But I'm not bitter.

I just read this article, found here.

Inside Trading: Congress for sale

SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER EDITORIAL BOARD

Here's a little history to consider.

Congress enacted the Securities Act of 1933, which required registration of publicly traded companies -- making more information open and available to the public. A year later, Congress added more protections for investors. One of those provisions made it illegal to trade stock by corporate insiders who were privy to special information that could help or hurt a stock.

After this generation's corporate scandals, Congress passed Sarbanes-Oxley in 2002 to improve corporate governance and audit independence. But one of the measures added reporting requirements and tougher standards for insider trading.

Unfortunately, Congress forgot itself. It remains perfectly legal for a member of Congress to buy and sell stocks based on information that's not available to the public. Last year it was reported that a "political intelligence" firm tipped off its clients to an undelivered speech by Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist on asbestos liability. The information was profitable to those in the know.

"This is simply wrong that members of Congress can exchange information ... and get rich on it," says Rep. Brian Baird, D-Wash., who is co-sponsor of a bill to prohibit insider trading by members of Congress and their staffs.

Baird will report to a congressional committee today on the proposal -- and is optimistic. "When people hear about it, on both sides of the aisle, they think this is something that ought to be fixed."

We think Baird's right. Even if a congressional insider trading ban comes seven decades too late.

I have mostly stopped reading political news because I get so frustrated by all of it. This is a perfect example of how politics in this country now works. It is no wonder that nobody has any faith in anything with such a corrupt government doing its best to line it's own nest at the expense of the taxpayers.

There is one thing I would like to know though. I have often heard that when Senators and Congressmen retire, they retire with 100% pay, not a portion of the pay they receieved, like the rest of the country. I'd really like to know if that is true. Does anyone know for sure and can you show me where the proof of that would be located? I would prefer to think that this is just another "urban legend," but I have a bad feeling that its true.

Friday Blues

Here it is, Friday. I should be happy, but its going to be a bad day - I can feel it in my bones.

I wish I had something planned for the weekend besides putting together a damn bookshelf. Things like that are only fun when there is someone to admire it besides me.

Intellectual Property

Do you think people or companies should be able to trademark words or phrases? Personally I think that is crossing the line of freedom of speech (with the exception of blatant plagiarism, of course). I found an article listing some of the more absurd cases of so called "intellectual property" trespasses:

A DAY AFTER Senator Orrin Hatch said "destroying their machines" might be the only way to stop illegal downloaders, unlicensed software was discovered on his website.

(I wonder if he destroyed his machine as punishment...)

MICROSOFT UK held a contest for the best film on "intellectual property theft"; finalists had to sign away "all intellectual property rights" on "terms acceptable to Microsoft."

Why does not not surprise me in the least?

NEARLY 20% of the 23,688 known human genes are patented in the United States. Private companies hold 63% of those patents.

They'll soon be suing us if we are born with one of their patented genes.

FOR INCLUDING a 60-second piece of silence on their album, the Planets were threatened with a lawsuit by the estate of composer John Cage, which said theyd ripped off his silent work, 4'33". The Planets countered that the estate failed to specify which 60 of the 273 seconds in Cage's piece had been pilfered.

I love the comeback on this one.. I don't know if they won or not. I need to look into this one.

RENTAMARK.COM makes money by claiming ownership of 10,000 phrases, including "chutzpah," "casual Fridays," ".com," "fraud investigation," and "big breasts."

I think they show a lot of chutzpah.. my big breasts are heaving at the injustice. There should be a fraud investigation beginning on casual Friday. .com (I had to fit that in there.)

MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.'s estate charges academic authors $50 for each sentence of the "I Have a Dream" speech that they reprint.

$50 per sentence eh... do you have to pay for each time you use the same sentence or is it $50 for each one sentence that you are free to use over and over and over again? Even civil rights heroes end up money grubbing, I suppose.

The full article can be found here.

Test Day because I'm bored.

I took this test and got this result:

70% (Dixie). Just under the Mason-Dixon Line

That is a bit more southern than I am comfortable with. I am going to have to work on that.



Next.......

I took this test:

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic

Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few. But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky. Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

I think I'd better go find something constructive to do.......

Today's Eclipse

Unless you live in a box (as so many of us do), you were probably aware of the total eclipse that occurred this morning. Although it wasn't visible here where I am, it was available as a live stream on the internet (if you wanted to get up at 5:00 a.m. to watch it). Well, it turns out I was awake, so I watched the eclipse, just so I could report to the rest of you who were still snoozing at that time of the day (you slacker you).

I found the NASA channel and found that it was being broadcast as something equivalent to a reality show, with two hosts, a man and a woman (no idea their names, sorry). I found her completely annoying, but being the event it was, I tolerated her so that I could see the eclipse. As totality approached, she became more and more, ummm.. should I say........ emotional, about the eclipse. By the time the final ring was showing, she was sounding positively orgasmic. Now, I am as impressed as the next person about celestial events such as these, but it does take a bit more than witnessing it for me to become orgasmic. To be fair, the male host was pretty okay, but he was easy to overlook with the annoying woman around.

Final Verdict:

Extremely impressive event, annoying female host, I give it a B+.

Actual screenshot from actual event from my actual screen during the actual live broadcast:

*UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE*

It has come to my attention that Odat (the shameless hussy) has decided to admit to her kangaroo porn fetish (not that there's anything wrong with that). I, being the supportive pal that I am, applaud her decision to come out of the pouch.

Please stop by her blog and congratulate her for bravely facing the difficult (and somewhat twisted) truth.

Fark Headlines

I love fark.com. I'm not sure if I like it so much because of the news links or because of the headlines linked to the news stories. I scrolled through tonight and here were a few that were much funnier than the actual stories:

So Moussaoui was all like, "I did it!" and then some other terrorists were all like, "Nuh-uh," so Z is all like, "Whatever"

Cheerleader outfits banned for making squad look like strippers. This thread needs more pics

A judge will allow New Jersey’s worst serial killer to donate a kidney. Apparently, he still had some in his freezer

Great Dragon scheduled to eat the sun tomorrow. Scientists say devout prayers and sacrifices of slightly used virgins to the FSM our only hope of survival

PETA continues its quest to win friends and influence people with its new ad campaign: "Avian Flu: It's Your Fault"

Man arrested after bragging to strippers about having caused hit-and-run accident. Cause strippers are known for their discretion

Construction crew unearths World War II-era hand grenade -- then, realizing what state they're in, decide to play a little catch with it

Rejected greeting cards from Hallmark include "Welcome back from your coma" and "Christmas just wouldn't be the same without peanut brittle, or Jesus"

Yes I admit it, I got sidetracked by a story or two. I was right, they weren't as funny as the taglines. ;-)

Email of the Day

WINTER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, Feb. 16,2006 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks! , Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3 Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoid ing The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor --- Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5 After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6 Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7 Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum . Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8 Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9 Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10 Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11 Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing . Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13 How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14 The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

HA HA HA HA HA HEHEHEHEEEEE

Very cool.

Just damn.

Interesting Stuff from Other Blogs

I have spent the last 2 days hitting the "next blog" button that is up in the corner, just to see what else was out there. 75% of the other blogs are in other languages that I could not understand, so I (of course) didn't post any interesting stuff from there. Of the 25% left, 15% were political commentaries, 5% were family and/or baby blogs, which left 5% that might possibly have something cool to look at. (These figures are in no way scientific statistics.)

Now please note that I didn't say the blogs were interesting, only certain tidbits of them were, titles, profile info, etc. If I did think the blog was worth looking at I posted the link.

Funny Titles:

My Karma ran over your Dogma

Liberally Lean from the Land of Dairy Queen

SomeOldHippieCaughtAnotherHippieTrippingOnAcid

I've Made a Huge Tiny Mistake

Wedding Heckler: Cheap Shots From the Back Pew

THE AFRISTOCRAT

A profile worth killing your kid over:

KRYSTAL Aki Mizoguchi. Fatal female. 10th June 1992. Terrible 13, going to Fucking 14. Gemini. Singaporean Chinese. Half Japanese. Happily fucking single. SUPER DUPER FRIENDLY. Crappy. Horny. VULGAR. Sexy. Chio. Cool. Cute.

There were a few funny commercials on this one. The condom one was a riot.

Typical post:

my weekend

I'm going to eat a dinner and drink with my friend. So I look forward to eating. Sunday I went to Metrotown. I had a nice day on Sunday because I went shopping. I bought a cap and a bath towel.

Okay, this one isn't funny, it is a blog with dessert recipes (some of them look kind of yummy), but there was a google ad for "Lose 20 pounds in 3 weeks" across the top. THAT was funny.

I haven't had a chance to read this one yet, but she has some excellent blog templates on there that I thought I would pass on to anyone who is interested. I may even try one of them out (if I can figure out how to do it without losing everything).

Anyway, that's all for now, I will continue the search for interesting things.

Ta Daaa

Finally. I have finally got my dresser put together. It has been the bane of my existence for the last 3 weeks, sitting there in its box, mocking me. I showed that dresser who was boss.

Mwa ha hahahahahaha haaaaa

It occurs to me.....

What a long strange trip its been.

I found a CD that I had lost ages ago (like 4 or 5 years), but one that I absolutely loved. It was stashed in a very odd place and I have no clue how it got there, but there it was, so I've been playing the hell out of it. It was given to me by someone that I would have done anything for, so it brings back a lot of memories, some nice, some not so nice.

I moved to Savannah for a particular reason. That particular reason has recently strolled right out of my life, without a backwards glance. Of late (like the last couple of years) I was left feeling a little bit like yesterday's leftovers, only useful if there is nothing better around to nibble on. The trouble with that scenario is that I haven't got the patience of a saint after all (much to my own surprise), and now that my particular reason for being in Savannah has found that out, he has decided that he has no more use for me (maybe I went all moldy or something). So now, basically, I have no particular reason to be in Savannah and I'm at a loss as to what to do next.

There are no winners in this story... but .........

Someday, life will be sweet like a rhapsody.

Ex Husbands

I got a call from my ex husband last night, filling me in on all the news from good ole Oklahoma. My son is playing the trumpet in a Fine Arts contest this weekend in Tulsa. He stands an excellent chance, as he is, of course, the most talented soon to be 15 year old on the face of the planet... but that is beside the point. My ex husband wanted to leave this morning, taking my son out of school for the day, so they could knock around in Tulsa for the day before the contest starts tomorrow... the problem is, my son didn't want to skip school to do that, so my ex husband, genius that he is, calls me to fuss about his son not wanting to go to Tulsa on Friday morning. I listened for a minute then said, "I hope you appreciate the irony of this." He was clueless. I then pointed out to him that his son WANTS to be in school and his father is encouraging him to play hooky, to which my son refuses.

Ex husband sat there quietly for a minute, then said, "I gotta go."

hehe

Interesting

Political correctness at its worst.

Uh oh.. I just realized that I said in my last post that I didn't like the black jelly beans.. OMG. I also seem to have pointed out the red ones as my favorites, and the white ones as my second favorites... HOLY SHIT, I'm a racist and never knew!

If I inadvertently offended anyone with those statements, just let me know and I will attempt to fall all over myself with insincere apologies.

(But while I'm on the topic, the light brown, cappucino jelly beans are sublime. mmmmmm baby...)

MMMMMM Jelly Beansssss

As you may (or may not) remember, I quit smoking last fall (November 7, to be precise). I am still not smoking, but occasionally I really think I'd like to backslide. When moments like that come upon me, I reach for....... JELLY BEANS. Specifically, Jelly Belly Jelly Beans. Specifically, the red ones, but if I'm out of red then I'll go for for the white ones. Never the black ones (coff coff hack hack spit).

So, my overactive mind went to work, wondering who first came up with the idea to make jelly beans. This is what I came up with (found here).

The exact origins of the jelly bean are lost in time, and only a part of its history is known. Most experts believe the jell center is a descendent of a Mid-Eastern confection known as Turkish Delight that dates back to Biblical times.

The shell coating is an offspring of a process called panning, first invented in 17th century France to make Jordan Almonds. The panning process, while done primarily by machine today, has remained essentially the same for the last 300 years. The French began by rocking almonds in a bowl filled with sugar and syrup until the almonds were coated with a candy shell. Today, large rotating pans do the heavy work, while master confectioners apply their true art in adding the ingredients to create just the right shell.

Somehow the two processes made their way to America. The earliest known appearance of a jelly bean combining the two techniques is in an 1861 advertisement for William Schrafft of Boston that promoted the sending of jelly beans to soldiers in the Union Army during the Civil War.

Jelly beans quickly earned a place among the many glass jars of "penny candy" in general stores where they were sold by weight and taken home in paper bags. It wasn't until the 1930's, however, that jelly beans became a part of Easter traditions. Over 13.5 billion jellybeans were enjoyed at Eastertime in 1996. If they were lined up end-to-end, they would circle the earth nearly 3 times.

Now, from what I understand, Jelly Belly Jelly Beans came about as just a way to show off.

So now you have the answer to that burning question and we can all sleep a little better at night. And I'm all out of reds AND whites. Damn.

Today's Horoscope

Ready to help unveil the surprise you've known was coming? Even though no one has officially told you about it yet? Bet you are -- and bet you'll be quite smug and happy about it, too. Just don't do any of the talking. Let the actual purveyor of the message deliver the happy news. It's their news, so it's only fair. Besides, why would you take away the congratulatory hugs? Share! -

Don't worry, I'll act surprised... shhhhhhhhhh

Today's rant brought to you by........

I swear the assorted governments of this country is getting more and more stupid by the day. What the hell (started to say the OMG F word).. what were they thinking when they came up with this?

The game gadgets, made by technology firm DreamGear, have been introduced to Oregon's correctional system as part of a larger incentive system that starts to help prepare prisoners for life outside jail.

Someone PLEASE explain to me how sitting in a cell, playing videogames, is going to prepare a hardened criminal for life outside of jail? I think I should use that logic when justifying my son spending such a huge amount of time playing his videogames... its just preparing him for life.

What a crock of shit. Personally I think the powers that be think it a convenient way to keep the prisoners occupied so that they have to deal with them less. Slipping some extra strength Benadryl into their prison wine would do basically the same thing.

What. They'd stay out of trouble wouldn't they? ;-)

What Should I Do?

Well.. here I am, after midnight. I have slept for a few hours and am now wide awake, raring to go, and watching the inspiring program, Mythbusters. I am dangerous this time of night, my mind works overtime.

I have found myself (unfortunately) alone in my life at the moment, and I'm not really liking it much. It leaves me too much time to think. So of course, I've been thinking...

What new life changing event should I attempt first?
	Get a tattoo.
	Pierce something.
	One night stand.
	Fly to NYC for the weekend.
	All of the above.
	None of the above.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Just for shits and grins, what do you guys think I should attempt with my new, solitary life?

Lamb Chops

I posted a picture of raw veal the other day, here is a picture of raw lambchops, with extra chops.



Its awfully cute, even if it does appear to be the offspring of a spider. Story found here.

Hello

I'm Raymond. This is my brother Raymund and this is my other brother Raymend.

Gawd I love living in the South.

Today

This is what I did today:

I slept. All day.

No kidding.. I had periods of slight wakefulness, but for the rest of the time I was unconscious, and I plan to be that way again shortly. I seem to have hit a wall in my life, or maybe I'm in the midst of an epiphany, I'm not sure. I know that when the dust settles, my life will be quite different than it was just a week ago.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Living in Savannah, St. Patrick's Day is a HUGE affair, dignified dinners, elegant parties, everyone on their best behavior so as to impress the incoming tourists. The tourists, however, are a wild bunch. They scare me.

I have today off from work. The powers that be have decreed that it is too dangerous for their employees to be on the streets with all these tourists running about, so they told us to stay home, and as much as I love my job, who am I to argue.

So here I am, on my fourth cup of coffee (Columbian), I've been ditched by my one and only close friend here in Savannah (not the woman he thought I was, apparently), and I am at total loose ends.

I need a book to read or something before I go stir crazy with boredom.

For Odat

Love ya Chicklet. hehe

Oh SHIT

If you are like me, you receive lots and lots (and lots and lots) of credit card applications in the mail. Also, if you are like me, you rip them in half before throwing them away. I always thought that was sufficient, until I read this.

Now what.. are we to be required to BURN our junk mail now for safety? If the companies aren't being careful about it, someone has to be.

I propose we just pop the blank applications back into their little pre-paid envelopes and mail them back to the companies. Let it be their problem. I think I'll start doing that.

Interrupted Threesome

PORT RICHEY - It was 8:20 a.m. Tuesday when a Port Richey police dispatcher got the call.

A resident on Sunset Boulevard reported seeing an injured dolphin near Harbor Pointe at channel marker 17, at the mouth of the Pithlachascotee River.

The animal was bleeding. Preparing for the worst, officials sprang into action.

The dispatcher called Florida Marine Patrol at 8:24.

A veterinarian from the Clearwater Marine Aquarium was called at 8:30

At 8:45, the Port Richey Police Department's marine unit arrived in wet suits and went down the river using two boats borrowed from a civilian.

At 9:15, the Port Richey Fire Department was called.

Police Sgt. David Brown said the scene "gave the appearance the other dolphins were trying to help by nosing, or pushing, the injured dolphin to the surface.

Closer inspection by veterinarian Janine Cianciolo told a different story: A female dolphin was surrounded by two male dolphins. She was bleeding because the trio had been horsing around.

The injury was minor, leading the Fire Department to cancel the call at 10:47.

"What looked like dolphin distress turned out to be a mating procedure," Brown said. "It wasn't a dolphin in distress call. It was a Mother Nature call. I'm sure the dolphins were saying, "Go away, leave us alone.' "

Council member Phyllis Grae, who lives nearby, said the dolphin behavior was something she has seen before.

"They love to mate on those waters," she said. "We see that a lot. I guess it's calm and serene."

Now tell me, and be honest... Am I the only one that has the urge to snicker like an adolescent over this story?

;-)

Email of the Day

Everyone has probably gotten this email at least once over the last few years, but I can't help it, everytime I get it in my email it makes me laugh.

15 Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner is
taking their sweet time:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And last but not least!)

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and, then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

?!?!?!?!?

What the....?

Many Newfoundlanders aren't laughing over news an Edmonton police officer cited someone's status as a "newphie'' as a reason for apprehension under the Mental Health Act.

I'm torn between being offended and being amused. (Being half Newfie, get it?? *snort*)

Kid Stuff

I am a sucker when it comes to children's books. I tend to love em, even though my kids are too old for them anymore. They still catch my eye when I'm in the bookstore.

I found a list of The Best Selling Children's Books of All Time. I only listed the top 100 here, and have put the ones I've read in bold. Seems I still have a lot of reading to do. ;-)

1. Charlotte's Web, E. B. White; illustrated by Garth Williams (1974)

2. The Outsiders, S. E. Hinton (1968)

3. Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing, Judy Blume (1976)

4. Love You Forever, Robert Munsch; illustrated by Sheila McGraw (1986)

5. Where the Red Fern Grows, Wilson Rawls (1973)

6. Island of the Blue Dolphins, Scott O'Dell (1971)

7. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, J. K. Rowling (1999)

8. Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret, Judy Blume (1972)

9. Shane, Jack Schaeffer (1972)

10. The Indian in the Cupboard, Lynne Reid Banks (1982)

11. A Wrinkle in Time, Madeleine L'Engle (1974)

12. Little House on the Prairie, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

13. Little House in the Big Woods, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

14. The Incredible Journey, Sheila Burnford (1984)

15. The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1968)

16. Johnny Tremain, Esther Forbes (1969)

17. Just Me and My Dad, Mercer Mayer (1977)

18. Go Ask Alice, Anonymous (1976)

19. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. J. K. Rowling (2000)

20. Otherwise Known as Sheila the Great, Judy Blume (1976)

21. Blubber, Judy Blume (1976)

22. The Witch of Blackbird Pond, Elizabeth George Speare (1972)

23. Superfudge, Judy Blume (1981)

24. Bridge to Terabithia, Katherine Paterson (1987)

25. Freckle Juice, Judy Blume (1978)

26. On the Banks of Plum Creek, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

27. That Was Then, This Is Now, S. E. Hinton (1972)

28. Sideways Stories from Wayside School, Louis Sachar (1985)

29. The Catcher in the Rye, J. D. Salinger (1951) (This is a kid's book??)

30. Farmer Boy, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

31. Just Go to Bed, Mercer Mayer (1993)

32. Where the Wild Things Are, Maurice Sendak (1984)

33. Goodnight Moon, Margaret Wise Brown; illustrated by Clement Hurd (1977)

34. The Long Winter, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

35. The Berenstain Bears' New Baby, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1974)

36. By the Shores of Silver Lake, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

37. Little Town on the Prairie, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

38. The Berenstain Bears and the Messy Room, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1983)

39. The Pigman, Paul Zindel (1978)

40. The Yearling, Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings (1961)

41. From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, E. L. Konigsburg (1973)

42. Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad, Mercer Mayer (1982)

43. Just Grandma and Me, Mercer Mayer (1975)

44. Just for You, Mercer Mayer (1975)

45. Sarah, Plain and Tall, Patricia MacLachlan (1987)

46. When the Legends Die, Hal Borland (1984)

47. Bunnicula, James Howe (1980)

48. James and the Giant Peach, Roald Dahl; illustrated by Nancy Burkert (1988)

49. The Berenstain Bears Go to School, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1978)

50. The Night Before Christmas, Clement Hurd; illustrated by Douglas Gorsline (1975)

51. These Happy Golden Years, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

52. All By Myself, Mercer Mayer (1983)

53. Stuart Little, E. B. White; illustrated by Garth Williams (1974)

54. The First Four Years, Laura Ingalls Wilder; illustrated by Garth Williams (1971)

55. Hatchet, Gary Paulsen (1988)

56. The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, Barbara Robinson (1979)

57. The Cay, Theodore Taylor (1970)

58. Kristy's Great Idea (Babysitters Club #1), Ann M. Martin (1986)

59. The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Junk Food, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1985)

60. Then Again, Maybe I Won't, Judy Blume (1973)

61. I Was So Mad, Mercer Mayer (1983)

62. Berenstain Bears Meet Santa Bear, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1984)

63. The Giver, Lois Lowry (1994)

64. The Berenstain Bears and Too Much TV, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1984)

65. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl (1988)

66. The Berenstain Bears Forget Their Manners, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1985)

67. The Berenstain Bears Learn About Strangers, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1985)

68. Julie of the Wolves, Jean Craighead George (1974)

69. The Berenstain Bears Visit the Dentist, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1981)

70. The Berenstain Bears and the Truth, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1983)

71. Gremlins, George Jipe (1984) OP

72. Stone Fox, John Gardner; illustrated by Marcia Sewall (1983)

73. I Just Forgot, Mercer Mayer (1988)

74. Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Judith Viorst, illustrated by Ray Cruz (1976)

75. How to Eat Fried Worms, Thomas Rockwell (1975)

76. The Mouse and the Motorcycle, Beverly Cleary (1980)

77. When I Get Bigger, Mercer Mayer (1983)

78. The Berenstain Bears in the Dark, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1982)

79. 500 Words to Grow On, Harry McNaught (1973)

80. Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry, Mildred Taylor (1984)

81. Merry Christmas, Amelia Bedelia, Peggy Parish; illustrated by Lynn Sweat (1987)

82. Number the Stars, Lois Lowry (1990)

83. The Trumpet of the Swan, E. B. White; illustrated by Edward Frascino (1973)

84. The Cricket in Times Square, George Selden; illustrated by Garth Williams (1970)

85. Misty of Chincoteague, Marguerite Henry (1956)

86. It's Not What You Expect, Norma Klein (1976) OP

87. Matilda, Roald Dahl; illustrated by Quentin Blake (1990)

88. The New Baby, Mercer Mayer (1983)

89. The Chocolate Touch, Patrick Catling (1984)

90. Corduroy, Don Freeman (1976)

91 The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, C.S. Lewis (1970)

92. The Berenstain Bears Go to the Doctor, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1981)

93. The Berenstain Bears Get in a Fight, Stan and Jan Berenstain (1982)

94. Sounder, William H. Armstrong (1972)

95. The Return of the Indian, Lynne Reid Banks (1987)

96. The Kitten Book, Jan Pfloog (1968)

97. Dinosaurs, Peter Zallinger (1977)

98. Wee Sing Children's Songs and Fingerplays (1977)

99. The Truck Book, Harry McNaught (1978)

100. Barney's Hats (1993)

Nuff Said

There is no possible way to improve or enhance this story. The last line is the one that got me.

Dog Chows Down On Man's Penis

March 10, 2006 12:35 p.m. EST


Ayinde O. Chase - All Headline News Staff Writer

Dueren, Germany (AHN) - A German man playing with his brother's Jack Russell is rushed to the hospital after the dog chomped on the his penis.

Daniel Dietmaier says the dog nearly bit it off after his brother's girlfriend told it to "attack" as a joke.

Following his visit to the hospital, Dietmaier is seeking substantial damages, alleging the woman did not even help him as he lay on the floor writhing in agony after beating off the dog.

Her reason for not helping- she fell to the floor laughing.

MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Don't mess with me baby.

I've been having problems with a person here at work. I have accepted their abuse with a smile (mostly) and have lulled them into a false sense of security. They think they have my neck under their feet, but anyone that knows me at all knows that I carry very large grudges. I like everyone, until they give me a reason not to.

That person has now made themselves out to be a complete idiot in front of their boss. (With my seemingly innocently assistance, of course.)

Life is good. hehe

Yes I know.

I have been slack lately. I have discovered the joys of internet tv and have been a couch potato. Yes I admit it.

I have, however, run across this article about how some people, mostly teenagers and young adults, are putting too much information online and are now being forced to face the consequences for what they've posted. I think it draws a fine line between censorship and freedom of speech, and I'm not exactly sure which side I come down on yet. Granted, having a daughter that age, I can see her assuming that anyone who really matters is not going to see her My Space page (considering that even I don't know what the address for it is, and prefer it that way). But then there are also the arguments for showing some common sense and realizing that they don't live in a box, that their page IS going to be seen, occasionally by people they aren't expecting, and that maybe they shouldn't be stupid enough to post something that could get them in trouble.

I'd be interested to know what you think about this topic.

Coming soon, to a seafood restaurant near you......

Yummy.

Important News

It has been brought to my attention that there are odd happenings going on in the world, to which I was heretofore unaware. It is, needless to say, shocking, to say the least, and I suspect due to out of control global warming. I feel it is my duty to help spread awareness.

Please Read This. It may be the most important thing you will read all week.

Daily Horoscope

If anyone can convince someone else do try something, because just deciding to go for it is more than half the battle....well, let's face it, it's you. That's going to go double now. Your quest is to use this amazing skill only on those who have used it on lesser beings themselves with little or no conscience about it, or on someone who appreciates skill and technique in this department so much that they'll actually get a kick out of it.

I was just doing this to boss #2 regarding something at work. Let's see if I will win, shall we? ;-)

Strange Days

I am fighting some oddness in my life at the moment. I think I waited too long to make plans, and now the fog of an epic depression is descending upon my head.

So, in honor of my epic depression, I am going to post occasional plans and see if they seem feasible. Next year, when my son turns 16, he and I have made a promise to go skydiving for his 16th birthday. That is on down the road though, a bit too far into the future to look forward to. Around December I'll start getting geared up (and very afraid).

My goal for this week is to get my passport. Yeah, I'll start with that.

Geek Humor

In these days of everything having warning labels, I've come across a page of scientific warning labels that might come in handy someday.

WARNING
This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.

WARNING
This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them.

CAUTION
The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.

HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE
This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per Hour.

ADVISORY
There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Know as Tunneling, This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.

READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE
According to Certain Suggested Versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the Primary Particles Constituting this Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next Four Hundred Million Years.

THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT
In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.

PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW
Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount of Disorder in the Universe. Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death of the Universe.

NOTE
The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a Gluing Force About Which Little is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.

ATTENTION
Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty Space.

NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER
The Manufacturer May Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is Ten-Dimensional. However, the Consumer Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above and Beyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven New Dimensions Are Rolled Up into Such a Small Area That They Cannot Be Detected.

PLEASE NOTE
Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS
The Entire Physical Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently Re-emerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot Be Guaranteed.

I confess to posting only the ones that I somewhat understood. There are a few more, found here. Enjoy!

I know you have often thought.....

She'd be dangerous if she were on broadband.

Well now I am, so look out. I was on cable internet for quite a while, but the bug of frugalness struck me and I dropped it about a year ago. Since that time I have been on extremely cheap dial up (can you say $4.95 a month). It did okay for what I needed.

But now I'm on Bellsouth's Extreme DSL (yeah baby, 10 MB download in 19 seconds, that was way cool).

The only problem with it is that it is considerably more expensive than my $4.95 a month dial up.

I wonder how long I'll be able to keep it, considering my cheap ass ways (she wonders, detachedly).

The Fog of Idiots pretending to be important.

New Orleans mayor expresses "sinking feeling" about Katrina video

NEW ORLEANS (AP) - New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin says he has a "sinking feeling" after seeing video of President Bush and key administration officials being warned of the catastrophic damage Hurricane Katrina could produce.

The videotape, obtained by The Associated Press, shows Bush and top officials were warned that the storm could breach levees, put lives at risk in New Orleans' Superdome and overwhelm rescuers.

Nagin, who watched the tape on a reporters' camera, recalled that federal officials blamed a "learning curve" for their slow response. But Nagin says the officials were apparently "fully aware."

Homeland Security officials have said the "fog of war" blinded them early on to the magnitude of the disaster.

Former FEMA Director Michael Brown blames what he calls "a fog of bureaucracy."

Here we go again. Let's blame the president for the weather. Idiots. Seems to me the actual MAYOR of the actual town that sustained the actual damage would be more in a position to know whether his town's levees are going to hold or not.

But then again, this is the mayor who wants his town to be "chocolate" at the end of the day.

Typical. Just typical.

Devoted husband wary of job offer

The Tribune-Democrat PAINT —

A company that fired a 13-year employee as his wife lay dying of brain cancer said Wednesday it has offered him his job back – with back pay.

But Bernard Chippie, a sales representative for carpet-cleaning company Rug Doctor, said he isn’t sure if the offer is valid – or if he’d take it if it were.

“I don’t think the offer is one of compassion. They’re afraid of what I might do (a lawsuit),” he said .

“They said the owner of the company would call me, but he hasn’t yet,” he said Wednesday evening. “I don’t know whether I would take it or not.”

One qualm would be the fear he could lose unemployment benefits if he didn’t take the job.

And while he hasn’t had any other job offers since the story broke in Wednesday’s Tribune-Democrat, he has had plenty of media interest. He said he has received calls from Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and Dallas.

Chippie said he notified his employer Feb. 13 that he would not be able to finish his weekly route because he had just learned his wife had between two days and a week to live.

“There was never a question of where I needed to be,” Chippie said. He went to Kathleen Chippie’s bedside at a hospice that day.

Three days later – a Thursday – his boss at Rug Doctor LP demanded that Chippie be at work the next day, Chippie said. He said he couldn’t and was fired, he said.

Kathleen Chippie died that Sunday at age 56.

On Wednesday, Plano, Texas-based Rug Doctor issued a statement saying that Chippie’s firing three days before his wife’s death was “unfortunate.” The company also said there would be no break in seniority if he took his job back.

“We believed this was the appropriate thing to do and look forward to him rejoining our organization with a new beginning,” the statement said.

Previously, company spokesman Jeffrey Rawlings said Rug Doctor went out of its way to accommodate Chippie, who was off many days in the months leading up to his wife’s death. Rawlings had said Chippie used all his vacation, sick days and unpaid leave well before Feb. 13.

Chippie said he was never off more than three days straight and that he had some vacation left.

The sad thing about this is that we all know good and well that this company would not have backed down on this if the media hadn't gotten hold of the story. They know it shows them for the heartless bastards that they are. All the groveling in the world won't change what they have shown themselves to be. I don't think the guy should go back, but that is just my opinion.

Email of the Day

It's not quite St. Patty's Day yet, but just to get ye warmed up

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? why'd ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff.... Dad.... I became a
prostitute...."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad.... As ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little brother this gold Rolex and for ye daddy the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club.... (takes a breath).... An invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff.... A prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff."

"Oh! Be Jesus!.... Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said 'a Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a big hug!"

ha ha ha ha hahaaaaaaaaa he he he he

Another Online Quiz

I realize I take these things just to kill time, but they are sort of interesting. I took one that is quizzing whether or not I'm normal (shaddup)... here are the results:

Are You Normal?

Your Normalcy Quotient is: 71 out of 100.

Your quiz results make you a Quirky Character

You've found yourself mostly in the middle of the road, but you have enough quirky habits to not be entirely normal. You're probably glad to be more than ordinary, but you're normal enough to fit in. Sounds like a perfect balance.

Take this free personality test by Clicking Here>> or going to www.chatterbean.com/runormal/

Today's Horoscope

Getting close to someone is infinitely more difficult when you're smart enough to know what real intimacy involves -- and no sign knows like yours does. But even though you're quite familiar with all the highs and lows of intimate relationships, you're about to opt to take the chance again. Let's hope the lucky contestant knows what a huge compliment this is.

Yup.. that's me you see running and screaming for the hills......

Scary Story

I tend to go in cycles of being either a news junkie or an ostrich who prefers to not know. At the moment I'm in news junkie mode, but this story stunned me. I almost wish I had stayed in ostrich mode.

Oh the humanity.