sorry, your browser doesn't support the embedding of multimedia.

A couple of weeks ago was my boss's birthday. I took him to lunch at the place of his choosing, which turned out to be a Scottish pub in the heart of downtown Savannah (along with a boatload of other people from the office). Since parking was scarce, several of us rode in one car. There were 5 legal assistants riding in this car. The radio was playing, and the above song came on the radio.

You would have thought we were a bunch of teenaged girls. Everyone singing Doobie Brothers at the top of our lungs, giggling at the tourists and having a generally wonderful time.

I think we should do that more often.

(And the pub was delicious as well, fish & chips, mmmmmmmmm....)

The Bathroom Chronicles, Continued

Things at the office have settled down to a steady pace. Yes, I still go into the bathroom and turn the light off when I leave. Yes, the Potty Monitor still goes in there and turns it back on. It is nice to know that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

However.......

Two weeks ago the light in the bathroom burned out. I wasn't downstairs to witness the chaos this created. The ceilings in the office are very high, so it took some cajoling of the runner to climb the ladder and change the bulb. Since he was aware of the light drama, he took it upon himself to install not just a regular 60 watt bulb. No. He put in a freaking flood light, thinking he was being amusing. I swear now when a person goes in there to pee they come out with a tan.

Potty Monitor was absolutely delighted.

Now when I go in there I have to turn the light off so I am not blinded.

I have now started calling it the interrogation room (you know, overhead spotlight and stuff). My new goal is to start everyone in the building calling it that.

hehe

Wedding Proposals

I have been proposed to.

No, not by the one you would expect.

I was at work yesterday and a call came in from a client of my boss. The boss was out of the office so I took the call. The client is a cantankerous old sort of guy, gruff but nice enough. I like him, and he obviously likes me because he sent me $100 for Christmas.

Anyway, we were chatting on the phone with me doing my usual reassuring that his case is still ongoing, slow but steady, etc. etc., he made a comment that I laughed about. ("The longer the wait the bigger the kill.") He asked if I knew what it meant. Yup, I grew up in the hills of Oklahoma, I am familiar with hunting references. We discussed Bigfoot (he seems to be undecided on whether Bigfoot truly exists).

He then asked me if I was married yet. I laughed and said no, that no proposals have been forthcoming. He said, quite seriously, "I'll marry you." Ummmm..........

He told me I could move to where he was, that we had nothing better to do. I told him I would keep the offer in mind. (What else am I supposed to say??)

Later when I was telling my boss about the phone call, he was laughing hysterically and said he had suspected something like this for a while.

Geesh.