Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I Hope He Doesn't Ever Read This

Okay so I admit I slack off on doing laundry.  I hate doing it, so I usually end up waiting until one or both of us are out of clean drawers before I tackle the mountains of clothes.  That was what happened this week.  J ran out of underwear so I was forced to do the laundry.  Whilst sorting through the various items, I stumbled across a pair of............   wait for it...............

California Raisins Underwear.

Tis true, J is the proud owner of circa 1988 California Raisins underwear.  I could not decide whether to be appalled or highly amused, so I took the amused route.

Last night I pointed out to him that I discovered his vintage drawers. Yes, he agreed, they were his. And you've had them how long? (I asked). He couldn't remember. I said okay so you actually do have underwear older than some of the girls you dated. Yes.

Holy crap that one made me laugh.

He would kill me with extreme prejudice if he ever read this post. Shhhhh don't tell him.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

An Announcement!

I have had entirely too much to drink.

That is all.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

There Is An Explanation To This Post, I Swear

This was meant to be the funny post.  Unfortunately, due to a weird glitch that I cannot explain, the post has disappeared and now instead of it being funny, its just a sad sad post.  I had the thing written and it was lonnnnnnnnnnng and I had to keep taking breaks because I was laughing so much at it.. and I was going to post a link and it went into the wrong place so I did the CTRL-Z to back out of the mistake, and the entire thing - THE ENTIRE THING - just disappeared.  Whilst I was still staring at my screen in horror I saw the Back Up Save kick in and it saved the blankness.



Gone. All gone.

I enjoyed it though, sorry for your loss.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

What Is Wrong With Us??

We are a sad sad, really sad bunch of so-called civilized people. When people like this:

Can behave in a totally drug addled way -

When they can do and/or say whatever they want -

With no fear of consequences -

And knowing that instead of seeing any sort of fallout from their stupid stupid actions -

Their starts seem to rise ever higher. Why do we get all excited about grown adults acting stupid and reward them by throwing our money at them.. HERE, TAKE IT ALL, YOU ARE AWESOME!

Charlie Sheen is a child. Lindsay Lohan is an addict. Paris Hilton is an attention whore and only became famous after her sex tape was released (and don't tell me she had nothing to do with that, I wasn't born yesterday). And we all seem to love it. Its ridiculous and says an uncomfortable lot about people as a whole.

I'm curious though - is this mainly an American thing or are other cultures just as fascinated with badly behaving celebrities as we seem to be?

Thursday, March 17, 2011


I just found the most awesome thing EVER!  Dawn Wells (a/k/a Mary Ann) has a personal website and will answer questions emailed to her.   Of course I had to ask a question.

Do you have an aging picture of yourself hanging in your attic? You are gorgeous as ever - what is your secret? (I know, that was two questions.)

The website swears that she will see the question. I'm so excited!

If you, too, have a question for Dawn (I call her Dawn) just burning in your mind, here is the website for you The Most Awesome Site EVER.

Other Dawn posts, for your convenient review (and since that is almost the only traffic I get on this blog, to see her pictures).

Dear Dawn Wells
I Just Received This

Also listed on her page is a site that you can order live celebrity phone calls, Dawn being one of them.  I love her, I really do, but I'm also a cheap bitch.  Sorry Dawn, I'll just have to wave to you from afar and hope you lurve me enough to answer my brilliant and insightful (and totally suck up) question.

Monday, March 14, 2011


I used to have it and could get by with just two or three hours of sleep a night.  Those days are gone and I must have a full night's sleep or I transform into CrankyBitch. 

Unfortunately, J has insomnia. 

If I go to bed early enough to get good and asleep before he wanders up to bed I am okay - and can usually sleep through his nocturnal wanderings.  But the last couple of nights I have been awake when he decided it was bed time.  Oh. My. God.  The man watches tv.  He reads.  He listens to his CDs.  He eats.  He drinks.  He flips channels on the television.  He eats again.  He watches tv and FINALLY finds something that interests him, so he cranks the volume up.  I mumble something about turning it down a lil please.  He then continues to flip channels.  Wander through to the kitchen for a drink of water.  Etc., Etc., and so on and so forth.

Tonight I stood up and announced (before I was fully awake) that now I understand why I go to bed so early, that if I am not comatose before he comes up then I just don't sleep well.  No response - he went back to watching the interviews with the Sister Wives. 

So now I am downstairs at 2:00 a.m.  I've wandered the house, I've eaten brownies, I've drank water, I've let the dog outdoors.. I've read the news, now I'm blogging.

I guess insomnia is contagious.  CrankyBitch will soon be making an appearance, I'm guessing.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Ummmm..... okay?

I got this email this morning from my ex husband:

3:00 A.M. phone call from Hawaii
before all phone service is lost
David and kids are on higher ground, safe
Seana is safe in Japan.
I'm happy David and the kids are safe.  I'm happy Seana didn't get knocked down in Japan.. but.. I don't know these people.  They are the family of his current wife, people I've never met and who I wouldn't know if they stomped my toe in the checkout line of Target. 

Why my ex husband thinks I would be relieved - or - concerned - or.......  no no, that sounds uncaring - Okay.. reword here - ummm, okay?  I don't even know how to respond to the email.  I suppose "Yippee" would sound too glib.  "Hallelujah praise Jesus" would sound insincere.  "Congratulations" sounds sarcastic.

Nope.  Can't think of a thing.  I am open to suggestions.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

It Was Nice

You know how when you don't see a person for a long time and then you do, and you realize how much you miss them?  Yeah that's me and the WRS. 

I met him for lunch yesterday before he flew off, back to the mythical land of England.  (Seriously, everyone keeps telling me England is there, but I've never seen it - so its mythical.)  Anyway, back to the topic of lunch.  I met him at the airport since I was too big of a wuss to drive in to Baltimore to fetch him (I remember the days of driving across country all by myself, I think there is something wrong with me).  We parked our arses at one of the airport restaurants and sat there talking non-stop for 3 solid hours.  I don't talk to anyone for 3 hours!  He kept me entertained by telling me about university politics (sounded like a bunch of sharks circling their prey). 

So yes, I had a very nice time spending time with the man.  I knew I missed him, but I didn't really realize how much until he was sitting in front of me.  Best friends like him are rare.  If you have one hold on to them.

Monday, March 07, 2011


Back for the first couple of years of this blog I spoke often of my best friend, the WRS (World Renowned Scientist).

Old WRS reference posts are hereherehere and here.  A few posts among many.

I haven't so much lately because 1) we don't talk nearly as much as we used to, and 2) I don't blog nearly as much as I used to.  The last time I laid eyes on the guy was nearly 6 years ago when I went to Scotland, he drove up to show me around.  A good time was had by all.

Anyway, he has flown into Baltimore for a conference and J and I picked him up from the airport on Saturday and took him to dinner before dumping him off at his hotel in Baltimore.  I took him cookies (it was the only constructive thing I could think of to do).  At our ages though, changes happen and we nearly didn't recognize each other -  my arse has gotten much larger, his hair has gotten much thinner - but when he smirked at me I recognized that alright.

(Yes Jess, I told him you said HIIIIIIIIIIIIII... and he said HIIIIIIIIIIII back.)

I gotta tell ya people, it was an odd dinner, but everyone seemed to get along okay.  He and J even seemed to have nice dinner conversation about growing kidneys from scratch.  Although when I got my country fried steak that I had ordered for dinner, he was appalled and said it looked like something the Scottish would cook up.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

So so very bad - but so funny

A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed the ability to satisfy a female of almost any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00? Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:

"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

"Second", said, "She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

"Third", he said, "you can't never tell no one about this." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

"Fourth", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.

"And last of all," Bobby Lee said, "I'll need another week to come up with the $500.00.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Silly Pooty

First off let me say that I am not (NOT) a McDonalds Chicken McNugget fan. Never have been. The best I can say about them is that if they are dipped in a lot of barbecue sauce then they are vaguely edible, and if I close my eyes and squint then maybe I can possibly - on a very clear day - imagine that they could possibly, in theory, taste sorta kinda like a piece of chicken. That said, if you like them, then you are in for a bit of an education.

Apparently in the United States it is perfectly okay to mix chemicals into them that the rest of the world considers to be poisonous. But then again what does the rest of the world know. We're Americans, we're smarter than the average bear.

Watch this:

When looking at the ingredients list it has Polydimethylsiloxane which is used as an anti-foaming agent.  That is all well and good, except it is also used to make contact lenses, medical devices (of the unknown variety), shampoo, caulking, lubricating oils (wink wink nudge nudge) and heat resistant tiles.  Makes ya wonder if the Chicken McNugget you are scarfing regrets the life it could have had as a piece of space shuttle.  It is also used in making Silly Putty.

Also among the ingredients is TBHQ a/k/a tert-Butylhydroquinone.  This is a preservative that is used to keep the oil from going icky.  Too much of this stuff can cause this:

The FDA sets an upper limit of 0.02% of the oil or fat content in foods.[4] At higher doses, it has some negative health effects on lab animals, such as producing precursors to stomach tumors and damage to DNA.[5] A number of studies have shown that prolonged exposure to high doses of TBHQ may induce carcinogenity,[6] especially for stomach tumors.[7] Other studies, however, have shown opposite effects including inhibition against HCA-induced carcinogenesis (by depression of metabolic activation) for TBHQ and other phenolic antioxidants (TBHQ was one of several, and not the most potent).[8] The EFSA considers TBHQ to be non-carcinogenic.[3] A review of scientific literature concerning the toxicity of TBHQ determined that there is a wide margin of safety between the levels of intake by humans and the doses that produce adverse effects in animal studies.[9]
Now to be fair we are being told that anything we do, say, breath, eat, drink, touch or look at is bad for us to the point of being deadly, so I guess if I am going to look up ingredients and their side effects I should probably try to balance it and look up something organic, eh?  Maybe later.

(This information was brought to you courtesy of Wikipedia and the McDonalds Website.)

Now a few months ago this picture was making the rounds:

It was being claimed that this was what Chicken McNuggets were made from.  What you see above is MSP a/k/a mechanically separated poultry.  This is what chicken nuggets are made from, but apparently not what McDonald's version of chicken nuggets are made from.  It is surprisingly difficult to find out how, exactly, McDonalds makes their chicken nuggets, but apparently they claim that it is made from all white bonelss meat.  The description I read was that they used breast meat only, made it into a paste with all the spices and crap in it, then they shape it into one of three shapes - the tombstone (appropriate), the circle and the boot.

Okay, I've unconvinced myself.   Maybe these little babies aren't so bad after all.  I'm going to McDonalds - anyone want to come along??